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Jackie Goes For Bottom Surgery


Jackie C.

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As @Jackie C. said, we have a profanity / objectionable word filter on this thing that was populated for substitutions by a highly imaginative developer on the Admin staff.  I may go see how this one was set up if I can keep from laughing too hard.   We can refer to our Feline friends as Kitty cats with no problem. 

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

I spend a lot of time doing this, so I thought I'd include a picture.

 

 

You look happy.  It is great to see.  It also looks like you have a buddy is concerned and trying to help you through the healing.

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It’s always nice to read your latest goings on, Jackie. Yes, it’s not only very informative, descriptive and blunt but I can’t tell you how much you make me laugh with your writing style...you pull no punches..lol.  You’re truly a gift!

 

My Best,

Susan R?

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2 hours ago, VickySGV said:

We can refer to our Feline friends as Kitty cats with no problem.

 

Well of course I could. If I did that, the joke wouldn't have worked though.

 

2 hours ago, michelle_kitten said:

You look happy.  It is great to see.  It also looks like you have a buddy is concerned and trying to help you through the healing.

 

It's hard not to be happy with Oggie purring away in your ear. I also get the grins whenever I just stop and realize that I have what will eventually be a vagina now. Sure, it's technically a vagina right this second, but it looks more like an in-service rock quarry or maybe a geological vent. Sometimes toxic spooge bubbles up out of those too.

Though a deposit of cobalt crystals around the edges would be kind of cool. Probably super uncomfortable. I have more than enough chafing from the pads. It would look awesome though.

 

Hugs! 

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Week Six of the 4-6 Week Healing Process OR Four to Six Weeks My Pasty White Backside

 

And so the saga continues.

 

Activity. I went back to the gym this week. For a day. Unfortunately that very day the governor closed all gyms, restaurants, theaters, and amusement parks. So the lesson here is try not to schedule your surgery immediately before a global pandemic outbreak. In the meantime I can do most stuff around the house. I'm still swollen in my pelvic cradle, but I can do most things that don't require me to bend at the waist. I was surprised how much muscle my body cannibalized while I was healing though. Just six weeks had me struggling to do two-thirds of my workout and I cut the cardio short because of a doctor's appointment.

 

Appearance. It looks better. It's still pretty raw, but I can see the shape of things to come coming together. I'll probably need a little outside revision for asthetics, but we're a long way off from anything like that. Anything could happen.

 

Dilation. Is pretty routine at this point. I've figured out the positions that work the best and how to achieve them. The largest dilator is still uncomfortable, but I can manage. I will never be a size queen. Of course I'm also not sexually attracted to men, so that probably wasn't on the table anyway.

 

Feminine Wash. This is a new thing I'll be trying this week (On doctor's orders, it's a week six perk). The idea is that it helps populate your new vagina with the appropriate bacterial fauna and helps to balance your PH. Today is the first day I'm allowed to scrub down there but I'm putting it off until I have my new shower head. I purchased a variable speed wand. While I've been told by several cis women that this device is an excellent masturbation tool, I was thinking it would be good to loosen slough tissue in hard-to-reach areas. I suppose it can be two things.

 

Healing. Still coming along. While the doctor says four to six weeks, I'm going to be a special snowflake and take a little longer because of the slough tissue. That's a lesson to be learned: My tissue wasn't as high quality because of all the weight I've lost. While it's going to fill back in, I've got some extra healing to do because of it. Be in the best shape of your life before you go in for surgery. You will not regret it.

In the meantime, I've still got bleeding from where the slough pulls away from the healthy skin. I'm applying an ointment to the slough to help dissolve it and move things along. I've been told that there is another product to help everything heal back in once the slough is gone, but I have yet to see it.

 

Pain. There's still some pain. I'd call it a one, but my pelvic cradle is still pretty swollen and I've got bits of dead tissue stubbornly hanging on. Sitting is uncomfortable, but bearable. I'm very ready for the hurting to stop, but I'm made of old shoe leather and grit. I can take it.

 

Slough. I lost a giant glob of tissue Saturday morning. I mean it was going, but I somehow didn't expect it to slop off all at once like that. Mega disgusting, and a bout of panic with, "ZOMG! What the frelling heck is that?!?" but my sleep addled brain put the pieces together pretty quickly.

 

Unless something super interesting happens, this is probably going to be the last update for a while. The next milestone is at least two weeks off. Probably more like six. I'm always happy to answer questions though.

 

Hugs!

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I'm glad you are getting through all this as well as you are.  Time will make everything seem right.  

Funny how the terrible scar i had from open heart surgery has become just a part of me.  It actually looks like some extra cleavage now.   

