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Amber Lyn

Forward

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Amber Lyn

This is a poem I wrote as I struggle through stepping out of the box I've lived within for over 46 years.

 

Forward

I stand on the brink

Afraid to look down
Afraid to look forward
Afraid to look back

I close my eyes
And I can feel the world
As it churns and breaks
Beneath my feet

Where do I step?
Where do I sleep?
Where do I live?
Where do I weep?

I can't move unless I'm moved
I can't be free unless I'm freed
I can't live unless I try
I AM NOT ALLOWED

How do I make a me from all these pieces?
How do I understand how I am made?

I may never know
I only step forward
Into myself
Into being me

And I live and love and hope to find joy in it all

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      Hi Sarah!  Another older member here.  Welcome.     Me as well.   As Kathy noted, I also could have written your intro.  You're not alone here.  I understand it scary to admit this to yourself but its all part of the process to gaining freedom in your life.     Please join in the conversation.  There are a number of us music lovers and a few sailors as well.  You're in good company.   Cheers, Jani 
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      That's totally understandable, but you came to the right place. Some might say that reaching out for help in gender questioning is a milestone so be proud of yourself  next step is identifying yourself and the lifestyle that goes with it so you feel more like yourself, I hope you find the answers you seek!
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      Hi, Sarah.  You have come to the right place.   Your story is very, very familiar.  Except for the kids, I could have written it myself.  I was 61 when I was where you are now.    If you can, I would recommend that you see a gender therapist.  They will be able to help you figure out what you want to accomplish and how to get there.   Regards, Kathy
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      Thank you Viv!  It was hard to write, it's all kind of scary actually.
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