Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

It’s on! My Ex-GF is coming to dinner tomorrow.


Susan R

Recommended Posts

  • Forum Moderator

My wife and my long time ex-GF (right before my wife) actually ended up becoming very good friends shortly after we got married.  We’ve kept in touch all these years. Two years ago, my ex-GF started going through a lot of change with her work situation, she had to sell her house to buy another, moved, started taking care of her aging father and we slowly drifted away from having her over periodically due to her schedule and our schedule...not to mention my whole transition kicked into high gear.

A few months ago her life became settled a bit more and she was going to be driving through our city and wanted to know if she could drop by for a short visit.  My wife and I had come out to everyone but didn’t mention it to her because we only communicated through email.  She couldn’t come over without me explaining things about me first.  Well, I sent her my coming out ‘life story’ PDF via email and she absolutely went crazy.  Needless to say she didn’t come on that occasion..lol  Emails started coming to my wife left and right.  My wife never saw this coming.  She had a million (crazy) questions that kept my wife pretty busy for a few weeks.

So tomorrow is the big day.  She is meeting me as Susan for the first time.  I’m not sure why it seems so different than introducing Susan to any other person...maybe it’s that we shared an intimacy or maybe her crazy questions through me off because I’m feeling a little different right now.  I hope it all goes well.  I can’t imagine what could possibly go wrong.

 

Here’s hoping for a positive outcome,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Susan.  I know how you feel 

5 hours ago, Susan R said:

I’m not sure why it seems so different than introducing Susan to any other person...maybe it’s that we shared an intimacy or maybe her crazy questions through me off because I’m feeling a little different right now.

I know this feeling well.  I’m meeting my ex for lunch next week and we haven’t seen each other in 33 years.  She knows about me and is fully accepting but it still feels weird.  Perhaps because when we reconnected recently it was under a sense of her wanting to get back together with Shawn.  That’s when I told her about Shawna.  Since that we have developed and close girls friendship.  My wife is invited to this luncheon but says she doesn’t feel the need to attend.  That she has always trusted me and that hasn’t changed.  
 

im glad she is coining back into yours and your wife’s life.  This is a good thing!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hopefully you will find another ally.  Enjoy!  Just one more girl friend and you can have a bridge game.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Susan I don't know what kind of "crazy" questions she would have asked or why they would have mattered but here you are today, or tomorrow.  I think you should be prepared for the worse but to expect the best.  Obviously you and your wife know this woman fairly well so you must feel meeting her in person will not go badly.  

 

As to introducing Susan, I cannot see it being big deal as you note.  Enjoy your meal.  

 

Jani

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I... kinda want to know what she asked that was "crazy."

 

Other than that though... girlfriends are great! The more the merrier! I'm glad you're getting a chance to reconnect with a friend you haven't seen in a while and I'm glad she's accepting. I'm a little jealous. Have fun!

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Thank you, I appreciate everyone’s kind comments very much.  You gals are great.

3 hours ago, Jani said:

Susan I don't know what kind of "crazy" questions she would have asked

50 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

I... kinda want to know what she asked that was "crazy."

I guess I can share it being that she is completely anonymous and no one is getting hurt.  She wrote the equivalent to about a chapter in a book but I’ll highlight some of the questions that had us laughing and had us scratching our heads.  She obviously knew NOTHING about trans people prior to this email revelation. After she leaves tonight, I know that will change.

 

First off, I do want to say that my ex is a very caring person otherwise we would likely never stayed friends for as long as we have.  To give you an idea of the level of compassion she has then I’ll share those “crazy” questions. This was the first actual question she wrote to my wife after replying to my Life Story PDF.

 

“Can you tell me about your journey these past two years? I am trying to understand but am going through stages of grief and this is very hard for me”

 

So although she later asked some things I never expected, she is very caring and sincere in her need to understand what has changed.

 

Here are the ”crazy” questions...

 

”Did becoming a woman take away the coffee addiction?”

Short answer...no effect. Lol, but I do drink a little more tea these days.

 

“Did it change her aversion to dusting?”

Short answer...no effect. Thanks to pressure from the wife, I’m completely ”dusting aversion free” now. Hormones had little to do with the change.
 

“With the changes, how can she make a living?”

As if it kills all future opportunities for work and no forethought went into it.

 

“Does she still have a loud voice?”

Coming from a family of six kids where squeaky wheel gets the oil, it was more survival than hormones.
 