It sounds like your doing great.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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@Jackie C.  I appreciate you updates.  As I am only a few weeks behind you, everything you write about (okay, except for dilations) is relevant to me.

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5 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

So the lesson here is try not to schedule your surgery immediately before a global pandemic outbreak.

LOL, I’ll remember this sage advice. I’ll have to order my crystal ball off amazon soon...the stores seem to be all out at the moment!  Seriously, it could be worse.  I have a friend going into surgery soon and it doesn’t seem to be the best time to be doing anything in a hospital.

 

5 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Slough. I lost a giant glob of tissue Saturday morning. I mean it was going, but I somehow didn't expect it to slop off all at once like that. Mega disgusting

Jackie, is this excess hyper-granulated tissue coming off.  When it comes off does the area from which it came look like ‘a large scrape with the scab removed too early’ in other words...a very bright red thinly lined skin area?

 

5 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I've got bits of dead tissue stubbornly hanging on.

Are you able to wear regular ladies undergarments with pads yet or do you still need the adult full protection undergarments?  How does whichever one you wear at this point in your healing, keep the skin from irritation, itching, and rubbing against these areas?

 

6 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I'll probably need a little outside revision for asthetics, but we're a long way off from anything like that. Anything could happen.

These revisions are seemingly very common...more common than I was hoping.  I know several woman that have needed multiple trips back for various surgeries.  What’s interesting is that some women have these revisions done years later.  Very often it’s just an issue to adjust their urine stream or simply removing excess scar tissue in one area.  How long did your doctor say it would be until you know whether or not you’ll need a revision?  Are there some telltale signs you’re seeing with your own surgery that makes you fell you may be a candidate for an upcoming revision?

 

Thank you for the update,

Susan R?

 

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1 hour ago, Susan R said:

Jackie, is this excess hyper-granulated tissue coming off.  When it comes off does the area from which it came look like ‘a large scrape with the scab removed too early’ in other words...a very bright red thinly lined skin area?

 

Yup, exactly like that. Though there's usually a little blood around the edges. I'm OK with the blood. I've had eczema forever. The lump of ick was not as welcome however. Still, I smell better. ?

The lump of ick was getting pretty powerful.

 

1 hour ago, Susan R said:

Are you able to wear regular ladies undergarments with pads yet or do you still need the adult full protection undergarments?  How does whichever one you wear at this point in your healing, keep the skin from irritation, itching, and rubbing against these areas?

 

Regular panties with pads during the day. Full on diapers at night for the sake of the sheets. Also I seem to bleed more then. That's probably going to continue until the slough part is done as that seems to be where most of the blood is coming from. I've got one more bothersome patch in the front. After that, it's just little bits here and there.

Rubbing hasn't been much of an issue besides my inner thighs. I keep the rough spots there medicated with the same skin cream I use to treat my eczema.

I should also mention that the night sweats seem to have mostly cut it the heck out so I'm not waking up inside a moist sponge anymore when I have to go pee. That has done wonders for my sleeping. No more getting back into soggy sheets and having to navigate warped floorboards.

 

1 hour ago, Susan R said:

These revisions are seemingly very common...more common than I was hoping.  I know several woman that have needed multiple trips back for various surgeries.  What’s interesting is that some women have these revisions done years later.  Very often it’s just an issue to adjust their urine stream or simply removing excess scar tissue in one area.  How long did your doctor say it would be until you know whether or not you’ll need a revision?  Are there some telltale signs you’re seeing with your own surgery that makes you fell you may be a candidate for an upcoming revision?

 

I'd include a picture, but that violates just SO many forum rules. I've got a couple of crevices that don't look to be going down any time soon with a little scarring around the edges. It's a little like a double hair lip on either side of the neo-vagina. I'll have a better idea what I'm going to need when the swelling finally goes down. Again. I'm a special snowflake. My immune system tends to over-react to literally everything.

I'm not sure about the urine stream because it's right under some of the slough tissue so I have no idea what the final results are going to be like there until I heal some more. It's dissolving, but it hasn't given up quite yet.

 

So yeah, healing. Maintaining contact with my doctor. Staying indoors because there's a super contagious virus stalking the streets and, as an asthmatic, I'm in the at-risk group... Regular stuff. At least I'm getting some writing done.

 

Hugs!

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4 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I'm in the at-risk group... Regular stuff. At least I'm getting some writing done.

It’s sounds like you’re keeping on top of it though. Being active as possible and keeping everything clean is probably helping you heal faster. You’ll be just fine, I’m sure.  And yes...The writing is nice for you to pass the time and very informative for all of us here on the forum.

 

Thank You,

Susan R?

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  • 2 weeks later...

