Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Miss Bunny

Why am I 8 years old?

Recommended Posts

Miss Bunny

This subject causes me distress. I'm confused, and I am not happy about it.

 

Where was I before 2012? Why was he here and not me. Is he really gone? I want him to be gone.

 

Why don't I have a past?

 

Why do I feel like a child?

 

Nothing bothers me more than feeling like an abandoned child. I'm lonely, there's no one here. My bio parents are dead now. My family lives in Ottawa, I only see them for 5 days over Christmas.

Otherwise it's just me and my teddy bear Frank. I tell people he's my husband. I don't care if that sounds kooky. He's all I have when I feel lonely.

 

How can I be so incredibly skilled, and so highly educated, and still emotionally a child.

 

I'm crying as I post this, because I'm upset.

 

I don't want to pretend to be 'small', it's not funny to me.

 

Share this post


Link to post
MaryMary

I'm french so maybe there's some things in your post that escape me but I would suggest (if you don't already do it) to try and hang out with your local trans/LGBT community. Sometimes you can find incredible people there and maybe even an adoptive family of sorts. I know it doesn't replace anybody and I would never pretend it does but I've heard many trans persons who've been rejected by their family find incredible communities all around the world so maybe it's an option?

 

If I understand what you are saying I can certainly relate. I'm dealing with issues related to gender dysphoria and being trans since I was very young and I did miss many important steps in life because I was not able to really socialize, was victim of intimidation and all around rejected. I don't know my sexual orientation, I've been depressed and or suicidal for a long time in my life and never had the mind to plan any future, etc etc. So, in a way, I do feel like you, like I don't have a past, like I've missed out. I've seen many psychologists to help me deal with it and if you can it can help a lot, personnaly I think it's a great thing to do. I think that it's never too late to build on that feeling. In a way, the past starts 1 miliseconds ago so each moment you spend in the moment, in the present, you build memories and thus that past you don't have. Since I've made my coming out I've done maybe really cool things and in a way I built teenage years and a real puberty out of life scraps, lol

 

I don't know if what I said help or not but you are not alone, we are here to help the best we can. Personnaly I love people here :) I read all your post and I hope for the best for you. I'm sending you positive energy,

 

 take care :)

Share this post


Link to post
Miss Bunny

Thanks for your thoughts Mary. I was born in Quebec by the way. I'm from Lachine.

 

I have a sort of adoptive dad, he's English. We've met. He's 2 years older than me physically. But he looks after me in a way.

I attend PFLAG meetings in town, but I usually feel out of sync with the adults in the room. I often listen in while sitting aside colouring.

Share this post


Link to post
MaryMary

Lachine? great :) I'm really bad at colouring so I'm not doing that but I often stand out when I'm with other adults too, lol Mainly because since I spent 20 years of my life in depression / suicidal I don't have any real ambitions, I don't like to judge other people, I often am really in the present, I am trans, I have red hairs, I don't have any sexual orientation (and thus not making any comments or have any conversation related to that) and finally often talk about any subject and adapt what the other people like. But I do think many many adults feel out of sync. It's a feeling people often express to me IRL.

Share this post


Link to post
Alex C

Hey Bunny..Yeah like yourself  I find myself under stress at meeting. I am  a lot older then you. I am 56 even do" AND I AM NOT BRAGGING" I look mid 30. However, I always feel WAY out place at LGBT meeting. I go to my friends bar but I kinda try to avoid any glances or looks, because I always feel I am being judge...I know my GT helps so maybe finding Therapist that you like and take it from there...FYI I have a stuff Cocker Spaniel name Glodie who I call my BF...Be safe, be proud and kick ass

Share this post


Link to post
Miss Bunny

Thanks for your input Alex.

 

I sometimes wonder, what am I actually supposed to feel like (age wise). My birth certificate says I'm supposed to feel 58.

 

What does 58 feel like?

