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soyangela

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I've been lurking around and decided to signup. I've gone back and forth on what to share and not to share. At times I can be very personal and not share other times it seems the dam opens up and everything pours out at once. My apologies if I ramble on.

 

I'm a little late to this party. I'm 53 years old and I am a transgender woman. It took my entire life to say those last few words. I didn't even know what those words meant 20-30 years ago. I have worm women's clothes since around 8 years old. Got caught by my mother a few times, was told by my father what a horrible and disgusting thing I was doing. I never stopped until my final purge about 17 years ago. A story for another time. I never knew why I wanted to wear women's clothes. But when I did I felt complete, whole. I hid very well my whole life. I got married had a family. Overall my life was good, it wasn't horrible. Dressing was my out my stress reliever. I always felt better after having some Angela time up until my last purge. After that purge I became angry, drank a lot and overall was not a very nice person. I was in deep denial but I didn't know it. Society culturally every where I looked all I saw was what I was doing was wrong. Last year the need\want to dress started becoming overwhelming. I was moodier and angrier then ever. I decided to get help so I could stop this overwhelming desire to crossdress. I started seeing a therapist last year.  After a lot of soul searching and crying I came to accept I am transgender. The feeling of no longer denying who I am was exhilarating. It lasted about a day when I realized what will my family think. What will they say. My doomsday wheel kicked in to high overdrive. The only thing that kept me sane all these years was that I have a wonderful wife and daughter that I love very much. There is nothing I would not do for my family. Accepting myself meant that I would destroy my family. That is how I saw it. I went round and round I would tell them I wouldn't I'd go back into denial. I decided to get through the holidays be with family and friends and make it the best holiday ever. In my mind I would lose everything when I came out. Once this new year started my self imposed deadline was ticking. More stress and anxiety.

 

January 15, 2020 is a night I will never forget. Through a lot of tears I told my wife of 30 years that I am transgender. The first thing my wonderful wife said was that she will support me and we are in this together. It made me so happy to hear that. We've had a lot of conversations these past few weeks. Some good some bad. I check on her everyday to make sure she is doing ok. We have been consistently communicating. She asked one day if she could ask me a question. But had read that there are questions she should never ask a trans person. I told her she can ask me anything she wants. I will hide nothing from her. Her question was what's your real name. I told her I'm Angela.

 

Hugs,

Angela

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  • Admin

Welcome to the Forums Angela.  You have a good start there but we are here for you as this happens.

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Angela.  I'm glad you decided to join us.  Your story is similar to many so you are not alone.  Please join in the conversation.  I know you'll find a good group to interact with.

 

Cheers, Jani

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Welcome Angela, it’s truly a pleasure to meet you.  Jani mentioned your story is similar to many and mine is definitely one of those stories that is so close to yours, it’s scary.  It confirms so much in my journey.  Your thoughts, your later understanding of your situation, the denial of it all, the purges, and the outcomes are all so similar to what has transpired throughout my life.

 

What’s so interesting is the major crisis points in your life story match mine only differing in exact points in time and length.  Change out a few dates and your story could almost be mine.  
For instance—My final purge was Dec. 1996...some 23 years ago now.   My day of reckoning with my wife of 22 years was Dec. 13, 2018.  The eventual outcome with my wife was very similar.  


I do hope to read more about the detail about your life.  There are likely many other parallels in our stories.  It’s all so intriguing.  What’s crazy is that when I was younger (11years old) I thought I was the only person in this world had my desire or did what I wanted to do.  Some 45 years later I realize how wrong I was.  You may have had a similar thought sometime in your life as well.
 

Thank you for sharing your wonderful story today.  I’m so happy for you finally having the wherewithal to do what you did on Jan 15th and come out to your wife.  You have opened up a whole new part of your life now...one of which I know you will be much more fulfilled and happy living.


Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

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3 hours ago, soyangela said:

We have been consistently communicating. She asked one day if she could ask me a question. But had read that there are questions she should never ask a trans person. I told her she can ask me anything she wants. I will hide nothing from her. Her question was what's your real name. I told her I'm Angela.

I have to add that IMHO you both are doing things in the best possible way.  Open communication will allow you two to be on the same page throughout your transition.  What a great start to your new life.  I love how she asked your real name...you had to have had a big smile on when those words were spoken.  Incredible!!

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Hi Angela and welcome! This forum is a beautiful place, everyone is so friendly and helpful here. Glad to have you here with us ? 

 

4 hours ago, soyangela said:

Her question was what's your real name. I told her I'm Angela

That's so beautiful, it's wonderful to hear you have such a loving, supportive wife! 

 

~Toni

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Aww! Salutations Angela, I am happy to meet you!

 

So happy for you and your wife! Many of us have spouses that aren't nearly as understanding. Cherish that for you are very fortunate. 

 

My experience is close to yours. There was no drinking, but I was a tremendously unhappy person. I acted out in other ways. I keep telling friends that they wouldn't recognize the me from three years ago. They don't believe me and tell me how sweet I am. It is an amazing experience. 

 

Hugs!

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Welcome Angela!  I am in your same boat at 52 (53 in August) so I know how difficult it can be coming to this at this age.  Telling your spouse was incredibly brave and I am so happy it worked out as it did.  Support and acceptance is so very important.  This is a wonderful place to seek answers and even help others as you learn more of yourself.

I am glad you are here and I look forward to your contributions!

 

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Welcome, Angela!  You story is very similar to mine, except that I came out at age 61.  I am very happy for you that your wife's reaction was the same as mine.  Having the support of the one you love is priceless!

 

Regards,

Kathy

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Hi Angela,

 

Let me add that, I, like so many others, can relate to your story.  Cherish your wife's support.  It is important.  Welcome to these forums.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally

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Thank you all for the warm welcome. I would not be here if I didn't have her in my life now and in the past. I look forward to talking with all of you. I hope to make friends to share our struggles and successes. I'm here to learn from those of you that have already gone down this path. I told a friend I would help others as she helped me these past couple of months. Really happy to meet all of you!

Hugs,

Angela

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Hi Angela,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug, 

Timber Wolf ?

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What a wonderful story, Angela. And it is just beginning! I hope that you and your family continue to make progress with who you really are. Welcome to TransPulse!

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Welcome Angela.  I'm glad you found us.  I was also fortunate to have my wife support me.  It has taken time to adjust but today we are closer than ever. Honesty in our relationship has been wonderful!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Hi and welcome (belatedly) Angela!

I'm sure you've already noticed you're among warm, friendly people here.

TA

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