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ShawnaLeigh

What do your kids call you once to transition?

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ShawnaLeigh

So just coming out to my two youngest (adult) kids I had told them "I will always be your dad".

Right now being called Dad by then is a natural thing for me to hear.  Even though it mis-genders me now.

I am their Dad still.  

Once I am further down the road with my transition though this may start being/feeling/being weird to me and maybe even them too.

I certainly do not feel they will ever call me mom.  Maybe mom will slowing fade in as my new "title" to them but I don't think so.

I don't think they will just call me by name either.  New or old.  

I just wanted to have some suggestions for them if they ask.  

What are suggestions to cover this?

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Carolyn Marie

My then teenage son began calling me Carolyn immediately.  He still addresses his mother as Mom.  I think, for our family, that works well.  If he talks about me to someone else, he uses "my parent."

 

Carolyn

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VickySGV

First name with my 40 year old+ children and grand kids.  Sibling with my one remaining brother.  Parent or grand parent when relationships in the family are used.  I gave my grand children the option of using Granda but they prefer my first name, and there is no less love or respect for it. 

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Belle

I feel like I'll always be in the 'dad' role. Even if I am able to transition and stay married🤞I'll still be me, and in the same role I'm in right now.

 

When it comes to grandkids eventually I may have a more female name.

 

Belle ❤️

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MaryMary

they call me "Marie" usually. Sometimes they make mistakes or don't think about it and call me mom. When other people outside think I'm their mom they swiftly correct them and say "no no no, she's my father". It almost seem like a point of honor for them, lol

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Susan R
4 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

 

I don't think they will just call me by name either.  New or old.  

I just wanted to have some suggestions for them if they ask.  

What are suggestions to cover this?

Early on, this was a tough one for me to figure out with two of my daughters and all the grandkids (I’m effectively dead to my third daughter). My wife is called “Nanna” and their other grandparent is called “Grandma” so those were already taken.  I thought using the endearment “Mammy” was an ok suggestion from a few friends but the Grandkids didn’t like it.  As of this Christmas, the grandkids all started calling me ”Nana Susan”.   My daughters call me ”Nana Susan” too if the grandkids are around us.  If my daughters are not with the kids they refer to me as just plain ”Susan”.  It sounds sorta complicated but it really hasn’t been and it works for us.

 

Susan R🌷

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Belle
2 hours ago, MaryMary said:

When other people outside think I'm their mom they swiftly correct them and say "no no no, she's my father". It almost seem like a point of honor for them, lol

That's awesome! How old are they?

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MaryMary

7 and 8

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Belle
40 minutes ago, MaryMary said:

7 and 8

Oh my gosh! This gives me so much hope!

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Jani

My grandchildren call me Jana. My better half is Nana.  

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Charlize

I am Grandy to my grand children.  Hopefully my son remembers to use that as well at least in public.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Laura76

When my grandchildren asked what name to call me, I asked them to suggest a nice name they could pick that wat they know it will always be unique to me.  They came up with "Maddie." Their born-again religious mother however told them immediately while I was present to never talk about me, or ask me about transitioning my gender.  When my older sisters were told about my new nickname they said my grandchildren should be calling me, "Grandpa sicko," "Confused Grandpa," "Idiot Grandpa," or "Maddie is the insane Grandpa." (so much for sibling support....)

 

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ShawnaLeigh
2 hours ago, Laura76 said:

When my grandchildren asked what name to call me, I asked them to suggest a nice name they could pick that wat they know it will always be unique to me.  They came up with "Maddie." Their born-again religious mother however told them immediately while I was present to never talk about me, or ask me about transitioning my gender.  When my older sisters were told about my new nickname they said my grandchildren should be calling me, "Grandpa sicko," "Confused Grandpa," "Idiot Grandpa," or "Maddie is the insane Grandpa." (so much for sibling support....)