We’’re still with you. Thank you so much for your updates. I still blow coffee through my nose when I read your colorful descriptions.

Laura76

 

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  • 5 weeks later...
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Three Months a Lady

 

Like it says on the tin, this is my update at three months of recovery. I've spoken to my surgeon, addressed issues and generally gotten better. Not completely better, that'll be a minute, but way better than I was.

 

Pain. Hardly any. I can still pull it to the point where I feel some discomfort in certain positions, but for the most part I can sit on it all day with only a little tingling or tightness towards the front. The swelling is finally going down. It's not gone, but there's less of it than there was. I still get a little blood spotting from time to time due to a patch of granulated tissue about a half-inch south of my urethra. Very minimal, just a few drops.

 

OB/GYN. This is apparently something I need. Specifically to treat the tissue granulation south of my urethra. Unfortunately, the world ended and it's hard to find a doctor to look at my lady bits and prescribe... I'm guessing silver nitrate, but I don't really know. I'd need an OB/GYN for that. My regular doctor is asking around for me, but I'll probably have to wait for the stay-at-home order to be lifted. The current date for Michigan is May 15th, so maybe two weeks. Maybe not. I'm in the county hardest hit and we had terrorists in the capital yesterday (no joke, armed white-supremacist gunmen complete with assault weapons, and legislators wearing bullet-proof vests to session) so really anything could happen.

The point being that I'm looking for a trans-friendly OB/GYN sooner than I thought I'd need one.

 

Numbness. The surgical site still has considerable numbness. Some areas are still pretty numb while others are regaining normal sensitivity. I've been told to apply bio-oil twice a day to speed the healing process. I couldn't tell you if it works or not. It's a good moisturizer (bringing the count of moisturizers I spread on to four if you're keeping track), but I don't care for the way it smells. It has a sort of medicinal flowers stink to it. Like someone was going for floral, but had never really been in the same room with a flower and added disinfectant.

Of course I never liked the way flowers smell anyway (probably my allergies at work), so maybe it's lovely for someone who isn't knocked on their butt by pollen every spring and summer.

 

Depth. I've lost a little depth. About a half-inch. I've been given an intra-vaginal cream to help get it back. First off, I'm giddy that I get to use an intra-vaginal cream. However, I've learned that the applicator absolutely blows. I have no idea who designed this thing, but it's a lazy design. Probably chosen because it's simple to build and cheap.

I'm going to share my method for you though. This took me a couple days to get down. First, load the tube to whatever your dosage is. Next, apply a bit of lube around the top part of the applicator tube. You don't need a lot, the idea here is to keep the ointment from sticking to the plastic. Next, insert the tube as deeply as you can. Push the plunger while pulling the tube back out a little. Now as you remove the tube, make certain to rotate it and try to rub it on your vaginal walls to help dislodge any remaining ointment. If you did it right, you shouldn't have more than a dab of ointment left stuck to the applicator.

 

Pads. If you've been paying attention, that's three oils, ointments and creams that I'm spreading in, around and on my neo-vagina. I'm still using thin pads to keep the tsunami of glop contained.

Prior to that, I tried going sans-pad for a day. My pads had appeared clean for a while and I was hopeful I could get back to normal. I soaked through my panties by my midday dilation session. I couldn't even tell you what I was leaking but I am still, apparently, a very juicy girl. I'll repeat the experiment when I'm no longer spreading all possible flavors of gunk on my genitals and can go back to showering after my morning dilation session instead of before. Can't wash the medicine off after all.

 

Dilation. Still a thing. Delayed going down to twice a day until I get my depth back. I don't really miss the hour while we're all in medical quarantine. The idea being that it seems counter-intuitive to build my depth back up by reducing sessions. On the plus side, I've got my technique down and I'm using my phone to learn Japanese while I'm stuck. Might as well use the time productively, right? You just need activities you can do one-handed.

That's a silly thing isn't it? I have a computer that fits easily in my hand, but I have to manually keep my dilator in place. It seems like there should be a mechanical method to make the experience hands-free. At least the ten minutes between changing out dilator sizes. I wouldn't think it would be any more expensive to design and manufacture than my yoga strap.

 

Activity. I've been doing a little over an hour of cardio dance and weights in the morning. Sometimes I change that up with about an hour of yoga. I'm not really flexible enough for yoga, but I'd like to be. I've taken a couple of three mile walks to and from the pharmacy on the corner weather permitting. No discomfort from... ok, yoga occasionally hurts, but it hurts the same way it did before surgery. No discomfort from my dance routine past the normal muscle burn. I miss getting back to the gym. I miss my friends at the gym too.

