Hi - New to Site - JoniSteph

[JoniSteph]

My name is JoniSteph and I have just realized I was Gender Dysphoric in August, after working with my Therapist for the past year plus. Since then I have have been lurking on this and other sites learning all I can about ME and my Journey forward. I have decided to go ahead and make an appointment for HRT approval with a clinic some 100 miles away, as it is the nearest place for me to work with. I am nervous and full of anxiety as my appointment is in 29 days though no one is counting.

I have been dressing full female in the house for the past 3 weeks. I have come out to numerous people and have only met resistant from my 40 year old son who is very old fashioned and opinionated among other things. Wants nothing to do with a discussion as to my feelings or reasoning. No one else regardless of age has any thing but support of this 70 year old male to female.

I have no local support other than a local group that meets 1 per month that I just went to a first meeting.

Thats my life story of my journey so far. 

(should have written a book  ) haha

Love and Respect to All - JoniSteph

[SaraAW]

Welcome JoniSteph. Thanks for sharing. I am sorry to hear about your son, given time perhaps he’ll come around. I have found all kinds of support and understanding from the beautiful people here, I hope you will too. 
 

*hugs*

[ShawnaLeigh]

Welcome JoniSteph.  It is very hard to accept when a family member does not accept you for who you truly are.  My mother is this for me.  So I understand the pain of it.

Welcome to TP it is a wonderful place to learn and ask questions.

 

 

[Charlize]

Welcome JoniSteph.  My therapist was happy that i had joined this site.  Being able to share and read about our stories helps us in accepting ourselves.  My son also resisted my transition.  Years later we are doing well.  It took time and it hurt but despite that i knew i had to be true to myself. 

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[JoniSteph]

Thanks @SaraAW @ShawnaLeigh @Charlize for the encouragement regarding my son, the only sad part is he is trying to restrict access to my only grandson. I get access to grandson for an hour after son goes to work by arranging with daughter-in-law a visit Grandson is home and has supper once a week. Hopefully things will change in the future but son is very homophobic and so narrow minded.

I do not let the situation distract me from my destination, though the hurt is there.

Love to all

 

HUGS

JoniSteph

[gennee]

Hi Joni Steph and welcome. I hope that your son does come around. Happy that you have decided to live your truth.

 

?

[Jani]

Hello JoniSteph,

 

Welcome!  I'm glad you stopped lurking and joined us.  I think you'll find a kind and caring community here.  I'm sorry to read about your son.  

Jani 

[NB Adult]

Welcome JoniSteph, you are certainly not alone. Both of my two adult sons are estranged from me, but we can't let our children blackmail us emotionally to make us live our lives on their terms. It doesn't work that way!  ((Hugs))

[JoniSteph]

Just a quick update.  I have started communications in the last few days with my son, although limited at the moment, to messaging each other to open the way going forward. This I hope gets him to get better informed from his gay friend at work on LGBT++ and to talk to his wife regarding my visits to my grandson. There is indications that he is changing his point of views.

 

Another quick update is 11 days to my HRT first appointment and I am so nervous, anxious, scared to be declined and all the rest of the typical feelings that I have read about. Even mood swings, crying for no obvious reasons, and going to bed to sleep, hope to awake to find it is all over,and is a year from now in a NEW body. sigh - not to be.

 

To decrease some of the above, went to get eyebrows shaped yesterday decreasing the droopy eyelids and increasing the visibility of my pretty blues.   That alone made me feel better. Discussed with esthetician, my best options for hair removal, recommended to see if HRT reduced the heaviness of my white facial hair or not. A wax trial previously done has seemed slowed the growth and quantity of hair regrowth, though not proven other than amount to to be shaved. Time will tell.

 

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend all

 

Big Canadian Hugs

JoniSteph

[Jackie C.]

Congratulations on bringing your son around! Fingers crossed! No child should be denied grand-mothering on the basis of prejudice. Of course now you need to learn to bake cookies. ?

 

Assuming you've got the blood work and general health screening out of the way, they could very well start you up on your first visit. Then they'll play with the dose in roughly two-month increments until the blood work comes back with numbers they like. If you haven't had blood work yet, do not work out before your blood test. It inflates your liver numbers and endocrinologists are skittish beasties in the best of circumstances. Also notify them if you've pulled anything. That throws off your numbers while it's healing too. Both are things I did, unknowing, then panicked about. I guess the lesson here is to be open, honest and thorough when you're discussing your health with your endocrinologist.

Even then it'll take a while before you start to see results. This isn't a quick process and takes longer the older you are when you start. Though the mental changes happened pretty fast and I like those the best anyway. Not that I don't love my breasts, but the peace and relief I get from the HRT is amazing.

