Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Passing is when people start the Pronoun shift on their own.


Moira Arista

Recommended Posts

A trans friend and I were parking my car and headed to a pride event and a group of radical feminists did threaten us and to stay safe we just left.

 

Link to comment
  • Replies 50
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Teri Anne

    15

  • Alexxiss

    9

  • Jani

    4

  • Wichita

    3

To get back on point passing is a huge thing when you first come out or if you are just a CDer.

Over time you realize passing is is more about your attitude and how you handle yourself in public.

 

Link to comment

Agreed Teri. I’m sorry to hear your experiences with radical feminists, both of you. As someone who underwent conversion therapy from my Christian family, I have to say that was the most oppressed I’ve ever been.

Yes back to the point. Personality has a lot to do with passing. You can be beautiful and young but if you are unlikeable it’s unlikely someone will respect your pronouns.

Link to comment

Personality is the key. Be nice to people and more than likely people will be nice back to you.

I have seen some younger trans people get up into non trans people faces demanding they be referred to as miss or ma'am and cussing them like a sailor.

To me that is 1. rude 2. not very lady like if you are presenting as a female that is.

Then they expect people to be nice to them.Most of the time acting like that makes things worse.

Maybe even the trans person getting harmed.

I think its basic lack of respect the younger people have these days.

 

 

Link to comment
21 hours ago, Teri Anne said:

The younger crowd have this need to be a part of something or a group of people just like them.


This is what I attribute the explosion of pronouns to. People have such a need to be “special,” they all seem to make up their own rules on the spot...then get offended if everyone doesn’t immediately know what term they’ve made up this week.

Link to comment
8 hours ago, Teri Anne said:

A trans friend and I were parking my car and headed to a pride event and a group of radical feminists did threaten us and to stay safe we just left.

 


And this is one of those things that shows the current feminist movement is a joke..to me anyway.

Link to comment

I found this in the Pinned thread on the Transgender Forum, titled “Problematic Language.

 

“I think one of the big issues comes from within the community itself.  "Boy mode"  "Girl mode"  "boy brain" "girl brain"  "Target Gender" "Preferred Pronouns" and so on.

We are not becoming our gender.  We ARE our gender.  We're (some of us) just trying to be cuter versions of our gender ^_^

 

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter how much you pass and to who. It’s about finding people who acknowledge your competency as a human being to analyze yourself and conclude your gender, even if that means you are one of the other 65.

Link to comment

Teri  Mary i agree with you both. When I every I am in a Lesbian bar or Gay Bar in noho or West Hollywood..I feel super uncomfortable.

Alexxiss Dig that Quote . Cause to be honest that exactly how i feel.

I trying just be a cutie version of my real gender

Link to comment

I think it's interesting to see the generational differences within our community. While it's true that coming out and being openly trans now is a lot easier than it may have been ten, twenty, however many years ago I don't think it's a walk in the park today either. Between me and most of the other trans folks around my age that I know, most of us recognize that the whole "67 genders" isn't really the best way to classify things. Still, we all agree that gender can be a little more nebulous than just a male-female binary. Part of my transition was identifying as genderfluid for a while because I was afraid I'd never "pass" as a woman, and without having non-binary people in my life I wouldn't have had the freedom to explore my gender in the way that I did at the time that I did. While ultimately I came to terms with being a trans woman, I still think it's important to recognize and keep non-binary people as part of our community and the larger conversations we have about trans liberation. 

 

As far as pronouns and "passing" goes, most of us are pretty nonconfrontational in general. It's easier to go through life without having to get into an in-depth explanations of the complexities of gender with the cashier that calls me sir when I'm buying groceries. In my personal experience the only times that I get a little grouchy about being misgendered is when someone that knows me well or that I've already explained that I'm a woman to continues to use the wrong pronouns. For the most part I let the people around me make whatever assumptions they feel like about my gender, but if it's someone important to me or that I'll have to deal with frequently I don't think there's anything wrong with being assertive about being gendered properly. 

Link to comment
33 minutes ago, Rorelai said:

I still think it's important to recognize and keep non-binary people as part of our community and the larger conversations we have about trans liberation. 