 

Function. I'm sure this is the part you're really interested in. Hence why I kept it for last. My surgeon cleared me for sexual activity and I took things for a solo run. I had a little trouble getting into the mindset at first, but eventually got things moving. There's still a lot of numbness to work around. Did not manage to reach the finish line, but I had fun experimenting. I'd say I got as far as maybe eighty percent "up the mountain." I'll try to reach the summit again, but it might be a while before I'm healed enough to manage a clitoral orgasm. Completely clueless on my "g-spot." I know it's in there somewhere, but I haven't managed to locate it yet. You'd think it would be easy as I have long, dexterous fingers, but I don't even know what I'm looking for. I need a map and a compass. Maybe an endoscope. 

Total aside, I saw an ad for an endoscope you can hook to your phone the other day. The idea is using it to clean your ears. The camera probably isn't waterproof though.

 

I stand corrected. $36 on Amazon. Huh.

 

Hugs!

 

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Thank you Jackie for giving us this very thorough and descriptive update.  I’m sure much of the aftercare and healing processes for my surgery will be similar. Also, many of your tips and suggestions will be very helpful to me when the time comes.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

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I'm hoping yours goes more smoothly actually. While this hasn't been a total train wreck, it hasn't been a picture perfect example of the procedure either. It might have gone more smoothly if my surgeon was closer. I can't exactly drive out to Philly again on a whim to have her look at something. I can, and do, send her pictures though. I have sent her just SO many pictures of my crotch.

 

Hugs!

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 2/11/2020 at 2:00 PM, Jackie C. said:

Part Five - Unpacked 

 

So I got the early appointment and it was over in a blink. The first thing they asked me to do was get undressed. Seeing as how it had taken me twenty minutes to get dressed, it was challenging, but I managed. 

 

The vents went easy, but the packing and catheter were both very tender. They went quickly though. My urethra is still pretty swollen, but getting better. Everything is still very swollen. It's a wonder it doesn't hurt more than it does. I can see what it's going to look like in broad strokes when it's done healing. 

 

Then we did my first dilation. Not super comfortable right now, but I'm having trouble relaxing yet. It's a three part process: First I insert a huge dildo for five minutes. Next, we use an even bigger one for ten. Finally I have to insert a telephone pole for the last five minutes. That's my routine for the next month. 

 

Douching starts Saturday. 

 

Hugs!


This made me laugh (with you, hopefully, not at you). I’ve told my friends a few days ago: “After all my research last weekend, it’s seems like the final surgery will temporarily turn me into a bit of a -friendly person- with a medical fetish.”

 

They didn’t laugh. But I thought it was funny. ?

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On 2/25/2020 at 8:42 AM, Jackie C. said:

So yeah, the surgical site looks like someone tried to sculpt the Sarlacc Pit Play Set out of expired stew meat.

 


Okay this part really got me. Your humor still shines through but whilst half-laughing I turned the side in what can only be described an as “ewww shudder.”

 

Your reports are invaluable to me. I’m glad I found this site and this thread.

 

I’m undeterred in my quest for final transition (East to say when I’m only on step 3, I guess), but oh girl I’m not looking forward to “cleanup on aisle 3!”

 

I have crippling OCD...so things could get very...interesting.

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Oh dear. I've left gunk on... everything. The best way to describe what's going on down there right now is "juicy." I'm sure some of it is the... let's see... lube, estridiol cream and the bio oil... but some of it is "me" too. I'm going through at least two pads a day, and there's... let's call them drippings... going down my leg without. I'm like a big ol' gravy boat. That someone tipped over. I can't imagine dealing with that and OCD at the same time. Yikes!

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2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Oh dear. I've left gunk on... everything. The best way to describe what's going on down there right now is "juicy." I'm sure some of it is the... let's see... lube, estridiol cream and the bio oil... but some of it is "me" too. I'm going through at least two pads a day, and there's... let's call them drippings... going down my leg without. I'm like a big ol' gravy boat. That someone tipped over. I can't imagine dealing with that and OCD at the same time. Yikes!


It’s going to be a challenge to be sure. But I am setting up my house with a “contamination zone bedroom” that should help. It’s the former “front room,” that has wooden floors instead of carpet.

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  • 1 month later...

Thank you Jackie C.

I am grateful for so much information. You were lucky to have someone with you. I feel a little intimidated to be doing this by myself.

Again thank you so much for sharing your experience and giving the rest of us  a better understanding of what to expect.

I am so happy for you.

Lots of love

Carrie

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Jackie,

thanks for sharing. It is my goal to have a limited depth vulvoplasty. At my age I do not want to have to do dilation everyday nor do I ever want or need a man to "complete me" with vaginal sex. Removing the penis and gaining the external appearance of female genitalia is sufficient for dealing with my disphoria. 