 

It always makes me feel better to look my best too. A little extra effort in the morning always makes my day just a bit brighter. I enjoy greeting myself in the morning now and I like to present my best self to the world if I'm going out into it. I'm sure you'll figure out what works best for you with a little experimentation. Pro tip: Moisturize. If you're not already, do something nice for your skin. You won't regret it.

 

Hugs!

[ShawnaLeigh]

Ive yet to come out to any more family at this tome waiting to get past the holidays and the very next is my two kids that live locally.   The closer to January it gets the more anxiety I have thinking of the right way to tell them.  Then worrying about any fall out from it.  
After them it’s my three best friends.  All big tough guys with big hearts.  I hope big enough to understand what I’m going threw.  

[JoniSteph]

Thanks Jackie C. for encouragement and hints.

 

I am sure that my son will come around before i ever learn to make pie crusts or short cakes for strawberries.  Gave up on them long ago. Anything else I can accomplish. One of son's demands is not to present as GrandMa ever - oh well. Grandson is only 2 and he goes crazy when he see me now. Don't know what time will bring.

 

As I meet with my GP this week, I am going to ask her to contact the Clinic to see if she can run the blood tests prior to my appointment and with the results forwarded to them. That way, she will be able to get the right parameters that they will want. Hopefully, that may be arranged or I may just have to got direct from the Clinic and have bloodwork run that day in their City. Between my present Doctors and surgeon, their is no doubt as to my general health. Including 3 stubborn kidney stones that wont let go. Have no intention of hiding anything as I am an extremely poor excuse maker. My eyes tell everything I have be told. haha

 

For the first time in a very long time, I now look in a mirror many times a day and actually see someone smiling back. I cant remember when I was last doing that.

Facial cleanser and then application of anti-aging moisturizer - morning and night again. Trying to reduce what i call the "alligator skin look" from being outside for so many years without skin protection. Weathered skin. Learning skin care and makeup as well as other feminizing traits as I go thru my journey.

 

Big Canadian Hugs

JoniSteph

 

[JoniSteph]

54 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Ive yet to come out to any more family at this tome waiting to get past the holidays and the very next is my two kids that live locally.   The closer to January it gets the more anxiety I have thinking of the right way to tell them.  Then worrying about any fall out from it.  
After them it’s my three best friends.  All big tough guys with big hearts.  I hope big enough to understand what I’m going threw.  

Shawna - take your time and choose the right time and place. When I came out to 2 friends I actually did it in a public space so that there would be less apt to be a vocal out burst. And there was none as they figured it out before I said anything.

Another time, I took my second son out for supper and discussed things over supper, where he had a chance to ask any questions that he wanted to. It was a 2 hour long meal and lots of conversation about other things as well. Had acceptance right off as he knew another Trans.

 

Possibly some combination or other may work for you Shawna. Maybe with coming out to both sons at same time, depending on their personalities. You could always put out feelers and get some indications of acceptance of LGBT++ prior to as well. Same with your friends would work too or you may already know. Just take your time. No rush as I said.

I have 2 more hurdles that I have been reluctant to come out to and they are after the new year. For the same reasons as you. Fear.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do Shawna. Lots of Love.

 

Big Canadian Hug

JoniSteph

[ShawnaLeigh]

Well one child is a girl, 18, and recently moved out to live with her boyfriend 5 miles away.  She gave up four years of free college to do this.  My employee will pay for college as long as you are a dependent.  Sad loss on her part.  But she is a “daddys” girl by every sense of the term.  I’m not so worried about her reaction.  
My adopted son, a couple years older, recently discharged from the Army.  Air borne.  He is in a big alpha male personality now though it’s a far cry from how he was as a boy.  He may have a hard time with this.  
Both of always looked up to me as an ideal father and husband.  I can only assume they will be hurt to learn it was all an act.  I mean.  It’s who I was and still am to some degree.  Just the outside package is going to change.  
I had come out to everyone  Ive told via a long detailed email.  I know doing so vocally would just be a mess.  I wouldn’t say what needed to be said and most likely break down in tears.  
Though this is how I came out to my wife.  What a mess.  
My wife thinks I owe it to them to “tell” them in person.  I agreed.  
So that’s another factor to me having anxiety over it.  I just don’t want to mess up.  

[NB Adult]

1 hour ago, JoniSteph said:

Facial cleanser and then application of anti-aging moisturizer - morning and night again. Trying to reduce what i call the "alligator skin look" from being outside for so many years without skin protection. Weathered skin. Learning skin care and makeup as well as other feminizing traits as I go thru my journey.

 

Years prior to beginning transition I decided that using a "Skin Bracer" after shaving was inherently a stupid idea given that fact that it's always alcohol based and dries out skin contributing to that "manly looking" outdoorsy alligator skin. I started using my wife's Clinique facial moisturizer and it has paid off. I'm older than dirt at 76 and find that people always act astounded when I say that and make comments that it doesn't show based on my good skin.