Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Feeling hopeless when i should be hopeful


Hellothere

Recommended Posts

I got my first binders, which i cant even express my happiness on. I feel better and more free. My only problem is that im just.. not flat enough. I mean i didnt think it was gonna be 100% flat but i thought it would be better than this. (I have 2 gc2b binders and 1 underworks binder). Along with that my mother agreed to get me a haircut, im gonna have short hair (side note:any hair tips?) but im worried ill just look butch or feminine.

 

on top of that, at my therapist visit, my mother explained how shes worried i'll wanna transition because she got me binders. So theres no hope there.

 

sorry im difficult but if i ever manage to convince my mother to let me transition, will wearing binders and cutting hair before hand make it harder. Like i wouldnt change anything but my name and pro nouns.

idk if that makes any sense but its a fear.

once again sorry for all the questions-

Cody

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Hellothere said:

I got my first binders, which i cant even express my happiness on. I feel better and more free. My only problem is that im just.. not flat enough. I mean i didnt think it was gonna be 100% flat but i thought it would be better than this. (I have 2 gc2b binders and 1 underworks binder). Along with that my mother agreed to get me a haircut, im gonna have short hair (side note:any hair tips?) but im worried ill just look butch or feminine.

 

 

Brilliant, mate!

My gc2b will arrive soon. I'm excited myself.

 

The not flat enough issue is terrible though... 

I got mine from gc2b because many people on the internet were saying they were the best. 

I thought they would work 100%... Guess not...

Do you think you can still pass as boobless though? With a not that tight t-shirt for example? 

 

I'm gonna cut my hair soon too. (my profile pic is old so don't be fooled) 

The worry to appear butch or feminine is quite understandable.

I'm still not out so no one really knows I'm not a cis girl. Growing my hair was an attempt to keep everyone fooled. 

I've played young boy roles in theatre before, they just cut my hair and I suddenly pass as a boy. The hairstyle I used to have (and will have again soon) works for both boys and girls who have a more androgyne look but still don't look butch. This is great for me because I can look like a girl and keep my secret secret and also like a boy when I want to, depending on what I'm wearing (the female curves can be tricky to hide though).

Back then, before I first had my hair cut short, I searched for both male and female hairstyles. I ended up finding a female model who, due to her short hair, in some pics, looked like a girl and, in others, like a cis bloke (even though with a female body. But the clothes she was wearing didn't hide much). That's the hairstyle I ended up choosing. I know it came from a woman but it was perfect for both my unhappy girl and dream boy self. 

 

I realize that you're out and don't have to pretend to be a girl like me, yet I've seen pics of pre-t FTMs with extremely manly haircuts who end up still appearing female and quite "butch". I feel like it's one of those things that, when going for the extreme, you end up not having what you wish for.

 

Example: In 2017, I was doing a show where I played Snow White (Yes, I hated being a bloody princess! Can't do much about it though, it's my job and I got payed for it). At least the story was vastly different from Snow White's and the show had a Clockwork Orange vibe to it, something that turned out pretty cool. Well, continuing! As a "girl", I've always been associated with Snow White. Just like the character, my hair is dark, my eyes brown and my skin really pale contrasting with darker lips. Yeah, to everyone's eyes I'm basically a Disney princess (horrifying). The thing is, when I was wearing the Snow White outfit, I didn't look like her anymore. The attempt to actually be her, made me loose the look I've always been associated with. I still did the show though and I guess it did go quite well.

 

Anyway, my point is that maybe (I can't tell you I'm certain because I don't hold the truth of the world) trying to much can ruin your goal. 

 

Google is your friend! Search search search!

I bet you'll find something you like and that will work.

You can always try to get advice from a hairdresser, never did that but maybe they could help. 

 

 

Link to comment
7 hours ago, OliverPerry said:

 

I realize that you're out and don't have to pretend to be a girl like me, yet I've seen pics of pre-t FTMs

 

Gosh i wish, my parents and a singular friend know. I still have to be a girl.

thank you for all the tips though, i hope the gc2b binder works for you:)

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Hellothere said:

Gosh i wish, my parents and a singular friend know. I still have to be a girl.

 

Sorry for assuming you were entirely already out.

Having to present yourself as a girl when you're actually not one is rubbish.  

Link to comment

Take heart, not all men are totally flat chested, some have well developed pectoral muscles and others have what's known as Gynecomastia which is quite common now. 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, NB Adult said:

Take heart, not all men are totally flat chested, some have well developed pectoral muscles and others have what's known as Gynecomastia which is quite common now. 

Fortunately for me I have both of these issues.  Though I wish I had them more.  LOL

Link to comment

Indeed, lots of men have large pectoral muscles, specifically developed by doing extra work in the gym. I have "young teen girl" boobs, although I'm not entirely certain why since I'm not on HRT yet.

