Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hi - New to Site - JoniSteph


JoniSteph

Recommended Posts

My name is JoniSteph and I have just realized I was Gender Dysphoric in August, after working with my Therapist for the past year plus. Since then I have have been lurking on this and other sites learning all I can about ME and my Journey forward. I have decided to go ahead and make an appointment for HRT approval with a clinic some 100 miles away, as it is the nearest place for me to work with. I am nervous and full of anxiety as my appointment is in 29 days though no one is counting. :)

I have been dressing full female in the house for the past 3 weeks. I have come out to numerous people and have only met resistant from my 40 year old son who is very old fashioned and opinionated among other things. Wants nothing to do with a discussion as to my feelings or reasoning. No one else regardless of age has any thing but support of this 70 year old male to female.

I have no local support other than a local group that meets 1 per month that I just went to a first meeting.

Thats my life story of my journey so far. 

(should have written a book :( ) haha

Love and Respect to All - JoniSteph

Link to comment

Welcome JoniSteph. Thanks for sharing. I am sorry to hear about your son, given time perhaps he’ll come around. I have found all kinds of support and understanding from the beautiful people here, I hope you will too. 
 

*hugs*

Link to comment

Welcome JoniSteph.  It is very hard to accept when a family member does not accept you for who you truly are.  My mother is this for me.  So I understand the pain of it.

Welcome to TP it is a wonderful place to learn and ask questions.

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome JoniSteph.  My therapist was happy that i had joined this site.  Being able to share and read about our stories helps us in accepting ourselves.  My son also resisted my transition.  Years later we are doing well.  It took time and it hurt but despite that i knew i had to be true to myself. 

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Thanks @SaraAW @ShawnaLeigh @Charlize for the encouragement regarding my son, the only sad part is he is trying to restrict access to my only grandson. I get access to grandson for an hour after son goes to work by arranging with daughter-in-law a visit Grandson is home and has supper once a week. Hopefully things will change in the future but son is very homophobic and so narrow minded.

I do not let the situation distract me from my destination, though the hurt is there.

Love to all

 

HUGS

JoniSteph

Link to comment

Hi Joni Steph and welcome. I hope that your son does come around. Happy that you have decided to live your truth.

 

?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello JoniSteph,

 

Welcome!  I'm glad you stopped lurking and joined us.  I think you'll find a kind and caring community here.  I'm sorry to read about your son.  

Jani 

Link to comment

Welcome JoniSteph, you are certainly not alone. Both of my two adult sons are estranged from me, but we can't let our children blackmail us emotionally to make us live our lives on their terms. It doesn't work that way!  ((Hugs))

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Just a quick update.  I have started communications in the last few days with my son, although limited at the moment, to messaging each other to open the way going forward. This I hope gets him to get better informed from his gay friend at work on LGBT++ and to talk to his wife regarding my visits to my grandson. There is indications that he is changing his point of views.

 

Another quick update is 11 days to my HRT first appointment and I am so nervous, anxious, scared to be declined and all the rest of the typical feelings that I have read about. Even mood swings, crying for no obvious reasons, and going to bed to sleep, hope to awake to find it is all over,and is a year from now in a NEW body. sigh - not to be.

 

To decrease some of the above, went to get eyebrows shaped yesterday decreasing the droopy eyelids and increasing the visibility of my pretty blues. :)  That alone made me feel better. Discussed with esthetician, my best options for hair removal, recommended to see if HRT reduced the heaviness of my white facial hair or not. A wax trial previously done has seemed slowed the growth and quantity of hair regrowth, though not proven other than amount to to be shaved. Time will tell.

 

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend all

 

Big Canadian Hugs

JoniSteph

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Congratulations on bringing your son around! Fingers crossed! No child should be denied grand-mothering on the basis of prejudice. Of course now you need to learn to bake cookies. ?

 

Assuming you've got the blood work and general health screening out of the way, they could very well start you up on your first visit. Then they'll play with the dose in roughly two-month increments until the blood work comes back with numbers they like. If you haven't had blood work yet, do not work out before your blood test. It inflates your liver numbers and endocrinologists are skittish beasties in the best of circumstances. Also notify them if you've pulled anything. That throws off your numbers while it's healing too. Both are things I did, unknowing, then panicked about. I guess the lesson here is to be open, honest and thorough when you're discussing your health with your endocrinologist.