I like this. It's important that we don't fall into the footsteps of the intolerant people who came before us. We are no better than the man who says, "Men are men and women are women. If you're born a man, I don't care what you've done to yourself. No amount of surgery will ever make you a woman! You're a man!" We're no better than that guy when we ourselves throw up our hands and reject that some people identify as one of the other 65 genders. We become no better than the transphobes who oppressed us and the transpeople who paved the way for us.

I agree with you Rorelai that it's much easier to let the cashier misgender us because fighting every battle that comes our way is exhausting and possibly futile. Live and let live.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Alexxiss said:

 

I agree with you Rorelai that it's much easier to let the cashier misgender us because fighting every battle that comes our way is exhausting and possibly futile. Live and let live.

Yeah, I agree.

I've never been very confrontational, and this sort of of thing just doesn't seem worth it.

I know who I am.  I don't need to fight about it.

Link to comment

I know who and what I am and it really isn't worth fighting over with a person that will probably never agree with you anyway.

 

Link to comment
47 minutes ago, Teri Anne said:

I know who and what I am and it really isn't worth fighting over with a person that will probably never agree with you anyway.

 

Yeah, or remember you in 20 seconds anyway.

Link to comment

Hey Alexxiss

I don't agree with ; "We are always going to be a male regardless what we do to our self" statement.

To be honest. my goal is to become a CIS woman.

I want to get to the point were i don't worry about the mis gendering because I would have done all the surgeries and truly converted  to my true gender. 

Right now i get more upsets with someone who doesn't know ( AKA the cashier) calling me sir when i am presenting as female. Because I know they are being hateful and disrespectful of me.  Cause in their minds it gives them  power over me and I wouldn't have that with someone i don't know. As pause , to someone whose know  me for a life time and mis gender me bye mistake or call me bye my dead by mistake. Those people are not being hateful or disrespectful and i will educate then and eventually we will get it straight 

 

Link to comment
8 hours ago, Lexi C said:

Hey Alexxiss

I don't agree with ; "We are always going to be a male regardless what we do to our self" statement.

To be honest. my goal is to become a CIS woman.

I want to get to the point were i don't worry about the mis gendering because I would have done all the surgeries and truly converted  to my true gender. 

Right now i get more upsets with someone who doesn't know ( AKA the cashier) calling me sir when i am presenting as female. Because I know they are being hateful and disrespectful of me.  Cause in their minds it gives them  power over me and I wouldn't have that with someone i don't know. As pause , to someone whose know  me for a life time and mis gender me bye mistake or call me bye my dead by mistake. Those people are not being hateful or disrespectful and i will educate then and eventually we will get it straight 

 

Lexi your perspective makes a lot of sense too. I think as with everything the context of being misgendered matters a lot. In my personal life I pass almost all the time now, so it definitely bites on when someone uses the wrong pronouns for me no matter who it is. I've taken the steps I can to present as a woman, and even on days that I hardly try at all most people still can read me as a girl, so sometimes it feels intentional when someone misgenders me. Most of the time though it's not worth the effort it takes to correct people, but one time I did snap at a girl that kept using he/him to refer to me while we were at a leadership retreat. Having gone through the day with people that had known me since the very beginning of my transition but weren't super close to me that kept misgendering me, either intentionally or because they didn't know better, I finally reached my breaking point and lashed out. I hate the stereotype of being "that militant transgender" for correcting people when they get it wrong, but I think what a lot of people don't realize is that there's countless times that we don't correct people that builds up before we get to the point that we need to speak up. 

Link to comment

Intentional yes say something unintentional correct them in a nice way.

Never be "that militant transgender" because that really does not help your/ our cause.

I have found the militant types do get the attention but they also receive the most hate from people in public.

My whole intent in life is to be me also be the best me I can be and I do that by being respectful of others.

I do want to be seen as a cis woman of course but some can see the male markers we that have a hard time ridding ourselves of. I tend to think misgendering will happen to me every so often for the rest of my life and being pissed about it is just a waste of time.

 

Link to comment
11 hours ago, Lexi C said:

Hey Alexxiss

I don't agree with ; "We are always going to be a male regardless what we do to our self" statement.

To be honest. my goal is to become a CIS woman.

I want to get to the point were i don't worry about the mis gendering because I would have done all the surgeries and truly converted  to my true gender. 

