Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Transphobia as a trans person


Belle

Recommended Posts

I have read about how a lot of trans people have transphobia, and how difficult it can be. I am one of those people. I have loathed myself since a child when I realized that being feminine was "unacceptable/crazy/etc."

 

I went to a trans support group tonight (second week in a row). The first time I was terrified but excited. I left feeling like I had temporarily opened a dysphoria relief valve.

 

This time there were a few more people. One was a trans man who scared me (not intentionally), and another was a beautiful trans woman in fishnet stockings ♨️ ? ?. They came in late and my anxiety skyrocketed. I could barely say anything else. The group was talking casually about things in the local LGBTQ+ scene and it is so far removed from my life experience that I was super uncomfortable. It caused the same feelings of dysphoria that I get when I worry there's no way I will ever be able to transition.

 

I felt for a little while afterwards that maybe I'm not trans. I wanted to judge them and not be like them. But then I realized that it's my deeply embedded transphobia. I'm a "good little Christian girl" inside, even though there is no such thing.

 

Does anyone have experience overcoming transphobia who could provide some words of wisdom?

 

Belle ❤

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I think a point to remember is that we are all people and will have our phobias like anyone else. I have noticed that trans people can be transphobic, or perhaps more hypercritical of themselves and other trans people. Personally I work through things myself and have avoided the trans community as such, if it exists locally, but I do realise how helpful support groups can be so don't recommend that course for anyone with problems or unsure of the way forward.

 

Tracy

Link to comment

I have yet to attend a group but I do want to check it out and see if its for me or not.  I don't intend to go feet first in joining rallies and such but I would like to make a few friends I can chat with face to face that understand me.  Naturally I am more interested in friends that are in my exact same boat.  MTF lesbian and marriage issues.  LOL

But I am a fairly open and friendly person so I am keeping that open as well.

I can understand that some transfolks could make one uncomfortable.  Yes we are all grouped in a LBGT category of love is love but we are all different too.  I don't see myself having much in common with most of the community as I have come to understand it and quite frankly my personal time is much enjoyed just staying home and doing my own thing.  

Groups may not be for me.  They may not be for you either.  Though you seemed to really embrace your first group.  Your second may of caught you in a funk or mood.  Give it time.

Link to comment
5 hours ago, MaryMary said:

I certainly understand what you are describing Belle. My strategy is to listen to the little girl inside of me and ask her what she missed the most. The answer to that is empathy, understanding and knowing she's not alone to be trans. I act with others like I would with this little girl, I try to be as empathic as I can and I try to be as openly trans in my life as I can.

That's a great idea, thank you Mary!

 

Quote

Honestly if I acted with others like I act with me inside my head now I would be an horrible person. It's one of the symptoms of PTSD to have a very very harsh internal critic. I just shut this voice as best as I can before allowing myself to be as harsh with other trans people as I am with me. I wouldn't be comfortable with that, especially since I know what I think about me is totally stupid and useless in the first place, lol

These are helpful thoughts. I don't know if there's any PTSD in there for me except maybe from a lifetime of hating myself, but I certainly need to keep on working at accepting myself. That will make it easier for me to accept other trans people for who they are. When I start having those bad feelings I'll try to understand what it is that I'm afraid of that I am seeing in them and then talk myself down from it.

 

Quote

My personnal example :  I know that where I live my strange life story trigger a lot of skepticism, lol I had a voice problem when I was 12 and my voice was very very high pitched. I took experts and 5 years to fix it. The experts told me it was stress that caused this problem. This problem and the intense indimidation that it triggered gave me PTSD. I just CAN't talk with my old voice in public, i'm just too traumatized still for that. There I was, at a trans support group meeting and this whole story triggered an intense session of doubts and skepticism. They were asking me to prove it and talk with my old voice. It was the worst way I was treated since I had the voice problem. Those people, at that moment, were just horrible... like having a high pitched voice was too good to be true, lollllll  I went 2 more them since then (in about 6 years)

I think it's pretty cool that you naturally have a high voice! I'm sorry you have had so much trouble with people though.

 

Belle ❤

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
21 hours ago, Belle said:

They came in late and my anxiety skyrocketed. I could barely say anything else. The group was talking casually about things in the local LGBTQ+ scene and it is so far removed from my life experience that I was super uncomfortable.

Those people were comfortable in their skin while you are not quite there yet.  Consider this as the same reaction in other situations where you are "out of your element".  This LGBT+ scene they mentioned may not be where you belong.  Its different than your expectations/experiences.  Its OK.  But you can still celebrate that they have found what they need to be happy.

