Out and active in Sobriety

[MiraM]

I just wanted to share a little experience, strength and hope to anyone who is struggling with coming to AA because they are Trans, or those in AA that are worried about coming out if they have not started transitioning.  I began transitioning and came out to my home group (and other groups I attend) when I was 8 months sober.  I was terrified to let them know my secret, for fear that once they knew who i really was, they would tell me that I did not belong with them.  So, I stayed hidden and sick.  When I returned to AA this time, it was the last house on the block.  I had to stay sober or die, if I didn't have AA, I would not stay sober, but if I continued to deny my true self, I had little chance of sobriety anyway.  I had many talks with my sponsor, and many hours of prayer about this issue.  My sponsor suggested that I attend the State Convention with him, and also suggested that I consider going as my true self.

 

I did attend as myself, and was terrified at first.  As the first day went on, I found that people didn't seem to really care that I was an obvious Trans Woman and was scared of my own shadow.  All they cared about was the fact that I was trying to get sober.  Over the next four days, more and more people came up to me and I began finding it easier to look them in the eye and share small bits about myself.  I discovered that they truly cared only about my well being, and that I felt welcome as part of the fellowship.

 

That experience gave me the courage to come out to my home group and the next week and then begin living as myself a month later.  Since the day I came out to them, I have felt more a part of the group and the fellowship as a whole.  Before, I would get to meetings just before they started and would leave as soon as they ended.  I wasn't participating, rather I was taking up space.  I would sometimes go for coffee with my sponsor afterwards, but not often.  Now I arrive early and stay late, help set up, chair meetings, etc..  Once I was able to be truly honest with myself and with those around me, and become a part of, I began to experience what being a sober member of AA had to offer.

 

I just took 4 days off of work to attend the Tarheel Mid-winter Conference which just ended yesterday.  I saw a lot of people I had met at the convention, and they said they were hoping that I would be at this conference.  The major difference between now and the last convention is that this time, I sought them out to talk with them.  I was not the scared, shaking person that they had met 6 months before.  They said that they saw a confident person with a new light in her eyes that was now able to free and open.  I no longer isolated myself in a group of people that I didn't know.  I sought out opportunities to fellowship and also sought out people that I saw sitting by themselves during breaks, just to go and make sure that they felt welcome and not alone.   Just like was done for me last year.  I had some of the best and most heart-felt conversations I have ever had in my life. 

 

My sponsor arrived at the conference after I did, and didn't let me know he was there yet.  He said he wanted to watch and see how I acted....whether I isolated or got involved.  He has always told me that he has seen me grow into a new person over the last 14 months, but it has been hard for me to see the true extent of the changes.  This past weekend I did fully realize just how much I have changed by being honest and trying to get more active in the program and fellowship.  I was also approached by one of the conference directors and asked if I would consider volunteering at this years state convention and next years mid-winter conference.

 

So, if you are struggling, just know that you will be loved and welcome in AA.  Be honest with yourself, and others, and get involved.  As the promises in the Big Book say, You are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.  You will comprehend the word serenity and you will know peace.

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, MiraM said:

This past weekend I did fully realize just how much I have changed by being honest and trying to get more active in the program and fellowship.

Congrats Mira, for overcoming the fear and stepping out like this. You’ve completely reinvented yourself and are becoming more of who you were destined to be all along.  Life is tough but you’re a lot tougher.  Support like that is critical though and it’s good that you have that in place.  Thank you for sharing your good news today.  I know your post will inspire others.

 

Kudos to you,

Susan R?

 

[VickySGV]

I am no longer afraid of being out at my meetings -- I say no longer for good reason -- but no longer is true. We have gifts to bring to the Recovery Tables that it does take us a while to realize.  We are different than the others (Chapter 3 reading); we have had to become scrupulously honest is ways that make other's pale by comparison because ours MUST BE in our hearts or we have no chance.  We even do the Steps in our Transition Journey in many ways.  Our spirituality and images of our Higher Power are different than a Cis person's, but they show the AA principal of "God as we understand (him, her, they) God just a little more brightly in the face of how religions treat us just as many treat recovering addicts of all sorts.  Explore your Transition and sobriety together and apart -- if you can that is -- or live them as your whole life.  I am at 11 years both sober (this time) and OUT and free.  It is fun and helps our AA friends in their paths.

[Charlize]

Mira.  Thank you for sharing you experience, strength and hope.

 Coming out to my homegroup as a speaker was a life changing event for me.  It was perhaps the second time that i had relied in a higher power.  The first was the belief that AA could help me get sober.  When i came out i had to rely on my HP to keep me sober in case my homegroup denied me.  They certainly didn't!  Later i managed to stand up at the North East Regional AA Conferance and speak out for a pamphlet  for trans alcoholics.  

Today i can see myself in the phrase:  "There are those too who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders but some of them can recover if they have the capacity to be honest."  

We are not unique in our alcoholism but for us honesty is so liberating.

It is always so affirming to read of other trans persons finding sobriety and self acceptance in the room of AA. 

Again,  thank you for sharing.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize