My professional coming out continues.

[ShawnaLeigh]

I was notified yesterday by my director that we will be arranging meetings with each hospital to inform them of my transition.  This is a tad nerve racking so I am in a holding my breathe phase today.

Furthermore he is forwarding a letter from himself and one from me to all our technicians and staff in my company.  This encompasses all of New England and New York.  Yes four states worth of folks, its a lot of people, so this is the Biggy!  Something we had planned to do after a huge company meeting we had last week in which I was not ready or wanting to do this in person.   This is happening today.  YIKES!

You can say I am a bit sensitive about this right now.  LOL

[ShawnaLeigh]

35 minutes ago, MaryMary said:

good luck, I will send you positive energy

 

My french mind read your title the wrong way. I thought at first that you were professional at coming out lolll like : "yet another coming out, I'm a pro by now"

 

 

LMAO   

I can see the confusion there actually.

I must say I feel like it by now.  Geesh I've done this a lot of times in the last few months.  

[Jackie C.]

It was only a little confusing, honest. ?

 

Best of luck though! This is a huge step and should make you more comfortable at work. Like I keep telling people, "One disaster at a time." You'll get through this and be glad you did.

 

Hugs!

[Belle]

I can tell you are nervous, but hopefully excited also?

[Susan R]

3 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

This is happening today.  YIKES!

ShawnaLeigh, I’m sure everything will go as expected. You’ll likely gain a few allies along the way as you are definitely not alone.  Hoping for a positive outcome.  This is a big step...good for you girl!

 

Susan R?

[Krisvm]

Good luck. Hope it has gone well.

[ShawnaLeigh]

So this was put on hold for reasons outside of our control.  
My coming out to staff letter was send this morning to 80+ people in our organization.  Then a technician, one whom I worked with many times and have become good friends, was sent to help me at one of my hospitals today and he had not read the staff letter sent.  
I had him read it right then to make sure he would be ok to continue helping me.  I was shaking by the time he finished and felt dizzy.  It was so hard to just to stand there as he read it.  
He was completely accepting and supportive.  We had a great day working together.  
The entire day was wonderful as so many folks sent me emails of encouragement and praise for being brave and telling everyone about this.  How hard it must of been and the courageous way I did this for my well being.  
My friend who was with me said that I may be an inspiration to someone else who may be in the same boat but to afraid to take that step.  
I am the only transgender person most have ever known and everyone is being so nice.  
I had a hard time not tearing up reading each letter.  
Just a wonderful experience!

[ToniTone]

That's awesome! It's wonderful having an occupation where all your co-workers support and accept you! I'm glad this went well for you hun ?

[Susan R]

@ShawnaLeigh, That must have been an awkward few moments for sure. This takes a lot of courage and will hopefully inspire others who are at this same crossroad but afraid to come out at their workplace. I’m very happy for you and hope that you continue to receive positive responses from your colleagues.

My Very Best,

Susan R? 

[Belle]

What a relief for you! There's something freeing about being out in the open to people. You no longer have reason to hide.

 

Are you planning on presenting as female soon?

[ShawnaLeigh]

2 hours ago, Belle said:

Are you planning on presenting as female soon?

Per my arrangement at home with my wife I am not going to run out the gates all female.  Once I do my divorce papers start.  Plus I need to time gather a decent feminine wardrobe for work at minimum which I am working on.  I am also not confident in my male face situation still but that's a whole other can f worms.  Perhaps after some serous makeup classes I will feel better about this.

I also have to wait until the hospital director is notified by my Director and then all the, maintenance, doctors and nursing staff have been notified by their Directors before I can just present as I wish.   This was my plan so I am good with it.  This is happening in small meetings with the Directors of each next week.  So I am still not completely out to all I work around.  Just who are working in the same University organization as I work for, which none of us work togethers as we are spread out and contracted inspection technicians across all of New York and New England.  Those are the folks who were just told yesterday.  

[Belle]

This is an exciting time! Two of the shirts I bought were button ups that I can get away with wearing while still presenting as male. The buttons are on the opposite side so some women would notice, and if they're not tucked in then it would be more obvious. Also, the sleeves have a clasp to hike them to just below my elbows, which is a feminine feature.

 

I have worn both this week, though I was working from home and only did video calls. I did wear them out at the store, etc. too.

 

So maybe you can begin to move toward a more gender neutral look by starting out your wardrobe with that kind of thing.

