It’s on! My Ex-GF is coming to dinner tomorrow.

[Susan R]

My wife and my long time ex-GF (right before my wife) actually ended up becoming very good friends shortly after we got married.  We’ve kept in touch all these years. Two years ago, my ex-GF started going through a lot of change with her work situation, she had to sell her house to buy another, moved, started taking care of her aging father and we slowly drifted away from having her over periodically due to her schedule and our schedule...not to mention my whole transition kicked into high gear.

A few months ago her life became settled a bit more and she was going to be driving through our city and wanted to know if she could drop by for a short visit.  My wife and I had come out to everyone but didn’t mention it to her because we only communicated through email.  She couldn’t come over without me explaining things about me first.  Well, I sent her my coming out ‘life story’ PDF via email and she absolutely went crazy.  Needless to say she didn’t come on that occasion..lol  Emails started coming to my wife left and right.  My wife never saw this coming.  She had a million (crazy) questions that kept my wife pretty busy for a few weeks.

So tomorrow is the big day.  She is meeting me as Susan for the first time.  I’m not sure why it seems so different than introducing Susan to any other person...maybe it’s that we shared an intimacy or maybe her crazy questions through me off because I’m feeling a little different right now.  I hope it all goes well.  I can’t imagine what could possibly go wrong.

 

Here’s hoping for a positive outcome,

Susan R?

[tracy_j]

Good luck!

 

Tracy

[SaraAW]

I hope the visit goes fabulously Susan. *hugs*

[ShawnaLeigh]

Susan.  I know how you feel 

5 hours ago, Susan R said:

I’m not sure why it seems so different than introducing Susan to any other person...maybe it’s that we shared an intimacy or maybe her crazy questions through me off because I’m feeling a little different right now.

I know this feeling well.  I’m meeting my ex for lunch next week and we haven’t seen each other in 33 years.  She knows about me and is fully accepting but it still feels weird.  Perhaps because when we reconnected recently it was under a sense of her wanting to get back together with Shawn.  That’s when I told her about Shawna.  Since that we have developed and close girls friendship.  My wife is invited to this luncheon but says she doesn’t feel the need to attend.  That she has always trusted me and that hasn’t changed.  
 

im glad she is coining back into yours and your wife’s life.  This is a good thing!

[Charlize]

Hopefully you will find another ally.  Enjoy!  Just one more girl friend and you can have a bridge game.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Timber Wolf]

Hope all goes well, Susan.

 

Lots of love, 

Timber Wolf ?

[Jani]

Susan I don't know what kind of "crazy" questions she would have asked or why they would have mattered but here you are today, or tomorrow.  I think you should be prepared for the worse but to expect the best.  Obviously you and your wife know this woman fairly well so you must feel meeting her in person will not go badly.  

 

As to introducing Susan, I cannot see it being big deal as you note.  Enjoy your meal.  

 

Jani

[Jackie C.]

I... kinda want to know what she asked that was "crazy."

 

Other than that though... girlfriends are great! The more the merrier! I'm glad you're getting a chance to reconnect with a friend you haven't seen in a while and I'm glad she's accepting. I'm a little jealous. Have fun!

 

Hugs!

[Susan R]

Thank you, I appreciate everyone’s kind comments very much.  You gals are great.

3 hours ago, Jani said:

Susan I don't know what kind of "crazy" questions she would have asked

50 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

I... kinda want to know what she asked that was "crazy."

I guess I can share it being that she is completely anonymous and no one is getting hurt.  She wrote the equivalent to about a chapter in a book but I’ll highlight some of the questions that had us laughing and had us scratching our heads.  She obviously knew NOTHING about trans people prior to this email revelation. After she leaves tonight, I know that will change.

 

First off, I do want to say that my ex is a very caring person otherwise we would likely never stayed friends for as long as we have.  To give you an idea of the level of compassion she has then I’ll share those “crazy” questions. This was the first actual question she wrote to my wife after replying to my Life Story PDF.

 

“Can you tell me about your journey these past two years? I am trying to understand but am going through stages of grief and this is very hard for me”

 

So although she later asked some things I never expected, she is very caring and sincere in her need to understand what has changed.

 

Here are the ”crazy” questions...

 

”Did becoming a woman take away the coffee addiction?”

Short answer...no effect. Lol, but I do drink a little more tea these days.

 

“Did it change her aversion to dusting?”

Short answer...no effect. Thanks to pressure from the wife, I’m completely ”dusting aversion free” now. Hormones had little to do with the change.
 

“With the changes, how can she make a living?”

As if it kills all future opportunities for work and no forethought went into it.

 

“Does she still have a loud voice?”

Coming from a family of six kids where squeaky wheel gets the oil, it was more survival than hormones.
 

“In the light of all these revelations, it makes me wonder, did I miss something?”

Ah...pretty much all of it but in her defense, I was good at hiding it.

 

Thanks for reading,

Susan R?

