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OliverPerry

Covering the female body madness

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OliverPerry

Hello, my fellow FTMs!

 

I just wanted to share my current trouble.

Right now, I’m at the shopping center (a bloody big one) and I’m in a quest to find clothing that hides my female shape.

I’ve searched for tips online and have been following them while looking.

Still, nothing works!

I’m skinny but my hips are  so bloody difficult to hide. And when I finally manage to do it somewhat, I turn around to look at the back and find my butt screaming “female”! 

 

It’s hopeless :(

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OliverPerry

Oh!

At the moment, the only thing I got was a pack of lion king socks.

True story.

 

Still not giving up though!

 

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Adrian Doyle

Please don’t give up! I honestly hate shopping for clothes so much because of that reason, but my boyfriend’s been going to the stores with me. The masculine stuff his mom suggests for him he tells me about, while I find him cute, pastel stuff he’s more comfortable in. I wish you the best of luck!

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OliverPerry
6 hours ago, Adrian Doyle said:

Please don’t give up! I honestly hate shopping for clothes so much because of that reason, but my boyfriend’s been going to the stores with me. The masculine stuff his mom suggests for him he tells me about, while I find him cute, pastel stuff he’s more comfortable in. I wish you the best of luck!

 

I didn't give up! Hells yeah! Thought I would but didn't.

I have returned home safely and somewhat content!

I don't like shopping much but I didn't have a choice. I mostly buy stuff online, however, there was no escaping this time, I had to try things on or else it would have been disastrous.

 

After two hours (maybe more) of nothing, I ended up finding a pair of jeans and a jacket.

The jeans are from the boy's (children) section. I'm only 5ft and the men ones were all way too big for me, it made me look as if I was playing dress up with my dad's clothing. I don't even wear the biggest kid size! 

The jacket is great! It's not huge but it still manages to be big enough to cover the hips. It makes my body appear less curvy, which is bloody brilliant. The butt issue though... It's still there but at least it doesn't seem to be screaming "GIRL!" (I surely wish I'm not mistaken).

 

 I can't but feel lack of surprise at this next purchase: another geeky t-shirt (this one from the movie Friday the 13th)! Love them. My collection is getting bigger. 

 

I also got a short sleeved shirt with Santa faces on it. Gotta keep up with the Christmas spirit! It amused me so I kept it (it was really cheap, which made it even more tempting). It's a bit tight around the hips but, when covering them, it manages to hide my curves. This one is from the children's boy section too,  just like the jeans.

 

At last, I got something that I now regret. I bought a pair of red trainers with Mickey Mouse all over them. These are actually from the girl's (children) section. Yeah, I got girl stuff. A boy could totally wear them though. I enjoy childish things (I wear a Harry Potter child's backpack all the time) but I'm scared it will kinda ruin my attempt to pass as male and my feet are bloody small, which makes it worse. So yes, I now regret buying them. I hope I didn't loose the receipt. I don't want to return to that shopping hell hole though. *screams in despair*

 

Oh and the lion king socks of course (best thing of all).

 

And this is it! And, believe it or not, I didn't spend much. Quite surprised at this. 

 

I thought it was going to be exciting, the search for non-girl clothing. It ended up being a depression inducing experience. Even though I managed to get something, I'm now fully aware of how big the struggle to pass actually is. And my body dysphoria seems to have become even worse. Besides these items, I have zero outfits that help me with the possibility to pass as a bloke. Oh well, I'm not out yet so I can't really look like a boy in front of others I know (Yes, boy. I look like I'm bloody 14 in men clothes and, trust me, this is not an exaggeration*). I guess I don't need an all male wardrobe at the moment, but I'll surely dream of one after I finally manage to get some sleep.

 

Oh! I'll have a binder soon! Two-three days and it'll arrive! Hurray for that!