Share this post


Link to post
Abi
On 2/21/2020 at 10:46 PM, Miss Bunny said:

What does 58 feel like?

I imagine it should feel any way you would like it to feel.

On 2/21/2020 at 1:55 PM, Miss Bunny said:

I don't want to pretend to be 'small', it's not funny to me.

Is it ok if I ask what you mean? It's ok if not.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 100 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • Cyndee
    • The Viv Element
    • SaraAW
    • Erikka
    • Emily michelle
    • Kelsey Brooke
    • RunValRun
    • Mary Jane
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      71,355
    • Total Posts
      648,410
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,074
    • Most Online
      8,356

    tessa jade
    Newest Member
    tessa jade
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Benisar
      Benisar
      (24 years old)
    2. Zetamie
      Zetamie
      (28 years old)
  • Posts

    • SaraAW
      Thanks Rory! Hugs!
    • SaraAW
      Entwhistle had to be great to keep up with and not fade into the background when competing on stage with Moon and Townshend.   Don't know how I hadn't heard of Wilkenfeld before, just listened to a couple of her tunes on Spotify. Digging the sound.
    • Rorelai
      It's always exciting to hear when people have the support of their family. Even if they're not perfect all the time it really goes a long way in making it easier to transition. Good luck if/when you tell others and I can't wait to hear more about your journey!
    • Suzanne1
      Well, birthdays can be unpleasant in any number of ways.  I've never viewed my birthday as being something to celebrate, but it had nothing to do w/ gender identity.  For me it simply marked a day when I became another year older, and a year closer to death.  I now have a related, but different perspective----however, that perspective has even less appreciation for my birthday.
    • Timber Wolf
      Good morning everyone,🐈   Happy birthday Benisar!🎂 Happy birthday Zetamie!🎂 Hope you have a wonderful day!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf 🐾
    • Shay
      thank you....and Tom Petty...sign....my band does about 30 Tom Petty and i sing lead and our lead player is a Mike Campbell disciple and can play every lick Mike does including the slide work. Our favorite soon to play is...Running Down a Dream".  
    • SaraAW
      Hang in there girl!  I know how rough the anticipation can be. Put on some chill tunes and take it easy or pick up an axe and chop out some licks to take the edge off of that nervous energy. Hope your day is wonderful! Hugs!
    • Suzanne1
      I briefly scanned a journal article while waiting for an old acquaintance, sometime late last year (sorry, I can't remember the journal title, but it was in the area of social psych), that indicated that the whole notion of so-called "trigger-warnings" was inherently unhealthy, tending to enable avoidant-behaviours & a few other undesirable traits.    I'm kinda inclined to agree.
    • Cyndee
      Good Morning Shay, I hope today is magic for you !      
    • SaraAW
      @Carolyn Marie, Thanks! Hugs!     @KayC, Thanks! The session went well. I have a great rapport with my therapist and she is super supportive and more importantly, is there to listen to me, ask me good questions that make explore my thoughts and feelings and give me the tools to help myself, which she nails. Hugs!
    • Shay
      waitng for pharmacy to call with my HRT "starter perscriptions" and the wait is driving my disphoria crazy. Shay (Heather)
    • KayC
      Hi Rory! and Welcome! You definitely found a great community to join. We're all at different stages ... for me, a very late in life awakening and just getting out of the starting gate.  Definitely looking forward to whatever you have to share❣️
    • Shay
      Squire was a lead player and was amazing. One other underrated bass player I  think is John Entwhistle from the Who. If you really listen to, his was excellent.   A great young Australian girl,bass player i really love in the past 5-10 years is Tal Wilkenfeld. Shay
    • SaraAW
      Hi Rory, Welcome to the forums. There are so many wonderful people here, I am sure you will make at least a few friends. Hugs!
    • KayC
      That's great news, Sara!  Hope the therapy session went well too❣️ (I have my FIRST one in 2 days!! 😃)
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...