Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

ShawnaLeigh

Do you keep a journal of your journey?

Recommended Posts

ShawnaLeigh

I have been told this is a good thing to do especially when you are feeling down or stressed or worse.  I want to do this but honestly I am to lazy.  Plus I write down just about everything here at TP and get real time feed back on issues, questions, and feelings of confusion.  

So I do write down things both positive and negative concerning my journey.

I suppose years from now it would be nice to have all this that I write here compiled into one file or notebook.  

But the therapy of writing your feelings and thoughts down are stratified for me here.

 

What do you do?

Share this post


Link to post
DeeDee

Yup, ShawnaLeigh I write here: https://ironicissues.wordpress.com/ every week, plus I blog on this site too when something's just on my mind. It is good to be able to read back over how you were feeling and what you thought about it. Some posts are longer than others but it can be about different topics, it is easy to find and some folks comment and help by offering a different perspective or encouragement. Forums for me are more about Q & A, but really just do what works for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Jackie C.

Kind of? I keep my therapist appraised by e-mail and when I'm feeling especially stressed, I'll post on my MeWe site or write it in my physical journal in red sparkle-ink. Sometimes I'll write in the margins of my workout journal. I was keeping a more detailed record earlier in my transition, but that kind of fell by the wayside.

 

Of course I'll bitch here when something comes up that I think would be funny or informative to share. Also, when I need to vent about something. Like hot flashes. Which suck.

 

Hugs!

Share this post


Link to post
Susan R

Do you keep a journal of your journey?
 

Sadly, I have never been good about keeping a journal or diary.  I always worried growing up about it getting into the wrong hands.  After I came out to family last April and May, I sent my family updates every few weeks or if there was a milestone worth reporting.  This is the closest thing I have to a log of changes in my transition journey.  I do have several posts here on TP that detail some of my earlier journey.  I wish I had started a blog similar to DeeDee’s which is always a very good read, by the way.

 

Susan R🌷

Share this post


Link to post
TammyAnne

After an soon-to-be-ex-wife went through dozens of volumes of my private journals - most of which predated our relationship - and began berating me about what i wrote, I burned them all. Have not kept a functional journal since, although I have tried many times to get started again. I have at least 5 bound journals with only the first 4 or 5 pages used, the rest blank.

I doubt I'll ever be able to journal again, no matter how hard I try.

TA

Share this post


Link to post
secondlook

I have started a journal within the past week, it's helping me sort through a lot of complex emotions and thoughts. Sometimes I get overly fixated on a single thought and writing it down seems to help. 

Share this post


Link to post
ToniTone

I'm not really good about maintaining a journal. But I consider my thread here, Toni's Tale, for that purpose. 

 

~Toni

Share this post


Link to post
ToniTone
1 hour ago, TammyAnne said:

... and began berating me about what i wrote, I burned them all. 

I'm sorry she compelled you to do that. It's not fair... 

Share this post


Link to post
A. Dillon

Yes, I actually do! I don't write in it daily, but whenever something important happens, I always add to my voice diary of my laptop. That way, I will also be able to hear the progression of my voice over time. For now, I can gladly say that months of training my voice has definitely lowered it quite a bit, and while it might not be exactly what I want, you can't knock progress! It is also more helpful than writing because you just set a time limit and say whatever comes to mind. Hearing your own voice really gives you a better feeling of exactly what you were going through in that moment, and a clearer picture in the whole. I have started crying before, and that raw emotion while you are talking with just yourself and the microphone is something that you can really look back on. It can be a tad more stressful, sure, but I find that there is much less pressure as you are just doing and saying whatever you want.

Share this post


Link to post
Belle

Like DeeDee I blog about mine. It's not necessarily a journal but it's an outlet to express my journey in words.

 

https://medium.com/@qtcbelle

 

Belle ❤

Share this post


Link to post
Belle
5 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

After an soon-to-be-ex-wife went through dozens of volumes of my private journals - most of which predated our relationship - and began berating me about what i wrote, I burned them all. Have not kept a functional journal since, although I have tried many times to get started again. I have at least 5 bound journals with only the first 4 or 5 pages used, the rest blank.

I doubt I'll ever be able to journal again, no matter how hard I try.

TA

That is so awful @TammyAnne... I'm so sorry you have gone through such trauma. I hope one day you will be able to heal enough to stay a journal again.