How you carry yourself has more to do with it than whether your chest is/isn't flat. Think Arnold Schwarzenegger when you walk. His movie posture is an exaggerated macho. Then once you can do that, and have stopped laughing, you can tone it down.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 124 Guests (See full list)

    • MaybeRob
    • April Marie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • Willow
      Good morning,   I over slept yesterday was a couple minutes late clocking in.  But no breakfast or coffee.  Got caught up but it was go go go all morning.  I had to ask for a refresher on how I was to enter something but once I got a quick answer it came back to me.    @KymmieL sorry Ford didn’t work out.  We are always looking for good reliable people, I could get you a job here but the commute would be rough.  Today I have three audits to get done, plus other things during my shift on top of the regular things.  Since I am opening that puts me in the drivers seat.  The Asst Mgr comes in part way throuh my shift but she will have to handle customers while I do the work she would be doing if she opened. Tail wagging the dog.  Guess she’s getting punished for not following the Mgr’s requests.  They do tend to butt heads a lot.     Butting heads with people is a thing the Asst is known for.   @awkward-yet-sweet do you think just maybe this new graphics request was in the offing?  And why you were asked to go to work with your husband?  Obviously, he cares about you a lot and is trying to do things to help you.   speaking of meeting people @Adrianna Danielle we have a youngish customer who comes in frequently, I’d like to approach her but I’m just not certain yet.  She still dresses male but has long hair and early chest development.  My approach, if I ever decided I should would just be supportive but I really can’t be sure that is what is going on here or what and I would not want to make a big blunder if that’s not what he is doing.  A male with early teen boobs doesn’t want to be noticed.   well, I can’t be late again, I’ve got to leave now.  See you again later for afternoon tea and crumpets or scones. Mmm scones!   lol   Willow
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-health-and-wellness/scotland-pauses-prescriptions-puberty-blockers-transgender-minors-rcna148366     Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.huffpost.com/entry/a-second-trump-presidency-would-be-a-nightmare-scenario-for-transgender-people_n_661ff9a9e4b07db21fd5d59b     Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, HIPAA is basically useless for keeping government out of your medical stuff.  It doesn't seem to prevent employers from making workplace medical demands either.  About the only thing it seems to do is keep somebody's sister or spouse from having the tools necessary to help you when you're in trouble.  As usual, government made things worse and added unhelpful red tape.  I really doubt HIPAA will be any use in the area of trans rights either.    Honestly, I don't see anything good will come of this no matter how it goes.  If some state AG's win on this, it will cause issues for trans folks.  If the Feds win on this, it'll be a precedent to stomp on states' rights even more than has already been done.  And I'm not sure which way things go will make a difference when it comes to officials from one state trying to do nasty things to people who have left that state and gone elsewhere.    What a crap sandwich... and no matter which plate it gets served on, "We The People" get to eat it. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      At least you tried!  Something equivalent or better may come up, and the waiting could be worth it.  Just keep trying and you'll eventually get what you need and want.      For me, having somebody to love was the most important.  Everything else follows after that.  I waited a long time to find somebody...and she ended up leading me to more than I ever thought possible.    Actually, I'm feeling pretty good right now.  I have something work-like outside of my home responsibilities to do for the first time in about 18 months.  Nobody seems to mind the real me.  And this evening, my husband said something that just really made me feel special.  He was rubbing my back, shoulders, and chest while we talked, helping me relax.  He told me that he thought I was really cute in my girl form, but that he thinks my boy form might even be cuter.  And that he's proud of his "smart little Pocket Fox."    For me, the combination of those sweet words and the physical affection was exactly what I needed. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Hi!   That was probably hard to write and then read and say, did I really write that?  Been there.   I'm glad you call it a journey.  It is.  One step at a time, and sometimes two steps forward, one back.    Abby
    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, Violet! We glad you found us! No one here will judge you. Each of us is unique yet we all share some similarities. And many of us are in the relative early stages of self-discovery.   Take time to wander the sections of the forums. You’ll find lots of information and ideas.   Ask questions if you feel comfortable. You will find lots of people willing to share their experiences.   Is it possible for you to possibly work with a gender therapist? Many of us have found that to be extremely helpful in finding our identity and out true selves.   Just jump in. We don’t bite! We’ve all been in some version of where you are.
    • April Marie
