Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Had the final big D talk. It’s on.


ShawnaLeigh

Recommended Posts

So as some know this has been a looming ultimatum placed on me in regards to presenting female outside of the house or in public.  It was agreed upon that once I do the paperwork starts.  
We had a very unemotional and matter of fact conversation about this just this morning over coffee.  As two adults working together for our mutual benefit. 
I told her I am getting ready to stop hiding outside the house and once the hospital staff knows about my transition there is nothing else holding me back.  Other then my lack of wardrobe but heck I don’t think I will ever have enough clothing or shoes.  
We both came to the conclusion that we have been separated as husband and wife for a few months now and not living as spouses at all but roommates and girlfriends.  Which feels right.
 
Please don’t misinterpret this to me being upset because honestly I am not.  We have both had time to come to terms with this for a couple months and although we both care about each other it is the right thing to do going forward. 
Im actually feeling like the cage door had been opened.  I’m scared but feel freed.  
The divorce will be in effect for legal purposes only but our living situation will still remain as is.  For both of our financial security.  
I’m ending one phase and heading into unfamiliar territory and I’m both terrified and excited for my future.  
 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Not usually what's discussed when you "Whip Out the Big D," but OK. I have a shirt that says, "She wants the D&D" on it. Susan doesn't get it. Bless her heart.

 

I'm a little disappointed. I admit I was still holding out hope that she'd see that you're still the amazing person she married and carry you to the bedroom for a weekend of apology sex. Punctuated of course by letting the dogs out at regular intervals because they're dogs. Maybe meals too. You should probably keep up your strength while having a wild weekend of apology sex. You cannot live by whipped cream alone.

 

That said, what you've got isn't bad. So long as things remain friendly, the divorce doesn't have to be too traumatic to either of you. Disappointing that a lawyer has to profit, but what can you do? I suppose lawyers gotta eat too.

We're going to have to call her something besides your wife now. She's being cool...ish about your living situation. A good girl friend or three isn't a bad thing to have. Rooming with somebody you actually like can be a rare treat. I think you'll be OK.

I mean obviously you need to make plans for the future just in case one of you meets somebody amazing, but for now things are calm and the two of you have a good new groove that works for you both.

 

Wardrobe is a forever thing. You get a collection started and you add to it, one or two pieces at a time until it falls on you in the dead of night and smothers you in your sleep. Shoes are the same way. I've got a good start to my collection, but I could use another pair here and there. Of course part of my reluctance is that it's hard to find cute shoes in my size. The bigger a woman's shoe size, the uglier the available shoes. Finding stuff I like that's comfortable and cute is a project.

You have smaller feet so you'll be less limited.

 

Excited about you going out as yourself though! That'll be fun and it's a huge confidence builder! It gives you a chance to stretch your girl muscles and figure out how you like to present... which turns back into buying more work clothes, finding shoes and accessories to match and starting the cycle all over again.

Until you're crushed by your clothes collection in the dead of the night.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

This is a good compromise Shawna. It shows maturity on both your parts.  It would be crazy to blow up your household arrangements over this.   Plus even though its said "familiarity breeds contempt" it can also be said that it brings comfort.  I hope it brings you both to a place where you're both comfortable.

 

Jani

Link to comment
15 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

That said, what you've got isn't bad. So long as things remain friendly, the divorce doesn't have to be too traumatic to either of you. Disappointing that a lawyer has to profit, but what can you do? I suppose lawyers gotta eat too.

We're going to have to call her something besides your wife now. She's being cool...ish about your living situation. A good girl friend or three isn't a bad thing to have. Rooming with somebody you actually like can be a rare treat. I think you'll be OK.

I mean obviously you need to make plans for the future just in case one of you meets somebody amazing, but for now things are calm and the two of you have a good new groove that works for you both.

Yes all things considered I am not in a bad situation and as I’ve said it feels like the proper thing to do for both of us.  The Catalyst to our divorce is me becoming a women on the outside and her not being attracted to women.  Which writing in now seems petty but it is not.  Everyone has a right to how the feel and what they want or need in a relationship and it’s to a point where we both recognize each other is not that person or the other.  
 

However there are deeper issues and certain neglect in this marriage that I can no longer live with and without prior to me coming out.  Things by themselves are no big deal but collectively they are for me.  I will not get into all that but will say this entire situation feels like a blessing in disguise.  
Im getting to a place now that I simply can not play or live as Shawn anymore.  I need to be Shawna and live my life as my true self.  This has been made clear from the moment I came out to her she can not go along side of me as spouses but she certainly can as a supportive friend.  I can’t ask or expect anything more then that.  

Link to comment
9 hours ago, Jani said:

This is a good compromise Shawna. It shows maturity on both your parts.  It would be crazy to blow up your household arrangements over this.   Plus even though its said "familiarity breeds contempt" it can also be said that it brings comfort.  I hope it brings you both to a place where you're both comfortable.

 

Jani

This has been the hardest thing to come to terms with.  Our daily life and home and routines have not changed and in fact has gotten better.  It confused me at first too not gonna lie.  How can we be headed to divorce and everything seems fine.  
Things are comfortable and seem to be as they should be.  
There is no drama.  No tears or hard emotions.  No stress or fear.  
We just are roommates and supportive towards each other.  We both still care.  

Link to comment
15 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Not usually what's discussed when you "Whip Out the Big D," but OK. I have a shirt that says, "She wants the D&D" on it. Susan doesn't get it. Bless her heart.