Even then it'll take a while before you start to see results. This isn't a quick process and takes longer the older you are when you start. Though the mental changes happened pretty fast and I like those the best anyway. Not that I don't love my breasts, but the peace and relief I get from the HRT is amazing.

 

It always makes me feel better to look my best too. A little extra effort in the morning always makes my day just a bit brighter. I enjoy greeting myself in the morning now and I like to present my best self to the world if I'm going out into it. I'm sure you'll figure out what works best for you with a little experimentation. Pro tip: Moisturize. If you're not already, do something nice for your skin. You won't regret it.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Ive yet to come out to any more family at this tome waiting to get past the holidays and the very next is my two kids that live locally.   The closer to January it gets the more anxiety I have thinking of the right way to tell them.  Then worrying about any fall out from it.  
After them it’s my three best friends.  All big tough guys with big hearts.  I hope big enough to understand what I’m going threw.  

Link to comment

Thanks Jackie C. for encouragement and hints.

 

I am sure that my son will come around before i ever learn to make pie crusts or short cakes for strawberries.  :) Gave up on them long ago. Anything else I can accomplish. One of son's demands is not to present as GrandMa ever - oh well. Grandson is only 2 and he goes crazy when he see me now. Don't know what time will bring.

 

As I meet with my GP this week, I am going to ask her to contact the Clinic to see if she can run the blood tests prior to my appointment and with the results forwarded to them. That way, she will be able to get the right parameters that they will want. Hopefully, that may be arranged or I may just have to got direct from the Clinic and have bloodwork run that day in their City. Between my present Doctors and surgeon, their is no doubt as to my general health. Including 3 stubborn kidney stones that wont let go. Have no intention of hiding anything as I am an extremely poor excuse maker. My eyes tell everything I have be told. haha

 

For the first time in a very long time, I now look in a mirror many times a day and actually see someone smiling back. I cant remember when I was last doing that.

Facial cleanser and then application of anti-aging moisturizer - morning and night again. Trying to reduce what i call the "alligator skin look" from being outside for so many years without skin protection. Weathered skin. Learning skin care and makeup as well as other feminizing traits as I go thru my journey.

 

Big Canadian Hugs

JoniSteph

 

Link to comment
54 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Ive yet to come out to any more family at this tome waiting to get past the holidays and the very next is my two kids that live locally.   The closer to January it gets the more anxiety I have thinking of the right way to tell them.  Then worrying about any fall out from it.  
After them it’s my three best friends.  All big tough guys with big hearts.  I hope big enough to understand what I’m going threw.  

Shawna - take your time and choose the right time and place. When I came out to 2 friends I actually did it in a public space so that there would be less apt to be a vocal out burst. And there was none as they figured it out before I said anything.

Another time, I took my second son out for supper and discussed things over supper, where he had a chance to ask any questions that he wanted to. It was a 2 hour long meal and lots of conversation about other things as well. Had acceptance right off as he knew another Trans.

 

Possibly some combination or other may work for you Shawna. Maybe with coming out to both sons at same time, depending on their personalities. You could always put out feelers and get some indications of acceptance of LGBT++ prior to as well. Same with your friends would work too or you may already know. Just take your time. No rush as I said.

I have 2 more hurdles that I have been reluctant to come out to and they are after the new year. For the same reasons as you. Fear.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do Shawna. Lots of Love.

 

Big Canadian Hug

JoniSteph

Link to comment

Well one child is a girl, 18, and recently moved out to live with her boyfriend 5 miles away.  She gave up four years of free college to do this.  My employee will pay for college as long as you are a dependent.  Sad loss on her part.  But she is a “daddys” girl by every sense of the term.  I’m not so worried about her reaction.  
My adopted son, a couple years older, recently discharged from the Army.  Air borne.  He is in a big alpha male personality now though it’s a far cry from how he was as a boy.  He may have a hard time with this.  
Both of always looked up to me as an ideal father and husband.  I can only assume they will be hurt to learn it was all an act.  I mean.  It’s who I was and still am to some degree.  Just the outside package is going to change.  
I had come out to everyone  Ive told via a long detailed email.  I know doing so vocally would just be a mess.  I wouldn’t say what needed to be said and most likely break down in tears.  
Though this is how I came out to my wife.  What a mess.  
My wife thinks I owe it to them to “tell” them in person.  I agreed.  
So that’s another factor to me having anxiety over it.  I just don’t want to mess up.  