 

This is terrible.  How can someone that is suppose to love you be so mean.  I’m sorry it is like that’s for you.  😢

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Carolyn Marie

My goodness, that is one of the worst things I've heard @Laura76, and I've been here a long time.  So needlessly cruel and heartless.  Born-again Christian?  Christ would be appalled.  There is nothing Christian about what your family is doing to you.  I'm so sorry.  😢

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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Laura76

Thank you ShawnaLeigh, and Carolyn Marie.  It has been about two years since I've seen my Grandchildren, or spoke with my older sisters. After my son and his wife moved to another state, we have not been in contact.  Also since that time, my older sisters and I have not spoken.

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Miss Night

I have 3 grown boys. My oldest is 40. Youngest is 30. All my boys call me Dad. There Mother My most loving Wife was taken from this earthly life in 2010. I started my transition then. In 2016 I became a women. To my boys I am still Dad. 

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ShawnaLeigh

I suppose it’s only logical.  At some level you are who you are to your children. I am their parent.  The person who fathered them.  They grew up knowing me as dad.  I don’t have an issue being that parent for them.  
Will it be awkward to be called dad shopping with my daughter in public.  Perhaps.  I’d think especially in the early stages of being out in public as myself.  But I can handle such things.  
For me at this stage I’m trying to completely shed everything male.  But I do not want to remove myself from being a parent.  
So they call me dad.  It’s also the name my four dogs know me as.  That will never change either.  Lol

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CodePoetSarah

My younger sister starts with my deadname and then switches, so she calls me AnSarah! which I have to admit, I find adorable.

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soyangela

My wife asked me this the other day. I said well I'm dad and I always will be dad. I've just started my journey and have not fully transitioned which may be why it doesn't bother me.

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MetaLicious

I was talking with my wife last night, because I was uncomfortable with the fact that I have come out to everyone except my 8-year old son.  She asked me why would I, unless I wanted something to change. Honestly, he's spent most of his life calling me Mom-Dad as often as he calls me Dad.  I supported him when he wanted to wear skirts or anything shiny, pink or purple, and he's already supporting me with my cosmetic changes.  I'll be honest if he asks questions, but I think I'm comfortable being Dad regardless of how far along I am in my journey.

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ShawnaLeigh

I have yet to breech this with any of my adult kids.  My youngest is 18 and she no longer lives with us.  
I think at this point I will always be dad unless they feel uncomfortable calling me that while seeing me as a fully presenting women.  
I'm leaving it up to them.  
Unless I’m flirting with someone while shopping and my kid starts calling out to me as dad.  
I will have to smack her for that.  

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      When I came out I was a blubbering mess and it took me days to get it all out to my wife.  She was a rock and was unemotional for my sake and just listened and encouraged me to just be honest and say what I needed to say.  It was so hard for me.  Breaking out of my shell of protection and the conditioning to hide everything for decades was insurmountable to me.   I had to remind myself it was not JUST about me but about us.  About everyone I love and care about really.  They too have to take time to accept and adjust and wrap their minds around it all.  Like you mentioned we had month or years to accept this of ourselves they have had day to weeks.  My wife admitted to mourning the loss of her husband as she sat there and watched me changing before her eyes both in personality and physical appearance.  I slowed down for both our sakes. Yes we deal with this all our lives to some degree and more so once we come out and put ourselves in high stress and anxiety over every step of it.  We seek acceptance, love and support but they too need this in return. There is no guide lines or time lines to do any of this so do what feels right for both of you at a pace that is accepted by both. You are lucky she is as accepting as she is and concerned for your wellbeing.  It seems like time and slow progression will be a good thing for you both. JMO
    • secondlook
      I support this idea!
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      yeah, my ex has gone trough similar things. It's not just us that transition, other people also have to adapt. I observe that often when a SO learn we are transgender there's often a kind of mourning period/adaptation period they have to go trough. It's cool that she's making efforts and it's also cool you let her process that and give her space to adapt. What she is going trough is normal I think. My ex is an expert at writing and I sometimes say semi jokingly that she should write a book for SO
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      This is me to the letter. I hated that guy for so long, and now that I know who I am, I have nothing but forgiveness and appreciation for how hard he tried to do something impossible. He had to invent himself out of thin air and try to function as a person.
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