 

Belle ❤😥

Share this post


Link to post
ShawnaLeigh
6 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

After an soon-to-be-ex-wife went through dozens of volumes of my private journals - most of which predated our relationship - and began berating me about what i wrote, I burned them all. Have not kept a functional journal since, although I have tried many times to get started again. I have at least 5 bound journals with only the first 4 or 5 pages used, the rest blank.

I doubt I'll ever be able to journal again, no matter how hard I try.

TA

This is truly an awful thing for someone to do.  I’m so sorry you had to go threw that.  😢

 

I have wanted to do this all my life but something always holds me back from doing it. Perhaps my ingrained sense of need to hide everything about the person I was inside was so strong that I just couldn’t “confess” this even in written words.  
Then there was the ever present fear of having someone read it, or worse, like what happened to TammyAnne.  I honestly do not know how much of a negative impact that would of had on me.  
These days I’m out.  Not to the world but to most everyone I care about so these fears don’t control me any longer.  
Why do I still resist?

Share this post


Link to post
Jackie C.
10 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

After an soon-to-be-ex-wife went through dozens of volumes of my private journals - most of which predated our relationship - and began berating me about what i wrote, I burned them all.

 

Ugh. That should have been a huge red flag. Who DOES that? Those were private. We do not snoop through our partner's private things without permission. I'm so very sorry you had to endure that breach of trust @TammyAnne.

 

8 hours ago, A. Dillon said:

That way, I will also be able to hear the progression of my voice over time. For now, I can gladly say that months of training my voice has definitely lowered it quite a bit, and while it might not be exactly what I want, you can't knock progress!

 

I love voice training! Resonance is more important than pitch though. Testosterone will help you with pitch, resonance is more about speaking low through your chest. Girls speak more from the upper middle parts of their throat and project through their mask (face). Guys talk out of the lower part of their throat and resonate in their chests. Well worth every second I put into it.

 

Hugs!

Share this post


Link to post
MetaLicious

My wife suggested I keep a journal shortly after I came out to her.  I can't claim any real diligence in my journaling, but I try to write something at least once a week.  If I could transmit thouhts about what I'd like to write directly to  my journal, I'd probably have several volumes by now.  Raising two young children while being the family caregiver leaves me thinking about writing far more often than I actually have time for.

 

@TammyAnne, I am so sorry to hear that.  It breaks my heart to think of such a violation...

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 209 Guests (See full list)

