Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Transphobia as a trans person


Belle

Recommended Posts

I have read about how a lot of trans people have transphobia, and how difficult it can be. I am one of those people. I have loathed myself since a child when I realized that being feminine was "unacceptable/crazy/etc."

 

I went to a trans support group tonight (second week in a row). The first time I was terrified but excited. I left feeling like I had temporarily opened a dysphoria relief valve.

 

This time there were a few more people. One was a trans man who scared me (not intentionally), and another was a beautiful trans woman in fishnet stockings ♨️ ? ?. They came in late and my anxiety skyrocketed. I could barely say anything else. The group was talking casually about things in the local LGBTQ+ scene and it is so far removed from my life experience that I was super uncomfortable. It caused the same feelings of dysphoria that I get when I worry there's no way I will ever be able to transition.

 

I felt for a little while afterwards that maybe I'm not trans. I wanted to judge them and not be like them. But then I realized that it's my deeply embedded transphobia. I'm a "good little Christian girl" inside, even though there is no such thing.

 

Does anyone have experience overcoming transphobia who could provide some words of wisdom?

 

Belle ❤

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I think a point to remember is that we are all people and will have our phobias like anyone else. I have noticed that trans people can be transphobic, or perhaps more hypercritical of themselves and other trans people. Personally I work through things myself and have avoided the trans community as such, if it exists locally, but I do realise how helpful support groups can be so don't recommend that course for anyone with problems or unsure of the way forward.

 

Tracy

Link to comment

I have yet to attend a group but I do want to check it out and see if its for me or not.  I don't intend to go feet first in joining rallies and such but I would like to make a few friends I can chat with face to face that understand me.  Naturally I am more interested in friends that are in my exact same boat.  MTF lesbian and marriage issues.  LOL

But I am a fairly open and friendly person so I am keeping that open as well.

I can understand that some transfolks could make one uncomfortable.  Yes we are all grouped in a LBGT category of love is love but we are all different too.  I don't see myself having much in common with most of the community as I have come to understand it and quite frankly my personal time is much enjoyed just staying home and doing my own thing.  

Groups may not be for me.  They may not be for you either.  Though you seemed to really embrace your first group.  Your second may of caught you in a funk or mood.  Give it time.

Link to comment
5 hours ago, MaryMary said:

I certainly understand what you are describing Belle. My strategy is to listen to the little girl inside of me and ask her what she missed the most. The answer to that is empathy, understanding and knowing she's not alone to be trans. I act with others like I would with this little girl, I try to be as empathic as I can and I try to be as openly trans in my life as I can.

That's a great idea, thank you Mary!

 

Quote

Honestly if I acted with others like I act with me inside my head now I would be an horrible person. It's one of the symptoms of PTSD to have a very very harsh internal critic. I just shut this voice as best as I can before allowing myself to be as harsh with other trans people as I am with me. I wouldn't be comfortable with that, especially since I know what I think about me is totally stupid and useless in the first place, lol

These are helpful thoughts. I don't know if there's any PTSD in there for me except maybe from a lifetime of hating myself, but I certainly need to keep on working at accepting myself. That will make it easier for me to accept other trans people for who they are. When I start having those bad feelings I'll try to understand what it is that I'm afraid of that I am seeing in them and then talk myself down from it.

 

Quote

My personnal example :  I know that where I live my strange life story trigger a lot of skepticism, lol I had a voice problem when I was 12 and my voice was very very high pitched. I took experts and 5 years to fix it. The experts told me it was stress that caused this problem. This problem and the intense indimidation that it triggered gave me PTSD. I just CAN't talk with my old voice in public, i'm just too traumatized still for that. There I was, at a trans support group meeting and this whole story triggered an intense session of doubts and skepticism. They were asking me to prove it and talk with my old voice. It was the worst way I was treated since I had the voice problem. Those people, at that moment, were just horrible... like having a high pitched voice was too good to be true, lollllll  I went 2 more them since then (in about 6 years)

I think it's pretty cool that you naturally have a high voice! I'm sorry you have had so much trouble with people though.

 

Belle ❤

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
21 hours ago, Belle said:

They came in late and my anxiety skyrocketed. I could barely say anything else. The group was talking casually about things in the local LGBTQ+ scene and it is so far removed from my life experience that I was super uncomfortable.

Those people were comfortable in their skin while you are not quite there yet.  Consider this as the same reaction in other situations where you are "out of your element".  This LGBT+ scene they mentioned may not be where you belong.  Its different than your expectations/experiences.  Its OK.  But you can still celebrate that they have found what they need to be happy.

