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Sex advice please help! Are all men ashamed?


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I don't want a relationship I just want some fun atm but I keep getting messages from guys who want to have fun but want me to come over in boy mode and then dress and then have fun so no-one sees me. They say its too protect them and there families! It only happens after they see a full body photo as the photo of my face is very passable. That's a crappy thing for them to ask right or am I being over sensitive and unrealistic?

 

 I cant tell if I'm being offended correctly or not. hmmm.... I don't want to hide myself while I am out to enjoy myself as I have to do that at home atm for safety concerns. I don't want to be reminded of that feeling when I go to spend time with others, I think that makes sense but I'd love to here others opinions.

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Honestly I would be offended by this.  If they want to have fun with you then they get the person you want to be not some version or just behind closed doors. Jmo

BTW you are very pretty and very passable. I had to look at your photos.  Lol

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Thank-you for your insight, Shawna! And thankyou for the compliment its always nice to hear. I think you're gorgeous and I'm not just saying that because you said it to me!

 

Offended is how I felt straight away on numerous occasions. There is a gent who is very persistent and persuasive about how I should compromise for him! So it really helps to here it from someone else that my offence is valid. Especially when I'm already having to hide for safety concerns and so it would be really easy to compromise as that's what I'm used too! I think I will cut him off.

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Men that would take advantage of your affection while making such an unrealistic demand are feeling that they would be embarrassed if anyone found out that that were consorting with a transgender woman. It's a shabby attitude on their part, but not unexpectedbecause many are that shallow and frankly they don't deserve any attention from you. Once you find someone that isn't afraid to be seen with you in public, then you might find that you have a real keeper.

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Thank-you for your reply NB Adult! Again its good to hear that my offence is valid. I like the fact you describe it as "shallow" that helps me a lot in defining how I feel about it all, as I hadn't seen it that way. I felt like it was coming from a place of fear on their part and to compromise would be mean letting myself down and a bad example to set for others who may experience the same. Its hard to resist the want to compromise as I'm so used to having too 90% of the time atm for safety reasons.

 

Its all very reassuring to hear though, I half expected everyone to say "well yeah that's the world we live in deal wit it" as this gent has done. I'm really glad I've found this forum as I am quite isolated currently. Thanks Pulse!

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12 hours ago, NB Adult said:

Men that would take advantage of your affection while making such an unrealistic demand are feeling that they would be embarrassed if anyone found out that that were consorting with a transgender woman. It's a shabby attitude on their part, but not unexpectedbecause many are that shallow and frankly they don't deserve any attention from you. Once you find someone that isn't afraid to be seen with you in public, then you might find that you have a real keeper.

I truly love this women.  NB is so wise and has continually helped me in my journey here.  I am glad she chimed in.

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12 hours ago, JennyTwinkle said:

I think you're gorgeous and I'm not just saying that because you said it to me!

I truly appreciate this too.  It is nice to hear I must admit.  Though I am jealous of your gorgeous hair.  Mine is not my own in the pics.  LOL

 

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15 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Honestly I would be offended by this.  If they want to have fun with you then they get the person you want to be not some version or just behind closed doors. Jmo

BTW you are very pretty and very passable. I had to look at your photos.  Lol

I agree fully.

You are very attractive, no reason why a guy should try to make you pass as a male, then have you "transform" in private just to protect their fragile feelings.

Ashamed? Yes. But not of you. This is their own guilt over their own gender identity issues. I think you need to be careful about dealings with guys who haven't got a handle on their own issues - they can be very unpredictable. 

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Thank-you Tammy, you have touched on something that was in the back of my mind; safety concerns. After the initial feelings of hurt had passed I did begin to question whether this gent would be safe if he was unwilling to meet me as I want to be, as I am. Its nice to hear the shame is not of me but is his own issues seeping through, that really makes me feel better and is something I would do well to remind myself of! 

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I'd be offended and probably more than a little angry.

 

The other girls (and NB) are absolutely right, if a guy can't accept all of you, he doesn't deserve you. If he won't be seen with you in public, he's not worth your time. You can definitely do better.

