Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Coming out at school...


A. Dillon

Recommended Posts

I am in a high school that is not totally known for its trans acceptance, but hasn't had any attacks or anything. I am part of the SAGA club (sexuality and gender alliance) there, and it is not like I am super closeted. However, I just can't seem to work up the courage to tell anyone but a very small, close knot group of friends that I am ftm and/or bi. People will just say she/her, and while my euphoria screams "say something!!", my anxiety retorts with "dig yourself a hole and just live there!!" I could realy use some advice on how to get over this.

Link to comment

It's good to hear you have some close friends you can be out to. Coming out is a very personal experience. It's ok to stay in the closet until you feel you are ready and safe to. In the meantime, cherish the friends who are loving and supportive of you, and the SAGA club, community is important! ?

 

~Toni

Link to comment
On 12/7/2019 at 9:03 PM, A. Dillon said:

"dig yourself a hole and just live there!!"

One can only do this for so long until it get gets dangerous.  Suicidal even.  I learned this the hard way.

 

I am still early in my HRT after years of denial and though I am out to a few now, its not all.  I still present male in public and at work.  I look forward to a day when I can fully be myself to the world but I am not there yet.  No rush really.  But desire is still there.

I am choosing to not get uptight about pronouns. 

I mean for how long have these people known you?  Or about you now? It takes a tremendous effort to remember and change a habit.  Its the same with pronouns and names.  To me anyways.  

Intentionally saying things wrong.  The wrong pronouns or even your new name wrong on purpose is a different story.   Especially after reminder. 

Those who don't know your out, or just recently found out, need time to make the change in themselves too.  This is not over night or even easy within the same month.  Be patient and remind them nicely if at all possible.   Its all you can really do or let it drive you crazy.  Which is good for no one.

JMO 

 

 

Link to comment

Yeah, I can feel that, and really hope that you are able to come out fully soon. When I realized that I was trans, while my understanding of myself improved, everything else got worse. I knew I was supposed to be born a boy, spent years just waiting and praying for the testosterone to kick in. Eventually, I just thought that maybe I had just failed at something, and should just end it. Maybe then I could be reborn, and be a boy in that life. I seriously got into theology, and when I came to my own personal conclusion that I did not believe in a god, I decided that I had no option but to face what i was dealt. I then spent 3 more years in the closet, still struggling to come to terms with it. Now that I know who I am and who I can become, I feel this constant pressure to move toward my goal, and resistance can be very hard for me to deal with, so I can only imagine how hard this is for you. I am trying my best to gain some confidence, and I am getting there.

 

In the meantime, thank you for your advice, and may you have only the best during your transition.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

That's, yeah, pretty typical in a lot of the US. There aren't education programs and ... well, going through school, peer pressure, etc... isn't the greatest time of your life to start with. Add being trans to that and it's a total nightmare. On the plus side, if you do decide to transition, T is a really powerful thing. Inside a year people won't be able to tell you'd ever been feminine so long as you're wearing pants. E takes longer and I've still got hips like a snake. ?

 

I get the resistance thing too. I had a set-back that looked like I wouldn't be able to afford GCS. I had never been that broken before. I did, however, learn that I can cry so hard that no sound comes out. I completely freaked out my wife. She postponed a trip to see her dad just to make sure I didn't do something stupid in the heat of the moment. That was probably the right call.

 

So yeah, what I was actually getting at. Coming out is hard as first, but it gets a little easier every time you do it. There's no timetable though (well, maybe a hard limit if you're on HRT and start growing a beard). Come out at your own pace and when you're ready. No pressure.

I'm not especially strict about my pronouns either. It takes time for people to form new habits. If they're trying, that's enough for me. Also, it's hilarious to see them apologizing all over themselves when they get it wrong. I figure that accidents happen (unless I'm wearing something that loudly proclaims "This is a woman, stop it."), all you can do is roll with it if you want to remain friends. I have had other friends jump on a stranger for misgendering me though. I actually felt bad about that. It bothered them more than it did me. If your friends might do something similar, you might want to let them know in advance that they shouldn't.

 

Hugs!

 

 

Link to comment

 

50 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

 

I have had other friends jump on a stranger for misgendering me though. I actually felt bad about that. It bothered them more than it did me. If your friends might do something similar, you might want to let them know in advance that they shouldn't.

 

For me, this is my sister. She is very involved in the community, and is gay herself, so she kind of goes beast mode whenever she thinks that someone is being discriminatory. I appreciated the support when my dad said that I was not his son, and that I was always going to be his daughter, but I just end up feeling bad. I mean, he just doesn't really know what he is saying yet.