 

6 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Yes we are all grouped in a LBGT category of love is love but we are all different too.

This is an important distinction.  We are part of many other subsets of society.  How many other groups would you feel actually feel uncomfortable in?  Groups of Men, People who go Bowling, People in a Gym, Students in a classroom, etc.

 

6 hours ago, MaryMary said:

I don't know if it's jealousy between trans people...

I believe there may be some of this.  "You're where I want to be" for instance, or "you started so much earlier and look where you are now".  
 

21 hours ago, Belle said:

I wanted to judge them and not be like them

Because they are different?  Transgender people come in all colors, physicality's, beliefs, mores.  You are not like them except that you are trans.  Thats OK.  Find YOU.  

 

We are all on this extremely personal life journey.  We may have spouses, SO's, children, parents, siblings and they all enter into our definition of our life lived.  

 

This bears repeating.

7 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

...love is love...

I'm not religious any longer but the one tenet I cling to is to Love.  Everyone, everywhere, all the time, the best I can.  Look at all the hate and division in the world.  Its gotten us no where.  Love is the answer.  (Oops, I sound like an old hippie!)

 

Jani

 

 

 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Jani said:

Those people were comfortable in their skin while you are not quite there yet.

Yes I think this is the issue.

 

2 hours ago, Jani said:

This is an important distinction.  We are part of many other subsets of society.  How many other groups would you feel actually feel uncomfortable in?  Groups of Men, People who go Bowling, People in a Gym, Students in a classroom, etc.

Being so new to this and really living a somewhat sheltered life this culture shock is also a big part of it.

 

2 hours ago, Jani said:
23 hours ago, Belle said:

I felt for a little while afterwards that maybe I'm not trans. I wanted to judge them and not be like them.

 

Because they are different?  Transgender people come in all colors, physicality's, beliefs, mores.  You are not like them except that you are trans.  Thats OK.  Find YOU. 

What I meant here was that I felt like I didn't belong, and it made me question if I was trans. There's a lifetime of transphobia I'm fighting, and I encountered a new part of it I had to face.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Its always difficult when we face our fears.  But keeping an open mind and heart helps!  You'll be fine.  I know it!

Hugs, Jani

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

I can relate. I sometimes feel like "damaged goods" for being transgender. I feel better about it now than I did in the past, but I'm not over it completely. I really only feel this way about myself and not other transgender people. Sometimes seeing other transgender women on YouTube who look feminine can make me feel better. Even though I kind of feel better about it today than I used to, I also feel this way with respect to the age I transitioned. I started hormones at 36 and won't present as female until I have FFS (at age 38). I feel like I would be kind of "less female" than I would be if I had been male a smaller percentage of my life. If I had transitioned 10 years earlier, I would also feel like being male is further buried in the past. Even though I don't like being the way I am, this is the way the cards were dealt, so I'll have to make the best of things as they are.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

I was the exact same way when I went to my first trans support group. There were a couple of trans men that in my head I was criticizing. My therapist said my trans phobia had been a learned behavior from family, cultural, and society. One thing my therapist said that helped is that she has heard this from other trans individuals she's worked with and that I'm not alone in thinking this way. How I dealt with it is head on. I forced myself to continue going to the support group. In the beginning I would miss meetings but now I go every week. For me it wasn't that I didn't like them it was I didn't like myself. I like you thought I'm not trans or trans enough. My trans phobia has gone away the more and more I truly accept myself. For me accepting myself has been one of the toughest things I've had to do.

 

Hugs,

Angela

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 70 Guests (See full list)

    • Evelyn J
    • Susan R
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
    • Willow
      Both of my parents were from the “North Shore” of Boston.  My mother Lynn and my father Swampscot.  They had an early 1900s Scots-Irish New England diet.  My sister and I were born in the 40s in Ohio well away from New England seafood and in an area where food was more German and Polish.  My first experience with liver and onions was during basic training.  They ate salt cod but never forced us to eat it same with oysters.  My dad ate oysters but my mother wouldn’t.  Anyone who ever ate an oyster can figure that one out.  I grew up eating lamb.  My wife won’t touch it. I love brazed ox tail, again no way. And the list goes on.  
    • KathyLauren
      My mother was German, so yes, I think it was a cultural thing.  If I'd known you when we were cleaning out my mother's place, I could have sent you her "threat jar". 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...