Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Passing is when people start the Pronoun shift on their own.


Moira Arista

Recommended Posts

A trans friend and I were parking my car and headed to a pride event and a group of radical feminists did threaten us and to stay safe we just left.

 

Link to comment
  • Replies 50
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Teri Anne

    15

  • Alexxiss

    9

  • Jani

    4

  • Wichita

    3

To get back on point passing is a huge thing when you first come out or if you are just a CDer.

Over time you realize passing is is more about your attitude and how you handle yourself in public.

 

Link to comment

Agreed Teri. I’m sorry to hear your experiences with radical feminists, both of you. As someone who underwent conversion therapy from my Christian family, I have to say that was the most oppressed I’ve ever been.

Yes back to the point. Personality has a lot to do with passing. You can be beautiful and young but if you are unlikeable it’s unlikely someone will respect your pronouns.

Link to comment

Personality is the key. Be nice to people and more than likely people will be nice back to you.

I have seen some younger trans people get up into non trans people faces demanding they be referred to as miss or ma'am and cussing them like a sailor.

To me that is 1. rude 2. not very lady like if you are presenting as a female that is.

Then they expect people to be nice to them.Most of the time acting like that makes things worse.

Maybe even the trans person getting harmed.

I think its basic lack of respect the younger people have these days.

 

 

Link to comment
21 hours ago, Teri Anne said:

The younger crowd have this need to be a part of something or a group of people just like them.


This is what I attribute the explosion of pronouns to. People have such a need to be “special,” they all seem to make up their own rules on the spot...then get offended if everyone doesn’t immediately know what term they’ve made up this week.

Link to comment
8 hours ago, Teri Anne said:

A trans friend and I were parking my car and headed to a pride event and a group of radical feminists did threaten us and to stay safe we just left.

 


And this is one of those things that shows the current feminist movement is a joke..to me anyway.

Link to comment

I found this in the Pinned thread on the Transgender Forum, titled “Problematic Language.

 

“I think one of the big issues comes from within the community itself.  "Boy mode"  "Girl mode"  "boy brain" "girl brain"  "Target Gender" "Preferred Pronouns" and so on.

We are not becoming our gender.  We ARE our gender.  We're (some of us) just trying to be cuter versions of our gender ^_^

 

At the end of the day it doesn’t matter how much you pass and to who. It’s about finding people who acknowledge your competency as a human being to analyze yourself and conclude your gender, even if that means you are one of the other 65.

Link to comment

Teri  Mary i agree with you both. When I every I am in a Lesbian bar or Gay Bar in noho or West Hollywood..I feel super uncomfortable.

Alexxiss Dig that Quote . Cause to be honest that exactly how i feel.

I trying just be a cutie version of my real gender

Link to comment

I think it's interesting to see the generational differences within our community. While it's true that coming out and being openly trans now is a lot easier than it may have been ten, twenty, however many years ago I don't think it's a walk in the park today either. Between me and most of the other trans folks around my age that I know, most of us recognize that the whole "67 genders" isn't really the best way to classify things. Still, we all agree that gender can be a little more nebulous than just a male-female binary. Part of my transition was identifying as genderfluid for a while because I was afraid I'd never "pass" as a woman, and without having non-binary people in my life I wouldn't have had the freedom to explore my gender in the way that I did at the time that I did. While ultimately I came to terms with being a trans woman, I still think it's important to recognize and keep non-binary people as part of our community and the larger conversations we have about trans liberation. 

 

As far as pronouns and "passing" goes, most of us are pretty nonconfrontational in general. It's easier to go through life without having to get into an in-depth explanations of the complexities of gender with the cashier that calls me sir when I'm buying groceries. In my personal experience the only times that I get a little grouchy about being misgendered is when someone that knows me well or that I've already explained that I'm a woman to continues to use the wrong pronouns. For the most part I let the people around me make whatever assumptions they feel like about my gender, but if it's someone important to me or that I'll have to deal with frequently I don't think there's anything wrong with being assertive about being gendered properly. 

Link to comment
33 minutes ago, Rorelai said:

I still think it's important to recognize and keep non-binary people as part of our community and the larger conversations we have about trans liberation. 