 

Hugs!

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3 hours ago, JennyTwinkle said:

Its nice to hear the shame is not of me but is his own issues seeping through, that really makes me feel better and is something I would do well to remind myself of! 

It is by no means anything you should be ashamed of.  You are just being you and you are gorgeous.  Be proud. 

This  jerk has no right to suggest of you.  I would not get involved with that at all if I were you.

Yes.  Stay safe.  Even if you have the slightest hint of something amiss.  DONT GO.

Read my post in sexual abuse.  I had to learn the hard way when I was 16.

 

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Jenny, I agree with the opinions of the other ladies on this thread.  I will approach the issue from another angle; that of personal safety.  It sounds as though most if not all of the messages from men have been online.  That can be a very dangerous way to meet any person who wants to meet up, male or female, but much more so with men.  A dating app is one thing; depending on the app some companies do a decent job of screening clients, but certainly not all.  Even then its risky business.  That said, its your life and your decision how to meet people.

 

Just be aware that there are an awful lot of men who desire trans women because of the excitement, danger, and "exotic" nature of trans women.  They will never love you for who you are; they only want whatever titillation they can get from the experience, and once they are done getting what they want, they could pose a danger to you, because you have something they fear; knowledge of what they did and who they did it with.

 

Finding true romance is a rare thing for trans women, but it does happen.  I know trans folk, men and women, who have fallen in love with a cis person and gotten married and lived "happily ever after."  But making that happen is difficult, and almost always comes from meeting someone IRL, face to face, who you can connect with on a personal level.  Falling in love means finding commonality, warmth, understanding, and yes, physical attraction.  Many trans women find trans men to love because a) they are attractive, b) they understand what is involved in transition and so more easily get who you are and what you've been through; and c) they are looking for love just as hard as you are and for the same reasons.  I'm not advocating, just stating what I've seen and heard.

 

If you do want to meet someone you met online, please, please, follow this advice; meet in a very public place, tell someone where you will be and who with, and if you go anywhere with that man after meeting him publicly, phone or text someone the details and a specific time you will follow-up with them to let them know you are safe.

 

I don't say all this to make you paranoid.  I just want you, and other trans women to be safe.  Dating is risky business for cis-women too, but more so for us.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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45 minutes ago, Carolyn Marie said:

If you do want to meet someone you met online, please, please, follow this advice; meet in a very public place, tell someone where you will be and who with, and if you go anywhere with that man after meeting him publicly, phone or text someone the details and a specific time you will follow-up with them to let them know you are safe.

 

Carolyn's advice here is what I was thinking as I read through things here.  It sounds like these people are "admirers" which is a class we do not allow here on the Forums.  For the type you talk about the secrecy is part of an erotic thrill for them and you are just an object and not a person.  I have been in this too long to be offended by them, but I am not offended by garden slugs either.  Even in public some are pretty childish and snapping your bra strap, while not harmful really is about the extent of an intimate relation.  Be safe and be wary about the internet types. 

 

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Yes, Yes, Yes on what Carolyn and Vickie said. That is the reason why we have the memorials every year. Be very careful, a little paranoia isn't altogether a bad thing. Bottom line that would prove to be acceptable is when he would be pleased to be seen with you in public fully enfemme.

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Wow, I understand now it makes loads of sense, thank you so much everyone.

 

I think I've been a little naïve, I had no idea any of this was the case, although my intuition kicked in enough to feel strange about the whole thing and reach out for support. Its happened a lot and I keep feeling somethings wrong but have been unable to place my finger on it, but now I can. I actually feel a lot better now and understand what I need to do next thank-you so much. You gorgeous people!! 

 

In case you were wondering, I've cut him off completely he got very pushy toward the end.

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45 minutes ago, JennyTwinkle said:

In case you were wondering, I've cut him off completely he got very pushy toward the end.

 

That is very typical and that those types are extremely dangerous. Glad you dumped him, very smart of you!

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1 hour ago, JennyTwinkle said:

Wow, I understand now it makes loads of sense, thank you so much everyone.