    • A. Dillon
    • Astrid
    • Katelyn
    • Jackie C.
    • MaryMary
    • MetaLicious
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      70,017
    • Total Posts
      633,352
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      6,306
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Mike P
    Newest Member
    Mike P
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Carolyn Marie
      Carolyn Marie
      (66 years old)
    2. Makayla2019
      Makayla2019
    3. SteamGirlEva
      SteamGirlEva
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • MetaLicious
      Oh, Willow, I hope whatever is causing you stress eases upon you quickly.   I've been suffering from a sore throat, an earache, and jaws that will not open wide enough for more than a single slice of bread. Doc says it's a middle ear infection, possibly tonsillitus as well.  Put me on antibiotics, and I'm still in pain, still woozy, but well enough to take care of the little one so my wife can return to work.  It is good to semi-functional again!  Enjoying my second cup while the baby naps - he needs it, because he has a cold.  Everyone has been sick here, lately!   Hope everyone has a great day!
    • Jani
      @Donnie_1961 Its obvious you enjoy your job. That is so good.  What a nice gift you received.  I love colorful socks.  You look wonderful.  I love your smile and hairstyle.  Have a another good evening at work today.   @KathyLauren Its always nice when someone steps up to help out.     @KymmieL Who would have thought, 100 pages!  Wow. 
    • KymmieL
      Donnie, yep your are gorgeous. I hope to look half as good once I finish.    Well we are at 100 pages. lets keep it going.   Kymmie
    • Jackie C.
      Neat! Technically, my first Doctor was Pertwee (Spiders of Mars), but Baker is the Doctor I imprinted on.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Just because your day to day look is much the same, it doesn't mean that you still can't dress up for special occasions. My "uniform" most days is jeans and a t-shirt. The same as it's been since high school. Back in the stone age. When giant lizards walked the Earth, cell phones were about the size of a briefcase and computers ran on punch cards.   OK, PC's were starting to become a thing, but seriously, 5K of RAM.   Anyway, it's kind of expected for women to wear different outfits depending on the circumstance. I wouldn't wear jeans and a t-shirt to a funeral... well, not anymore. I'd add some accents and wear something nice. Maybe one of my pairs of uncomfortable shoes. A nice top with either a skirt or some pants.   In any case, Shawna's right. A big part of this journey is discovering what kind of woman you want to be. There are a lot of options. So many more choices than men get. You need to explore a bit. Nobody gets to figure out who they are right out of the box. Once you explain that to your wife, I'm sure she'll understand. After all, this is a learning experience for you too.   Hugs!
    • A. Dillon
      My dad was in the navy working with submarine's nuclear reactor, stationed in Honolulu, for 4 years. Thank you for your service, and welcome to out community!
    • Jackie C.
      I am SO tired of the hot flashes. They didn't start until I'd been off HRT for about two weeks preparing for my bottom surgery. They're mostly at night but I sweat through EVERYTHING. I've been back on my regular dose for a week or so now, but it can take up to two months for hormone levels to normalize so...   At least my sweat doesn't have the smell it did before I started transitioning. If I was living in a cloud of the musky stuff, I'd probably die. At least I'd shower and do the laundry more.   Hugs!
    • Cyndee
      @KathyLauren gotta love it when that happens    @Donnie_1961 wonderful pictures Donnie, thanks for sharing    Rain here today, what else is new ? Coffee tastes great though.   Have a lovely day all   C
    • ShawnaLeigh
      OMG women you are gorgeous! No wonder you are so confident. Very nice smile.  
    • KathyLauren
      We had to take the hound to the vet to have a growth on her tail removed.  Since she had to be there early, we had breakfast out.  Strawberry waffles, Mmm!   Since we were in town anyway, I went to the government office to get new license plates for the car.  They lent me a screwdriver to remove the old ones, but it didn't fit the bolts.  A nice young man in the next parking stall got out a wrench and removed them for me.  He was still there when I came out with the new plates, so he helped again with his wrench.   I don't mind a bit when men are chivalrous.   Regards, Kathy
    • ShawnaLeigh
      I have struggled with this myself when first coming out to my wife.  I had no clear answers and the "time line" questions that kept coming up I answered based on generic time frames for certain physical changes due to HRT.  I had no real idea what my time lines were or even are right now as my body and mind continue to change week by week.  But I threw out answers before I was clear on what the true answers were to try and defuse the situation back then and give her something to chew on.      I had to explain this again just last weekend because she threw it in my face that I was saying a year or two until I would feel comfortable presenting full female and 6 months into it I am saying now is a good time.  I truly did not think I would be ready or had the right mind set to do so this quickly but I can not be blamed for how my transition is effecting me.   Try to think of it this way. Yes you knew something was going on with you for a very long time, years even, but you clearly did not know "exactly" what it was and your journey begins with discovery of certain things dealing with transition.  That's after you have accepted there is something going on and its real.   Explain that any time lines or feelings from a few months ago may not apply now because you are changing both physically and mentally.  Again you have no idea how fast or slow these changes can occur Try to set it up as "I will tell you as changes and mind set changes happen asap and keep you informed as best I can." I mean you can not expect to explain everything up front and answer questions when you don't know what it all is yet.   I understand you want things to go smoothly and with as little drama and stress but you are learning so give yourself time too.
    • Willow
      Good morning everyone    had two cups of black dark roast this morning.   @Donnie_1961 those are wonderful pictures you posted. Very natural.   my stress level is rather high right now.  And when my stress level gets this high I tend to freeze.  No, not cold temperature but unable to do the things I need to do.  I’m in the middle of a project at home and I just can’t get going on the next step.     Stress also makes my dysphoria worse.  This much stress over whelms my anti depression meds, but even if I could take an extra, it takes a week to make a difference and usually by then I’m naturally better.  I just have to find a way to push through this.    Willow
    • KymmieL
      Good Friday morning everyone. Well my Friday anyway. Actually slept good last night only had to get up once to pee. I wore sleep pants and seemed to help keep me warm. vs what I usually wear which is very little. Then again We didn't have a cold wind pounding on the bedroom wall all night.   Now I know the reason I hate closing. It can be boring. which it was last night. Got most of the closing done early then nothing.   Everyone stay warm as normal.   Kymmie
    • Aidan5
      Welcome to the forum!   I think it's awesome that you are here and my dad is also a navy chief!! I find it really cool. 
    • TammyAnne
      Good morning everyone! Beautiful sunrise this morning, coffee is finished and I'm feeling energetic. Well, a little anyway. Been sleeping well the past few nights. But also having interesting dreams in which I go in for Orchidectomy surgery. One dream had me having three testicles to remove! I'm about to get my day started, so let me wish you all well! TA
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...