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Cara

Question on post-op vaginal penetration

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Cara

Hi! I have a very personal question about post-op vaginal penetration...

 

I had SRS with Dr Melter in 1999. It's always been very painful throughout the experience of intercourse. The only real way for it to not be painful is to dilate immediately before intercourse, but of course this is not practical to do. It doesn't matter if I've dilated the day before or a few hours before, I get too tight for penetration. That's even if I have dilated every day for a couple weeks -- it doesn't help.

 

I also have what I believe is some left-over spongy tissue right at the bottom of the "V" between my pelvic bones where the vagina is. It sticks out about a centimeter or two and doesn't change whether I'm aroused or not, so I don't know if that's normal or not.

Is this normal for others or do you find it very easy to have sex? I am considering making an appt with the surgeon again but of course don't want another surgery.

 

Thank you!

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Jani

Cara I cannot say what is normal as we're all different but it is something you should have checked out if it bothers you.  It is possible for the surgeon to do a small office procedure that alleviates your issues.  

 

Why don't you make a brief introduction.  We'd like to meet you.

 

Jani 

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VickySGV

I will be having my 7th VJayJay day here tomorrow and while not as far back as your's was, something does not sound right about what is happening.  I know that Dr. Meltzer (who was my second choice) and his colleague have made some improvements in what they do since your time and may be worth contacting about the idea of revision.  I confess that my P/V sex is pretty limited, but my vaginal ring stays open almost too well.  Most of my immediate post op friends who are active do not have problems with stricture although one makes dilation part of her foreplay.  (TMI I know).  I cannot diagnose your problem, but granulation and scarring do come to mind.    

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Cara

Ok thanks! I had not considered that maybe my issue could be addressed with a small office procedure. I reached out to Dr Meltzer's office for a consult as well, but of course scheduling is a few months out and I wanted to get an opinion from others too. Since I posted this thread, I came across a website where men talk about intercourse with post-op women, and it seems that it is actually typical for us to be on the "tight" side. It was really hard to post this without giving too much TMI myself, so I appreciate the honest feedback.

 

I recently broke up with my long-term boyfriend, where he and I worked around my sexual 'limitations', but two nights ago had sex with a new man and ran into the same problem, so I thought I'd reach out.

 

As far as myself, I started HRT at age 21 in 1995 and had SRS at age 24. I am pretty much stealth in my life except for telling my long-term lovers and my bff (a cis-woman). I haven't been in contact with anyone in the trans- community since around the year 2000. I've seen our "community" get prominently brought to the forefront of people's attention in recent years, for better or for worse. In the past people didn't really know much about us, and now it seems everyone has an opinion (for better or for worse). But nevertheless I'm pleasantly surprised at what those of us who are advocates are doing, and I absolutely love Kim Petras who I've recently seen in concert twice 🙂

 

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VickySGV

@CaraI was 65 when I had my surgery with Dr. Bowers just when she was becoming famous and long lines formed.  I had talked to her and Dr. Meltzer in 2009 and I had shared a table one night with Dr. Meltzer at Southern Comfort Conference in 2009.  I have watched the changes happen since the late 1990's and do believe it is generally for the better.  I have met a few of your "classmates" from the early 1990's and admire what they did for what was literally survival then.  Being part of a Chorus here in Los Angeles that is all Trans people gives me a different take on being out, but I love it as it is. I also work with Trans children and their families as a community resource and would not have it any other way.  

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Cara

Ok, I got a call-back from a nurse at the surgeon's office, and they have a treatment plan for both issues. Fyi, it's to dilate every day for a couple months and see if that improves things, and secondly they'll take a look at some photos of the other tissue to determine what it is -- if it turns out to be anything that shouldn't be there it can likely be handled as an office procedure.

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VickySGV
39 minutes ago, Cara said:

I got a call-back from a nurse at the surgeon's office, and they have a treatment plan for both issues.

 

You are on the way girl.  It will be worth the work.

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Jani

Very good Cara.  Never delay health care.

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Cara

Just to clarify for anyone else that might be reading this thread later -- this is not in any way a criticism of Dr Meltzer's surgical technique. I need to clarify my initial comment of intercourse always being painful for me -- I did not have intercourse for several years after the operation, and in that time I stopped dilating. Years went by without me dilating. It was entirely on me and I completely acknowledge this. In fact it is quite remarkable that I didn't have additional problems with closure. When I finally did start having intercourse, I found it painful but that was only because of my own inattention to the requirement to dilate post-op. Otherwise I am and have always been fully orgasmic by stimulating my mons pubis, labia, and clitoral area.

 

Good luck to everyone on their journey through this world!

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Cara

Another update -- the problem is actually called vaginismus, and caused by contraction of the vaginal muscles making intercourse painful or not possible. It is not necessarily even related to gender surgery -- it is not uncommon in genetic women. The treatment is... dilation, even for genetic women, and can be handled by someone's regular gyn physician.

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VickySGV

Your Gynecologist is your best resource.  I tell girls on the way to GCS to line up a post-op Gynecologist who does know Trans people and who has permission to communicate with their surgeons.  It was a little bit funny when I got home from GCS and was hurting while dilating pretty badly and called to schedule an appointment with a Gyn, and they told me the one the HMO wanted me to see had just gotten back from training by Dr. Meltzer and would see me the next day.  Took her six minutes to diagnose a yeast infection and two pills later, all better, but she called my Surgeon (Marci Bowers) and got acquainted since I had r3leases with both of them.   I have a Cis woman friend with vaginismus and while her dilators are a bit different, we can both commiserate. 

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