 

I think I've been a little naïve, I had no idea any of this was the case, although my intuition kicked in enough to feel strange about the whole thing and reach out for support. Its happened a lot and I keep feeling somethings wrong but have been unable to place my finger on it, but now I can. I actually feel a lot better now and understand what I need to do next thank-you so much. You gorgeous people!! 

 

In case you were wondering, I've cut him off completely he got very pushy toward the end.

Good for you, dear.

You have no need to be desperate enough the sleazeballs. They're truly not worth it, even when they're harmless.

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I know I did the right thing, he didn't seem dangerous at all but then I suppose you don't know, which Is something I've not thought about so that's good to know.  I was very flattered by all the attention that was a big part of it, I live in the middle of an English Suburb with no Trans group, socials, not even a gay bar its pretty much a "robotic kind of place" sleep, work, eat, television, then repeat lolz.

 

Began to come out to family members but the more open-minded ones still freaked out and so I put a break on the whole thing and popped back into the satin lined closet I've built myself, metaphorically speaking of course. I think Ill try a real life support group that meets in Birmingham twice a month in the gay village. I think its time!

 

Thank-you everyone! I'm glad I found this site.

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To all the people I haven't thanked yet personally, thank-you for your input! Your doing wonderful work in my opinion. The more I read the responses the more I feel my self-esteem growing!

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41 minutes ago, JennyTwinkle said:

I know I did the right thing, he didn't seem dangerous at all but then I suppose you don't know, which Is something I've not thought about so that's good to know.  I was very flattered by all the attention that was a big part of it, I live in the middle of an English Suburb with no Trans group, socials, not even a gay bar its pretty much a "robotic kind of place" sleep, work, eat, television, then repeat lolz.

 

Began to come out to family members but the more open-minded ones still freaked out and so I put a break on the whole thing and popped back into the satin lined closet I've built myself, metaphorically speaking of course. I think Ill try a real life support group that meets in Birmingham twice a month in the gay village. I think its time!

 

Thank-you everyone! I'm glad I found this site.

Even at my age, I'm a suckered for someone paying attention to me. It happened recently to me, I thought I had a real romance budding, until he started trying to tell me what I could and couldn't do, things I'd have to give up, etc. Who needs that?

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1 hour ago, TammyAnne said:

Even at my age, I'm a suckered for someone paying attention to me. It happened recently to me, I thought I had a real romance budding, until he started trying to tell me what I could and couldn't do, things I'd have to give up, etc. Who needs that?

This sounds like marriage.  Lol

jk

 

No one deserves to be bossed around in a romance or relationship.  Jmo

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I have seccumbed to flattery at times until I was able to identify it when it was happening and consider the motives of the flatterer, you get smarter doing that!

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I am an Irish girl who long ago learned the difference between Blarney and Baloney and I will put up with the Blarney and cut throats when Baloney starts.   I know who I see in the mirror. 

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That is why I trust nobody and keep my wits about me at all times. I would never go out with some one Guy or Girl without at the very least my safety whistle. A small pocket knife wouldn't hurt either. Believe me between my life and someone else's life, I'd defend myself at another's cost. I feel if you're transgender or something else you need to be smart.  People are sick. When they don't know, they want you. We only get in to trouble when they find out. this as NB Adult says is why we have memorials every year.

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America has become a a rather scary place from what it formerly was, just recently here where I live the authorities allowed three violent offenders loose and all three have murdered innocent people within days of their release, one even dismembered one young fellow afterward. I've come to the place where I don't leave home unless I'm armed. I have a concealed weapon permit and carry a .380 auto. I'm not recommending this for everyone, I have years of hands on experience and extensive training. Worst thng a novice could do is arm themselves with a handgun without sufficient training and experience.

