Family Transitioning

[Christian S]

I have told my family that I am transitioning, but when I told some of them that I also plan to get my name and gender legally changed they told me not to do it because I am female no matter what I identify as.

 

What do I do about this? This has seriously hurt me even though they said they support my choices but at the same time they don't.

[Damien Mcknight]

If they’re saying that, then they obviously don’t actually support you. Also, if you’re not an adult yet (I have no idea) they don’t want you to jump ahead too early. But that’s no excuse for them to say stuff like that.

[TTheta]

My family has always said the said thing, my dad has a military view on my transitioning. He told me I can identify and whatever I want but I will still legally be a girl until I complete transition. But at the same time, I don't listen to my dad and I know I am a boy right now. Sometimes it can take a little bit of time for families to accept their child is trans, maybe they will change their mind, or maybe not. What you can do, depending on how old you are, you can look into jobs and way you can move out of your house depending on how unsupportive or hurtful they are to you.

[Jackie C.]

So it's "we totally support your choices so long as we agree with them." I'm familiar with that line of reasoning. I don't care for it, but it's familiar. First step is to talk to a gender therapist. You're going to need to do that anyway, so why waste time? A gender therapist will help you work things out in your own head and be a valuable ally when talking to reluctant family members. Or, "Look you primitive screw-heads, my doctor agrees with me. He studied this situation specifically. He knows of what he speaks." You should probably use softer language. Probably. Some people need a kick in the butt.

 

I'm guessing you still live at home and haven't hit your age of majority yet. Either of those things could be wrong, your profile doesn't say. I'm working from your tone. If you're out of the house you can always fall back on, "Yeah, that was more of an FYI. This is happening no matter what you think." If you're stuck in the house though, well they unfortunately have more power over you and you'll need to bide your time until you can proceed on your own. In the meantime, there's nothing stopping you from transitioning socially. I'm sure you can find something in your closet that's masculine. Personally, my "guy uniform" was jeans and a t-shirt. It's really more about your attitude than how you look. Don't get me wrong, looking like your preferred gender helps your outlook tremendously, but I find my presentation stems more from my heart than how I choose to dress.

If your friends are supportive, they might even be willing to pool resources to get you a binder or two. Christmas is right around the corner after all.

 

Unfortunately, there's no transgender mind magic to get people to change their point of view. Probably just as well. I'd abuse the heck out of mind control. All you can do is calmly (calmly is key, if you start yelling you already lost) explain the situation when it comes up and do your best to live as authentically as you can within your resources. In the meantime, we're here for you if you need to vent.

 

Hugs!

[reyindium]

On 12/9/2019 at 8:40 PM, Christian S said:

What do I do about this?

Do what you planned to. Change your name and your gender marker and go live your best life. We only get one of them. And the people who don't abandon us when we make those choices are generally the people worth keeping around and emotionally investing in. Sure, it hurts. But which hurts more? Their rejection or you living a lie?

[A. Dillon]

Sometimes, it is just a matter of them not being ready yet. It doesn't mean that it will never happen; if you perservere, they might be able to change. The only thing that can't change is who you really are. 

[Christian S]

Thank you guys so much. I'm very happy because I spoke to my family most have accepted the change, and my twin brother who has only known me as a girl has started to call me as his brother. ? There have been some mistakes but we understand it's a transition, but I'm happy he's trying.

[reyindium]

1 hour ago, Christian S said:

Thank you guys so much. I'm very happy because I spoke to my family most have accepted the change, and my twin brother who has only known me as a girl has started to call me as his brother. ? There have been some mistakes but we understand it's a transition, but I'm happy he's trying.

That's great news, I'm very happy for you!