 

Also, I do really want to transition soon, and am super excited for the changes that will come with that. My parent said I will have to wait until I leave the house, but I am going to a gender therapist soon, so maybe I can get them to change their minds if they see how serious this is. Will update!

Link to comment

Closets will keep you safe. Not gonna lie. But if your friends are worth keeping, they will accept and support you. 

 

The best advice I can give is to tell your teachers via email or something and counselor before hand.  

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 116 Guests (See full list)

    • Betty K
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alscully
      Alscully
      (35 years old)
    2. floruisse
      floruisse
      (40 years old)
    3. Jasmine25
      Jasmine25
      (22 years old)
    4. Trev0rK
      Trev0rK
      (26 years old)
  • Posts

    • EasyE
      Republicans have long committed grave errors by emphasizing their social agenda and moral issues instead of just focusing on the economy, lowering taxes, keeping the public safe, building a strong national defense, promoting business, touting reasonable immigration policies, etc.   The country would thrive economically under Trump's tax and business policies. That's a fact. Another four years of Biden will run this country into the ground financially (including all of our 401Ks and IRAs). But the GOP continues to play right into the Dems' hands by leading with their moral crusades instead of staying the course and trusting their fiscal policies to win the day... 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/hundreds-athletes-urge-ncaa-not-ban-trans-athletes-womens-sports-rcna149033     Carolyn Marie
    • KymmieL
      Well first day is over and now getting ready for bed soon. Work was OK.   Don't know why but I am feeling down. I am heading to bed. Good Night.   Kymmie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I our time at my place.Both admit our sex life is good,got intimate for the 2nd time and he is good at it
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  I will look those up in the document, hopefully tomorrow.   I always look at the source on stuff like this, not what someone, particularly those adversarial, have to say. 
    • MaeBe
      LGBTQ rights Project 2025 takes extreme positions against LGBTQ rights, seeking to eliminate federal protections for queer people and pursue research into conversion therapies in order to encourage gender and sexuality conformity. The policy book also lays out plans to criminalize being transgender and prohibit federal programs from supporting queer people through various policies. The project partnered with anti-LGBTQ groups the Family Policy Alliance, the Center for Family and Human Rights, and the Family Research Council. Project 2025 calls for the next secretary of Health and Human Services to “immediately put an end to the department’s foray into woke transgender activism,” which includes removing terms related to gender and sexual identity from “every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.” The Trump administration proposed a similar idea in 2018 that would have resulted in trans people losing protections under anti-discrimination laws. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; The New Republic, 2/8/24] Similarly, the policy book calls for HHS to stop all research related to gender identity unless the purpose is conformity to one's sex assigned at birth. The New Republic explains: “That is, research on gender-nonconforming children and teenagers should be funded by the government, but only for the purpose of studying what will make them conform, such as denying them gender-affirming care and instead trying to change their identities through ‘counseling,’ which is a form of conversion therapy.” [The New Republic, 2/8/24] The policy book’s foreword by Kevin Roberts describes “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children” as “pornography” that “should be outlawed,” adding, “The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned.” Roberts also says that “educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Roberts’ foreword states that “allowing parents or physicians to ‘reassign’ the sex of a minor is child abuse and must end.” Echoing ongoing right-wing attacks on trans athletes, Roberts also claims, “Bureaucrats at the Department of Justice force school districts to undermine girls’ sports and parents’ rights to satisfy transgender extremists.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; TIME magazine, 5/16/22] Dame Magazine reports that Project 2025 plans to use the Department of Justice to crack down on states that “do not charge LGBTQ people and their allies with crimes under the pretense that they are breaking federal and state laws against exposing minors to pornography.” [Dame Magazine, 8/14/23] Project 2025 also calls for the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services to repeat “its 2016 decision that CMS could not issue a National Coverage Determination (NCD) regarding ‘gender reassignment surgery’ for Medicare beneficiaries.” The policy book’s HHS chapter continues: “In doing so, CMS should acknowledge the growing body of evidence that such interventions are dangerous and acknowledge that there is insufficient scientific evidence to support such coverage in state plans.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Going further, Project 2025 also demands that the next GOP administration “reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military.” The policy book’s chapter on the Defense Department claims: “Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service, and the use of public monies for transgender surgeries … for servicemembers should be ended.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]   …summaries of what’s within the rest of the document re: LGBTQ+ concerns. A person can believe their gender is fixed but incongruent with their physiology, but the authors and Trump (by his own words) just see the incongruity of an “expressed gender” that conflicts with what was/is in a person’s pants.