 

6 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Yes we are all grouped in a LBGT category of love is love but we are all different too.

This is an important distinction.  We are part of many other subsets of society.  How many other groups would you feel actually feel uncomfortable in?  Groups of Men, People who go Bowling, People in a Gym, Students in a classroom, etc.

 

6 hours ago, MaryMary said:

I don't know if it's jealousy between trans people...

I believe there may be some of this.  "You're where I want to be" for instance, or "you started so much earlier and look where you are now".  
 

21 hours ago, Belle said:

I wanted to judge them and not be like them

Because they are different?  Transgender people come in all colors, physicality's, beliefs, mores.  You are not like them except that you are trans.  Thats OK.  Find YOU.  

 

We are all on this extremely personal life journey.  We may have spouses, SO's, children, parents, siblings and they all enter into our definition of our life lived.  

 

This bears repeating.

7 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

...love is love...

I'm not religious any longer but the one tenet I cling to is to Love.  Everyone, everywhere, all the time, the best I can.  Look at all the hate and division in the world.  Its gotten us no where.  Love is the answer.  (Oops, I sound like an old hippie!)

 

Jani

 

 

 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Jani said:

Those people were comfortable in their skin while you are not quite there yet.

Yes I think this is the issue.

 

2 hours ago, Jani said:

This is an important distinction.  We are part of many other subsets of society.  How many other groups would you feel actually feel uncomfortable in?  Groups of Men, People who go Bowling, People in a Gym, Students in a classroom, etc.

Being so new to this and really living a somewhat sheltered life this culture shock is also a big part of it.

 

2 hours ago, Jani said:
23 hours ago, Belle said:

I felt for a little while afterwards that maybe I'm not trans. I wanted to judge them and not be like them.

 

Because they are different?  Transgender people come in all colors, physicality's, beliefs, mores.  You are not like them except that you are trans.  Thats OK.  Find YOU. 

What I meant here was that I felt like I didn't belong, and it made me question if I was trans. There's a lifetime of transphobia I'm fighting, and I encountered a new part of it I had to face.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Its always difficult when we face our fears.  But keeping an open mind and heart helps!  You'll be fine.  I know it!

Hugs, Jani

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

I can relate. I sometimes feel like "damaged goods" for being transgender. I feel better about it now than I did in the past, but I'm not over it completely. I really only feel this way about myself and not other transgender people. Sometimes seeing other transgender women on YouTube who look feminine can make me feel better. Even though I kind of feel better about it today than I used to, I also feel this way with respect to the age I transitioned. I started hormones at 36 and won't present as female until I have FFS (at age 38). I feel like I would be kind of "less female" than I would be if I had been male a smaller percentage of my life. If I had transitioned 10 years earlier, I would also feel like being male is further buried in the past. Even though I don't like being the way I am, this is the way the cards were dealt, so I'll have to make the best of things as they are.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

I was the exact same way when I went to my first trans support group. There were a couple of trans men that in my head I was criticizing. My therapist said my trans phobia had been a learned behavior from family, cultural, and society. One thing my therapist said that helped is that she has heard this from other trans individuals she's worked with and that I'm not alone in thinking this way. How I dealt with it is head on. I forced myself to continue going to the support group. In the beginning I would miss meetings but now I go every week. For me it wasn't that I didn't like them it was I didn't like myself. I like you thought I'm not trans or trans enough. My trans phobia has gone away the more and more I truly accept myself. For me accepting myself has been one of the toughest things I've had to do.

 

Hugs,

Angela

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   13 Members, 0 Anonymous, 145 Guests (See full list)