 

Yesterday I was thinking about talking to HR just to let them know what's going on and that I'm considering social transition at some point down the road. I will wait until I have talked to my GT about it first.

 

Belle ❤

[soyangela]

Shawnaleigh congratulations on coming out at work. That is something I am thinking of doing but a little further down the road. I'm new here and as I've written before starting my journey. If I offend you for asking questions please let me know. It is not intentional. You don't present as female at work? You've let your work know that you are transgender and will be transitioning? I'm sure I missed some info along the way. I am asking to try to learn what I need to do here at work. I live in California and my company does have a transgender policy. I'm just trying to learn whether there is some time limit when its appropriate to let your company know when one will be transitioning. You look fantastic in your profile pic you shouldn't worry about not passing.

 

Hugs,

Angela

[ShawnaLeigh]

59 minutes ago, soyangela said:

Shawnaleigh congratulations on coming out at work. That is something I am thinking of doing but a little further down the road. I'm new here and as I've written before starting my journey. If I offend you for asking questions please let me know. It is not intentional. You don't present as female at work? You've let your work know that you are transgender and will be transitioning? I'm sure I missed some info along the way. I am asking to try to learn what I need to do here at work. I live in California and my company does have a transgender policy. I'm just trying to learn whether there is some time limit when its appropriate to let your company know when one will be transitioning. You look fantastic in your profile pic you shouldn't worry about not passing.

 

Hugs,

Angela

No offense taken.  Thank you for the wonderful compliment but that’s not my “everyday” look.  I wish.  It is what I hope to get to on a daily basis.  Once I learn the ins and outs of makeup and wigs.  I’m learning slowly.  
 

My job is as a contracted inspection and repair technician on medical devices and equipment.  A Biomedical Equipments Technician.  I work for the University of Vermont. They have an Instrumentation and Technical Service that contracts us out to area hospitals to manage their medical devices, inventory and data base.  So yes I came out to UVM and ITS (my department.)

 I have not come out to any of the hospitals I work in yet per an arrangement I made with my upper management to roll this info out in a professional manner.  So I am still presenting male when there In my hospitals  Those meetings will happen next week.  

I also have an arrangement with my wife that basically says we stay married up until I can’t present make any longer and start going out in public full time.  At that point we start our divorce.  I have been told I can still live in her house once that happens but it’s no guarantee.  Divorce can be easy and then get sticky fast.  We have plans to stay living together until I can afford to live on my own.  

To compound that I do not have a feminine wardrobe yet but working on it
So that’s my  situation.  
In the mean time I am continuing to go forward with my transition full force and I present full female in the privacy of our home.  

[soyangela]

Thanks for the reply Shawnaleigh. I'm planning for my future to decide at what point I should tell my employer. There are quite a few LGBTQ people at my company. I hope I won't hit any roadblocks. I'm more worried how it will affect my employees, I have a pretty good team.

[Maid In Bedlam]

On 2/7/2020 at 1:07 AM, ShawnaLeigh said:

I am the only transgender person most have ever known and everyone is being so nice.  
I had a hard time not tearing up reading each letter.  
Just a wonderful experience!

 

Its quite ironic that for many people being introduced as trans. You will be the only one they have ever known or at least known of. In my place of work. They have been known talk about people in a trans situation. But they dont really know what it means or have ever met a trans person. Well so they think. maybe they have but just dont relise it ? or at least a past tense trans person Regardless of what some would like you to think. The Trans comunity is very much a minority if you consider the pecentage of trans people as opposed to world population.

 

However Congratualtions on the progress Shawnaleigh. Its so refreshing to read a testamony to human kindness as you have portrayed to us.  Im sure all the peices of your own pesrsonal jigsaw that are not quite fitting will all find there place.

 

 

 

 

[ShawnaLeigh]

So update.  My upper management still has not been able to meet with the hospital directors our company reports to on my transition.  
It has been moved twice due to scheduling conflicts.  I don’t blame anyone and truly appreciate the effort and time my director and supervisor are going to take to go personally to each hospital on my behalf.  It will mean almost 6 hours of just driving for them.  
The meeting is now scheduled for this up coming Wednesday the 19th.  
After that I will not need to hide other then from my wife’s side which she is still trying to keep this from.  Her choice but I told her life would be easier for her if she told them or at least a few key people.  
As wonderful as she has treated me and supported me.  Accepts me as trans but down deep it can only be her being embarrassed of me that keeps her from revealing the truth.  It makes me hurt inside a little to have her be this way.  Though I understand everyone has a right to there feelings.  
 

