HOW THE FRIGGIDY FRIG DO I COME OUT TO EVERYBODY?

[BEAN_CHILD]

so ive been living as a boy for a year now

i cut me hair and wear what is considered "boy clothing" (although gendering clothing isnt an ok thing to do)

and i think i want to come out to all my friends now

i know they would be accepting of me because i have quite a few trans friends myself but im just worried that they would see me as "less trans than them" because im transitioning much later than them.

growing up i acted like a "tomboy" but looked like a girl, so im worried that im less trans then them because my friends acted like boys AND looked like them.

so im just worried that they will pretend to see me as a boy but really see me as a girl

and im not even sure where i even am in the gender spectrum

i feel like in an "almost boy" but not completly

all i know for sure is that im no girl

[Jackie C.]

Gatekeeping for being trans is wrong. I mean it happens, but it happens with every community. I once watched an hour-long presentation by a gay man about how he kept getting slammed as "not being gay enough" because he'd dated some trans-men. Honestly, he just liked short men.

 

Now that that's out of the way, is there a bar in the District of Columbia that says, "You must be THIS trans to be considered a trans-man?" I mean I've never seen one. It would be hilarious, but as far as I know, no such bar exists. Though it would be kind of awesome to see one in front of a gay club. Just to mess with people.

Anyway, I was in the DoC (for about an hour) a couple of weeks ago and saw no such thing. I saw a very jaded pigeon and a lot of tired travelers, a Starbucks... you know, normal stuff. I think I would have noticed that. Maybe not, I was pretty messed up.

 

So maybe they don't see you as a dude right away. Being gendered by others is more about your actions and how you carry yourself anyway. Or you could shave yourself bald. I noticed that when I'm not wearing my wig people dunk me pretty hard into the "that's a dude" basket.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that they'll come around. They know you. For example, when I came out to my friends they said, "Well, duh." Then we went back to what we were doing. They've probably got suspicions. It might not be overnight, but they'll accept you for who you are. They're your friends, it's what they do.

 

There's no real timeline for coming out as trans. I mean, look at me. I was nearly fifty (I know, I'm old) before I got up the courage to come out. I wish I could have come out younger, but the seventies and eighties were not a great time to be ... well, anything but cis and straight. The point being that coming out is scary. We all come out in our own way at our own pace. It's fine. Again, your friends love and accept you. That's what they're for.

 

I guess if you're really looking to make a splash though, you could get some theater friends together and rent an auditorium. Invite everyone you know. Now, after an opening act to warm the crowd up, you could come rushing out on stage wearing an over-sized set of boy prosthesis and nothing else. Now, you stand in front of the crowd in an open pose and say, "Hey! I'm <new name> and I'm a boy! Then, for punctuation, the pyrotechnics go off, revealing a flaming male symbol behind you and a banner that says, "<new name> is a dude among dudes! Deal with it!"

Then of course you have the question and answer period. Maybe cake.

 

Hugs!

[BEAN_CHILD]

thank you so much jackie!

youre always there for me!

[ShawnaLeigh]

46 minutes ago, BEAN_CHILD said:

thank you so much jackie!

youre always there for me!

She is for me too.  Love that women!❤️