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Aidan5

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Aidan5

Not gonna lie, I had a terrible week. My parents got on me for every little thing I did and I felt useless and terrible all week. I hit my head against the wall in hope it would fix me. I got kicked out of my room and had to sleep out in the hall. I did all off my chores and the house reeked of cleaner from scrubbing the house top to bottom. I'm tired and I just want to sleep all day. I just had a med appointment and changing meds, I hope this one helps. I know there will nothing that will fix me instantly, but I don't know what more I can do to change myself to be better. Sorry to be a downer but it's hard to hold this in. I honestly just want to be loved, I can't find love from anyone. My dad disowned me and my step-mom hates my guts, my brother thinks I am a freak and they cut me off from the rest of my family. My mom died when I was 6, I have no one. They sure do like to remind me that I am a burden, and when I move out I will be a burden to whoever I am with. On a plus note, I finally bought some boxer and I feel really good about them. 

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Charlize

I'm sorry things seem so gloomy for you today.  Please remember tomorrow may well be different.  life has a way of smoothing out with time.  Hang in there.  You"re not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Jackie C.
44 minutes ago, Aidan5 said:

I hit my head against the wall in hope it would fix me.

 

Don't... just don't do that. It's like when a movie villain turns into a snake. It never helps.

 

45 minutes ago, Aidan5 said:

I got kicked out of my room and had to sleep out in the hall.

 

Um, while I don't know the specifics, that sounds like abuse to me. That's not something families do to each other. That's not actually a thing that PEOPLE should do to each other.

 

46 minutes ago, Aidan5 said:

I'm tired and I just want to sleep all day.

 

Yeah, that sounds like depression symptoms. Not that there's anything wrong with being down. In your situation Mary frikken Poppins would be ... no, self-censoring that joke. Inappropriate. I must be maturing. Drat.

 

I really just want to give you a hug sweetie. Nobody should have to deal with that kind of mess. Spend some time around friends if you can. You shouldn't be alone when you're in this state.

 

Hugs!

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Aidan5

I wish I could spend time with my friends, though I have no way to reach out to them since they took my phone, I am on my school laptop haha. I just have to bear with my parents because if I report anything, my little sister will be sent off to foster care and I wouldn't be able to live with myself after that.

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Jackie C.

Laptops? In my day we had to chisel our messages on stone tablets. For e-mail, we had to throw our tablets at each other. We lost a lot of kids that way. 😋

 

Not a COMPLETE exaggeration. I learned to code on a Commodore Vic-20. They hooked up to the TV like a game console. In my senior year, I took a COBOL/RPG II course where we worked on an IBM System 36. That's an early mainframe. It didn't take the WHOLE room. Only about half. My first computer job was babysitting all-night batch jobs running on a set of three DEC VAX mainframes. Each of those was easily over 500 pounds. Those reel-to-reel tapes you see in old science fiction movies? Totally used those. We even had the "Wall of lights that are blinking for no reason." At least I'm to young to have ever used punch-cards. 😉

 

Can you couch surf for a bit or are your "parents" stuck on doing the Cinder-fella thing to you? I know with some people like that it's more about causing suffering than actually finding any kind of solution. I'm also going to hazard a guess and say they're threatening an "eighteen and out" policy?

 

It absolutely sucks that you're in this situation right now, but I think it's noble that you're willing to tough it out so you can be a good big brother to your little sis'. Not that it's especially helpful. I'm not familiar with resources in Washington State. Can your school counselor suggest a course of action that protects you both?

 

Hang in there sweetie. We still love you.

 

Hugs!

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Aidan5

thats really cool haha!

 

I can't cuch surf, I really don't know anyone here and my parents would never allow it :( And I am glad for the "18 and out" policy with them, not like I will be staying with them. 

 

I would really rather she stays with my parents, because they treat her well, it's only me that they make suffer haha. She was a drug baby, (Her parents were terrible people, my aunt and uncle are her biological parents) She was addicted to drugs when she was born but now is drug free. She is really difficult, but we love her. She is attached to the family, it would only create problems for her.

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Jackie C.

Spoken like someone who's never had to mother one of those damn reel-to-reel drives through just ONE more backup. Seriously, they were so old the rubber hoses could SHATTER if you accidentally poked one. Backups took about 100 tapes which were then stored offsite (not an exaggeration, unfortunately). The system was actually installed in 1973 along with my direct supervisor. I was working on it in the early 90's. It still worked better than the UNIX based system they replaced it with.

I imagine I should have been grateful for the workout though. Those boxes were heavy and you needed to hustle if you wanted to get everything done on time.

 

Just be careful with that. A dear friend of mine got kicked out when she was 16. Even in the 80's ... god I'm old ... she was working four jobs and going to high school to pay for a crappy apartment where she could live illegally. I say even in the 80's because jobs paid better then. The last time I saw her, she was a stripper (and had straightened and bleached her hair which, in my opinion, was a much greater sin) and using it to work her way through community college. I guess I'm saying build connections with people who want you around. You're going to want roommates.

 

I'm glad they're looking after your sister at least. It would be nice if they could at least be civil to all their children, but... No, I'm going to go off on a rant. That won't help.

Seriously, I wish I could do something from here. Try to take care of yourself in the meantime. At least your "parents" aren't forever.

 

Hugs!

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tracy_j
14 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Laptops? In my day we had to chisel our messages on stone tablets. For e-mail, we had to throw our tablets at each other. We lost a lot of kids that way. 😋

 

Not a COMPLETE exaggeration. I learned to code on a Commodore Vic-20. They hooked up to the TV like a game console. 😉

 

A bit like the blackboard chalk the teacher used to throw across the room? :D

 

It wasn't my first but I still have a Vic-20. I bought it cheap when a shop was clearing stock to use for interfacing. It's some while since I powered it up though.

 

More seriously though  Aidan - As Charlize said, hang in there, it does get better with time. Keeping yourself busy, as you have to, at least keeps you occupied. Plan to what you can do when the time comes as it sounds like to may have little help from home.

 

Tracy

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