 

[DeeDee]

I'm sure the visit will be fine, it will just be that awkward first few minutes as she mentally tries to match old you to real you. As others have already said, just enjoy the time  

[Jackie C.]

Thanks Susan! My curiosity is somewhat satisfied!

 

Hugs!

[Jani]

2 hours ago, Susan R said:

“With the changes, how can she make a living?”

As if it kills all future opportunities for work and no forethought went into it.

 

As a woman, how does she make ends meet?  I understand that some of these are in deed silly when you step back a bit.  But it does show the level of misunderstanding people have about transgender folks!  All of those questions would seem weird if asked to her, but I totally get her point.  I think it will be a nice visit where you can dispel any and all rumors  (and show off your dust free home!)

 

As to whether she missed something way back when; well they do say love is blind!  

 

Jani

 

 

[Susan R]

On 1/20/2020 at 8:55 AM, DeeDee said:

I'm sure the visit will be fine, it will just be that awkward first few minutes as she mentally tries to match old you to real you. As others have already said, just enjoy the time  

Just a an update on how dinner went with the ex-GF.  Overall, it was a very long evening and we all enjoyed all the new news in our lives.  I can only say that she was very diplomatic throughout the whole evening.  There was nothing forthcoming as to her opinion or that of the opinions of many of our old friends that we once had common relationships with in the past..those who I have since lost touch with.  She has always been difficult to read and takes a long time to process information.

One thing my ex said later in the evening was that she is glad that I had emailed her a few images of myself so that she could be mentally prepared for the change when she arrived.  She said it would have been much more difficult to adjust to the change without them.  So it was hard and like DeeDee pointed out, it was somewhat awkward the first 10-15 mins of the visit.  She did pleasantly surprise me with a beautiful vase of tulips?when I opened the door.  That was sort of a role reversal from years past but a nice touch.

 

Anyways, overall it was a pretty nice evening with no judgement or condemnation.

 

Susan R?

[Jani]

Very nice Susan.  You may or may not have future contact but it was good to catch up and close the books (if that might be the outcome).

 

Jani

[Susan R]

Thanks @Jani  I just received a reply email from my ex in response to mine thanking her for driving all the way up here from her home to see my wife and I, and of course, for the nice vase of flowers she brought us.  She wrote that since her visit she has come up with more questions and will be compiling them and will ask at a future date..lol  It looks like she is really trying to learn and understand me though.  That’s more than I expected out of it but it was part of my intention of having her over for dinner.

 

Update: This just in....as soon as she unpacks she is now having us over to her new place.  So in probably a month, I’ll be back for more..lol

 

Susan R?

[DeeDee]

6 hours ago, Susan R said:

Update: This just in....as soon as she unpacks she is now having us over to her new place.  So in probably a month, I’ll be back for more..lol

 

So that sounds like it was definitely a success x 

[tracy_j]

I am glad things are going well Susan. It takes time for someone to process things so the month may be ideal.

 

Tracy

[SaraAW]

Happy to hear things went well and the friendship rekindling will continue. 

[ShawnaLeigh]

19 hours ago, Susan R said:

One thing my ex said later in the evening was that she is glad that I had emailed her a few images of myself so that she could be mentally prepared for the change when she arrived.  She said it would have been much more difficult to adjust to the change without them.

I am finding this be a key factor to letting people get comfortable with who you are and what you will look like or do look like now.  Especially those who are separated by great distance or life circumstances.  It lets them envision the person they are now talking to or texting with.  Without this visual aid they will forever see in their minds the person you were before as they speak or text.  

I found it helped when texting with my brother in FL to show him what I look like now.  He was getting hung up on the "you will always be my brother" or I only know you as Shawn" but he said this in the sprite of he will always support me because of who I am to him.  He said he was blown away with my pics but had many compliments as well.  It was sweet really of him to do so.  

 

[Susan R]

Thank you ladies for all your positive comments and support.  I was happily surprised by my ex-GF’s follow-up mentioning an upcoming visit at her place.  I think I’ll get her a small framed picture of my wife and I as a nice housewarming gift lol. Ok maybe not...that’s a little too mean.

 

1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I am finding this be a key factor to letting people get comfortable with who you are and what you will look like or do look like now.  Especially those who are separated by great distance or life circumstances.  It lets them envision the person they are now talking to or texting with.  Without this visual aid they will forever see in their minds the person you were before as they speak or text.

I agree ShawnaLeigh.  It also helps if there are they type of person that places an avatar in their contacts with your new image.  Two of my daughters have conveyed to their mom over the last year, “Yeah, she looks like a woman but sometimes I still see Dad.” So even with pictures it’s hard for some to see a completely new person.  Early in my transition, I was sending them pics of us at all kinds of places hoping the repetition of seeing me as female might help.  I just think it will take some time before they see me as me.

 

Susan R?

[ShawnaLeigh]

35 minutes ago, Susan R said:

I just think it will take some time before they see me as me.

I have typed these words several times talking with others who do fully support me.  I tell them I understand and I do.

Some folks just need time.