3 days into revelation.

[magical realism]

So hi, Im not really sure where to begin this so ill just start from the beginning, or really more like where i began to notice. This is all very new to me so please forgive me if i make a mistake. About 3 days ago i came to the realization that I might be CD, the realization came to me after i had been having a lot of dreams of the same nature. Normally i dont put much purchase on the meaning of dreams but it was how these made me feel that made me notice, id often look in a mirror or down at myself and notice i was wearing a dress or makeup, or that i actually was a woman, and it gave me such a feeling of completness,when i woke up all i could think about was that dream,this went on for several months when i suddenly began to realize that even thinking about wearing womens clothes gave me that strange amazing feeling. And suddenly for some reason i was able to put the peices together and it all made sense,i never really when i was younger got to the point where i was intentionally wearing womens clothes, but id often somehow or another pick out clothing that i thought might be mens and it was actually womens,and whenever i wore them it felt nice until somebody pointed it out then id feel guilt about it and eventually take it back out of shame,when i was younger in my teens id often fool around a little with gender ideas with my female friends jokingly,but for the most part i tried to act like your basic masculine kid but whenever i tried to be mr macho really deep on the inside i felt like a fraud,skip ahead to my late 20s and i learned about a thing called sensory processing sensitivity, a physical and emotional character trait in about 20 percent of the population, or basically highly sensitive people, i began to realise that i was a sensitive person and even when i figured out that much i broke down and cried,i began exploring my more emotional side or feminine side until i basically kinda had some semblance of normality for me,but after discovering about this and hearing others stories i really identified with it on a deep level, i had a lot in common with those who cded to feel complete,like there was this duality in them,i feel that way too,right now i sleep in the living room of a tiny 2 bedroom apartment with my parents and brother in the other rooms,were never more than 20 ft away from each other,so for me trying to CD right now is kind of impossible,but to be honest i really dont know what i am just yet, i really really want to try womens clothes and express myself that way like i always wanted to but never had the chance,i dont know does it make me CD if youve always wanted to try womens clothes but never did,even in secret? I dont know but this is where im at right now and it confusing and scary and exciting and somewhat fulfilling i guess ill see how it goes.

[Jackie C.]

Welcome to Transpulse @magical realism!

 

You're certainly not alone. One of my oldest and dearest friends is a crossdresser as well. We're a supportive community, so feel free to explore, read other posts and learn about all of us. We look forward to learning more about you as well!

 

I have to ask though: How come your brother gets his own room? ?

 

Hugs!

[magical realism]

Really it was just a coin toss =p more chance than anything. Thank you for the welcome,really im kind of anxious, i always get that way when waiting for a reply on a post somewhere,im always dreading the worst. But so far it seems like a nice safe place to be,i hope youre right.Ill definitely keep poking around,it was one of the posts on here that made me want to give joining a try,oh well,into the pool i go!

[Jackie C.]

Don't be silly. I'm always right. ?

 

We're always anxious at first. This is a big step and the repercussions can be huge either way. Coming out represents a risk. Friends and family might not be so understanding and staying in the closet results in a life of quiet desperation. Whatever you choose, we're here to offer our support.

 

Hugs!

[magical realism]

Thank you so much. ?

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, magical realism said:

I might be CD, the realization came to me after i had been having a lot of dreams of the same nature. Normally i dont put much purchase on the meaning of dreams but it was how these made me feel that made me notice, id often look in a mirror or down at myself and notice i was wearing a dress or makeup, or that i actually was a woman, and it gave me such a feeling of completness

Welcome Magical Realism, a pleasure to meet you...You are not alone in this at all.  I too have been having dreams like this.  I’ve had them for decades but since going full time they now have changed slightly. Mine were a little different [pre-transition] in that the fact that I was presenting male except I had breasts accompanied by a bra under my male clothes. The funny thing is that in almost every dream, the people in the dream were unknowing of my little secret until later in the dream, I eventually always get outed by some ridiculous circumstance..lol.  But oddly enough, since actively starting my transition, I am always presenting as Susan.  It’s almost as if my subconscious is aware of my conscious activities...(kidding)

 

Well Magical Realism, thanks for putting up with my ramblings. These things happen from time to time. I’m glad you came aboard...hope you stay for the ride.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[magical realism]

39 minutes ago, Susan R said:

Welcome Magical Realism, a pleasure to meet you...You are not alone in this at all.  I too have been having dreams like this.  I’ve had them for decades but since going full time they now have changed slightly. Mine were a little different [pre-transition] in that the fact that I was presenting male except I had breasts accompanied by a bra under my male clothes. The funny thing is that in almost every dream, the people in the dream were unknowing of my little secret until later in the dream, I eventually always get outed by some ridiculous circumstance..lol.  But oddly enough, since actively starting my transition, I am always presenting as Susan.  It’s almost as if my subconscious is aware of my conscious activities...(kidding)

 

Well Magical Realism, thanks for putting up with my ramblings. These things happen from time to time. I’m glad you came aboard...hope you stay for the ride.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Thanks susan, and you dont have to think i was putting up with anything, its just nice to hear im not completely alone even in some small way,heh

[TommieAnne]

Let me add my hello and welcome to the pile!

I adore your name - an interesting art movement at the very least.

TA

[magical realism]

Yea,i kind of like the movement,just the idea of having magic just casually appear as part of reality kind of fits my life as i am also schizoaffective,so its like a theme for me,plus whenever i think of the idea in film i think of my neighbor totoro which i also love, i dont know thats just how i understand it anyway from what little i know, so thanks tammy!

[TommieAnne]

The movement has informed some of my work as well.

Welcome.

TA