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Starting HRT and Effects


Taylor

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Hi everyone,

 

It's been a while since I've felt up for posting. (I'm so glad Winter has at least taken a break for a bit). To start off, I am glad to say I started HRT about a week ago. I know a lot of the changes don't really start until a few months in, especially the physical changes like fat redistribution and breast growth. I am however a bit curious, since that time frame is really an expectation more than a hard-set rule. If anyone would be willing to share how long it took them, before noticing various changes... be it some of the mentioned physical ones, or other changes like some of the mental/emotional shifts I've heard can happen.

 

I understand things can vary a fair bit, based on a variety of factors. I am still interested to hear the experiences of others.

 

Thanks,

Taylor

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Hi Taylor and thanks for the update.  As to changes, we're all different but you might start to notice a few things soon like less oiliness in your skin and a softness too.  Mental changes will come along soon enough although through the placebo effect you may start to feel better and different sooner.  No changes to facial hair.  Other physical changes may take a bit to manifest.  Hang on though, it will be interesting.

 

Cheers, Jani

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Within the first month, I was starting to notice changes: tingling in my breasts, softer skin.  Within three months, there was noticeable breast growth.  My six months, I could see changes in my lips and eyes.  By the end of the first year, my body hair was thinning out or gone entirely, and my wife was commenting on how feminine my face looked.  At about two and a half years, I could notice some fat redistribution.

 

As with everything HRT-related, your mileage may vary.

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A lot of it depends on age. You're 25, so you might not see much, or anything, in the way of hips. Breast tenderness was the first physical change I noticed. However, estridiol had been working dark magic on my brain before that. You'll find yourself more emotional first. It's subtle though, it sneaks up on you. Crying easier while consuming media for example.

 

Breasts are next. I'm not a good person to talk to about that. After about eighteen months I've got an A-Cup. I was a slow bloomer for puberty 1.0 too though, so I'm still holding out hope for a visit from the boob fairy.

 

Softer and clearer skin happened pretty fast. I'm just getting back on HRT after surgery and it took about a week for my skin to remember that it's smooth and pretty, not dry and nasty. This was subtle in the beginning too. I just slowly got less... manly I guess? There's also been some redistribution in where I carry my flesh in my face. It's subtle, but it makes me look more feminine.

 

Tragically, I suffer from alopecia so I can't tell you a darn thing about hair.

 

Hugs!

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Thanks for the responses so far. I realize it will take some time. More curious than anything, about people who may have experienced thing rather early on or later than usual.

 

1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

Within the first month, I was starting to notice changes: tingling in my breasts, softer skin.

 

It hasn't quite been a week yet, and some of it might be in my head, but over the weekend I did have a rather short tingling-itch in my chest. I also felt like my skin may have been a bit softer after my last shave, but it may have just been a closer shave that made it feel smoother.

 

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

A lot of it depends on age. You're 25, so you might not see much, or anything, in the way of hips. Breast tenderness was the first physical change I noticed. However, estridiol had been working dark magic on my brain before that. You'll find yourself more emotional first. It's subtle though, it sneaks up on you. Crying easier while consuming media for example.

 

Breasts are next. I'm not a good person to talk to about that. After about eighteen months I've got an A-Cup. I was a slow bloomer for puberty 1.0 too though, so I'm still holding out hope for a visit from the boob fairy.

 

Softer and clearer skin happened pretty fast. I'm just getting back on HRT after surgery and it took about a week for my skin to remember that it's smooth and pretty, not dry and nasty. This was subtle in the beginning too. I just slowly got less... manly I guess? 

 

 

Yeah. I know age can be a big factor. I'm glad I'm able to start transitioning now, at 25, than it being much later. Of course there is the part of me that wishes I would've realized things earlier in life, but it's not really productive to dwell on the past like that. (I would assume plenty of people here feel similarly about coming out, transitioning, etc.). Personally hips aren't really a big concern, a little shape would be nice... but not a big deal. I am kind of looking forward to the emotional stuff though, though I feel a bit weird for that.

 

Hope you do you your visit from the boob fairy though, Jackie.