“In the light of all these revelations, it makes me wonder, did I miss something?”

Ah...pretty much all of it but in her defense, I was good at hiding it.

 

Thanks for reading,

Susan R?

 

Link to comment

I'm sure the visit will be fine, it will just be that awkward first few minutes as she mentally tries to match old you to real you. As others have already said, just enjoy the time :) 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Thanks Susan! My curiosity is somewhat satisfied!

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, Susan R said:

“With the changes, how can she make a living?”

As if it kills all future opportunities for work and no forethought went into it.

 

As a woman, how does she make ends meet?  I understand that some of these are in deed silly when you step back a bit.  But it does show the level of misunderstanding people have about transgender folks!  All of those questions would seem weird if asked to her, but I totally get her point.  I think it will be a nice visit where you can dispel any and all rumors  (and show off your dust free home!)

 

As to whether she missed something way back when; well they do say love is blind!  

 

Jani

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
On 1/20/2020 at 8:55 AM, DeeDee said:

I'm sure the visit will be fine, it will just be that awkward first few minutes as she mentally tries to match old you to real you. As others have already said, just enjoy the time :) 

Just a an update on how dinner went with the ex-GF.  Overall, it was a very long evening and we all enjoyed all the new news in our lives.  I can only say that she was very diplomatic throughout the whole evening.  There was nothing forthcoming as to her opinion or that of the opinions of many of our old friends that we once had common relationships with in the past..those who I have since lost touch with.  She has always been difficult to read and takes a long time to process information.

One thing my ex said later in the evening was that she is glad that I had emailed her a few images of myself so that she could be mentally prepared for the change when she arrived.  She said it would have been much more difficult to adjust to the change without them.  So it was hard and like DeeDee pointed out, it was somewhat awkward the first 10-15 mins of the visit.  She did pleasantly surprise me with a beautiful vase of tulips?when I opened the door.  That was sort of a role reversal from years past but a nice touch.

 

Anyways, overall it was a pretty nice evening with no judgement or condemnation.

 

Susan R?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Very nice Susan.  You may or may not have future contact but it was good to catch up and close the books (if that might be the outcome).

 

Jani

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Thanks @Jani  I just received a reply email from my ex in response to mine thanking her for driving all the way up here from her home to see my wife and I, and of course, for the nice vase of flowers she brought us.  She wrote that since her visit she has come up with more questions and will be compiling them and will ask at a future date..lol  It looks like she is really trying to learn and understand me though.  That’s more than I expected out of it but it was part of my intention of having her over for dinner.

 

Update: This just in....as soon as she unpacks she is now having us over to her new place.  So in probably a month, I’ll be back for more..lol

 

Susan R?

Link to comment
6 hours ago, Susan R said:

Update: This just in....as soon as she unpacks she is now having us over to her new place.  So in probably a month, I’ll be back for more..lol

 

So that sounds like it was definitely a success x 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I am glad things are going well Susan. It takes time for someone to process things so the month may be ideal.

 

Tracy

Link to comment
19 hours ago, Susan R said:

One thing my ex said later in the evening was that she is glad that I had emailed her a few images of myself so that she could be mentally prepared for the change when she arrived.  She said it would have been much more difficult to adjust to the change without them.

I am finding this be a key factor to letting people get comfortable with who you are and what you will look like or do look like now.  Especially those who are separated by great distance or life circumstances.  It lets them envision the person they are now talking to or texting with.  Without this visual aid they will forever see in their minds the person you were before as they speak or text.  

I found it helped when texting with my brother in FL to show him what I look like now.  He was getting hung up on the "you will always be my brother" or I only know you as Shawn" but he said this in the sprite of he will always support me because of who I am to him.  He said he was blown away with my pics but had many compliments as well.  It was sweet really of him to do so.  

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Thank you ladies for all your positive comments and support.  I was happily surprised by my ex-GF’s follow-up mentioning an upcoming visit at her place.  I think I’ll get her a small framed picture of my wife and I as a nice housewarming gift lol. Ok maybe not...that’s a little too mean.

 

1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

I am finding this be a key factor to letting people get comfortable with who you are and what you will look like or do look like now.  Especially those who are separated by great distance or life circumstances.  It lets them envision the person they are now talking to or texting with.  Without this visual aid they will forever see in their minds the person you were before as they speak or text.