Bravo Jackie, know that each day will be better than the day before and sometime down the road your healing will be completed. 

Tanker go bønner

Erikka

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3 hours ago, Erikka said:

It is my goal to have a limited depth vulvoplasty. At my age I do not want to have to do dilation everyday nor do I ever want or need a man to "complete me" with vaginal sex. Removing the penis and gaining the external appearance of female genitalia is sufficient for dealing with my disphoria. 

 

Same here, Erikka.  I just learned about this option.  In fact, searching/researching it is how I stumbled onto TP.  I hope that if you go before me (probable; I'm in no hurry right now) you will share all the gory details like Jackie is doing for us.  As I understand it, the procedure (tissue used and how it's moved) is different.

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33 minutes ago, Tori M said:

will share all the gory details like Jackie is doing for us.

 

Hey! It hasn't been gory for a couple of months now! ?

 

Hugs!

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Hey! It hasn't been gory for a couple of months now! ?

 

Hugs!


Yay! Congrats!

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1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

Hey! It hasn't been gory for a couple of months now! ?

 

Hugs!

 

Yea, it's getting easier for me to read now {me<<<squeamish!).  Forgive me, I'm just now catching up on this long thread.  Thanks so much for sharing, Jackie.  I might never get surgery now!  ?

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DOB.  No periods, just the letters.  04-03-2000. That was correct. Nice they kept the zeros so these things would be consistent. F.  She stared at that.  F.   The next line was MICHAELS A.  That was her doctor.  The F could only be gender.  He was some kind of a specialist in the field of sex and he had called her F.  Her drivers' license and medical insurance and Social Security card and birth certificate, even her Voter ID, had M.  She went over and over it.  There was no M anyway that would indicate gender. Only F. She had plenty to think about.  Lunch was a tasteless hamburger served by an expressionless somebody who obviously had orders not to talk.  She also got grapes, somehow rendered tasteless and chips and a plastic glass of lemonade.  When she was done the somebody took them and exited a door that she had not noticed.  She searched the wall but could not find any hint of where the door was.  Well, in the future she would be able to understand what it means to be in a psych ward.   Dinner was similar.  There was a breakfast, too, and sometime later the door opened and a nurse smiled and called her out to the hall.  There was Dr. Michaels. "I see no reason to keep you, so I am sending you home.  My notes have been sent to your therapist and she will be talking to you soon. If not, call her." "Thank you.  Oh, my gi." She was given scrubs to wear home and a bucket of cold water that they had been soaking her gi in. "You need to wait for discharge, miss."  Miss.  Here's proof. The other documents would be easy to change. She waited in a waiting room.  They gave her lunch at noon, and at 2:00 the discharge papers finally arrived. "I will need some way to get home." "He's downstairs in the lobby.  You can meet him there." "Great." ----------------------------------------------------- "What are we going to do about Marketing?"  this was the Chairman of the Board.  He had been asking this for years. This Saturday afternoon the Board had dropped their golf game in light of the sudden drop in sales.  This was not quite an emergency, but close. There was debate.  They finally agreed that since Gibson had been given something that they now considered a raw deal, and turned it into a cash cow for the company anyway, he deserved promotion.  They needed to ramp up Marketing  and Sales because the traditional products were market laggers now and there was pressure to open up the forty acres of industrial facilities they had closed when the jobs went to China.  They needed to find a way to create jobs. Gibson would be moved from Marketing to be the new Vice President of Marketing and Sales. A key job would be identifying new markets they could enter and expanding product appeal. "So who gets his job?" Discussion. Obviously it needed a college graduate.  There was only one in Marketing, this Taylor person.  Should they promote a transgender?  HR spoke up and said that since she was the only one in Marketing with a degree, it would be almost a fatal flaw not to promote her if they could.  Policy was to always promote from within if possible. She was beginning to work on her Master's. Point in her favor.  She brought fresh, young blood to the company. Another point.  Everyone liked her. Quick learner. Sharp. Emotionally stable.  Positive. They had confidence in her, even if she was new to the company, that she could handle the job.  When could HR have the paperwork ready?  Good. This would be announced first thing Monday morning. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bob found himself at a loss as to what to do with himself.  He made himself coffee with the new coffee maker and the new coffee, made a PBJ with the new bread, the new PB and the new jelly, and ate an apple, all at the new table.  It was almost like she was there.  He even did the dishes and put the clean ones in the dish rack and made his bed.   