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4 hours ago, Taylor said:

I know a lot of the changes don't really start until a few months in, especially the physical changes like fat redistribution and breast growth

 

I began HRT on Dec 4th, 2019, less than 3 months ago.  Everyone's timetable will vary.   Mine certainly did:  breast soreness began at 3 weeks, breast buds formed at 4 weeks, and tissue growth began in earnest.  I understand why my doctor said that growth usually doesn't begin until 3 to 6 months in (because that's the average response she sees in her patients).  As I've remarked elsewhere in other posts, I've actually reduced my patch size/daily dose to slow growth down, as I'm non-binary and don't have significant breast growth as a goal.  I'm a living experiment in whether, for me, I can continue with microdosing.  The coming 6 months or so will tell, I think.

 

Body hair (for example, on legs) is now smoother.  Chest hair isn't, because I'm at the stage where electrolysis has removed almost all of it ?.

 

Since an initial flurry of questions (via the health portal for my HRT facility), I've personally found a less stressful approach for me is to chill a bit and not be super-anxious about every small little thing I might notice.  It will happen when it happens, if it happens.  I'm just happy that estradiol really IS addressing my dysphoria -- I now have positive developments that I can dwell on, even small ones, and that's a good thing!  And, yes, I cherish being more emotional, too!

 

Astrid

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8 hours ago, MaryMary said:

It took me about 1 or 2 months I think. If I remember well the first physical effect was the skin

 

8 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

Within the first month, I was starting to notice changes: tingling in my breasts, softer skin.

These were the very first things I felt and noticed too...I think my first noticeable effects started 3 weeks in before I knew something was changing inside.  The tingling sensation in the breast bud area happened almost simultaneously with the baby soft skin discovery.  I can remember the evening very clearly...I was really tired and I stretched my arms above my head and my bicep touched my cheek.  An unexpected thought hit me....”OMG! my skin is completely different.”  Both arms and shoulders had baby butt soft skin too.  The rest of my body followed suit by month 2 or 3.  It wasn’t even something I was really waiting for but it has been one of the best side effects I could ever imagine.  I would hate to have men’s skin again...especially now that my sweat doesn’t smell musky like a man’s anymore.  My wife loves that I don’t really have any noticeable smell these days.  I can’t say exactly when the change occurred but it was very early on that my wife noticed the difference...maybe 3 months into HRT.

 

Also early on (6 weeks to 2 months) there were changes were breast and libido related. My breasts, specifically my nipples, became sore to touch, very hard nip tips and some itching...then harder breast buds followed by growth. Which seemingly stops and starts still to this day (today is exactly 17 months HRT).

 

My libido dropped a bit which doesn’t bother me at all.  My libido no longer starts on its own...I have to consciously try to get the engine started with my mental stimulation and having my wife around helps too.

 

As others have mentioned, the facial changes probably happen next. For me maybe 2 months in but I first noticed I was looking a little more feminine in the face about 4 -5 months after starting.

 

Eventually, my feet, hands, and private parts started shrinking and upper body too as my weight started to redistribute to more feminine areas (thighs, butt shape, calves are smaller, arms are smaller, waist seems higher and smaller) ...maybe 5-6 months after starting.  My shoes dropped 2.5 sizes in US woman’s shoes.  I’m down to a size 9 - 9.5 now depending on the brand.  This change may have started 5-6 months in but may be continuing still. Don’t do what I did and go buy expensive shoes out the gate...I’d wait at least 6 months.  Many on HRT experience this especially if you drop a few pounds along the way.

 

Another interesting change is my wrist (and probably ankle) width.  My wrist thickness pre HRT was larger.  I had about a 1/2” from my thumb and middle finger when wrapping them around my wrist.  Now, I can easily touch the tips of my thumb and middle finger around each of my wrists.

 

My skin is much thinner now.  In the sauna, when it auto starts every 10 mins, my fingertips and toe tips get uncomfortably hot.  The same thing happens with very cold weather, my fingertips ache a bit if I am not wearing gloves. So there’s much more sensitivity in my extremities.

 

After about 8 months, body hair started becoming noticeably thinner everywhere.  Now, I have many areas that I no longer shave and a few areas only once in a blue moon because the hair is so light and thin.  My facial hair has not changed much in composition but I takes 3 days to get a noticeable amount of hair on my face (like 5 o'clock shadow). I have only let it grow out that much once though in the last year just to test it.  I still have to shave my face first thing every morning.

 

Another odd side effect I experienced is an eye color change.  I’m not sure when it happened...probably very slowly over the first year. My eye color pre HRT was dark blue grey now it’s a really bright blue.  My wife, daughters and several friends have noticed this change and commented on it.