Link to comment
1 hour ago, JoniSteph said:

Facial cleanser and then application of anti-aging moisturizer - morning and night again. Trying to reduce what i call the "alligator skin look" from being outside for so many years without skin protection. Weathered skin. Learning skin care and makeup as well as other feminizing traits as I go thru my journey.

 

Years prior to beginning transition I decided that using a "Skin Bracer" after shaving was inherently a stupid idea given that fact that it's always alcohol based and dries out skin contributing to that "manly looking" outdoorsy alligator skin. I started using my wife's Clinique facial moisturizer and it has paid off. I'm older than dirt at 76 and find that people always act astounded when I say that and make comments that it doesn't show based on my good skin. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 138 Guests (See full list)

    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • April Marie
    • Ashley0616
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Ivy
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • SamC
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • Abigail Genevieve
      Lunch was at Cabaret, still free.  The place was quiet: it was the sort of place you took a business client to impress them, and the few other people were in business suits.  Most of the legal profession was there.   She told him of the morning's frustrations, breaking her own rule about confidentiality.  She asked Karen how the branding was going, and Karen had snapped back that she had not started on it yet - they had all these proposals.  Taylor had explained that it was important, for the two o'clock meeting, and Karen told her to do it herself.  Karen pointed out that Taylor could not touch her - her uncle was on the Board and her brother was VP of Manufacturing.  Nor would the two computer guys go out to the plant - they were playing some kind of MMORPG and simply not available. If she wanted the pictures, she should go.  Mary prayed an Ave Maria, but both she and Brenda were racing to get the proposal out. The client wanted it Friday for review.   She didn't bring up what Mrs. McCarthy had told her.  She wasn't sure how to approach it.  She thought of telling her of a 'something more comfortable' she had bought in case he ever DID show up at her door. It was in the bottom drawer of her dresser, ready to go.  Instead she talked about moving to a place with a garage.  Several of the abandoned houses had one, and they had been maintained well with China cash.   Bob had finally realized that when he was introduced as Bob, Taylor's boyfriend, that was just how things were done here. Other people had introduced each other in terms of family relationships, which were strong.  Long before you found out anything else about someone, you knew how they were related.  Family kept people from leaving Millville.    "What is the real name of this town, anyway?"   She laughed.  "I am trying to find that out.  It's 'Welcome to Millvale' when you come into town from the north, and 'Welcome to Millville' on the south.  I have counted two other variants."   "What a town. Roosevelt is like that, with the families, but there is only one spelling."  
    • Ashley0616
      Nothing wrong with that. I'm glad that you found what makes you happy! Just curious what does your wife think? If it's too personal I understand.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      – According to a recent survey, the most popular name for a dog is Max. Other popular names include Molly, Sam, Zach, and Maggie.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Either new environment/ not potty trained
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob was on his way home from the dojo and he "just happened" to driver by her place. It was 10:30.  Her light was still on.  He knew exactly where she was sitting.  He saw her in his mind.   A fierce wave of desire that took his breath away suddenly showed up. All he had to do was stop, get out of the car, walk to the door and knock.  She would answer, glad to see him.  She would know why he was there and what he wanted. She would invite him in, maybe get him something to drink, disappear for a moment and return in "something more comfortable."  She would lead him back. Oh, joy.   And never, ever speak to him again afterwards.  Or she would not let him in but be angry about it.  In no way, emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually, was she ready for this, and he knew it, if he was honest with himself, and she knew he knew it.  She would look upon it as another assault and their relationship would be irretrievably broken.  He would have to leave town. It would devastate her. It would devastate him.    He fought himself.  He was frozen to his seat as his reason and his body fought. He was twenty four years old, a full-blooded male with normal desires; he had just worked out and he was ready.  All he had to do now was open the car door. No one would know. He held his hands, one in the other, to keep one from moving, against his reason and will, to open that door.  He did not want to be a slave of his desires.   