 

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"What's the matter?" "I am pretty touchy." "Okay.  Untie the straps in front and tie them the other way, like mine." "I don't have a belt." "There. That is right. You will get a belt after three months and passing tests on kata, kumite and karate knowledge." "I don't know what that is." "And we touch a lot here.  Not romantically. You see how Sensei Bob is going around and adjusting people's stances and arm locations." "Yes, I see that." No enthusiasm. "You are Sensei Bob's girl, right?" "Yes.  What is important to him is important to me, so here I am."  He wished her well and told her to go see Margie, who handled registration at the little table. "Hi, I heard about you." Margie began. "What does that mean?" "It means we treat everyone here with respect.  That was the wrong way to start." "I'll say. Try again." "Good morning. How can I help you?" "I want to register for the beginner class." "You are Taylor, right?" "Right." "Sensei Bob paid for your lesson today." He would. She gave name, address, age, height, weight, and they came to gender. Margie asked it twice. "Put down female." "The only other choice is male." "Then that is it." "Earlier I was thinking about tournaments, which are big here. The rules are that boys fight boys and girls fight girls - there are Men's and Women's Divisions.  I know you look like a woman, but they go by the birth certificate." This was awkward.  Really awkward.  Down at the other end of the room they were moving in unison when Bob said HAI!, turning, punching, kicking, etc. "I don't plan to go to tournaments.  One step at a time, shall we?" "Okay.  And I meant it when I said respect.  We bow to each other.  You will see. As a sign of honoring other people." Margie bowed slightly, sitting down.  Taylor returned the bow and smiled. The class moved into sparring, breaking into twos and practicing moves against each other.  Bob was moving among the pairs, adjusting positions of hands, hips, feet.  Taylor was unsure about someone touching her like that, her hips particularly.    The green belt class ended as new students came in for the beginners' class. Down at the other end the brown belt class began.  The room was large enough you could do two classes at the same time.   The other beginners, nervous, lined up at Margie's table.  People got into gis, the men in their big area and only woman in the little restroom that was for them.   Sensei Mark greeted them and showed them where to stand: on the little x's on the floor. He explained the School Code.  They would recite it at the beginning of class and they needed to memorize it for the white belt test, at which time they would, of course, receive a white belt. He explained some terms.    They warmed up with some basic, easy stretches.   They learned a kata called Taikyoku Shodan, involving blocks, punches and some movements. This was not bad.   She was now paired off with Judy.  Things were going well and this was not too bad. Judy was sixty years old and had been told to exercise by her doctor.  Taylor said her boyfriend was teaching the other class, which was impressive, and he wanted her involved.   "You remember the gedan barai - downward block?"  They did. Everyone showed him and he went around and made sure everyone had it down. "And the lunge punch?"  They did. "Now we are going to put them together. One of you will punch and the other block it. Okay?"   Taylor squared off against Judy.  Her heart was pounding.  She practiced her gedan barai as Judy practiced her lower lunge punch.  Then they faced each other. "Okay, first partner, lunge punch.  Second partner, lower block.  Slowly.  Go!" Taylor saw the punch coming at her, but instead of blocking it her eyes welled up with tears and she dropped to the floor, weeping uncontrollably. "Oh God, Oh, God, Oh God, make it stop, make it stop" she shouted to parties unseen. Fetal position, rocking back and forth. Crying hysterically. "I didn't go near her," Judy said, bewildered. "Taylor?"  this was Sensei Bob.  Both classes had stopped and were looking at her. She kept crying. "I am here, "Bob told her, not touching.  "Oh Bob you need a wife who can be a real woman to you. I am making you into a monk or something." And she continued crying at full volume. "You need someone better than me, someone who can give you kids." Everyone could hear this.  They were turning away, trying to pretend they could not hear this. "I need to get her out of here and take her." Bob said, and he and Mark bowed to each other. He scooped her up and she bawled into his shoulder.  She clung to him.  First hug ever. Death grip, more like it. "Judy, would you get her things?" "I did nothing," Judy said, and moved towards the restroom, stunned.  "Nothing." "I know what she was wearing," Margie said, and got them. "I've got a gym bag. It 's red and it says Roosters on it. Can you get it? Mark got it.  