      Literally. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Shameless plug for my "Taylor" story down in Stories You Write.  I am not Taylor and the experiences she goes through are not what has happened to me, but there is an emotional expression that I think is the best way to say some things that I don't know how to say otherwise.  I am not Bob, either.  But you might find out some things about me by reading it.  And I hope it is a good read and you enjoy it.  I am not done with it.  If you would like to comment on it, I would appreciate it.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Tuesday night.  They had a quick supper together at a fast food place.  Bob went off to teach karate and Taylor locked herself inside her apartment and worked on her hiring plan.   First the web site problem.  The two guys who ran it were self-taught and knew little.  It currently had three pages, the Home page, the About page and the Contact page,  She asked them to work with Karen in terms of redesigning it and she needed three designs to show Gibbs tomorrow.  The problem was three fold: the two guys and Karen.  Millville was a small town and all three were relatives of members of the Board.  Millville, Millvale. She was doing it.  People here called it either way, sometimes in the space of a few seconds.  She thought it was Millville.  All three had complained about the work, because the two boys regarded it as done and untouchable, even though they actually had not worked on it at all for months.  Like a number of people, they showed up and collected generous pay checks and did nothing.  She had looked at a number of websites and she had been told the company wanted one both internal and external customers could log into.  Her chief difficulty at the moment there was that there was very little content.  She decided to send the three complainers out tomorrow to take numerous pictures of the thirty acres  Or was it forty?  No one seemed to care. She cared, because she needed to get it right.  She debated outsourcing the website to a company, but first she needed something to outsource, and before then she needed to decide whether to keep these people.  She didn't need to mess with them.  So she decided to recommend they hire an experienced website developer with management skills. Would such a person come to Millville?  The schools were good, because the company had poured money into them, and the streets were well paved.  The company had bought all the abandoned houses and maintained them, hoping someday they would be filled again. Millville was crime-free.  People did not lock their doors. Neighborly. Very conservative, but in a good way.  Hard working, ethical, honest. Maybe the Chinese money was corrupting the town?  Not sure.  So she thought they would hire someone, even if it were a remote position.  She would rather have them here, but she would take what she would get.  That would move the website out of her hair. Secondly, she needed an effective presenter.  She could not do all these presentations herself.  She had natural talent but a lot could be passed on. She needed another Mary and another Brenda, or their understudies, effective hardworking people.   Bob. Was he okay with this?  He said she was Management.  Was that a problem?  And she was now earning a ridiculous salary, which she put down to company dysfunction more than anything she had done.  Was that a problem? She was not sure.  He was highly competitive and he had that male ego.  She did not.  A feeling of guilt rose.   Her therapist had brought up her feelings of guilt about not making Dad's expectations, never being the man Dad wanted her to be.  She never could, and this physical evidence backed that up.  What would the doctor say?  She thought about it, and that her therapist said she needed to find a sexual assault survivor's group more than a transgender group right now. Was there one here?  She thought about serving in a women's shelter.  There was one here, oddly enough connected to the church they had visited.  That F on her drivers' license would help.  She was waiting until after she talked to the doctor again to move on that stuff.   Was Bob really buying 160 acres near the old air strip on speculation?  Much of the land around Millville had been for sale for a long time.  That land was being offered at a dollar an acre, the owners having inherited it and now living out of state. Common knowledge.  They would take the first offer, and it had been for sale since the airstrip closed twenty years ago. Airstrip.  That would help.  Not tonight. Focus, girl, she told herself, and read over her notes to do so, which were making less sense the further down she went. It was eleven, and she gave up and went to bed.
    • violet r
      .my name is violet. I'm new here and thus is my first try at forums. I'm 45 and just recently having came to terms of who I really am. Thought a lot of self discovery since I stopped drinking. Drinking was my coping mechanism to hide a lot of thing. There were plenty of signs though the years. As I look back. That i hid inside. Now really sure what made all of this bubble to the surface at this time in my life.  Mabye it was waiting for me to be open minded and ready to accept that I am trans. I have a very unhealthy environment at home that is anti trans. I really don't know what else to say but hi. I hope everyone here will be accepting of me and me work through my journey of finding the real me. I know that since I accepted it I have been much happier than I can remember. Being to real me makes me happy. I hate having to hide this all the the time at home. I work retail management and have no idea if I could even stay in this business if I am to fully come out. Wow that was scary saying all that. It's a first for me
    • Ivy
      It is a lifesaver for a lot of us.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  What I do as a man is what a woman would do if she were a man.  There is just something feminine about the way I act as a man.  It's not that being a woman is actually better, or something to aspire to, but it is just that I am one, while not being one.   If beating my head bloody to get rid off this stupid dysphoria would fix it I would find the nearest wall, but I know that if I did that, when I woke up, it would still be there.   If I did not have this struggle I would be someone else and I would be less of a person than I am.  They say an oak tree growing in an open field is far stronger than one in a forest.  The storms come and go and I stand.   This forum is the first time I have interacted with other people struggling with the same struggle and parallel struggles. It helps.
    • Ashley0616
      I'm sorry! :( Hopefully something better will come up
    • Ashley0616
      Thank you! Did great with the kids
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...