I'm honestly pretty terrified

[xJakex]

I know I'm trans, I think I've always known, but didn't really understand. I tried to start a slow transition when I was about 17. I cut off all my hair, started dressing more like myself, but I had such a huge backlash from family that I just ended up backtracking and completely lost my nerve to come out.

 

I'm 24 now, and I'm ready to start making steps. I've found a G.T. but haven't called yet, mostly because that also scares me. I don't have much support, so I know that once I come out, I will be almost completely on my own and that really bothers me. 

 

I think I'm going to hold off on coming out for a while, because when I do it, I don't want to feel ashamed. I want to be able to confidently say "This is me, take it or leave it" and I know I'm not there yet. 

 

I guess I'm just looking for some first-step advice, and was just wondering if anyone else could share some of their story? Thanks!

[TommieAnne]

I would encourage you to talk with the gender therapist.

They can offer good insights, strategies for interacting, sympathy and understanding, etc.

Mine asks me questions that just make little explosions (not literally) in my head as doors that have been nailed shut all my life are opened.

Meeting with your G.T. and talking with them doesn't mean you've started transition, or HRT, or anything but you're in a process of understanding yourself. I've been meeting with my G.T. for a year now and am only now closing in on beginning HRT.

But now I understand myself much better.

TA

[Jani]

Hello Jake.  Welcome.  You're among friends here.  

 

Calling for that first GT appointment can be pretty nerve wracking.  I remember my time.  Going into the meeting I was a wreck but coming out I was floating on air since I saw that I had finally told my story to someone who didn't judge or berate me.  

 

There is no reason to be ashamed when you come out to others.  Its your life and you get to make your rules.  I know this is hard to see but there are always bumps on life's road.  This will just be one.  

 

Please join in the conversation.

Jani

[Carolyn Marie]

2 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

Meeting with your G.T. and talking with them doesn't mean you've started transition, or HRT, or anything but you're in a process of understanding yourself.

 

Exactly this!  Welcome to Trans Pulse, Jake.  Tammy is right; seeing a G.T. is the first step (or maybe the 2nd.  Admitting to yourself that you're trans was really the 1st step) in a very long process.  You don't have to tell anyone that you've seen one unless someone else is paying for it.  They won't try to rush you or push you in any direction; their job is to help you understand you, and to offer guidance on which direction is the best for you.  But the ultimate decision(s) are all for you to make.

 

Look around the forums here, and you'll find a lot of answers and a lot of great ideas from people just like you, who had the same fears and anxieties.  You will learn a lot, I promise.  Ask all the questions you want and we'll do our best to answer each one.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[xJakex]

Thanks, everyone! I thought I had found a G.T, but there were some pretty negative reviews, and now I'm having a hard time finding one all together. Does anyone have any tips to help me find a trustworthy therapist? Thanks!

[Jackie C.]

Well, MY first step was finding a therapist. We still talk (almost) every Monday. She helped me work through some of my early issues. THEN I found a gender therapist through U of M. They have a transition program. While I was talking with my therapist, I presented female at home and started voice therapy. Then I moved into short jaunts outside. My first errand as a woman was to put gas in my car. I know, I know, not everyone can be so glamorous. ?

The next trip out was to the grocery store and I know the cashier clocked me. I tried, but my voice and presentation wasn't really there yet. My point there is; I got clocked. So what? I promised myself I'd do better next time. Then I did. After some practice I feel pretty bulletproof and people just accept me as a woman. I honestly think at least half of it is attitude. I don't look all that different.

 

I guess my point is, come out at your own pace. Do what makes you comfortable, and be sure to gather allies along the way. We're always here, but it can be hard to top a sympathetic voice in a face to face conversation. In the meantime, keep trying to find a good gender therapist. They act as gatekeepers for a lot of the good stuff.

 

Hugs!

[Willow]

Hi,

 

I can tell you that good Therapists and Psychiatrists are hard to find.  But they are out there.  Psychology Today is a good starting point but don’t be afraid to expand your search criteria to all LGBT... someone specifically for Transgender is a lot harder to find.  Few and far between.  But more common are sexual dysphoria etc. 
 

And I agree completely with everyone else’s comments, they are all true

 

good luck

 

Willow

[xJakex]

Thanks! You have all been so helpful. I'm grateful that I currently live with one of my sister's who has been incredibly supportive. I'm planning on cutting my hair off again and going through quite a bit of therapy before I start coming out to more people, but as scared as I am, I'm so excited to start taking these steps. 

[ShawnaLeigh]

2 hours ago, Willow said:

Psychology Today is a good starting point

This is how I found mine in a town that has many I am told.  I was so clueless.

My first steps were here on TransPulse where I tried to get gain information and read as much as I could so I could self diagnose.  I found several people here were going through the exact same things so I joined and asked as many questions as I could.  Regardless of how stupid I thought they were,  Someone has been there and done that so it was so refreshing.

A HUGE weight off my mind knowing I was not alone or broken.

I then found my therapist and I have been on a very relieving road to finding myself and starting my transition.

The point is the more information you have and more the more you learn about yourself and who you are the better you will feel. 

[xJakex]

Thank you! I actually just found one using that site, which is already a huge weight off of my shoulders. It's definitely going to be expensive, but it's going to feel nice to start to be able to feel comfortable. I really admire you all. It takes a lot of courage to start transitioning and to take these steps. I don't really know any of you, but I'm really proud of you all. 

[Belle]

21 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

They can offer good insights, strategies for interacting, sympathy and understanding, etc.

Mine asks me questions that just make little explosions (not literally) in my head as doors that have been nailed shut all my life are opened.

^^^^^^^ This

[A. Dillon]

As hard as it might be, being able to free yourself from any familial pressure that you are suffering from is incredibly important. I am dealing with that right now, and it only makes all of this harder. If you know you are trans and accept it, then nobody else should come in the way of that. 

 

I felt more secure after I was passing as male 24/7, and as I am getting my name changed really soon, hopefully I won't have to deal with being misgendered by the public anymore. If you are really nervous, you don't have to move at a breakneck pace. Just ease into it, like really hot water; it is not a bad thing, but you don't want to get burned. When people call you the correct pronouns, it can be very affirming, and that will give you a place to start from.