Right now i get more upsets with someone who doesn't know ( AKA the cashier) calling me sir when i am presenting as female. Because I know they are being hateful and disrespectful of me.  Cause in their minds it gives them  power over me and I wouldn't have that with someone i don't know. As pause , to someone whose know  me for a life time and mis gender me bye mistake or call me bye my dead by mistake. Those people are not being hateful or disrespectful and i will educate then and eventually we will get it straight 

 

Yeah just reread and you’ll see that I never said that ?

Link to comment

It bothers me to be misgendered intentionally so as to draw others attention, so they won't be fooled by me.

Like they think they're doing a public service announcement.

 

So i've been just not saying anything in this situation.  Nothing.  I go mute.  Which leads to people thinking your dangerous or suspicious, and they actually sent a psych worker out to my car to keep me from driving away.  

 

I'd say something, but its backfired on me every single time I've tried to assertively correct someone.  Like they become offended for being corrected, and then they take extra measures to ridicule or attack me.  So I don't do it!

 

I don't believe in arguing and correcting people.  I want to be gendered authentically, without coercion, and often do.  

Sometimes even people who knew me WELL don't recognize me,  and gender me female lately.  I think I blend in ok, except that I  in an area where I kind of stick out, and people recognize who I am, regardless of how together my presentation is.

The only people I correct are folks who know me and my situation and persist to misgender me in front of others.  To them I say something quietly on the side about it, and ask them to please try to refer to me as female.

 

It's boiling over tho.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

patience my dear - at least you are being gendered correctly more often and that is the right direction - asking your acquaintances on the side is also a good moveand will keep moving you  along in the right direction. I don't fool anyone so I've an incredibly long road to go - so smile  and be happy your are coming into your own.

Link to comment

Its just part of a long and sometimes difficult journey we have chosen to take.

I can't expect everyone I have know thru out life and people I don't know  and people I just met to get it right all the time.

One time I had a very elderly woman watch me and a male friend as we were shopping.

We came out of the store and sat fairly close to where she was sitting with her grand kids. (Mall sitting area).

She walked up to me and said excuse me dear I was watching you and your husband in that store and was trying to figure out if you are really a male dressed as a woman?

I could not get angry at her for asking because she was being brutally  honest.

I said yes but I am transgender.

She said oh I see you born male and living as a woman? I said yeah something like that .She said dear don't you worry at all you really do look like a woman I just wasn't sure.My husband thought I was crazy and said thats a woman no doubt.

No way I could get mad at the lady for asking and really it didn't matter because she was fine with it,walking back to her husband she said see I told you.

My male friend was so sweet and just sat there smiling.

Link to comment

I like that Teri Anne.

Like you, I find nothing to angry about what/how she said.

 

Seems like people think I look female, but there's enough to question.

 

People are stressed generally.  Some enjoy making someone squirm if they can.   They don't have a clue to potential cause & effect.  If the rebound hit them, they still wouldn't understand.  

Pity on them ???

 

But honest curiosity is ok!

Link to comment

Yes some enjoy pointing out you aren't a cis woman but I refuse to feed into their ploy to out you.

I just refuse to act like it bothers me.Once they figure out what they are doing isn't working they usually stop.

The ones of us that have been out for a long time have gone all thru that kind of thing more than once.

Been a few times I have heard look everybody its a  -transgender-  and I just look around myself then walk away.

Main thing is its going to happen and how you deal with it that makes the difference.

 

Link to comment

Yes.  Those of us who have been out a long time have had this happen more than once.

 

I do exactly that if confronted with this in a negative situation.   Don't respond, look around, walk away.

Exactly that.

 

Even if you think you're smart and have a good response, it doesn't matter because often they are not receiving you as being on their level. 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm not even close to that stage yet and hope it will sometime as I edge toward physical womanhood.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
4 hours ago, Teri Anne said:

I just refuse to act like it bothers me.

Exactly!  Don't feed the animals!  

 

@Shay  you're not too far away dear!  Unfortunately it can hurt, especially in the beginning when a seed of doubt can be come a huge tree in our minds.  Guard against it.

