My mom doesn't support my pansexuality and transness

[BEAN_CHILD]

when i came out to my mother as trans she told me that I wasn't because I am attracted to boys. I told her that I like all of the genders and she just went off. she started yelling at me, saying that i was a f*****  and said i was a gross guy who was obsessed with butt sex. she started harassing me, asking me how i like butt sex and how im disgusting. mind you i was only 12 when this happened

[Jackie C.]

I see two parenting fails here. One is that the one and only rule of parenting is: LOVE YOUR CHILDREN. The other is her lack of imagination. There are so many more things that two boys can do together than anal intercourse. I feel a little sorry for your father. Your mother must be awful in bed.

 

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Especially at twelve. Who starts screaming at their child about that sort of thing? That's just so wrong on so many levels.

 

Big hugs dear! We've got a lot of cases of bad parenting chronicled on this site. You're far from alone.

[BEAN_CHILD]

thanks jakie

its just that those words that day haunt me

even still ?

[Jackie C.]

I imagine they do. Trauma is like that. Bad parenting causes psychological trauma. I won't say "scarred for life," but only because with time and a good therapist, I think you'll be able to work through it.

 

Doing something like that to your child, who expects love and understanding from their parent, is monstrous. The first time your parents break that bond of trust is incredibly traumatic. Especially if it happens when you're younger or if you're sharing something important about yourself. Your mother had an opportunity to bond with you, grow as a person and help you overcome future obstacles in your life. She chose an ignorant and bigoted tirade peppered with personal attacks instead. Parenting. Fail.

 

Big hugs sweetie. I know you need 'em. I've got lots.

[ShawnaLeigh]

Oh my this is absolutely terrible. I am so sorry she acted that way and said those cruel and hurtful things.  Simply unforgivable in my opinion.  
My mother did not react well with my coming out.  She had said flare out she will not accept it and that I was dead to her.  But she did not berate me or my choices.  My mother reacted out of ignorance to what trans is but still refuses to accept me.  

[Belle]

That is SO awful! I'm so sorry you had to go through that. But don't shove it down and forget about it. As Jackie said, a good therapist can help you not relive those terrible feelings every time it comes to mind.

 

I have also gone through traumatic things from people I love dearly as a result of coming out. I'm still not healed yet though. I'm about to cry with it even on the outskirts of my memory.?

 

Belle ❤

[SaraAW]

I’m with Jackie, time and therapy will help.  It’s truly amazing how cruel some people, that have said they love us, can be. They must not understand what love is, if they can do things like that.  Hang in there everyone and know you’re not alone and there is still a lot of love in the world for each of you. 
 

Oh and also I’m with Jackie on the hugs too.  Hugs for everyone!  Seeing as how I’ve pretended to be a male for 40 years, I have a great stockpile of hugs and have been enjoying giving and receiving them in spades now that I’m not hiding me from the entire world. 

[Laura76]

Bean_Child's message is all too familiar. One of the first people I told was my mother at around 6 years old, it was a terrible experience. My mother insisted there was something wrong with me, and that I need to confess to one of our parish priest's and to ask God for forgiveness, if I didn't she was going to take me to a doctor and see if I need medication, or brain surgery to correct my mistake. This is my first time learning about hiding "my secret." I quickly learned to lie about my gender dysphoria throughout my life. Years later when I told my sister of my desire to transition, she said she thought I was gay because I liked to wear women's clothes.  

There are so many ignorant and mis informed people about being transgender. Recently, North, or South Dakota (don't remember) passed legislation to make it a crime for doctors to treat transgender minors.  Soon it may grow into punishment to doctor's for treating adult transgender patients.

 

[TTheta]

I am sorry that this happened, but hopefully she can take her head out of her rear end and see that is not the case. It was cruel of her to say those things and I am sure that they are not true. 

 

Just know that you are safe here, no one will judge you

[BEAN_CHILD]

thank you all for being so kind to me ;3;