I agree ShawnaLeigh.  It also helps if there are they type of person that places an avatar in their contacts with your new image.  Two of my daughters have conveyed to their mom over the last year, “Yeah, she looks like a woman but sometimes I still see Dad.” So even with pictures it’s hard for some to see a completely new person.  Early in my transition, I was sending them pics of us at all kinds of places hoping the repetition of seeing me as female might help.  I just think it will take some time before they see me as me.

 

Susan R?

Link to comment
35 minutes ago, Susan R said:

I just think it will take some time before they see me as me.

I have typed these words several times talking with others who do fully support me.  I tell them I understand and I do.

Some folks just need time.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 123 Guests (See full list)

    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alscully
      Alscully
      (35 years old)
    2. floruisse
      floruisse
      (40 years old)
    3. Jasmine25
      Jasmine25
      (22 years old)
    4. Trev0rK
      Trev0rK
      (26 years old)
  • Posts

    • EasyE
      Republicans have long committed grave errors by emphasizing their social agenda and moral issues instead of just focusing on the economy, lowering taxes, keeping the public safe, building a strong national defense, promoting business, touting reasonable immigration policies, etc.   The country would thrive economically under Trump's tax and business policies. That's a fact. Another four years of Biden will run this country into the ground financially (including all of our 401Ks and IRAs). But the GOP continues to play right into the Dems' hands by leading with their moral crusades instead of staying the course and trusting their fiscal policies to win the day... 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/hundreds-athletes-urge-ncaa-not-ban-trans-athletes-womens-sports-rcna149033     Carolyn Marie
    • KymmieL
      Well first day is over and now getting ready for bed soon. Work was OK.   Don't know why but I am feeling down. I am heading to bed. Good Night.   Kymmie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I our time at my place.Both admit our sex life is good,got intimate for the 2nd time and he is good at it
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  I will look those up in the document, hopefully tomorrow.   I always look at the source on stuff like this, not what someone, particularly those adversarial, have to say. 
    • MaeBe
      LGBTQ rights Project 2025 takes extreme positions against LGBTQ rights, seeking to eliminate federal protections for queer people and pursue research into conversion therapies in order to encourage gender and sexuality conformity. The policy book also lays out plans to criminalize being transgender and prohibit federal programs from supporting queer people through various policies. The project partnered with anti-LGBTQ groups the Family Policy Alliance, the Center for Family and Human Rights, and the Family Research Council. Project 2025 calls for the next secretary of Health and Human Services to “immediately put an end to the department’s foray into woke transgender activism,” which includes removing terms related to gender and sexual identity from “every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.” The Trump administration proposed a similar idea in 2018 that would have resulted in trans people losing protections under anti-discrimination laws. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; The New Republic, 2/8/24] Similarly, the policy book calls for HHS to stop all research related to gender identity unless the purpose is conformity to one's sex assigned at birth. The New Republic explains: “That is, research on gender-nonconforming children and teenagers should be funded by the government, but only for the purpose of studying what will make them conform, such as denying them gender-affirming care and instead trying to change their identities through ‘counseling,’ which is a form of conversion therapy.” [The New Republic, 2/8/24] The policy book’s foreword by Kevin Roberts describes “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children” as “pornography” that “should be outlawed,” adding, “The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned.” Roberts also says that “educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Roberts’ foreword states that “allowing parents or physicians to ‘reassign’ the sex of a minor is child abuse and must end.” Echoing ongoing right-wing attacks on trans athletes, Roberts also claims, “Bureaucrats at the Department of Justice force school districts to undermine girls’ sports and parents’ rights to satisfy transgender extremists.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; TIME magazine, 5/16/22] Dame Magazine reports that Project 2025 plans to use the Department of Justice to crack down on states that “do not charge LGBTQ people and their allies with crimes under the pretense that they are breaking federal and state laws against exposing minors to pornography.” [Dame Magazine, 8/14/23] Project 2025 also calls for the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services to repeat “its 2016 decision that CMS could not issue a National Coverage Determination (NCD) regarding ‘gender reassignment surgery’ for Medicare beneficiaries.” The policy book’s HHS chapter continues: “In doing so, CMS should acknowledge the growing body of evidence that such interventions are dangerous and acknowledge that there is insufficient scientific evidence to support such coverage in state plans.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Going further, Project 2025 also demands that the next GOP administration “reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military.” The policy book’s chapter on the Defense Department claims: “Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service, and the use of public monies for transgender surgeries … for servicemembers should be ended.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]   …summaries of what’s within the rest of the document re: LGBTQ+ concerns. A person can believe their gender is fixed but incongruent with their physiology, but the authors and Trump (by his own words) just see the incongruity of an “expressed gender” that conflicts with what was/is in a person’s pants.