I like this. It's important that we don't fall into the footsteps of the intolerant people who came before us. We are no better than the man who says, "Men are men and women are women. If you're born a man, I don't care what you've done to yourself. No amount of surgery will ever make you a woman! You're a man!" We're no better than that guy when we ourselves throw up our hands and reject that some people identify as one of the other 65 genders. We become no better than the transphobes who oppressed us and the transpeople who paved the way for us.

I agree with you Rorelai that it's much easier to let the cashier misgender us because fighting every battle that comes our way is exhausting and possibly futile. Live and let live.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, Alexxiss said:

 

I agree with you Rorelai that it's much easier to let the cashier misgender us because fighting every battle that comes our way is exhausting and possibly futile. Live and let live.

Yeah, I agree.

I've never been very confrontational, and this sort of of thing just doesn't seem worth it.

I know who I am.  I don't need to fight about it.

Link to comment

I know who and what I am and it really isn't worth fighting over with a person that will probably never agree with you anyway.

 

Link to comment
47 minutes ago, Teri Anne said:

I know who and what I am and it really isn't worth fighting over with a person that will probably never agree with you anyway.

 

Yeah, or remember you in 20 seconds anyway.

Link to comment

Hey Alexxiss

I don't agree with ; "We are always going to be a male regardless what we do to our self" statement.

To be honest. my goal is to become a CIS woman.

I want to get to the point were i don't worry about the mis gendering because I would have done all the surgeries and truly converted  to my true gender. 

Right now i get more upsets with someone who doesn't know ( AKA the cashier) calling me sir when i am presenting as female. Because I know they are being hateful and disrespectful of me.  Cause in their minds it gives them  power over me and I wouldn't have that with someone i don't know. As pause , to someone whose know  me for a life time and mis gender me bye mistake or call me bye my dead by mistake. Those people are not being hateful or disrespectful and i will educate then and eventually we will get it straight 

 

Link to comment
8 hours ago, Lexi C said:

Hey Alexxiss

I don't agree with ; "We are always going to be a male regardless what we do to our self" statement.

To be honest. my goal is to become a CIS woman.

I want to get to the point were i don't worry about the mis gendering because I would have done all the surgeries and truly converted  to my true gender. 

Right now i get more upsets with someone who doesn't know ( AKA the cashier) calling me sir when i am presenting as female. Because I know they are being hateful and disrespectful of me.  Cause in their minds it gives them  power over me and I wouldn't have that with someone i don't know. As pause , to someone whose know  me for a life time and mis gender me bye mistake or call me bye my dead by mistake. Those people are not being hateful or disrespectful and i will educate then and eventually we will get it straight 

 

Lexi your perspective makes a lot of sense too. I think as with everything the context of being misgendered matters a lot. In my personal life I pass almost all the time now, so it definitely bites on when someone uses the wrong pronouns for me no matter who it is. I've taken the steps I can to present as a woman, and even on days that I hardly try at all most people still can read me as a girl, so sometimes it feels intentional when someone misgenders me. Most of the time though it's not worth the effort it takes to correct people, but one time I did snap at a girl that kept using he/him to refer to me while we were at a leadership retreat. Having gone through the day with people that had known me since the very beginning of my transition but weren't super close to me that kept misgendering me, either intentionally or because they didn't know better, I finally reached my breaking point and lashed out. I hate the stereotype of being "that militant transgender" for correcting people when they get it wrong, but I think what a lot of people don't realize is that there's countless times that we don't correct people that builds up before we get to the point that we need to speak up. 

Link to comment

Intentional yes say something unintentional correct them in a nice way.

Never be "that militant transgender" because that really does not help your/ our cause.

I have found the militant types do get the attention but they also receive the most hate from people in public.

My whole intent in life is to be me also be the best me I can be and I do that by being respectful of others.

I do want to be seen as a cis woman of course but some can see the male markers we that have a hard time ridding ourselves of. I tend to think misgendering will happen to me every so often for the rest of my life and being pissed about it is just a waste of time.

 

Link to comment
11 hours ago, Lexi C said:

Hey Alexxiss

I don't agree with ; "We are always going to be a male regardless what we do to our self" statement.

To be honest. my goal is to become a CIS woman.

