Coming out at school...

[A. Dillon]

I am in a high school that is not totally known for its trans acceptance, but hasn't had any attacks or anything. I am part of the SAGA club (sexuality and gender alliance) there, and it is not like I am super closeted. However, I just can't seem to work up the courage to tell anyone but a very small, close knot group of friends that I am ftm and/or bi. People will just say she/her, and while my euphoria screams "say something!!", my anxiety retorts with "dig yourself a hole and just live there!!" I could realy use some advice on how to get over this.

[ToniTone]

It's good to hear you have some close friends you can be out to. Coming out is a very personal experience. It's ok to stay in the closet until you feel you are ready and safe to. In the meantime, cherish the friends who are loving and supportive of you, and the SAGA club, community is important! ?

 

~Toni

[ShawnaLeigh]

On 12/7/2019 at 9:03 PM, A. Dillon said:

"dig yourself a hole and just live there!!"

One can only do this for so long until it get gets dangerous.  Suicidal even.  I learned this the hard way.

 

I am still early in my HRT after years of denial and though I am out to a few now, its not all.  I still present male in public and at work.  I look forward to a day when I can fully be myself to the world but I am not there yet.  No rush really.  But desire is still there.

I am choosing to not get uptight about pronouns. 

I mean for how long have these people known you?  Or about you now? It takes a tremendous effort to remember and change a habit.  Its the same with pronouns and names.  To me anyways.  

Intentionally saying things wrong.  The wrong pronouns or even your new name wrong on purpose is a different story.   Especially after reminder. 

Those who don't know your out, or just recently found out, need time to make the change in themselves too.  This is not over night or even easy within the same month.  Be patient and remind them nicely if at all possible.   Its all you can really do or let it drive you crazy.  Which is good for no one.

JMO 

 

 

[A. Dillon]

Yeah, I can feel that, and really hope that you are able to come out fully soon. When I realized that I was trans, while my understanding of myself improved, everything else got worse. I knew I was supposed to be born a boy, spent years just waiting and praying for the testosterone to kick in. Eventually, I just thought that maybe I had just failed at something, and should just end it. Maybe then I could be reborn, and be a boy in that life. I seriously got into theology, and when I came to my own personal conclusion that I did not believe in a god, I decided that I had no option but to face what i was dealt. I then spent 3 more years in the closet, still struggling to come to terms with it. Now that I know who I am and who I can become, I feel this constant pressure to move toward my goal, and resistance can be very hard for me to deal with, so I can only imagine how hard this is for you. I am trying my best to gain some confidence, and I am getting there.

 

In the meantime, thank you for your advice, and may you have only the best during your transition.

[Jackie C.]

That's, yeah, pretty typical in a lot of the US. There aren't education programs and ... well, going through school, peer pressure, etc... isn't the greatest time of your life to start with. Add being trans to that and it's a total nightmare. On the plus side, if you do decide to transition, T is a really powerful thing. Inside a year people won't be able to tell you'd ever been feminine so long as you're wearing pants. E takes longer and I've still got hips like a snake. ?

 

I get the resistance thing too. I had a set-back that looked like I wouldn't be able to afford GCS. I had never been that broken before. I did, however, learn that I can cry so hard that no sound comes out. I completely freaked out my wife. She postponed a trip to see her dad just to make sure I didn't do something stupid in the heat of the moment. That was probably the right call.

 

So yeah, what I was actually getting at. Coming out is hard as first, but it gets a little easier every time you do it. There's no timetable though (well, maybe a hard limit if you're on HRT and start growing a beard). Come out at your own pace and when you're ready. No pressure.

I'm not especially strict about my pronouns either. It takes time for people to form new habits. If they're trying, that's enough for me. Also, it's hilarious to see them apologizing all over themselves when they get it wrong. I figure that accidents happen (unless I'm wearing something that loudly proclaims "This is a woman, stop it."), all you can do is roll with it if you want to remain friends. I have had other friends jump on a stranger for misgendering me though. I actually felt bad about that. It bothered them more than it did me. If your friends might do something similar, you might want to let them know in advance that they shouldn't.

 

Hugs!

 

 

[A. Dillon]

 

50 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

 

I have had other friends jump on a stranger for misgendering me though. I actually felt bad about that. It bothered them more than it did me. If your friends might do something similar, you might want to let them know in advance that they shouldn't.

 

For me, this is my sister. She is very involved in the community, and is gay herself, so she kind of goes beast mode whenever she thinks that someone is being discriminatory. I appreciated the support when my dad said that I was not his son, and that I was always going to be his daughter, but I just end up feeling bad. I mean, he just doesn't really know what he is saying yet.

 

Also, I do really want to transition soon, and am super excited for the changes that will come with that. My parent said I will have to wait until I leave the house, but I am going to a gender therapist soon, so maybe I can get them to change their minds if they see how serious this is. Will update!

[TTheta]

Closets will keep you safe. Not gonna lie. But if your friends are worth keeping, they will accept and support you. 

 

The best advice I can give is to tell your teachers via email or something and counselor before hand.