Ok last thing. 
I have to admit.  I don’t get it either.  ?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
5 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Ok last thing. 
I have to admit.  I don’t get it either.  ?

 

It's simple. I have a filthy, filthy mind.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Hi Shawna, you are very lucky that your wife does not want to physically part with you and that she can tolerate seeing Shawna.  I should be so lucky. 

At least you won't have to deal with loneliness and of course two can live more cheaply than each alone. 

There are many advantages to being with someone also, two heads are better than one, an extra helping hand when needed and sharing household chores. I could go on and on. 

My situation is going very slowly.  We are still working on separation with me getting a loan to pay her so I can keep our condo, then once that's concluded, she has to get pre-qualified for a loan so she can buy a condo, and then she has to find one and then finally move.  It's still several months away.  

In the mean time I can only be Donna when she is not home for a long enough time to make it worth while. 

We are slowly telling our friends about the separation but not anything about me being transgender yet.  I will wait until after separation. 

I am glad though that we are not doing the bid D though as there will always be the chance that she misses me so much that she will change her mind. I always have and still do treat her like a princess. 

Donna

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
6 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

 The Catalyst to our divorce is me becoming a women on the outside and her not being attracted to women.  Which writing in now seems petty but it is not.  Everyone has a right to how the feel and what they want or need in a relationship and it’s to a point where we both recognize each other is not that person or the other.  

This is what my wife feels too. She has said it more than once. She is traditional MF relationship. However my wife has said that she will consider it but may take time. 

 

My timeline in my transition is. I am looking to start my name change towards the end of May. So hopefully be done by July.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment

There is nothing wrong with holding on to the finest bit of hope.  You never know until it’s a done deal and even then.  
If my wife had a change of heart I’m not sure I could go back to what we had.  Things would have to change.  

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 108 Guests (See full list)

    • Maddee
    • Thea
    • Ivy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,939
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Chaidoesart
    Newest Member
    Chaidoesart
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      It's kinda weird how these people are so worked up over making these laws.  They would have no effect on cis people either way.  Yet they are the ones with the obsession.  They ought to just stay out of trans people's business.
    • Maddee
      ❤️   He deserved truth.    I told him.     🌈🌈    
    • Ivy
      Bean burritos are still popular in my family.   Black eyed peas are the one legume I'm not fond of.  I need to add lots of onions. And of course always cook your pintoes with fat-meat.  And for y'all yankees, navy beans with a big ol' ham bone are hard to beat.
    • Betty K
      Seek out community, not just online but in person if possible. Making trans friends is a pretty quick and easy way to gauge if you have much in common with them.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Glad to be home and did go out for a walk this morning.Good thing is that went good.Still taking it easy
    • Charlize
      It certainly could be classed as dark humor.  Unfortunately the sentiments alone must hurt young trans folks.  Decency and reality doesn't seem to be in the GOP's vocabulary.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Mmindy
      Good morning all,    It’s a frosty morning here the lawn looks silvery, and the uncovered spring flowers have icy edges on their leaves. The only flower bed I covered was my tulips. As nice as it is here during the day, our clear wind free nights allow the temperatures to drop into the mid twenties. Here in our growing zone it’s recommended that you not plant delicate plants until Mother’s Day. Central Indiana can have snow as late as the third week of May. The birds are active at the feeders, I’ve had my cup of yoghurt and morning meds. So I’ll sit here, drink coffee and watch the as the sunrise chases the frost from the yard.    @awkward-yet-sweet I could eat black eyed peas as a side for every meal. Boil them plain or with fatback. Served as a leftover, just add in a little Rotel Original Diced Tomatoes & Green Chilies.  Make the best of your day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋    
    • Mirrabooka
      I hope y'all look at this one. A catchy tune released at the end of Covid lockdown. Scarlett is so cute!!!     
    • Heather Shay
    • Mirrabooka
    • Mirrabooka
      Had a weird dream last night.
    • Mirrabooka
      Morning, y'all. Evening here; we had the regulation three mugs full today. Now it's time to drink something else.     No big plans here either, eldest daughter and granddaughter will be arriving on Saturday, and we will have our granddaughter to ourselves for a week after that. We still have plans though. Tuesday we'll go to the swim center, Wednesday we'll take a road trip to visit my mom, Thursday we'll get some mulch delivered to top up the gardens.   I still make other small plans on a daily basis though. The things I do plan nowadays, which is a bit new for me, is that after pinching a nerve and ending up in a bit of pain and getting some treatment from the physio, I am more motivated than ever to exercise more regularly. Tuesday for example, I went for a short (15 minute) early morning walk, went to the pool for some hydrotherapy, and mowed the lawns. Yesterday I did my exercise reps and spent some time on the exercise bike. Today, I went for a 45-minute walk, tomorrow I will do my reps again and go for a long bike ride. As long as I do at least one thing every day, right? The pleasing thing is that I'm losing weight! I blew out to above 95kg early in the year and I'm just under 91kg now. Yay me!
    • Heather Shay
      What one piece of advice would you give to beginning transitioners or considering transition?
    • Heather Shay
      Positive side of the mixed bag.
    • Heather Shay
      Boredom is an emotional state that comes when a person has nothing to do, and is not interested in anything. To stop boredom, most people do something to occupy or amuse themselves. The first known use of the word boredom is in the novel Bleak House by Charles Dickens, written in 1852, but the saying to be a bore had been used to mean "to be tiresome or dull" since 1768. When referring to the mind, boredom is a bad state in which the person feels a deep lack of interest in what is going on around them, and where it is hard to focus.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...