    • Mmindy
      Good catch… I took care of it.
    • Sally Stone
      I'm tired of the two-party system.  It has degraded to a system where there are only two diametrically opposed views, neither of which supports me.  I have conservative views regarding big government and government spending but I have very liberal views when it comes to protecting the rights of individuals.  And just elections of the past, I am stuck with two choices, neither of which I support. With only two parties, each with agendas that are off the left and right scales, I am not adequately represented.    Finally, I'm okay with party affiliated politicians running for office using their party views, but once elected to office, they are obligated to support the entire electorate not just the electorate members that voted for them.  Plain and simple, our government system is broken and dysfunctional.  I'll step down from my soapbox now.     
    • Sally Stone
      Thanks Mae.  She was an amazing friend and I grew to love her like a sister.
    • Sally Stone
      I did Ashley.  Non-rev travel was one of the major factors for taking the job.  At the time, US Airways had the best non-rev policy in the industry.  It cost $10 to fly coach and $25 to fly first class.  We flew first class whenever there were seats available.  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You should have a moderator fix what you meant to write as "birth certificate".  Ooops.   I've gone over that verse and am wholly and completely dissatisfied with the SBC exegesis of it, so much so that it was one of the things that helped me break out of a mindset of guit.  Sometime I may strut by stuff as a Hebraist and show what it really means.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found this   — 450 — Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise Goal #1: Protecting Life, Conscience, and Bodily Integrity. The Secretary should pursue a robust agenda to protect the fundamental right to life, protect con- science rights, and uphold bodily integrity rooted in biological realities, not ideology. From the moment of conception, every human being possesses inherent dignity and worth, and our humanity does not depend on our age, stage of development, race, or abilities. The Secretary must ensure that all HHS programs and activities are rooted in a deep respect for innocent human life from day one until natural death: Abortion and euthanasia are not health care. A robust respect for the sacred rights of conscience, both at HHS and among gov- ernments and institutions funded by it, increases choices for patients and program beneficiaries and furthers pluralism and tolerance. The Secretary must protect Americans’ civil rights by ensuring that HHS programs and activities follow the letter and spirit of religious freedom and conscience-protection laws. Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike. The next Secretary must ensure that HHS programs protect children’s minds and bodies and that HHS programs respect parents’ basic right to direct the upbringing, education, and care of their children.   https://static.project2025.org/2025_MandateForLeadership_CHAPTER-14.pdf   First, that is not much, if that is all that is of concern.  Secondly, I have seen all sorts of anti-Trump slander, including the Steele dossier and the lawfare he is now undergoing, to be cynical of any criticism against him, and indirectly this document.    He deserves some of what he is getting, but not all.  Thirdly, I bolded one statement of concern.   I don't think gender identity is subjective.  "Radical actors" is name calling, and there is a lot of that going around.  Maybe I am not seeing everything of concern or reading this right, but i would discuss with the author of this document concerning this.
    • Willow
      Good evening   well I finally finished reading my textbook.  Yeah.  But I still have a lot more to go for the class.     My endocrinologist always asks me about lactation.  And yes I have had some very small amounts of leakage but not on any regular basis.  I figure I blocked the discharge Duce when I pierced my nipples with scare tissue.  But who knows.  I also get asked about mammograms.  I e had my first or baseline and this fall I will need to schedule my second.   As someone in the midst of studying the Old Testament, I can say that I haven’t found any mention of pending damnation for being transgender or intersex.  The closest it comes is a verse that says men should not wear women’s clothing.  Now I don’t know each and everyone’s particulars, but I know I meet the medical definition of female gender, and even in Ohio, a State that until recently refused to allow birth certificates to be changed, I meet the criteria.  Therefore I can only conclude I am not a man wearing women’s clothing.  But there is a somewhat different scholarly explanation of that law that it should not be taken as literally as the haters want.  Mostly men should not pretend to be women to ex ape from their enemies. Or tried to hide from God.     willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Well, the left wing has been doing that.    I read a few things while trying to find out what the problem is and liked what I read.  But I am a conservative.    Is there something specific in there that is of concern?  Does it promise somewhere to erase trans folk? That would be problematic.
    • Ivy
      It's a plan to basically completely take over the government by the right wing.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...