 

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 98 Guests (See full list)

    • Petra Jane
    • Willow
    • MaryEllen
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.1k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,938
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Chaidoesart
    Newest Member
    Chaidoesart
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Willow
      Hi   boy you back to work and miss lots.  No time to catch up right now. But I will.   just wanted to let everyone know I’m still here.   willow
    • Davie
      "No one feels alone in a bookstore."
    • Davie
      Thanks, @VickySGVfor some truth. Hatred may speak loudly in a political agenda, but there is always love, there is always love.
    • VickySGV
      Doesn't this belong over in the Humor Topic??  Grim humor I admit, but it has the dark humor picture of the folks protesting the Sacramento Sanctuary Laws.  If the world is going to end next week why are these people so concerned about someone staying fertile and able to have children??   Crazy.
    • VickySGV
      Once again the opposition is telling scary, unfounded  baloney about what IS being done to any Trans Person.  The truth about the very little and very cautious treatments just will not sink into them because it will sink them.  They bully their own Cis children unmercifully to fit into their molds, and that is gruesome in itself. I am happy to say I know that Trans children and all Trans folks in the area have access to wonderful care based on what some of my former State colleagues who have Trans family members and fellow employees there in Sacramento keep telling me about. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.9news.com/article/news/local/local-politics/republicans-gop-ballot-initiatives-target-transgender-people/73-c47ad7ee-40ca-43e0-bb83-07e662eb1029   The reason CO has a Dem super majority is b/c it's a very blue state. A ballot initiative is going to go absolutely nowhere. They're wasting their time.   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/sacramento-sanctuary-city-transgender-people-rcna145287     Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      good for you dear. my guess is soreness is good sign things are going on there. water them n hope. smiles   actually was speaking to someone other day n they said the growth leveled off after a few years  which coincided with a few years of very high stress..n then when the high stress resolved, she grew another cup size..
    • missyjo
      darling I completely agree. but it will need road testing I'd think.    and I recently asked a surgeon about an idea I had for easier recovery...do a zero depth 1st..recover then add a canal..he said NO. this surgery is hard enough on body to recover, do not do it any more than needed. also said penile inversion usually is sufficient n includes a few centimeters of perineum tissue anyway..so keep the perineum pull through as a reserve technique in case there is a problem with theb penile inversion.    hugs to any who want them
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      I can't tell from the article if being trans was part of the motivation for the crime, or whether it was simply incidental to it. Clearly at least one of the perpetrators was known to the victim, which seems to continue the pattern that the most dangerous people for us are often people we know.  😒
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Beans, beans, the musical fruit...   But beans and rice make a complete protein, and a pretty cheap base for any sort of meal. Since two of my partners are Hispanic and one is Asian, we use a lot of rice. Plenty of beans too, although 90% of the time they are on the form of black-eyed peas. That crop grows really well in the South no matter how hot and dry it gets.  And the Native American trio of corn, beans, and squash is a classic.  Actually, those ingredients tend to show clearly whether kids were raised with a healthy diet or not. Kids raised eating those foods luke them. Kids raised without experiencing those foods tend to reject them immediately. Rather strange.
    • Ashley0616
      I feel a little better about going outside. I got my EpiPen just in case of an emergency. Today was rough started euphoric and then depression hit real hard and I don't even know what it was about. It just happened. I want to see a bright future but it turns dim because of something. I was disappointed on how much supplemental insurance was more than regular health insurance. I enjoy seeing other successful people making it as a couple through everything in fact I cheer them on but it just makes me think if I will find anyone. I barely dated anyone when I was physically fit male and then it seems the older I get it gets harder. Not to mention everyone down here leaves as soon as they find out I'm trans. It's only going to get more difficult because of borderline personality disorder. It's dang near seems impossible that people would even put up with that. After all that I'm still trying to be positive and hope for the best but I always expect the worst and that has always been the case. Pushing 40 and I haven't even experienced true love.
    • Ashley0616
      Couldn't be any more truthful!
    • Mmindy
      Good afternoon everyone,    I’ve been working in the shop and preparing a few training props for shipping. So my responses and activity here has been very slow. I’m doing well just real tired.    Hugs,    Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋    
    • Mmindy
      That’s good news, listen to your doctors and your body. You may be asked to start a daily exercise routine and walking around the neighborhood. The worst thing you can do is become sedentary and laying around.    Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...