 

 

*This thing is bad by the way, looking so bloody young. Appearing to be 14 will make it quite difficult to drink something so simple as a pint. I will for sure be asked to show my ID and, even though the number 1995 will make it possible for me to get alcohol, my first name will definitely not match a boy's. It won't be "Oliver" they'll see... I'm terrified at this. I'm sure I'm not the only one here who suffers from this terrible fear though. 

 

 

 

 

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Adrian Doyle

I’m so glad that you found some clothes! I’m trying to save up for a good binder too. My mom thinks that since I’m fairly flat now (I’m having some medical issues, and lost quite a bit of weight quite suddenly over the summer), that I don’t really need a binder. However, I find that it (other than that wonderful little red dot on my calendar) is the biggest offender in terms of my dysphoria. I hope I can find one that fits not only my body, but my wallet.

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OliverPerry
1 hour ago, Adrian Doyle said:

I’m so glad that you found some clothes! I’m trying to save up for a good binder too. My mom thinks that since I’m fairly flat now (I’m having some medical issues, and lost quite a bit of weight quite suddenly over the summer), that I don’t really need a binder. However, I find that it (other than that wonderful little red dot on my calendar) is the biggest offender in terms of my dysphoria. I hope I can find one that fits not only my body, but my wallet.

 

Good binders can be a bit expensive yes.

I got mine from Gc2b. Many people were saying great things about their binders, calling them the best.

Cheaper or not, I really didn't want to end up with something that didn't flatten enough, hurt like hell and would cause physical damage.

 

Mine was 30 pounds. 

I didn't think it was that bad of a price, considering that, supposedly, they're quite good when compared to others. Also, they have detailed info and a chart to help you find out what the correct size for you is, which is quite helpful. 

The shipping costs are high though and definitely make it more expensive. However, I highly doubt you'll end up paying 100 or something like that for just one binder.

 

Check them out.

I can't say how I feel about Gc2b yet, I'm still waiting for mine to arrive actually. 

It'll be my first one. I'm quite excited! Can't wait for my breasts to vanish.

Boobs be gone!

 

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NB Adult

Allow me to interject a few learned thoughts and observations here since I have real boobs and a big rear end and strive to minimize the visual effects and remain stealth as a proper non-binary person. I find that layering during the Fall, winter and late Spring using a very snug fitting T-shirt tucked in with a large pull-over or button shirt over it so that it covers most of the Bum works exceptionally well with a large jacket or hoodie over that. The seasons and weather here approximates that of UK's. Then during the Summer months I wear a tight tank top tucked in (Women's because they come up high under the armpits and snug everything in nicely) Over that, I have a collection of large Hawaiian style shirts that are breezy and allow the body to breathe and not become overly sweaty in Summer heat. Those combo's with your binder will be just the ticket!

 

As far as looking youthful, that's a real plus for anybody, enjoy it while you can! The server at the local pub won't care what the name on your ID says, All they will be concerned with is that the photo matches your face and that you are of proper age. They are there to sell you and others a few pints, not to out you or ridicule you. 

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ShawnaLeigh

I was going to suggest cover-alls  big hoodies, relaxed fit jeans.  

 

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OliverPerry
1 hour ago, NB Adult said:

Allow me to interject a few learned thoughts and observations here since I have real boobs and a big rear end and strive to minimize the visual effects and remain stealth as a proper non-binary person. I find that layering during the Fall, winter and late Spring using a very snug fitting T-shirt tucked in with a large pull-over or button shirt over it so that it covers most of the Bum works exceptionally well with a large jacket or hoodie over that. The seasons and weather here approximates that of UK's. Then during the Summer months I wear a tight tank top tucked in (Women's because they come up high under the armpits and snug everything in nicely) Over that, I have a collection of large Hawaiian style shirts that are breezy and allow the body to breathe and not become overly sweaty in Summer heat. Those combo's with your binder will be just the ticket!

 

As far as looking youthful, that's a real plus for anybody, enjoy it while you can! The server at the local pub won't care what the name on your ID says, All they will be concerned with is that the photo matches your face and that you are of proper age. They are there to sell you and others a few pints, not to out you or ridicule you. 