Our standing agreement still will keep me presenting male in public but I think she will get to a point where she won’t care about that anymore.  So many people know that it’s going to get around one way or the other.  She will see it does not matter and most people could care less.  Jmo

For now I am being patient and building my wardrobe.  ?

[Jackie C.]

Ah yes, the speed of beurocracy. I'm familiar. 

 

Maybe after a few more shopping outings she'll be less embarrassed to be seen with you. After all, you're shaping up into being the woman you want to be. That's huge and as you gain confidence, it shines out of you. 

One of my sister in law's co-workers is in a similar situation. Her wife keeps trying to talk to Susan about the "shame of it all" or something. I think she's in for a surprise. 

 

Hugs!

[ShawnaLeigh]

3 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Maybe after a few more shopping outings she'll be less embarrassed to be seen with you.

Oh she isn’t embarrassed at all with me in public shopping but I’m dressed mostly male.  Though acting very feminine.  She has no issue with us rifling threw the women’s clothing or giving me crap for not doing what a women would do. ( make mistakes apparently) or sharing a dressing room with me for us both to try things on.  It’s just she does not want her side or coworkers, etc knowing she is married to a trans women.  
Hung up on being viewed a lesbian.  That’s her only issue.  So yea. Ashamed of me on some level.  Which hurts.  

[Jackie C.]

Madness. It's just a label. You're probably not out with her wearing your "Majestically lesbian" t-shirt, either (It's pink and has a unicorn on it. I am not always subtle). I do not understand how your wife thinks. She's married to a wonderful person and she's throwing it all away because of a label. If she wasn't attracted to you, sure, fine, I get that. That's a perfectly reasonable thing that could happen. I wouldn't throw away the life we'd built over a word though.

 

It's even a pretty word. What can you do though? One person can't make a relationship work by herself.

 

Hugs!

[Maddee]

Hi. 

 

Impressed by your sight that she may come around her embarrassment in time.  You sound coolheaded in a minefield. 

 

Ultimatums sound harsh both sides.  Glad she is supportive, if not in all ways, and that you communicate.

 

Nice photo ?

[SaraAW]

I understand, my wife is also afraid and ashamed of the L word. Still have to be discreet in everything I do, even at home, at her request. Convinced her it was okay for me to start hormones. Starting some breast growth now, so not sure what’s going to happen once she notices. She has noticed some behavioral changes and commented on them, in a weird and skeptical way. As for coming out to the wider world, so not ready yet. Stay strong! Hugs!

[secondlook]

On 2/16/2020 at 11:34 AM, ShawnaLeigh said:

It’s just she does not want her side or coworkers, etc knowing she is married to a trans women.  
Hung up on being viewed a lesbian.

 

My wife is anticipating hostility and outright hatred from some parts of her family once they know about me. And while my toxic family will likely be brutal at first and then ghost me, her toxic family will probably maintain contact but continue spewing hate on an ongoing basis, especially if she stays with me. It's a big fear that both she and I share. Is there any chance that your wife is anticipating something similar?

[ShawnaLeigh]

6 hours ago, secondlook said:

Is there any chance that your wife is anticipating something similar?

I have no idea but in my heart I really don’t think she expects any hate from her side.  She strongly feels her father will not be ok with it and may pressure her to divorce me.  Which is her plan already so why worry if he feels this way too.  
is there a slim chance she will have a change of heart?  I suppose nothing is impossible but it’s not likely.  She says it’s simply because she is not attracted to females and had informed me recently that it’s the case with me now.  She doesn’t mean to hurt me with that.  It’s just how she feels and has every right to feel this way.  
So we will see.  

[Susan R]

5 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

She says it’s simply because she is not attracted to females and had informed me recently that it’s the case with me now.  She doesn’t mean to hurt me with that.  It’s just how she feels and has every right to feel this way.  
So we will see.

The longer you two can stay together while you’re transitioning, the better chance that the marriage can survive.  I really thought this might be the case  However, after reading your quote above, it may be more difficult to keep her interested in staying if she is truly no longer attracted to you.  If your wife is showing less interest in you and your intimacy level has been greatly reduced since you started your transition, then it might be a tough road ahead.  Alternatively, if she does still respond to you in the same way despite you presenting female,  then maybe she’s just be saying she’s not attracted to you in the hopes that you have a change of heart about your transition.  Sounds crazy but stuff like that happens if one spouse wants to change something within a marriage.

 

Just a few random thoughts,

Susan R?