I want to get to the point were i don't worry about the mis gendering because I would have done all the surgeries and truly converted  to my true gender. 

Right now i get more upsets with someone who doesn't know ( AKA the cashier) calling me sir when i am presenting as female. Because I know they are being hateful and disrespectful of me.  Cause in their minds it gives them  power over me and I wouldn't have that with someone i don't know. As pause , to someone whose know  me for a life time and mis gender me bye mistake or call me bye my dead by mistake. Those people are not being hateful or disrespectful and i will educate then and eventually we will get it straight 

 

Yeah just reread and you’ll see that I never said that ?

Link to comment

It bothers me to be misgendered intentionally so as to draw others attention, so they won't be fooled by me.

Like they think they're doing a public service announcement.

 

So i've been just not saying anything in this situation.  Nothing.  I go mute.  Which leads to people thinking your dangerous or suspicious, and they actually sent a psych worker out to my car to keep me from driving away.  

 

I'd say something, but its backfired on me every single time I've tried to assertively correct someone.  Like they become offended for being corrected, and then they take extra measures to ridicule or attack me.  So I don't do it!

 

I don't believe in arguing and correcting people.  I want to be gendered authentically, without coercion, and often do.  

Sometimes even people who knew me WELL don't recognize me,  and gender me female lately.  I think I blend in ok, except that I  in an area where I kind of stick out, and people recognize who I am, regardless of how together my presentation is.

The only people I correct are folks who know me and my situation and persist to misgender me in front of others.  To them I say something quietly on the side about it, and ask them to please try to refer to me as female.

 

It's boiling over tho.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

patience my dear - at least you are being gendered correctly more often and that is the right direction - asking your acquaintances on the side is also a good moveand will keep moving you  along in the right direction. I don't fool anyone so I've an incredibly long road to go - so smile  and be happy your are coming into your own.

Link to comment

Its just part of a long and sometimes difficult journey we have chosen to take.

I can't expect everyone I have know thru out life and people I don't know  and people I just met to get it right all the time.

One time I had a very elderly woman watch me and a male friend as we were shopping.

We came out of the store and sat fairly close to where she was sitting with her grand kids. (Mall sitting area).

She walked up to me and said excuse me dear I was watching you and your husband in that store and was trying to figure out if you are really a male dressed as a woman?

I could not get angry at her for asking because she was being brutally  honest.

I said yes but I am transgender.

She said oh I see you born male and living as a woman? I said yeah something like that .She said dear don't you worry at all you really do look like a woman I just wasn't sure.My husband thought I was crazy and said thats a woman no doubt.

No way I could get mad at the lady for asking and really it didn't matter because she was fine with it,walking back to her husband she said see I told you.

My male friend was so sweet and just sat there smiling.

Link to comment

I like that Teri Anne.

Like you, I find nothing to angry about what/how she said.

 

Seems like people think I look female, but there's enough to question.

 

People are stressed generally.  Some enjoy making someone squirm if they can.   They don't have a clue to potential cause & effect.  If the rebound hit them, they still wouldn't understand.  

Pity on them ???

 

But honest curiosity is ok!

Link to comment

Yes some enjoy pointing out you aren't a cis woman but I refuse to feed into their ploy to out you.

I just refuse to act like it bothers me.Once they figure out what they are doing isn't working they usually stop.

The ones of us that have been out for a long time have gone all thru that kind of thing more than once.

Been a few times I have heard look everybody its a  -transgender-  and I just look around myself then walk away.

Main thing is its going to happen and how you deal with it that makes the difference.

 

Link to comment

Yes.  Those of us who have been out a long time have had this happen more than once.

 

I do exactly that if confronted with this in a negative situation.   Don't respond, look around, walk away.

Exactly that.

 

Even if you think you're smart and have a good response, it doesn't matter because often they are not receiving you as being on their level. 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm not even close to that stage yet and hope it will sometime as I edge toward physical womanhood.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
4 hours ago, Teri Anne said:

I just refuse to act like it bothers me.

Exactly!  Don't feed the animals!  

 

@Shay  you're not too far away dear!  Unfortunately it can hurt, especially in the beginning when a seed of doubt can be come a huge tree in our minds.  Guard against it.