 

Well that’s all The changes I can think of but there are others.  As you know and as others have pointed out...your age, dna, prescribed dose of HRT, etc...are different so don’t expect these exact same changes and the same timing but likely you’ll experience many of them at some time or another on your journey.

 

Good Luck,

Susan R?

 

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Thanks again for posting your experiences.

 

12 hours ago, Susan R said:

Eventually, my feet, hands, and private parts started shrinking and upper body too as my weight started to redistribute to more feminine areas (thighs, butt shape, calves are smaller, arms are smaller, waist seems higher and smaller) ...maybe 5-6 months after starting.  My shoes dropped 2.5 sizes in US woman’s shoes.  I’m down to a size 9 - 9.5 now depending on the brand.  This change may have started 5-6 months in but may be continuing still. Don’t do what I did and go buy expensive shoes out the gate...I’d wait at least 6 months.  Many on HRT experience this especially if you drop a few pounds along the way.

 

 

I am a bit intrigued by this. A lot of things I've read have said things like foot size won't change, though at the same time I have seen some say they will. I know I would like to shrink a bit (about size 12 mens, depending on the shoe) puts me a bit out of range of women's typical sizes. I don't expect enough of a change to drop to a common size, however it would be be nice to at least adjust into the a more workable size in women's (where options are so limited). That said, I don't see myself caring a ton about starting a shoe collection... but being able to get a couple of things would be nice.

 

Thanks,

Taylor

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49 minutes ago, Taylor said:

A lot of things I've read have said things like foot size won't change, though at the same time I have seen some say they will.

I attend several trans support groups.  Both are predominantly MtF groups.  Several women have mentioned this over the last year or so.  It’s not wishful thinking by any means.  I believe it’s a combination of weight loss from eating healthy, muscle mass decrease due to extremely low Testosterone, and the effect of thinning skin due to high levels of Estrogen.  My feet look completely different now in a much more feminine way.  My internal medicine endo told me last year after I brought it up that many of her MtF patients have seen this reduction in foot size.

 

Susan R?

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It's not dramatic by any means,  but yes I've lost about half a shoe size.  Of course that makes me a women's 13. Keeping in mind that I specifically started working out to keep from losing too much muscle mass and to keep myself from gaining too much weight from the HRT.

Then it was a certain amount of body pride because I wanted to look nice.

 

So yeah, half a shoe size. 

 

Hugs!

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This is a really fascinating thread. Thanks for starting it Taylor :) I would be interested in the mental and emotional changes with HRT, was it immediate or did it take a while for your body to adjust not having T anymore?

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1 hour ago, DeeDee said:

I would be interested in the mental and emotional changes with HRT, was it immediate or did it take a while for your body to adjust not having T anymore?

 

It took me a while to notice the emotional changes, because they were really subtle.  I suspect they probably happened in the first week or two, but it took me longer than that to be aware of them.

 

Right now, I have been off my E for a week, due to upcoming surgery.  What I noticed coming off it (because I was looking for it) is that my emotions have gone "flat" and "heavy".  Sorry, I can't describe it any better than that.  I feel none of the lightness and joy that I have felt for the last three years.  This is what I felt pre-transition.  I know in my head that I am in a better place now, but for the time being, I don't feel it.

 

I presume that the change starting E happened in about the same time frame as stopping it: about a week, maybe two.

 

Regards,

Kathy

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2 hours ago, Susan R said:

I believe it’s a combination of weight loss from eating healthy, muscle mass decrease due to extremely low Testosterone, and the effect of thinning skin due to high levels of Estrogen.  My feet look completely different now in a much more feminine way.  My internal medicine endo told me last year after I brought it up that many of her MtF patients have seen this reduction in foot size.

 

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

It's not dramatic by any means,  but yes I've lost about half a shoe size.  Of course that makes me a women's 13. Keeping in mind that I specifically started working out to keep from losing too much muscle mass and to keep myself from gaining too much weight from the HRT.

Then it was a certain amount of body pride because I wanted to look nice.

 

So yeah, half a shoe size. 

 

It'll be hard to say until it happens, though if it has to do with weight loss and muscle mass, I'm not sure I'll lose all that much (I'm kind of a beanpole as it is). Though I will definitely keep in mind to exercise, more to prevent losing too much muscle mass.

 

1 hour ago, DeeDee said:

This is a really fascinating thread. Thanks for starting it Taylor :) I would be interested in the mental and emotional changes with HRT, was it immediate or did it take a while for your body to adjust not having T anymore?

