Biological children vs. adoption

[Lucca]

I'm MTF, I've banked sperm, and I intend to have a child with my own material someday, provided I have a partner who is capable of providing eggs and getting pregnant. I've seen some comments on articles about artificial/medical methods of conceiving children be really negative, calling people who get them selfish for not adopting.

 

This really irritates me. I want to have a biological child for a variety of reasons. One is just the common desire to have a child with my and my (future) partner's DNA, who looks like us, inherits traits from us, and who we conceived ourselves, and who my partner and I went through a pregnancy with together. Having the ability to conceive a child with a woman is also one of the few things I really like about being a trans woman, almost making the whole ordeal of being trans worth it. I love the idea of being able to provide my partner with something that she may have wanted, but didn't believe was in the cards because of her sexual orientation.

 

The other reasons are a whole lot of practical and legal ones. My partner and I would be a lesbian couple with a transgender member. That just introduces so many hurdles in trying to adopt a child and then raising that child. There are so many elements of society trying to prevent LGBT people from adopting children or viewing LGBT parents as people who shouldn't have been "given" their children or who are a bad influence on their children. If I have a biological child, I can not only avoid the difficult and (I assume) emotionally taxing process of adopting a child when the deck is stacked against me, but I can always tell haters that this is unquestionably my child and no legal wrangling on their part could possibly have prevented me from having it, short of some horrific forced sterilization project.

 

I have absolutely nothing against adoption, I think it's great, I will gladly adopt if my future partner is another trans woman or someone else who is infertile or has gametes incompatible with my own. But I still really want biological children if I can, especially if the process is as simple as just obtaining my sperm from a freezer placing it "up there". Thoughts?

[Jackie C.]

No bad vibes here. If you want to have biological children, go for it. I'm more interested in being a cool aunt than motherhood. Of course my spouse and I are both genetic train wrecks. I wouldn't wish our issues on anybody.

 

I get the adoption issue too. So many agencies are run through churches and other religious organizations that will happily deny parents loving homes to kids in their care because the parents are part of a group that they don't approve of. I personally lean towards adoption. Susan and I were considering it at one point, but we never had the time or the means to do justice to raising a child so it didn't happen. I have a niece and a nephew though, so I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

 

Hugs!

[SaraAW]

I’m okay for folks to conceive or adopt, whichever works for them. Anatomy or gender should not be a barrier to being a parent. These do not make a quality parent. 

My dad was adopted and we’ve connected with his birth family many years ago.  he spent years helping other folks who were adopted reconnect with birth parents.  Many folks were very happy with their adopted lives, sometimes more so after meeting their birth family. 
 

It is sad how many barriers there are for good people to adopt, yet any 2 horrible human beings can get together and make a baby.

 

I had thought about kids earlier in life, but I have not won the genetic lottery and would rather not potentially curse anyone with the potential for any of my issues. My wife is also ill and we decided it best not try and conceive years ago. We have thought about adopting, but between our health and finances, not sure we would be able to give a little one the life they deserve. So we spoil our nieces and nephews, our fur babies when we had them, and will do the same for the next fur baby(ies) to enter our lives. 
 

*hugs*

[ShawnaLeigh]

I’ve been on all sides of this topic n truthfully it brings back painful memories.  I was coheres  into giving up my first two children to there mother n stepfather.  After assurances I would be able to see then.
 I’ve been a “father” to 4 children and adopted my 3rd wife’s son. I love them all equally.   So all I can say either way anyone wants to becomes a parent it’s worth it.  

[Lucca]

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I get the adoption issue too. So many agencies are run through churches and other religious organizations that will happily deny parents loving homes to kids in their care because the parents are part of a group that they don't approve of.

 

Yeah, there are certain organizations I wouldn't want to try adopting from, and that would probably bar me from adopting anyway. That limits my options. And I don't want to feel like I'm indebted to any outside organization or people for my child, either.

 

Again, not ruling it out entirely if having biological children isn't possible. But these "Why don't you just adopt??" people seem to think that adopting a kid is as practically and mentally easy as buying a hamster from a pet store.