 

Thank you for sharing.

Layering is something that I'll do. I guess the cold is my friend. And a binder most likely my best mate.

It might be just my bloody insecurities that make me believe I'll never pull off the "guy look" completely. I've been able to look male before but in real life I feel like it's tougher. I guess I'll just have to find the necessary courage to avoid panicking and the "they all know I'm a fraud" thoughts. 

 

Looking young can be cool of course. I'm 24 now and already feel old when looking at teenagers, even though I could easily pass as one, even as a girl. I suffered from a deep depressive state during my high school days and wasn't able to enjoy them as I could have. I wish I could go back and live them again (as a boy this time, as a girl would just make history repeat itself). 

 

Even if I manage to pass, it still worries me the possibility of having people know my birth name. It always felt odd to me but people, at least, have never found it strange when looking at my female exterior. 

I am frightened of being ridiculed and attacked with vicious comments yes. I've witnessed ignorant transphobic conversations before and can't help feeling terrified of being an object of bullying for people like that. 

 

Gotta stop thinking the bad thoughts, take the breath and go out and enjoy the life I should have had in the first place.

 

Cheers, mate!

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TammyAnne

Extra long t-shirts or long tailed tees are good for warmer weather, too.

I like extra long fleece pullovers to help cover anything needing covering when it's colder. I have one that's almost knee-length that friends call my "house dress."

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OliverPerry
1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I was going to suggest cover-alls  big hoodies, relaxed fit jeans.  

 

I believe cover-alls are difficult to pull off, even if you're a cis bloke (maybe I think this because I'm actually not a big fan of them).

Love hoodies! While on my quest, I tried tons of them. The thing is, even though quite baggy, they were all tighter at the end, which, unfortunately, made my hips stand out :( I'll find the perfect hoodie someday. *fingers crossed*

The relaxed fit jeans didn't work for me either, I thought they would though. FTMs on the internet were saying good things about them so I  do believe they work for most trans men. However, due to my 5ft height, I ended up looking silly and even shorter. I was rather surprised at how the tight young boy's jeans looked on me. I've always preferred the skinny jean look but never thought I would find some that would help me pass as a bloke. Well, of course the upper clothing did help making them work.

 

I'm thankful for your comment though!

Always open to other people's suggestions. 

 

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NB Adult

Get hoodies made for males, they are not slightly tapered through the waist like those for females are.

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OliverPerry
51 minutes ago, NB Adult said:

Get hoodies made for males, they are not slightly tapered through the waist like those for females are.

 

The women's was a no-no. I'm definitely sick of having to go to that section. 

I only tried the male ones. The problem wasn't the shape of the waist area, it was the lower part. They were all able to cover my waist but not the hips, they were tight there, something that ended up making my body scream "female". 

  

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NB Adult

At 5' and 100 lbs your hips and caboose can't possibly be as big a problem as you are making it. 

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ShawnaLeigh
40 minutes ago, NB Adult said:

At 5' and 100 lbs your hips and caboose can't possibly be as big a problem as you are making it. 

I was kind of think that too.  Or he has one heck of a Lower body shape us girls would dream of.  
Mine is all backwards.  
5’7” at 178 lbs
Big wide shoulders and small short arms.  My waist 34 n hip 40 numbers need to be reversed.  
Legs to die for.  (So says my wife.)  

My chest is 40 but cup prob A.  But still man boob shaped.  Lol
I'm a hot mess.  

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OliverPerry
4 hours ago, NB Adult said:

At 5' and 100 lbs your hips and caboose can't possibly be as big a problem as you are making it. 

 

The hips are just an issue because they're female looking, I don't think it's because they're that wide. 

 

The caboose is a real problem though.

Believe me. 

I'm not exaggerating one bit.

Every little thing I eat goes straight to that area. 

In high school, depressing story, I suffered from anorexia. And, with the same 5ft I have now, I was about 80 pounds and still wasn't able to reduce butt size. 

