I'm in a really tough situation right now:(

[Tariane90]

I don't post here very often because I've gotten so caught up with all the stress and nonsense lately. Ive made some not so great choices in my life more specifically with money when I was younger, which seem to have caught up with me ( choices that have affected me directly)  I'm really overwhelmed and don't know what to do. I'm trying so hard to make better decisions but am feeling as though I'm at a cross roads. My living situation and work situation is not great and after a recent visit to see family in another state I've been feeling extremely dysphoric to the point where I procrastinate going places sometimes which is something I hadn't experienced no where close to this degree in quite a while. I don't really have a lot of support in my life and I feel really alone. There are things I would like to experience and accomplish yet I don't have the slightest clue as to which avenues I should take to accomplish these goals. I try to reach out to people to no avail. I don't know. I mean this in a few aspects of my life. I've been really drained and tired lately and have been sleeping whenever possible. I'm sorry I know this is all over the place and probably doesn't make any sense what I'm saying. I'm just venting. 

[Lexi C]

Hey Tariana. Yeah live sucks, and I don't your age or your various circumstance. However, We all face challenges,esp as a trans person. You can either keep moving on (this is a great place ) bye discovering and find new support Ave. Or find your own strength. I know that sounds like B.S , but we ( bi-straight, trans, normal weird, etc) have it..I can say I being in yr shoes. Actually, I was properly worse off, but I fig a way out and if I can do anyone can. I MEAN ANYONE. Good Luck, Be proud, stay save and kick Ass

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Tariane,

You are not alone anymore. When I first accepted that I was trans, I felt completely alone in the world. Then I found these forums. I participated, got involved. It made a huge difference.

 

You might try engaging a gender therapist or psychologist to help you determine the course you want to take to help you feel fulfilled in your life.

 

One of the best methods I have found to deal with lifes difficulties is to take things one day at a time. Just do what you can today and don't fret about tomorrow.  Let tomorrow worry about itself.

 

Lots of love, 

Timber Wolf ?

[Tariane90]

Thank you Alex C and Timber Wolf. I'm 29 by the way. I'm not giving up just yet, however sometimes all of this madness that's happening makes me wonder. I'm not down playing anyone elses' struggles. However I can only speak for myself. Sometimes I wonder if this whole hrt regimen is even working. It's been 7 months and I haven't seen very many changes. Like literally very little it seems.

[ShawnaLeigh]

You definitely are NOT alone.  There are so many girls here with the same story.  Some worse.  Some better.  

I hear you about the financial part too.  Although I was always good about paying my bills I cant save to dimes.  More recently I and my wife had great financial plans to get ready for retirement.  I am 52 now and just came out.  With that, I am now looking at a very alone retirement with nothing saved.  She was basically my retirement plan.  Sad to say. 

To make matters worse I had gotten a few huge consolidation loans to clean everything up in a four year payment plan.  Basically letting my wife be the main support for both of us.  When together with her help I financially I could handle it.  On my own, I only have $100 every two weeks beyond my bill load.  Scary.

As far as HRT and the effects.  Well I had made mistakes there too.  I self medicated on and off for a few years.  NOT RECOMMENDED!

I Dangerously did this with little concern for my health. Stupid.  I am now on supervised HRT but I still look fairly male outside of being made up by a professional.  I have a slight air of feminine appearance but its slight.

I hate it and look for changes everyday.  Like I am really going to see a change from one day to the next.  But I look, and check, and "feel", if there is anything.

It does take a long time.  Some things take years.  Others can attest to this.

For now keep coming in here and posting your fears and issues and just vent if need be, and we will too.  We all help each other here out and the support is amazing here.

Good Luck!

 

 

[Tariane90]

Thank you ShawnaLeigh for sharing that! I appreciate all the support I can get and I will definitely participate and post more.