    • Timber Wolf
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • MaryEllen
    • Ashley0616
    • MaybeRob
    • Ivy
    • MaeBe
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Timi
    • Betty K
    • SamC
    • KathyLauren
    • Jet McCartney
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,023
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Delaney
    Newest Member
    Delaney
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bebhar
      Bebhar
      (41 years old)
    2. caelensmom
      caelensmom
      (40 years old)
    3. Jani
      Jani
      (70 years old)
    4. Jessicapitts
      Jessicapitts
      (37 years old)
    5. klb046
      klb046
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • KathyLauren
      <Moderator hat on>  I think that, at this point we need to get the thread back onto the topic, which is the judge's ruling on the ballot proposition.  If there is more to be said on the general principles of gendered spaces etc., please discuss them, carefully and respectfully, in separate threads. <Moderator hat off>
    • Abigail Genevieve
      People who have no understanding of transgender conditions should not be making policy for people dealing with it. Since it is such a small percentage of the population, and each individual is unique, and their circumstances are also unique, each situation needs to be worked with individually to see that the best possible solution is implemented for those involved. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      No.  You are getting stuck on one statement and pulling it out of context.   Trans kids have rights, but so do non-trans kids.  That conflict is best worked out in the individual situation. 
    • MaeBe
      I get the concept, I believe. You're trying to state that trans kids need to or should be excluded from binary gender spaces and that you acknowledge that answers to accommodate those kids may not be found through policy. I disagree with the capability of "penetration" as being the operative delimiter in the statement, however. I contest this statement is poorly chosen at best and smacks of prejudice at worst. That it perpetuates certain stereotypes, whether that was the intent or not.   Frankly, all kids should have the right to privacy in locker rooms, regardless of gender, sexuality, or anatomy. They should also have access to exercise and activities that other kids do and allow them to socialize in those activities. The more kids are othered, extracted, or barred from the typical school day the more isolated and stigmatized they become. That's not healthy for anyone, the excluded for obvious reasons and the included for others--namely they get to be the "haves" and all that entails.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Context.  Read the context.  Good grief.
    • MaeBe
      Please don't expect people to read manifold pages of fiction to understand a post.   There was a pointed statement made, and I responded to it. The statement used the term penetration, not "dissimilar anatomy causing social discomfiture", or some other reason. It was extended as a "rule" across very different social situations as well, locker and girl's bedrooms. How that term is used in most situations is to infer sexual contact, so most readers would read that and think the statement is that we "need to keep trans girl's penises out of cis girls", which reads very closely to the idea that trans people are often portrayed as sexual predators.   I understand we can't always get all of our thoughts onto the page, but this doesn't read like an under-cooked idea or a lingual short cut.
    • Ashley0616
      I shopped online in the beginning of transition. I had great success with SHEIN and Torrid!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Have you read the rest of what I wrote?   Please read between the lines of what I said about high school.  Go over and read my Taylor story.  Put two and two together.   That is all I will say about that.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "I feel like I lost my husband," Lois told the therapist,"I want the man I married." Dr. Smith looked at Odie, sitting there in his men's clothing, looking awkward and embarrassed. "You have him.  This is just a part of him you did not know about. Or did not face." She turned to Odie,"Did you tear my wedding dress on our wedding night?" He admitted it.  She had a whole catalog of did-you and how-could you.  Dr. Smith encouraged her to let it all out. Thirty years of marriage.  Strange makeup in the bathroom.  The kids finding women's laundry in the laundry room. There was reconciliation. "What do we do now?" Dr. Smith said they had to work that out.  Odie began wearing women's clothing when not at work.  They visited a cross-dressers' social club but it did not appeal to them.  The bed was off limits to cross dressing.  She had limits and he could respect her limits.  Visits to relatives would be with him in men's clothing.    "You have nail polish residue," a co-worker pointed out.  Sure enough, the bottom of his left pinky nail was bright pink  His boss asked him to go home and fix it.  He did.   People were talking, he was sure, because he doubted he was anywhere as thorough as he wanted to be.  It was like something in him wanted to tell everyone what he was doing, and he was sloppy.   His boss dropped off some needed paperwork on a Saturday unexpectedly and found Odie dressed in a house dress and wig.  "What?" the boss said, shook his head, and left.  None of his business.   "People are talking," Lois said. "They are asking about this," she pointed to his denim skirt. "This seems to go past or deeper than cross dressing."   "Yes.  I guess we need some counseling."  And they went.
    • April Marie
      You look wonderful!!! A rose among the roses.
    • Ashley0616
      Mine would be SHEIN as much as I have bought from them lol.
    • MaeBe
      This is the persistence in thinking of trans girls as predators and, as if, they are the only kind of predation that happens in locker rooms. This is strikingly close to the dangerous myth that anatomy corresponds with sexuality and equates to gender.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      At the same time there might be mtf boys who transitioned post-puberty who really belong on the girls' teams because they have more similarities there than with the boys, would perform at the same level, and might get injured playing with the bigger, stronger boys.   I well remember being an androgynous shrimp in gym class that I shared with seniors who played on the football team.  When PE was no longer mandatory, I was no longer in PE. They started some mixed PE classes the second semester, where we played volleyball and learned bowling and no longer mixed with those seniors, boys and girls together.
    • Timi
      Leggings and gym shorts, sweatshirt, Handker wild rag. Listening to new Taylor Swift album while strolling through the rose garden in the park. 
    • Ivy
      Grey short sleeved dress under a beige pinafore-type dress.  Black thigh highs (probably look like tights).  It was cool this morning so a light black colored sweater.  
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...