 

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 133 Guests (See full list)

    • Betty K
    • MaybeRob
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alscully
      Alscully
      (35 years old)
    2. floruisse
      floruisse
      (40 years old)
    3. Jasmine25
      Jasmine25
      (22 years old)
    4. Trev0rK
      Trev0rK
      (26 years old)
  • Posts

    • EasyE
      Republicans have long committed grave errors by emphasizing their social agenda and moral issues instead of just focusing on the economy, lowering taxes, keeping the public safe, building a strong national defense, promoting business, touting reasonable immigration policies, etc.   The country would thrive economically under Trump's tax and business policies. That's a fact. Another four years of Biden will run this country into the ground financially (including all of our 401Ks and IRAs). But the GOP continues to play right into the Dems' hands by leading with their moral crusades instead of staying the course and trusting their fiscal policies to win the day... 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/hundreds-athletes-urge-ncaa-not-ban-trans-athletes-womens-sports-rcna149033     Carolyn Marie
    • KymmieL
      Well first day is over and now getting ready for bed soon. Work was OK.   Don't know why but I am feeling down. I am heading to bed. Good Night.   Kymmie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I our time at my place.Both admit our sex life is good,got intimate for the 2nd time and he is good at it
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  I will look those up in the document, hopefully tomorrow.   I always look at the source on stuff like this, not what someone, particularly those adversarial, have to say. 
    • MaeBe
      LGBTQ rights Project 2025 takes extreme positions against LGBTQ rights, seeking to eliminate federal protections for queer people and pursue research into conversion therapies in order to encourage gender and sexuality conformity. The policy book also lays out plans to criminalize being transgender and prohibit federal programs from supporting queer people through various policies. The project partnered with anti-LGBTQ groups the Family Policy Alliance, the Center for Family and Human Rights, and the Family Research Council. Project 2025 calls for the next secretary of Health and Human Services to “immediately put an end to the department’s foray into woke transgender activism,” which includes removing terms related to gender and sexual identity from “every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.” The Trump administration proposed a similar idea in 2018 that would have resulted in trans people losing protections under anti-discrimination laws. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; The New Republic, 2/8/24] Similarly, the policy book calls for HHS to stop all research related to gender identity unless the purpose is conformity to one's sex assigned at birth. The New Republic explains: “That is, research on gender-nonconforming children and teenagers should be funded by the government, but only for the purpose of studying what will make them conform, such as denying them gender-affirming care and instead trying to change their identities through ‘counseling,’ which is a form of conversion therapy.” [The New Republic, 2/8/24] The policy book’s foreword by Kevin Roberts describes “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children” as “pornography” that “should be outlawed,” adding, “The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned.” Roberts also says that “educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Roberts’ foreword states that “allowing parents or physicians to ‘reassign’ the sex of a minor is child abuse and must end.” Echoing ongoing right-wing attacks on trans athletes, Roberts also claims, “Bureaucrats at the Department of Justice force school districts to undermine girls’ sports and parents’ rights to satisfy transgender extremists.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; TIME magazine, 5/16/22] Dame Magazine reports that Project 2025 plans to use the Department of Justice to crack down on states that “do not charge LGBTQ people and their allies with crimes under the pretense that they are breaking federal and state laws against exposing minors to pornography.” [Dame Magazine, 8/14/23] Project 2025 also calls for the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services to repeat “its 2016 decision that CMS could not issue a National Coverage Determination (NCD) regarding ‘gender reassignment surgery’ for Medicare beneficiaries.” The policy book’s HHS chapter continues: “In doing so, CMS should acknowledge the growing body of evidence that such interventions are dangerous and acknowledge that there is insufficient scientific evidence to support such coverage in state plans.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Going further, Project 2025 also demands that the next GOP administration “reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military.” The policy book’s chapter on the Defense Department claims: “Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service, and the use of public monies for transgender surgeries … for servicemembers should be ended.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]   …summaries of what’s within the rest of the document re: LGBTQ+ concerns. A person can believe their gender is fixed but incongruent with their physiology, but the authors and Trump (by his own words) just see the incongruity of an “expressed gender” that conflicts with what was/is in a person’s pants.
