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Alex C

stand up for one self

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Alex C

So like many of you I have made no bones of my trans life. I  go out in public , I go to social and friends gatherings as a well, Yet I will occasionally be call him or he.....now here's the dilemma..I will correct the person  on the spot whether it at a bar and the said person is a belligerent drunk or doc office. The dilemma is I will feel super depress for the rest of the day even though I stood up from myself, because no matter how hard I still getting him...Breathing sucks..So when you stand up for yourself what trigger do you use to maintain the feeling of worth and dignity up for suggestions . Trying to be proud, alex

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I’m not exactly sure Alex.  I get mishendered all day long 7 days a week but I still present male in public.  Even so hearing the wrong pronouns chews on me as I know who I am.  I naturally do not correct anyone due to my presentation but I hear what your saying and feeling.  For me it’s self inflicted so I can’t say much.  In other times I do what we all did for so long and hide behind false male self confidence and bravado.   
However depression is tough hon.  It’s a powerful and sometime crippling emotion.  I never understood the depths of depression until I came out.  The inner conflict. It’s a horrible emotion.  
On the flip side pride in yourself and standing up for yourself is almost euphoric as it’s make you feel good about who and what you are.  
I think at some level it’s ok to use that old male shell to protect yourself from such things.  We had to be macho, tough, proud and strut.  Acting like nothing phased us even though we were scared or hurting inside.  Some of those learned actions and emotion eventually became a real part of us.  Use them as they too are a part of you.  
Ok so now you may come off as being a witch with a B but we as women have that prerogative too. Lol

In the end it may just boil down to self confidence in knowing who you are sprinkled with a lot of “I don’t care what they think”.  
Eventually it won’t matter to you anymore as you will solidify your feminisms and personality.  

or like I said earlier. 
Im not sure.  Lol


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Maid In Bedlam

Alex, We gotta make our own decisions Nobody can tell us what to do Keep your eye on the strongest vision as you want to be
The right people in your life will see it too.

You've tired of all the misgendering. You can really see it in your post But regardless You still breathe your still awake But everytime this happens you feel your heart sinking and a little piece of your of your personal utopia dies.

All i can say is many all the same right now and have been in the past. But We have to make it through somehow.

Just try to keep your passion We can all really see your light  shining through
Dont be obbsessed by the people that would do this just because they can.
In your mind you know the truth The world can seem so strange when you get mis represented. Got to admit. I havent been called Sir in a long time but i can still remember how much it use to ching my armour.


Going back to the above. I would believe that reading the situation is the best way forwald. Firstly, Is it worth even correcting someone? Are they your freind or your potential foe? Do you stand or walk? Which theres no shame in. its a kind of Are they worth it? As far as freinds go or people you see on a regular basis. Then maybe a correction is needed. Just so they know the mistake and hopefully correct themselves in the future. If they are not ready to apolosgise then are they really worth your time?

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I agree with Maid about determining whether it is safe or prudent to correct someone.  But aside from that, I can say it will always hurt a little when it happens.  But eventually you will get a tough(er) skin and it won't get to you as it does now.  Remember that in today's environment even cis women get called out sometimes (guys too).  Just focus on being the best you that you can be. 


Hugs, Jani

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Alex C

thanks ladies...I try to follow the great advice....I keep forget sometimes but ty I really appreciated 

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My job at Starbucks is a struggle. I'm not very passing. My coworkers are all very sweet, supportive amd respect my pronouns. But I get misgendered by customers quite a bit. Sometimes it really throws me off and I find myself dwelling on it for the rest of the day. 


If the customer is old, foreign, or has otherwise been very respectful through the transaction, I try to just let it go. I don't want to cause a scene or draw unwanted attention. But I've been getting better at calmly correcting people when they misgender me... 


I dunno, it's a struggle.



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I can only speak for myself.  I've only corrected one person in my life for "mis-gendering" me, and I wish I hadn't done it then.  Reading someone's gender (regardless of that person's biological sex) is a matter of perception (i.e., the impressions we leave).  I figure if I am referred to by incorrect pronouns/salutations, that's more my problem than that of the "offending party" (so-to-speak). 


Lots of genetic women-folks get misgendered.  Why should we be surprised that it happens to us?  Regardless of our self-identity, our genetic constitution puts us at something of a disadvantage when it comes to presentation, and the impressions we make upon others.


Frankly, I don't care that much how others read me, especially relative strangers interacting in casual social/business situations.  Again, just my opinion.



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Alex C

Toni I forget you have such and interacting job. Heck I don't know how you do...but thanks for the advice

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