People say I've been "blessed" and have a "hell of a body" and that many women would have plastic surgery to achieve what I have. In my case, I would willingly have surgery to get rid of it. 

 

The only thing that's good about it is that it attracts blokes. Of course, I would love my female body not to be the source of attraction. And, due to that wish, I have many issues regarding romantic interaction. But it does feel good to be wanted somehow. It's one thing that worries me actually, not being able to attract anyone romantically if i decide to transition (something I would really love to do but still scares me as hell)

 

 

 

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OliverPerry
4 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Or he has one heck of a Lower body shape us girls would dream of.

 

I do.

And this is not bragging by the way.

It's true though that if I actually enjoyed living as a girl, I would probably be quite confident with my body. 

I don't though. And it's hell.

Just imagine being with a bloke, while feeling like one, and being constantly groped in your most female looking area, an area that is one of the main sources of your dysphoria. Sex is a traumatic experience for me, and this surely helps it be that way. 

 

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NB Adult

As long as we are talking about butissimo's a black woman once said, for a white (man) yo sho do have a nict booty! I should have been flattered, but at the time transition and hormones was farthest from my mind as I had no MtF proclivity at the time. Only good thing about a nice round butt is that they are nice when sitting on hard surfaces as opposed to being a cis male typically suffering from goneass as so many are.

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OliverPerry
42 minutes ago, NB Adult said:

Only good thing about a nice round butt is that they are nice when sitting on hard surfaces as opposed to being a cis male typically suffering from goneass as so many are

 

Your comment made me laugh.  Thank you, I kinda needed it. 

I was starting to feel stressed, wondering if anyone would ever believe my "butt truth".

Which is real! I'm not exaggerating, mates! Trust me on this :( 

 

But you're right, it probably does make sitting on hard surfaces much more comfortable. 

I'll keep my hate towards it though. But oh well, at least it's not all bad.

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ShawnaLeigh

We totally believe you have the butt you say you do. i do not see that your bragging about it either.  I also understand you not liking it. I’m jealous of it but it’s only because it is something I’d like to have but I don’t.  Not sure if I ever will either.  Oh well. It is what it is.  
it’s ok to want and wish but in the end it’s not what makes you YOU.  You seem like a wonderful person and a pretty nice guy.  I hope one day you do get the body you want.  I hope this for everyone here.  Especially me. Lol

its a tough thing to look different from who you are.  We all feel that way to one degree or another.  
I do anyways.  
 

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NB Adult
1 hour ago, OliverPerry said:

I was starting to feel stressed, wondering if anyone would ever believe my "butt truth".

Which is real! I'm not exaggerating, mates! Trust me on this :( 

 

Back in the day when we were engaged a few fellows mentioned to me about what a fine ass my soon-to-be-spouse had, of course I was well aware of that and felt that they were rather cheeky comments and that they had a lot of nerve telling me that, which confirmed that they were abysmally stupid Neanderthal types.. I told them that they are complementing the wrong person but should be careful telling her that unless it was intended purely as a complement. That was the end of that kind of foolishness. I can be rather intimidating at times. I don't care for people that measure others by their physical looks or body parts, I'm much more interested in who they are as a person.

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OliverPerry
1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I also understand you not liking it. I’m jealous of it but it’s only because it is something I’d like to have but I don’t.

 

If it's not reality that everyone matches their birth gender, it would be brilliant if FTMs and MTFs were at least able to exchange bodies. 

Your 5’7” seems incredible, wouldn't mind switching with you. Should we search for a witch? 

Warning: my boobs are 32B. If you're hoping for a D cup, I'm the wrong person. Also, everyone is a giant when you're 5ft tall, you have to tilt your head a lot and can't initiate kisses while standing. 

 

 

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OliverPerry
1 hour ago, NB Adult said:

I don't care for people that measure others by their physical looks or body parts, I'm much more interested in who they are as a person.

 

If only everyone was like you.

The first thing people notice is appearance.