He threw himself into work that could have waited for Monday.  He worked on a financial projection and his personal budget and then went over to the hospital. No, he would not be allowed to see her.  She was fine. Don't worry.   He went for a walk this nice spring day.  He just happened to walk around the hospital, hoping she would be standing at a window somewhere. Nope.  He ate a TV dinner she had bought him and tinkered with his motorcycle and went to bed.   The next day he ate a breakfast that happened to be there from the stuff Taylor had bought, which made him miss her even more.  He went to the church they had visited Wednesday night, partly because he was curious, but mainly to sit next to the chair she had sat in Wednesday night, as if that would make her appear.   Worship was similar to Wednesday night and Brother Mike spoke.  Before he began he saw Bob and in surprise said, "Sir, I wanted to catch you Wednesday night but I didn't. Can  I ask you please to stay afterwards and come up here and talk to me?" That was fine with Bob.  They also had information no one in town had.   The sermon, altar call and closing song over, Bob made his way to the front. Brother Mike came over to him.  "Sir,I want to ask your forgiveness for want it must have seemed like to you Wednesday night.  And on behalf of my wife, for Tuesday. She had Taylor confused with someone else.  Will you forgive us?" Quite the start.  "Sure." "In 2015 I was the youth pastor at Hutton Church." [Hutton is a little village outside of Roosevelt, consisting of a church, half a dozen houses, a gas station and a Dollar General Store. The kids go to Roosevelt schools.] "Small world." "I remember there was a terrible assault on one of the youth at the high school, and there was a prayer campaign for that boy. He made a full recovery.  I recall a number of  news articles even though the family requested privacy.  I remember a Bob being mentioned as a close friend of the assaulted.  You strongly resemble him, and I am puzzled by your companion. She looks like the boy a lot.  That is why I kept looking in your direction.  Not in accusation." "She was him." "Really." "This is the same Taylor people are talking about - who changed from male to female?" "I think she was never a male, actually." "Really.  Well, I didn't build this church by accusing anyone or making anyone feel bad, and I think both those things happened with you and - Taylor.  I want you to know you are welcome here.  If there is anything I can do to help, let me know.  Did you know that over half this church came forward Wednesday night with sexual issues of one sort or another?  You are not alone. Excuse me, that is presumptuous, that you have such issues. I have no right to pry.  But thank you for coming back."   Not bad, Bob thought. Not bad at all.    A quick fast food lunch and he was at the hospital.  Was she being discharged? He was her ride, so they were willing to tell him. He could wait. And he did.        
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Was excited today,my new toolbox has been shipped out,Snap On dealer told me this.It took this long since it was ordered to get it.My other co workers and I were right about the new employee that started yesterday,He was fired this afternoon.Was on his phone again and boss caught him do it.Plus he did call me an offensive word,the C word my boss hates.I did report that to my boss.My boss believes in treating women right
    • Sally Stone
      ss,   I can't say that my image in the mirror has helped me understand why I am bi-gender.  I'm pretty certain the reason I identify as bi-gender  has to do with how I feel inside.  About mirrors though, I do clearly see my inner woman when I look at myself in the mirror.  
    • MaeBe
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The tornado called Taylor ripped through Bob's apartment. After a trip to a laundromat, two trips to grocery stores for cleaning supplies and what Taylor opined were Basic Staples, everything was scrubbed within an inch of its life.  A new dish  drainer with a new hand towel and dish cloth were by the side of the scrubbed out sink; motorcycle parts were in a box under the newly made bed.  Floor, shower, toilet, sink had been hit in the bathroom and new towels hung there the way Taylor liked them. "I don't recognize the place/" "So move out." Taylor was sitting on one of the new kitchen chairs.  There were four of them around the little wooden table.  In the middle was a flower arrangement.  Bob had made his last trip to the dumpster.  Not a pizza box remained. A row of card board boxes with books had been replaced by shelves full of neatly arranged books. "Look at this." "I am not going to do this all the time.  You clean your own place from now on. I am bushed." "Many thanks, babe." "No problem, Big Guy." "Hey, I wanted to talk to you about exercise.  Karate in particular."  He pronounced it ka-ra-tay. "I am a second Dan black belt and there is a certain obligation there to teach other people." "Kara-tay? I don't know." "A friend of mine runs a dojo here and needs my help. He talked to me already.  Tuesday and Thursday night and Saturday mornings." "Oh.  So you will be there then." She looked disappointed. "I'm hoping you will be there." "Sounds dangerous.  But I could use the exercise." "And self-defense would be good. It might help." "It might. Huh.  