Transgender exhaustion

[Miss Bunny]

I don't think I felt this prior to my GRS. Logical I suppose.

I'm not saying a person can't experience this at any stage of the game.

But I've begun to experience this 'attitude' I guess, for a lack of a different term, in more recent time.

 

Just tired of the whole experience of being transgender.

No, that is NOT regret. I have zero regrets. Not saying it is impossible for someone to regret, it just isn't me.

 

But, I'm growing tired.

Tired of explaining to the religious primarily, that I'm not an abomination, evil, tool of the devil, defying god's will, etc.

Tired of explaining I'm not a trend, we have existed as long as we have had humans.

Tired of defending myself against lesbians TERFs, and seeing my brothers written off as not really men by the gay community.

Tired of being a legal battle over where to pee.

Tired of training the medical profession.

Tired of psychiatrists/psychologists unable to realize the problem is not in my head, it's in the minds of the cisgender world. They need to be cured, not me.

Tired of the uneducated hate.

Tired of being lumped in with sexuality in that damned acronym. I'm a woman, because I was born a woman. Who I want to have sex with, isn't relevant.

 

I see transgender men do it. They grow facial hair, get breasts removed, pump up a bit, and disappear.

People are that conditioned, beard = man. No one bothers them much. They just go on with their lives. Likely why it's harder to find transgender men.

 

But, sadly it is not as easy for transgender women who start later.

Getting rid of facial hair is a pain.

Being flat sucks, but having a penis in a bikini is harder to hide.

In the beginning, I never wore pants as a means of defense. Today is is preference. But it sucks that a lot of transgender women 'need' a skirt or dress to pull off female looking.

Society is cruel, even when not wanting to be. Women are stuck with damned if we do and damned if we don't when it comes to cosmetic appearances.

 

It gets tiring, when in the end, I just want to be boring. Typical. Ordinary. Not worth noticing.

I don't want to be 'transgender' 99% of the time. It only matters in the hospital, where they need to know, "oh, this person doesn't have those parts."

 

My body is 58 next month. Perhaps I just don't want to have sex any more, in any fashion, with anyone, in any manner.

58, it's a bit late to be playing the baby game. I'm ok with being granny.

I wouldn't likely even admit to being transgender any more, if not for a young transgender girl I know in town. I want her world to be better.

I want them to perfect finding out how to make her a mom, if she wishes it.

I want them to figure out how to put a real penis on a transgender man. Because I'm sure most transgender men, want to enjoy using a real one.

I want to religious world to shut the '' up and get over the fact that some of us think they are mentally ill.

I am not a mental illness. Just like being left handed is not the end of the world.

 

I have tried doing a YouTube channel in the past.

But, I lack the passion I suppose.

Or likely it is I just don't want to go actively looking for the hate.

 

It was encouraging when everyone said I looked both young, and definitely passed in my picture.

Outside of my home town, it is nice to know, I likely look like an older cisgender woman.

It's all I ever wanted.

 

My only advice I can give to a transgender woman. You don't want to look like RuPaul. You want to look like your mom/sister ideally.

I was wearing the tiara, as it was a reflection of my maturity. But I'm giving it up in favour of just looking 'ordinary'.

Here is another image of me.

I like this one as well.

 

 

[Jani]

Bunny if you are tired of all that explaining (and who wouldn't) then stop!  There is no need to explain yourself to anyone. You look fine.

 

Jani

[VickySGV]

The "ordinary" is what we really are aiming for in transition.  When we first begin our transitioned lives, there is novelty to it for ourselves and others around us.  Only 16% of people down south in the U.S. have knowingly met a Trans person so there is some healthy and actually caring curiosity about it.  If it is a person you have known a long time, as tired as you may be, it may be worth the time to tell them, but you have no obligation to do that as said above. 

 

I am a bit on the other side, since I do actually give training classes on dealing with Trans people to groups who need the information. Doing deliberate and out training is different from having to justify yourself daily.  You do not have to justify yourself, you just do not!  Put that feeling aside!  In fact BURY that feeling which I have actually done.  You look fine and acceptable as a female in that picture which may be better than l look, but I am a bit older too.

[Carolyn Marie]

Totally agree with the others, and I also can identify and empathize with your desire to leave all the explaining to others.  I, too, want to just get on with living my life.  I did the advocacy thing for several years, and loved it.  It brought a lot of meaning and purpose to my life, and I did a lot of good.  But I'm taking some steps back from all that.  Time to just be me.  So yes, I get you.  Do whatever feels most comfortable, Bunny.  Explain when you must, be otherwise, just enjoy life.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Chrysalis]

Is there no trans community close by for you to take part in?

Here, I go to Gender Therapy at a place called Brave Space. Granted, I only go there once a week and have only been doing so for a month, but my Goddess what a difference it makes as to how I feel about myself, others, and this world. I sit in the very homey waiting area and watch others come in, each presenting so very individualized and unique and yet all of us blending. There's no need to explain who/what you are (or why) to a soul. I watch them shake off the rain and complain about bus schedules. Smiles come easy and even the room around us seems to sign with relief.

I can't help but imagine a cisperson entering perhaps by mistake ad thinking they'd found the Cantina at Mos Eisley!

As I've said, I am only just getting started there but in time hope to make friends and see where that goes in terms of my otherwise isolated social life. 

You might look for some similar resource where you are?

 

Chrysee

[ShawnaLeigh]

I can definitely see your points of view and feel the frustrations in your words.

I can also see I too will feel this way eventually.  I am not apart of any trans communities locally and I know only one transgender person near me and that's my therapist.  I know there is a whole community around me but I have not met any of them.  Not sure if I want to or not yet either.  I am a fairly private life sort of person and my going out and being social days seem long beyond me.  Not a great attitude I know.  LOL

I have had zero conflicts or experiences of anyone saying negative things to me for being trans.  (yet any ways).  

The only education I have done is to help those I have come out to that are close to me understand what this all is and why.  Something that was hard for me to explain as I was still learning all that for myself.

BUT

I agree with Jani.  You don't owe anyone anything and certainly its not up to you to explain yourself anymore then they have to for you.

I see the injustice of it but you can chose to have it eat at you or ignore it or even play with it and turn it around with equal questions.  

To each there own on how you deal with it.

Is it unfair?  Yes.

It is life and life is rarely fair.

[Chrysalis]

Vermont, I see. I went to college there and it's beautiful country.

 

I hear (I read?) yer words and it's always interesting to hear how you sound to others. I lived as the center of attention for a very, very long time. Now, I have trimmed my friends list to the bone. I have my live partner and that's pretty much it. Being alone can be precious. . .no door knocks no phone rings, just me and my art and my poetry. 

However. . .

In my entire life (and I'll be 68 in a few weeks) I never kept company with such alternative people as the one that I only found out that I was about a dozen years ago! I found out and then I came out and now I am enjoying a renewed interest on socializing on a much smaller scale and with a wonderfully varied group of people. I find that we have much in common and yet there are so many things for me yet to learn.

Nice hearing from ya,

Me