 

I'm glad others find it interesting ^_^. Personally mental/emotional changes weren't immediate, sounds more or less the same for those who have shared so far. Though it does sound like it kicks in relatively early on (within the first month or so). The only possible experience I have with this so far is occasionally my eyes tear up a bit. It's far from crying. I don't really have any emotion (that I sense) attached to it, just a little wetness. Not even positive its related to HRT, but I don't recall it happening (at least not nearly this frequent) before.

 

I appreciate people contributing so much to this.

Thanks,

Taylor

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2 hours ago, MaryMary said:

I could talk a lot about it and it fascinate me but I feel that if you do that you often get a sceptical eye

This is very true.  There are changes that I don’t feel I can talk about because it is so subjective and unprovable.  Add the fact that everyone has a different experience to some degree and you have a recipe for doubt and possible ridicule from others.

 

1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

[Without E] emotions have gone "flat" and "heavy".  Sorry, I can't describe it any better than that.  I feel none of the lightness and joy that I have felt for the last three years.

Actually Kathy, this “lightness and joy” is a very good description of my general feeling while being on E.  Although prior to E (and medical transition), I was somewhat depressed and had a deep rooted anger that was present under it all.  Also, for someone my age, I had a high pre-transition T level (835ng/dL).  So being down at 17ng/dL now, I’ve noticed very little desire to compete to the death (lol) with others and even with myself like I once did.  That has reduced my overall stress immensely and has allowed me to stay calm in situations that normally would’ve had me raging.

 

Emotions are closer now to the surface with the exception of anger (I’m happy about that).  Some emotions like are less controllable as some have mentioned.  These new feelings make it easier for me to empathize, apologize and forgive others much easier now.  I like the new emotional me and so does my wife.  It works well with my personality.

 

Susan R?

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2 hours ago, Susan R said:

Actually Kathy, this “lightness and joy” is a very good description of my general feeling while being on E.  Although prior to E (and medical transition), I was somewhat depressed and had a deep rooted anger that was present under it all.  Also, for someone my age, I had a high pre-transition T level (835ng/dL).  So being down at 17ng/dL now, I’ve noticed very little desire to compete to the death (lol) with others and even with myself like I once did.  That has reduced my overall stress immensely and has allowed me to stay calm in situations that normally would’ve had me raging.

 

Emotions are closer now to the surface with the exception of anger (I’m happy about that).  Some emotions like are less controllable as some have mentioned.  These new feelings make it easier for me to empathize, apologize and forgive others much easier now.  I like the new emotional me and so does my wife.  It works well with my personality.

 

Susan R?

 

Thanks so much, Susan, for your personal experiences on this topic.  It very closely matches (and validates for me) what I've experienced, too:  a feeling of lightness and joy, a significant reduction in anger and stress, and increased empathy.  All very good things!

 

Hugs,

 

Astrid

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Good morning and what a good topic!

 

I began HRT just over 3 years ago. I wear Estradiol patches******mg w/ ****mg. Twice Weekly). As well, I've on a T Blocker for some time now.

 

My first recollection concerned how my heart reacted. On the first morning after filling the script, I applied a single **** patch and then went about drawing away at the computer. In very little time, my heart suddenly thought it was Ginger Baker and began the breakneck drum solo called 'Toad' from Cream's 'Wheels of Fire' album. I went into a sweaty panic over that! A number of medical people who seemed to have a less than positive views towards my gender aspiration had tormented me with tales of how HRT in a male bodied patient often leads to heart attacks. I do know one very opened minded nurse who, when I asked about this replied:

"So? Wouldn't you be willing to risk that to become the real you?"  

Obviously I survived quite nicely. 

 

I am in my 60's and was already becoming thin skinned from age; the estrogen has only enhanced that and now, if not careful, I'll peel like an onion. 

 

I don't recall when it began, but at some point I found myself waking up in the night and having to throw off the blankets and just lying there in a sweat and wondering what the heck. I'd read on line about the possibility of 'hot flashes' but thought that I might just be imagining things. I thought of Edith Bunker on 'All In The Family' going through the change and new that I wasn't as tragicomically daffy as she was. I have both sleep and emotional issues and was sure the problem came from there. 

Finally, at my therapist's one session, I suddenly felt flushed all over and asked if she'd turned up the heat? She looked at my strangely and simply said 'No'. However. She was staring at me as if though a microscope. 