Saturday morning?" "8 AM I need to be there. Classes run until noon. I don't need to be there the whole time." "Is there an intro class or anything?" "Yes. 10 to 11." "How about if I try that."  She was not very enthusiastic.  Punches and kicks and stuff.   Saturday morning they arrived together.  She wanted to watch the Green Belt class that met then just to see what she was in for. Sensei Mark came to the front of the room, before the big American and Japanese flags. Between them was a picture.  "I am honored to introduce to you Sensei Bob.  He is a second Dan black belt.  He has actually beaten me in tournaments.  I have known him through tournaments.  You will listen to him as you listen to me.   Sensei Bob, take the class. The two sensei bowed to each other.  Sensei Bob pointed out that Sensei Mark had beaten him, as well. Taylor was sort of standing against the back wall, scrunched up, a mouse in her crisp new beltless gi.  Her t-shirt was off white underneath it and she was hoping no one would notice. "I am Sensei Mark. You are Taylor." "Yes, sensei!" she stood at attention and shouted it. He laughed.  "This is not Cobra Kai and we are not in a Karate Kind movie.  You do that here only between bows.  Bob tells me you are a complete beginner." "That is an understatement." "Here, let me fix your gi."  She had it on a little incorrectly.  She drew back. "What's the matter?" "I am pretty touchy." "Okay.  Untie the straps in front and tie them the other way, like mine." "I don't have a belt." "There. That is right. You will get a belt after three months and passing tests on kata, kumite and karate knowledge." "I don't know what that is." "And we touch a lot here.  Not romantically. You see how Sensei Bob is going around and adjusting people's stances and arm locations." "Yes, I see that." No enthusiasm. "You are Sensei Bob's girl, right?" "Yes.  What is important to him is important to me, so here I am."  He wished her well and told her to go see Margie, who handled registration at the little table. "Hi, I heard about you." Margie began. "What does that mean?" "It means we treat everyone here with respect.  That was the wrong way to start." "I'll say. Try again." "Good morning. How can I help you?" "I want to register for the beginner class." "You are Taylor, right?" "Right." "Sensei Bob paid for your lesson today." He would. She gave name, address, age, height, weight, and they came to gender. Margie asked it twice. "Put down female." "The only other choice is male." "Then that is it." "Earlier I was thinking about tournaments, which are big here. The rules are that boys fight boys and girls fight girls - there are Men's and Women's Divisions.  I know you look like a woman, but they go by the birth certificate." This was awkward.  Really awkward.  Down at the other end of the room they were moving in unison when Bob said HAI!, turning, punching, kicking, etc. "I don't plan to go to tournaments.  One step at a time, shall we?" "Okay.  And I meant it when I said respect.  We bow to each other.  You will see. As a sign of honoring other people." Margie bowed slightly, sitting down.  Taylor returned the bow and smiled. The class moved into sparring, breaking into twos and practicing moves against each other.  Bob was moving among the pairs, adjusting positions of hands, hips, feet.  Taylor was unsure about someone touching her like that, her hips particularly.    The green belt class ended as new students came in for the beginners' class. Down at the other end the brown belt class began.  The room was large enough you could do two classes at the same time.   The other beginners, nervous, lined up at Margie's table.  People got into gis, the men in their big area and only woman in the little restroom that was for them.   Sensei Mark greeted them and showed them where to stand: on the little x's on the floor. He explained the School Code.  They would recite it at the beginning of class and they needed to memorize it for the white belt test, at which time they would, of course, receive a white belt. He explained some terms.    They warmed up with some basic, easy stretches.   They learned a kata called Taikyoku Shodan, involving blocks, punches and some movements. This was not bad.   She was now paired off with Judy.  Things were going well and this was not too bad. Judy was sixty years old and had been told to exercise by her doctor.  Taylor said her boyfriend was teaching the other class, which was impressive, and he wanted her involved.   "You remember the gedan barai - downward block?"  They did. Everyone showed him and he went around and made sure everyone had it down. "And the lunge punch?"  They did. "Now we are going to put them together. One of you will punch and the other block it. Okay?"   Taylor squared off against Judy.  Her heart was pounding.  She practiced her gedan barai as Judy practiced her lower lunge punch.  Then they faced each other. "Okay, first partner, lunge punch.  Second partner, lower block.  Slowly.  Go!" Taylor saw the punch coming at her, but instead of blocking it her eyes welled up with tears and she dropped to the floor, weeping uncontrollably. "Oh God, Oh, God, Oh God, make it stop, make it stop" she shouted to parties unseen. Fetal position, rocking back and forth. Crying hysterically. "I didn't go near her," Judy said, bewildered. "Taylor?"  this was Sensei Bob.  Both classes had stopped and were looking at her. She kept crying. "I am here, "Bob told her, not touching.  "Oh Bob you need a wife who can be a real woman to you. I am making you into a monk or something." And she continued crying at full volume. "You need someone better than me, someone who can give you kids." Everyone could hear this.  They were turning away, trying to pretend they could not hear this. "I need to get her out of here and take her." Bob said, and he and Mark bowed to each other. He scooped her up and she bawled into his shoulder.  She clung to him.  First hug ever. Death grip, more like it. "Judy, would you get her things?" "I did nothing," Judy said, and moved towards the restroom, stunned.  "Nothing." "I know what she was wearing," Margie said, and got them. "I've got a gym bag. It 's red and it says Roosters on it. Can you get it? Mark got it.  He accompanied them to the car.  Taylor was non-stop crying deeply, clinging to him for dear life. Mark unlocked the car and together they managed to pry Taylor off of him, even though it took both of them to do it.  She was in the car seat and they managed to buckle her in it. "I am going to take you to your apartment," he said. "No. Emergency room," she said. "Maybe the psych ward."  He didn't doubt it. She calmed down in a few minutes on the way. "Well, that was embarrassing." "Everyone remembers their first day of karate class." "Bob, what I love about you is your sense of humor." "I love everything about you." "Even this?" "Yes. Even this." She managed to walk into the ER.  They were both still in gis. "Karate accident?" "No. I am Taylor and I am a nut. I wear a gi all the time. I make my boyfriend wear one, too." "She had a triggered event.  She's had some difficult times." "I see. Do you you know are bleeding?" "No."  Her crotch was wet with blood and the blood was seeping down both legs. She was wheeled away. "Sir, please wait here." He did.  He had no legal right to see her right now. After a while a nurse came out and said he could come on  back. There she was in a hospital gown.  "Seems like old times." "yeah.  We gotta stop meeting like this." The nurse buzzed around and left them. "They are running tests." "I bet they are." "I got an MRI. On a Saturday morning, too."  First ever. "You rate.  But why?" "They figure some of the old scar tissue - you know, from the- from the past - ripped open and they need to see what is going on." "We know what is going on,"said a doctor, stepping in. He looked at her. "I am Doctor Michaels.  They called me in.  I just happened to be in the building and they wanted me to see this and take the case.  My specialty is Disorders of Sexual Development. But what I am seeing is little in the way of disorder.  Look at this." They looked at the image. "This is a perfectly ordinary uterus." "Uterus?" "Yes, your uterus." "What?" "That is not all.  This is a cervix, and this is a vagina." "It's blocked up." "Yes.  It looks like you had surgery to do exactly that when you were an infant.  They used to do that." "This is me?" "You." "Really?" "I imagine this takes some getting used to. "Can it be undone?" "Absolutely. I mean, I cannot guarantee it, but it is more than likely. I would like to run some tests." "And the bleeding?" "It looks like the hormones you have been taking have kicked of a regular monthly cycle. Then you did a whole bunch of exercise.  Not surprising." "What?" "I want you to come to my office next week for follow-up.  Have you ever had a genetic test of any sort?" "No." "Well, your testes - one looks at first glance more like an ovary." "Ovary. Can I have kids?" "Too soon to tell.  You look happy." She did.  "Bob, you look stunned." "I am." "Given what happened earlier today we want to keep you overnight for observation.  I understand you are a trauma victim and something triggered it." "I got a punch thrown at me in kara-tay class, is all. I am a wimp." "Well, I will let you two talk for a minute and they will come and get you shortly.  No bad news here." "They are coming to take me away, hah-hah, they are coming to take me away," Taylor chanted. "Bob, I am not done with kara-tay.  I want to at least finish a first class. I mean, you paid for it and I want you to get your money's worth." "I think I got that." "Kiss me, you fool,"  she said, and he did, with energy.        
    • April Marie
      These arrived in yesterday's mail. I'm out working in the yard today so just old clothes. I'm looking forward to wearing this t-shirt dress when the weather warms up a bit more.  
    • missyjo
      Ashley I've known busty girls who wore b nice bras tl work n such then like a sift sports bra to lounge or sleep in hugs
    • missyjo
      your nails b hair came wonderful  congratulations  enjoy
    • Willow
      The one thing about this position, if you want more hours just wait and be flexible.  I’m now working until 7:30 pm instead of 4:30.  
    • Ashley0616
      I hope your head cold goes away soon! Sorry you have to cut grass with that.   Love the new t-shirt   I love that one.    What Jeep would you want to get? That is awesome about your wife getting better!
    • Ashley0616
      Welcome Mattie! I would recommend the first step is finding a gender therapist and see if you are or aren't. Then one of the biggest steps if you are do you want to start hormone replacement therapy. The decision should be thought long and hard. There are irreversible effects. Looking forward to your next post! Take care!
    • Ashley0616
      Congratulations on being able to pick up a cancellation! I hope to hear more updates about your transition. 
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