He accompanied them to the car.  Taylor was non-stop crying deeply, clinging to him for dear life. Mark unlocked the car and together they managed to pry Taylor off of him, even though it took both of them to do it.  She was in the car seat and they managed to buckle her in it. "I am going to take you to your apartment," he said. "No. Emergency room," she said. "Maybe the psych ward."  He didn't doubt it. She calmed down in a few minutes on the way. "Well, that was embarrassing." "Everyone remembers their first day of karate class." "Bob, what I love about you is your sense of humor." "I love everything about you." "Even this?" "Yes. Even this." She managed to walk into the ER.  They were both still in gis. "Karate accident?" "No. I am Taylor and I am a nut. I wear a gi all the time. I make my boyfriend wear one, too." "She had a triggered event.  She's had some difficult times." "I see. Do you you know are bleeding?" "No."  Her crotch was wet with blood and the blood was seeping down both legs. She was wheeled away. "Sir, please wait here." He did.  He had no legal right to see her right now. After a while a nurse came out and said he could come on  back. There she was in a hospital gown.  "Seems like old times." "yeah.  We gotta stop meeting like this." The nurse buzzed around and left them. "They are running tests." "I bet they are." "I got an MRI. On a Saturday morning, too."  First ever. "You rate.  But why?" "They figure some of the old scar tissue - you know, from the- from the past - ripped open and they need to see what is going on." "We know what is going on,"said a doctor, stepping in. He looked at her. "I am Doctor Michaels.  They called me in.  I just happened to be in the building and they wanted me to see this and take the case.  My specialty is Disorders of Sexual Development. But what I am seeing is little in the way of disorder.  Look at this." They looked at the image. "This is a perfectly ordinary uterus." "Uterus?" "Yes, your uterus." "What?" "That is not all.  This is a cervix, and this is a vagina." "It's blocked up." "Yes.  It looks like you had surgery to do exactly that when you were an infant.  They used to do that." "This is me?" "You." "Really?" "I imagine this takes some getting used to. "Can it be undone?" "Absolutely. I mean, I cannot guarantee it, but it is more than likely. I would like to run some tests." "And the bleeding?" "It looks like the hormones you have been taking have kicked of a regular monthly cycle. Then you did a whole bunch of exercise.  Not surprising." "What?" "I want you to come to my office next week for follow-up.  Have you ever had a genetic test of any sort?" "No." "Well, your testes - one looks at first glance more like an ovary." "Ovary. Can I have kids?" "Too soon to tell.  You look happy." She did.  "Bob, you look stunned." "I am." "Given what happened earlier today we want to keep you overnight for observation.  I understand you are a trauma victim and something triggered it." "I got a punch thrown at me in kara-tay class, is all. I am a wimp." "Well, I will let you two talk for a minute and they will come and get you shortly.  No bad news here." "They are coming to take me away, hah-hah, they are coming to take me away," Taylor chanted. "Bob, I am not done with kara-tay.  I want to at least finish a first class. I mean, you paid for it and I want you to get your money's worth." "I think I got that." "Kiss me, you fool,"  she said, and he did, with energy.        
    • April Marie
      These arrived in yesterday's mail. I'm out working in the yard today so just old clothes. I'm looking forward to wearing this t-shirt dress when the weather warms up a bit more.  
    • missyjo
      Ashley I've known busty girls who wore b nice bras tl work n such then like a sift sports bra to lounge or sleep in hugs
    • missyjo
      your nails b hair came wonderful  congratulations  enjoy
    • Willow
      The one thing about this position, if you want more hours just wait and be flexible.  I’m now working until 7:30 pm instead of 4:30.  
    • Ashley0616
      I hope your head cold goes away soon! Sorry you have to cut grass with that.   Love the new t-shirt   I love that one.    What Jeep would you want to get? That is awesome about your wife getting better!
    • Ashley0616
      Welcome Mattie! I would recommend the first step is finding a gender therapist and see if you are or aren't. Then one of the biggest steps if you are do you want to start hormone replacement therapy. The decision should be thought long and hard. There are irreversible effects. Looking forward to your next post! Take care!
    • Ashley0616
      Congratulations on being able to pick up a cancellation! I hope to hear more updates about your transition. 
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