He looked across the street.  Mrs. McCarthy, sister of his landlord, was peeking though her window.  She knew his car.  Everyone in town would know by noon the next day if he got out of the car.  Taylor did not need that, either, and she would know, if he came to the door now, what a selfish thing it would be: in his own eyes, in the eyes of Taylor, in the eyes of the town, and worst of all, in the eyes of God.   He sat there a moment longer.  He was, as he reflected, entering into her sufferings in a small way that she would be made whole, healthy and happy: what he wanted more than anything.  But this hurt.  Why had all this come on her?  He asked God again, but there was only silence. He drove home in that silence. He chided himself for even going on her street and for driving on it other nights.  He would stop that, he told himself.   ------------------------------------------   The next morning Taylor went out to her car to go to work.  Mrs. McCarthy met her before she got to it. "I thought you were going to get lucky last night, dearie," she said. Taylor was puzzled. "Why, what do you mean?" "That young fellow - you know, Bob - he's been driving around here, going up and down the street some nights, not stopping.  Well, last night he parked and sat in his car for a while.   I think he was staring at your window.  I think he was trying to get up the courage to knock on the door. I was rooting for him.   But then he drove away.  Faint heart never won fair lady, as they say. What a shame. You two are a lovely couple.  Well, have a good day!" "Thank you, Mrs. McCarthy."  Taylor knew Bob extremely well and knew what had been going through his mind.  She was more than grateful he had not gotten out of the car. Better for him, better for her, better for everybody.  Surgery "down there" sooner than later.  This was driving the poor boy crazy. It was driving her crazy, too.  But she had a lot to work through. Surgery "up here" she said, pointing to her head.  She woke up her therapist on the way to work.  They were still talking when she pulled into her designated parking spot.  That was a perk that had happened yesterday.  She took a deep breath and headed into work. It would be another wild day.
    • Ashley0616
      bittersweet: especially : pleasure accompanied by suffering or regret
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I'm thinking about some interactions yesterday I did, while presenting as male but acting as female, that were far better than I did when I was presenting as male and acting as male.  #girlunderhood. I do a crappy job at acting as male and I am giving it up.  I am not talking about feminine gestures or presentation but just relating as a woman.  People don't realize I am doing it but it is a whole lot easier to do.   You don't just put on a dress and BOOM you are a girl.  You are a girl and you put on a dress.  Or not. Whether I am in jeans or a skirt (I wish, wife would have lots to say) I am a girl.  I don't need $250 in makeup and heels and hose and all that.  I don't need surgery. Honey, I have arrived.  Now I have to work out how that best works in my life, causing the minimal damage and creating the maximum good, but I have more working room.   Oh, and I am still pissed off at everyone and everything. #Contradictory.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @Willow it is certainly possible that my husband planned it. Placing me in the path of an opportunity....he certainly does things like that. GF has done some work for the company as an outside consultant, so I'm sure the company owner knows what potential resources are around.    It could also have just happened randomly. He has taken me to work with him before, just because he likes to have me around. I remember one time that I fell asleep with my head in his lap, and he held a meeting with his subordinates without waking me and making me move.  The company culture is family oriented and relaxed.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The photo is great.  Software is phenomenal but it also is sort of a promise of things to come. Years ago this sort of thing took a photographer and Photoshop and all sorts of things and you would say, "I can look like THIS??"   Me, I am a duck.  That's from my driver's license.  Just kidding.
    • MaeBe
      I lucked into that picture. I took like 10 before that, which appropriately make me look like a donkey. ;)   Thank you so much for the compliment!
    • Mmindy
      You're welcome Sally,   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      This is a great analogy. The statement is true as it relates to the tree. The analogy fits because we as a LGBTQIA community are stronger when we stand together. It also work here on Transgender Pulse Forums. The support I feel from so many others has made me comfortable with my stance, because I'm in a beautiful forest of friends. So when I'm out alone and confronted. I can respond and act like the single tree in the field, surviving whatever comes my way. My roots reach back and communicate with others like me.    Standing Strong,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Ashley0616
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...