    • Mmindy
      Good catch… I took care of it.
    • Sally Stone
      I'm tired of the two-party system.  It has degraded to a system where there are only two diametrically opposed views, neither of which supports me.  I have conservative views regarding big government and government spending but I have very liberal views when it comes to protecting the rights of individuals.  And just elections of the past, I am stuck with two choices, neither of which I support. With only two parties, each with agendas that are off the left and right scales, I am not adequately represented.    Finally, I'm okay with party affiliated politicians running for office using their party views, but once elected to office, they are obligated to support the entire electorate not just the electorate members that voted for them.  Plain and simple, our government system is broken and dysfunctional.  I'll step down from my soapbox now.     
    • Sally Stone
      Thanks Mae.  She was an amazing friend and I grew to love her like a sister.
    • Sally Stone
      I did Ashley.  Non-rev travel was one of the major factors for taking the job.  At the time, US Airways had the best non-rev policy in the industry.  It cost $10 to fly coach and $25 to fly first class.  We flew first class whenever there were seats available.  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You should have a moderator fix what you meant to write as "birth certificate".  Ooops.   I've gone over that verse and am wholly and completely dissatisfied with the SBC exegesis of it, so much so that it was one of the things that helped me break out of a mindset of guit.  Sometime I may strut by stuff as a Hebraist and show what it really means.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found this   — 450 — Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise Goal #1: Protecting Life, Conscience, and Bodily Integrity. The Secretary should pursue a robust agenda to protect the fundamental right to life, protect con- science rights, and uphold bodily integrity rooted in biological realities, not ideology. From the moment of conception, every human being possesses inherent dignity and worth, and our humanity does not depend on our age, stage of development, race, or abilities. The Secretary must ensure that all HHS programs and activities are rooted in a deep respect for innocent human life from day one until natural death: Abortion and euthanasia are not health care. A robust respect for the sacred rights of conscience, both at HHS and among gov- ernments and institutions funded by it, increases choices for patients and program beneficiaries and furthers pluralism and tolerance. The Secretary must protect Americans’ civil rights by ensuring that HHS programs and activities follow the letter and spirit of religious freedom and conscience-protection laws. Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike. The next Secretary must ensure that HHS programs protect children’s minds and bodies and that HHS programs respect parents’ basic right to direct the upbringing, education, and care of their children.   https://static.project2025.org/2025_MandateForLeadership_CHAPTER-14.pdf   First, that is not much, if that is all that is of concern.  Secondly, I have seen all sorts of anti-Trump slander, including the Steele dossier and the lawfare he is now undergoing, to be cynical of any criticism against him, and indirectly this document.    He deserves some of what he is getting, but not all.  Thirdly, I bolded one statement of concern.   I don't think gender identity is subjective.  "Radical actors" is name calling, and there is a lot of that going around.  Maybe I am not seeing everything of concern or reading this right, but i would discuss with the author of this document concerning this.
    • Willow
      Good evening   well I finally finished reading my textbook.  Yeah.  But I still have a lot more to go for the class.     My endocrinologist always asks me about lactation.  And yes I have had some very small amounts of leakage but not on any regular basis.  I figure I blocked the discharge Duce when I pierced my nipples with scare tissue.  But who knows.  I also get asked about mammograms.  I e had my first or baseline and this fall I will need to schedule my second.   As someone in the midst of studying the Old Testament, I can say that I haven’t found any mention of pending damnation for being transgender or intersex.  The closest it comes is a verse that says men should not wear women’s clothing.  Now I don’t know each and everyone’s particulars, but I know I meet the medical definition of female gender, and even in Ohio, a State that until recently refused to allow birth certificates to be changed, I meet the criteria.  Therefore I can only conclude I am not a man wearing women’s clothing.  But there is a somewhat different scholarly explanation of that law that it should not be taken as literally as the haters want.  Mostly men should not pretend to be women to ex ape from their enemies. Or tried to hide from God.     willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Well, the left wing has been doing that.    I read a few things while trying to find out what the problem is and liked what I read.  But I am a conservative.    Is there something specific in there that is of concern?  Does it promise somewhere to erase trans folk? That would be problematic.
    • Ivy
      It's a plan to basically completely take over the government by the right wing.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...