Safety

[Janae]

Hi everyone. It’s been a while since I have posted anything. My house has been in disarray for the past few months.  Couple things going on but will only mention one to keep this short. One of the things that has come up is my wife’s concern for my safety. She does not want me wearing panties outside the house as she is concerned that someone will notice and cause me harm.  She says she can see panty lines, - I don’t wear tight pants so as hard as I look, I can’t see them. Then she added that when I use the public restroom (she knows I sit down to pee) that someone could look under the stall and see my panties and cause me harm. I never really thought of that in the past until she mentioned it. She was pretty upset, and I thought it was sweet that she was concerned. I have never noticed anyone sticking there head into my stall before. Has anyone been concerned with this?

 

Janae

[SaraAW]

This seems a bit extreme and more like attempt to control through fear. I don’t know your SO, so it could just be fear mixed with some paranoia and ignorance. 

Rebuttal for the first concern: Depending on the type of panties you are wearing, the below garment silhouette may like very similar to male underwear, think tighty whities. She may be able to see lines because she’s actively looking for them, most people are not. You need fairly thin and form fitting clothes to see lines, which you say you’re not. There are also lots of panties that are made to be no show. 
 

For the second concern: Who does this?  This is very similar to the terf argument to keep trans women out of women’s bathrooms, some sicko may try and peep?  I’ve been around a few years and lived in some big cities and even some small villages, I’ve never had anyone peek underneath a bathroom stall. It is also pretty simple to keep your pants over the panties while sitting down to go to the bathroom. 

 

Generally, people aren’t really looking at other people in passing unless given a reason to. If you stand out from the crowd in some way you may get looked at. If you’re alone, maybe more likely, but if you’re in male disguise, you would probably get nothing more than a head nod or smile and then their attention is elsewhere. 
 

if anything, the more overt feminine things we do, such as outerwear, makeup, feminine body movement and language are much more likely to get us noticed and in trouble under the wrong circumstances. I’ve worn a bra (both traditional and sports) and panties (all types) out in public, including to work in an office for about a year now, I’m still fully male appearing on the outside, and no one has noticed. Not even the people I spend considerable time with. 

 

All this to say, you do you. Do it smart, use your head and you’ll be fine. 

[KathyLauren]

I think your wife might still be in "what will the neighbours think" mode.  Men's underwear shows a more obvious panty line than women's, so that is a non-issue. 

 

Men tend to avoid looking at each other in washrooms, so so one is going to peep under the stall door.  Can you imagine someone doing that and getting caught by someone else entering the washroom?  You can imagine the exclamation, I am sure: "What are you, some kind of _______?"  No man is going to risk that.

 

I wore women's underwear to work for years while presenting as a guy, and no one noticed.

[ShawnaLeigh]

2 hours ago, SaraAW said:

This seems a bit extreme and more like attempt to control through fear. I don’t know your SO, so it could just be fear mixed with some paranoia and ignorance. 

Rebuttal for the first concern: Depending on the type of panties you are wearing, the below garment silhouette may like very similar to male underwear, think tighty whities. She may be able to see lines because she’s actively looking for them, most people are not. You need fairly thin and form fitting clothes to see lines, which you say you’re not. There are also lots of panties that are made to be no show. 
 

For the second concern: Who does this?  This is very similar to the terf argument to keep trans women out of women’s bathrooms, some sicko may try and peep?  I’ve been around a few years and lived in some big cities and even some small villages, I’ve never had anyone peek underneath a bathroom stall. It is also pretty simple to keep your pants over the panties while sitting down to go to the bathroom. 

 

Generally, people aren’t really looking at other people in passing unless given a reason to. If you stand out from the crowd in some way you may get looked at. If you’re alone, maybe more likely, but if you’re in male disguise, you would probably get nothing more than a head nod or smile and then their attention is elsewhere. 
 

if anything, the more overt feminine things we do, such as outerwear, makeup, feminine body movement and language are much more likely to get us noticed and in trouble under the wrong circumstances. I’ve worn a bra (both traditional and sports) and panties (all types) out in public, including to work in an office for about a year now, I’m still fully male appearing on the outside, and no one has noticed. Not even the people I spend considerable time with. 

 

All this to say, you do you. Do it smart, use your head and you’ll be fine. 

I think as Sara does on all points too.  I will not accuse your wife of trying to control through fear as any fear is legitimate but it is not likely any more for you then for her.

 

1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

I think your wife might still be in "what will the neighbor's think" mode.  Men's underwear shows a more obvious panty line than women's, so that is a non-issue.

I agree with this too.  From experience as my wife has similar feeling of "what will the neighbors think".  I have been wearing men's bikini style for years in all situations and not once has anyone mentioned a "panty line" on me.  

I've been in women's undergarments now for about 3 months and still no one has said a thing.

 

If she is trying to worry you or control you through fear she needs a better example in my opinion.  Have a talk with her and reassure her its not an issue for you.  Be understanding too.  She may really be afraid of this for you.  

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Janae,

The only thing I will add to what's already been said is that I have been wearing panties no matter how I present for years now, in a conservative backwater to boot, and have not had one problem.  

 

Lots of love, 

Timber Wolf ?

[Charlize]

It sounds to me more like your wife's issue with your underdressing than her worry for your safety.  As far as i ever knew half the guys in the bathroom could have been wearing their girlfriends panties.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Janae]

Thank you ladies.  Sorry for the late reply, but my internet connection has been down.  Those were my thoughts as well. i might start another thread on my bigger issue - but one of the reasons I don’t post much is because I realized I don’t know as much as I thought I did about relationships and I don’t want to steer someone wrong.  So I am in reading mode.  

[Jani]

Thats OK Janae!  We all progress through stages of learning.  As in life, the more we learn the more we realize we don't know.  That's what curiosity is about!

 

Jani