 

Well, actually I have two male friends, who are dating, that have a simple but brilliant (my opinion) story. They both never used "grinder" a very popular app for men to meet other men, mostly just for sex (I have a friend that, like so many blokes, is, sadly addicted to it. You have no idea how many "dick pics" he accidentally made me see while showing me messages). Well, I guess that app is another example of how the outside image ends up commonly being the most important thing. Oh well... back to the two friends

Basically one was supposedly heterosexual and dating a girl, never having experienced any attraction towards men. He did like her though, I remember her being in a relationship with another guy and he still doing whatever it took to make her his, he ended up being successful, the fact that the bloke she was dating cheated on her helping him achieve his goal. Well, they ended up dating for more than two years. During his heterosexual relationship, he already knew my other friend (the bloke he would end up falling in love with). They knew each other but had never really exchanged many words. When they started seeing and talking to each other more often though, due to becoming work colleagues, suddenly my "straight" friend fell in love. It was a bit complicated this, the "straight one" was still with his girlfriend when this happened. I know they didn't perform any romantic act before he broke up with his girlfriend though (at least that's what I've been told I mean), which I find kind of cool because they both already knew the feelings they shared for one another. The "straight relationship" ended but both of my male friends, even though already dating, only admitted their relationship to people many months later. My now "previously heterosexual" mate still loved his ex-girlfriend but not romantically anymore and didn't want to hurt her. Of course, she was hurt in the end but nowadays they're very good friends. 

 

Yes, I wish more people were like you or my friend.

It's true that, in my case, I've never felt attracted to a girl in a romantic way but if it happens, it happens. 

When it comes to appearance, I seem to only be turned off by the incredibly fit (hot in American english) blokes that many seem to fall in love with so easily. But that's because I have this belief that they are all conceited and shallow. The ones I have met prove my theory.  

 

I wanted to share this for some reason.

I have a problem here on TransPulse, I can't seem to stop writing every single thought that comes into my head. 

I never share anything in real life, this is all quite new to me. 

I basically stay quiet until a topic like "the newest ps4 game" or "Harry Potter" suddenly appears in a conversation. My mouth seems to start moving on its own when that happens. And yes, I do like Harry Potter. I don't care if it's childish or even girly, it's my guilty pleasure.  I'm still waiting for my Hogwarts letter to arrive. Haven't lost hope yet! I already know most spells anyway, I bet I would be a great student. 

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TammyAnne
1 hour ago, OliverPerry said:

 

If it's not reality that everyone matches their birth gender, it would be brilliant if FTMs and MTFs were at least able to exchange bodies. 

Your 5’7” seems incredible, wouldn't mind switching with you. Should we search for a witch? 

Warning: my boobs are 32B. If you're hoping for a D cup, I'm the wrong person. Also, everyone is a giant when you're 5ft tall, you have to tilt your head a lot and can't initiate kisses while standing. 

 

 

Mr. I would kill (not literally) to be a 32B.

I'm more in the neighborhood of 46AA.

I would not care to be larger than a B.

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OliverPerry
42 minutes ago, TammyAnne said:

Mr. I would kill (not literally) to be a 32B.

I'm more in the neighborhood of 46AA.

I would not care to be larger than a B.

 

Then it's settled, witch it is!

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      I kept my old accounts and came out publicly on Instagram. I lost access to my facebook account a few years ago so that one won't be changed, but I feel like that'd be the most dangerous one to transition on because it's a lot more conservative than other platforms. Maybe it just seems that way because a lot of my family are vocal bigots, but I also feel like with how you can see what friends like you are more likely to be exposed to transphobes. I don't plan on making a new account because I was so tired of how gross my family is and never got on before they got political anyways. However, my experience with other platforms is generally support. A few people unfollowed me, but I'll take that over trolls any day. It's probably also different based on age group. I may make a coming out video for my parents to post on facebook for family, but I don't if it's even worth it.   The good thing about social media is you can block people. You may have a lot of people to block on facebook keeping your old account, but I feel like that could happen with a new account too. Facebook is just scary to me. 
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