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AdriannaB

New hair style in the plans

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AdriannaB

I have a new hairstyle in the plans.Since I have long hair in good shape,decided a feminine cut would be for me since I live and dress as female now.My wife and I have discussed it together and agrees with me on this.She has been a great help with this,said I would look good with bangs too and thinking it over.Did try on wigs with bangs and I look good with them.My wife and I did look at styles for me that would look good.I found one and I let her find one for me.Then my mom and sisters stepped in finding one I would look good with.I like them both,what I found and what they picked.My wife,sisters and mom know it will be my choice.

I picked this one and really like it more

Vixen-Convertible-Bangs.jpgMom,my sisters and my wife picked this one,

28190917-hairstyles-with-bangs-.jpg

I do like this one as well a close second.Good thing is my mom,sisters and wife support my decision what I will pick

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    • ShawnaLeigh
      When I came out I was a blubbering mess and it took me days to get it all out to my wife.  She was a rock and was unemotional for my sake and just listened and encouraged me to just be honest and say what I needed to say.  It was so hard for me.  Breaking out of my shell of protection and the conditioning to hide everything for decades was insurmountable to me.   I had to remind myself it was not JUST about me but about us.  About everyone I love and care about really.  They too have to take time to accept and adjust and wrap their minds around it all.  Like you mentioned we had month or years to accept this of ourselves they have had day to weeks.  My wife admitted to mourning the loss of her husband as she sat there and watched me changing before her eyes both in personality and physical appearance.  I slowed down for both our sakes. Yes we deal with this all our lives to some degree and more so once we come out and put ourselves in high stress and anxiety over every step of it.  We seek acceptance, love and support but they too need this in return. There is no guide lines or time lines to do any of this so do what feels right for both of you at a pace that is accepted by both. You are lucky she is as accepting as she is and concerned for your wellbeing.  It seems like time and slow progression will be a good thing for you both. JMO
    • secondlook
      I support this idea!
    • MaryMary
      yeah, my ex has gone trough similar things. It's not just us that transition, other people also have to adapt. I observe that often when a SO learn we are transgender there's often a kind of mourning period/adaptation period they have to go trough. It's cool that she's making efforts and it's also cool you let her process that and give her space to adapt. What she is going trough is normal I think. My ex is an expert at writing and I sometimes say semi jokingly that she should write a book for SO
    • secondlook
      This is me to the letter. I hated that guy for so long, and now that I know who I am, I have nothing but forgiveness and appreciation for how hard he tried to do something impossible. He had to invent himself out of thin air and try to function as a person.
    • Jani
      OH, don't say that!  
    • KathyLauren
      I never used MySpace, but I, too, remember Compuserve.  And what a big deal it was when I upgraded my 1200 baud modem to 9600 baud.!   OK, I'm old.
    • secondlook
      Here's a particularly relevant passage from the second link:     (I removed the citations from the original paragraph to make it easier to read)
    • secondlook
      My wife is still really upset about learning that I am transgender. Just last night she was sobbing about it. But at the same time she is trying so hard to be supportive. When I mentioned that a family member had said something transphobic over the weekend, she got mad at herself for having missed it and was truly sympathetic about how it must have hurt me.    When I noted, in hopefully a non-accusatory way, that she has at times seemed a little bit skeptical about my coming out, she admitted that she was. But then she admitted that she might just be in denial. I told her it was OK if she was in denial, it's only been a few weeks for her and I was in denial for decades!   Then this morning, she came home from an appointment and shared a story she'd read online about a young teen struggling with gender identity. So clearly she's going out of her way to educate herself and understand what's going on.   The thing she was upset about yesterday was that I had shaved my legs, and she asked me not to shave my other body hair just yet. She wants time to adjust. I think that's totally fair and reasonable. I don't want to leave her behind, I want us to navigate this together.
    • TammyAnne
      Another former smoker here. I've been quit for so long that it's completely behind me. But in the early days of quitting I was very repulsed by smoke. Now I just move away from it. But then many parts of the country smoking is becoming rarer. TA
    • Jani
      I used to skate on the lake we live on when I was younger also.  So much fun!  When I was in the Navy I worked the night shift; it has a different vibe to it than days or afternoons.  Enjoy your nap later on.  Have a good day Donnie!
    • TammyAnne
      Well it's actually just a play on the Boston accent: party is pronounced "pahty" sounding like "potty." I for one don't party in the potty. TA
    • secondlook
      I found a couple of links through a cursory search:   https://www.hrc.org/blog/new-study-reveals-shocking-rates-of-attempted-suicide-among-trans-adolescen https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/AFSP-Williams-Suicide-Report-Final.pdf https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/142/4/e20174218   I haven't looked closely at these to see how high the quality of the research was.
    • TammyAnne
      Hi there and welcome! I think lots of us cautiously stuck our toes in the water at the outset. It's okay to have confused feelings. It's okay to be unsure. It's okay to change your mind - more than once even. TA
    • Jani
      I remember CompuServe!  How did we ever survive on dial up??  I never had a MySpace account but my son did.  It was all the rage at the time.  We've come a long way.
    • Suzanne1
      I chose to place this post in the General Forum (i.e., as opposed to the suicide prevention forum), since relates more to simple academic curiosity.   "Most transgender people have attempted suicide at least once in their lives."   I've read the above quotation so many times.  It seems like a truism to be included in any casual reading about the transgender population.  However, it occurs to me that I've never actually seen reference to a study in any of the scientific literature.  I'm assuming that proper studies do exist, and that one can likely assume that I've just never run across any?  Seems like it could be a complicated subject though; lots of reasons for suicide attempts; probably lots of suicidal-ideations sans attempts; and, there are certainly co-morbid conditions that aren't just secondary to intra-psychic distress caused by gender dysphoria; also, .  Again, just curiosity on my part; just trying to learn something.   Anyone have any citations (i.e., other than pop-psych surveys)?  I'm a goodly distance from a university library, and there's a limit to what I can research through the internet.
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