    • Mmindy
      Good catch… I took care of it.
    • Sally Stone
      I'm tired of the two-party system.  It has degraded to a system where there are only two diametrically opposed views, neither of which supports me.  I have conservative views regarding big government and government spending but I have very liberal views when it comes to protecting the rights of individuals.  And just elections of the past, I am stuck with two choices, neither of which I support. With only two parties, each with agendas that are off the left and right scales, I am not adequately represented.    Finally, I'm okay with party affiliated politicians running for office using their party views, but once elected to office, they are obligated to support the entire electorate not just the electorate members that voted for them.  Plain and simple, our government system is broken and dysfunctional.  I'll step down from my soapbox now.     
    • Sally Stone
      Thanks Mae.  She was an amazing friend and I grew to love her like a sister.
    • Sally Stone
      I did Ashley.  Non-rev travel was one of the major factors for taking the job.  At the time, US Airways had the best non-rev policy in the industry.  It cost $10 to fly coach and $25 to fly first class.  We flew first class whenever there were seats available.  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You should have a moderator fix what you meant to write as "birth certificate".  Ooops.   I've gone over that verse and am wholly and completely dissatisfied with the SBC exegesis of it, so much so that it was one of the things that helped me break out of a mindset of guit.  Sometime I may strut by stuff as a Hebraist and show what it really means.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found this   — 450 — Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise Goal #1: Protecting Life, Conscience, and Bodily Integrity. The Secretary should pursue a robust agenda to protect the fundamental right to life, protect con- science rights, and uphold bodily integrity rooted in biological realities, not ideology. From the moment of conception, every human being possesses inherent dignity and worth, and our humanity does not depend on our age, stage of development, race, or abilities. The Secretary must ensure that all HHS programs and activities are rooted in a deep respect for innocent human life from day one until natural death: Abortion and euthanasia are not health care. A robust respect for the sacred rights of conscience, both at HHS and among gov- ernments and institutions funded by it, increases choices for patients and program beneficiaries and furthers pluralism and tolerance. The Secretary must protect Americans’ civil rights by ensuring that HHS programs and activities follow the letter and spirit of religious freedom and conscience-protection laws. Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike. The next Secretary must ensure that HHS programs protect children’s minds and bodies and that HHS programs respect parents’ basic right to direct the upbringing, education, and care of their children.   https://static.project2025.org/2025_MandateForLeadership_CHAPTER-14.pdf   First, that is not much, if that is all that is of concern.  Secondly, I have seen all sorts of anti-Trump slander, including the Steele dossier and the lawfare he is now undergoing, to be cynical of any criticism against him, and indirectly this document.    He deserves some of what he is getting, but not all.  Thirdly, I bolded one statement of concern.   I don't think gender identity is subjective.  "Radical actors" is name calling, and there is a lot of that going around.  Maybe I am not seeing everything of concern or reading this right, but i would discuss with the author of this document concerning this.
    • Willow
      Good evening   well I finally finished reading my textbook.  Yeah.  But I still have a lot more to go for the class.     My endocrinologist always asks me about lactation.  And yes I have had some very small amounts of leakage but not on any regular basis.  I figure I blocked the discharge Duce when I pierced my nipples with scare tissue.  But who knows.  I also get asked about mammograms.  I e had my first or baseline and this fall I will need to schedule my second.   As someone in the midst of studying the Old Testament, I can say that I haven’t found any mention of pending damnation for being transgender or intersex.  The closest it comes is a verse that says men should not wear women’s clothing.  Now I don’t know each and everyone’s particulars, but I know I meet the medical definition of female gender, and even in Ohio, a State that until recently refused to allow birth certificates to be changed, I meet the criteria.  Therefore I can only conclude I am not a man wearing women’s clothing.  But there is a somewhat different scholarly explanation of that law that it should not be taken as literally as the haters want.  Mostly men should not pretend to be women to ex ape from their enemies. Or tried to hide from God.     willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Well, the left wing has been doing that.    I read a few things while trying to find out what the problem is and liked what I read.  But I am a conservative.    Is there something specific in there that is of concern?  Does it promise somewhere to erase trans folk? That would be problematic.
    • Ivy
      It's a plan to basically completely take over the government by the right wing.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...