(And btw: there are no thermostats in Providence exam cubes!)

I complained abut how hot it had all at once gotten and began unbuttoning my winter layers. My therapist's eyes smiled as her hand went up to cover her mouth. 

I glared back with watering eyes and in a cracking voice yelled: 

"This isn't funny!" (Expletive omitted.)

She removed her hand and with a laugh snapped back:

"Well, welcome!"

 

Chrysee

Edited by MaryEllen
Dosages removed per rule 13 of the community rules
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4 hours ago, Chrysalis said:

I don't recall when it began, but at some point I found myself waking up in the night and having to throw off the blankets and just lying there in a sweat and wondering what the heck. I'd read on line about the possibility of 'hot flashes' but thought that I might just be imagining things. I thought of Edith Bunker on 'All In The Family' going through the change and new that I wasn't as tragicomically daffy as she was. I have both sleep and emotional issues and was sure the problem came from there. 

Finally, at my therapist's one session, I suddenly felt flushed all over and asked if she'd turned up the heat? She looked at my strangely and simply said 'No'. However. She was staring at me as if though a microscope. 

(And btw: there are no thermostats in Providence exam cubes!)

I complained abut how hot it had all at once gotten and began unbuttoning my winter layers. My therapist's eyes smiled as her hand went up to cover her mouth. 

I glared back with watering eyes and in a cracking voice yelled: 

"This isn't funny!" (Expletive omitted.)

She removed her hand and with a laugh snapped back:

"Well, welcome!"

 

I am SO tired of the hot flashes. They didn't start until I'd been off HRT for about two weeks preparing for my bottom surgery. They're mostly at night but I sweat through EVERYTHING. I've been back on my regular dose for a week or so now, but it can take up to two months for hormone levels to normalize so...

 

At least my sweat doesn't have the smell it did before I started transitioning. If I was living in a cloud of the musky stuff, I'd probably die. At least I'd shower and do the laundry more.

 

Hugs!

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  • 2 months later...
On 2/26/2020 at 11:18 AM, Astrid said:

Thanks so much, Susan, for your personal experiences on this topic.  It very closely matches (and validates for me) what I've experienced, too:  a feeling of lightness and joy, a significant reduction in anger and stress, and increased empathy.  All very good things!

 

This discussion is exactly one of the topics I was looking for coming to this site.  I am not on HRT yet and I am not in the right place based on my location, job and relationship right now, but I want to start when I can.

Besides looking forward to the physical changes you all described I was hoping HRT could make a positive impact on my day-to-day emotional state.  I am hoping that not only will HRT finally allow my hormones to fit how I feel mentally as a woman, but that it would transition my temperament to one that is as you describe it ... light and joyful.
I feel I am a good person with a good heart, but, specially over the last several years and after coming out to my wife I constantly have feelings of anxiety wash over me on a regular basis ... seemingly without any reason.  And, those feelings sometimes translate into a more "A"type behavior, specially at home.  I don't like that person.

Susan's comment about libido caught my interest also.  Do others have a decreased libido?  I've alwats struggled with a strong need for physical intimacy/sex that is not really fulfilled within my marriage. (my wife is the opposite, and its always been a problem for us).  I don't want to "lose" my libido but if it was also tempered down a bit I can see that as another plus.

Thank you all again!  Happy to hear from anybody else on these topics
Kay

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Sure. My libido went from "Now," to "Once or twice a week." That's freed up a tremendous amount of time and I'm not so freaking irritable. I've heard of women who haven't experienced a change though so your mileage may vary.

 

I'm not sure I'd describe the feeling on E as light. I'm certainly less irritable and experience a wider range of emotions. Your emotional landscape is very different from what you're used to. Feelings are more intense and colorful. I'm generally calmer. I feel more like a deep lake. Calm and serene, but with hidden depths. Down below the great beasts swim and may come to the surface if called.

It's definitely leveled me out though. I'm happier and not so quick to anger. I laugh and cry easier. Susan says I'm much easier to live with, which is a huge plus. There's a million other little things that come with the big things too. Most importantly, they help me feel comfortable in my own skin.

 

Hugs!

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48 minutes ago, KCraig said:

Do others have a decreased libido?

 

Yep.  

 

But given the benefits, and compared to my past filled with so much more stress and anger, I would never want to go back. I'm too busy loving my loved ones with a new perspective that I never had before to feel down about less physical lovemaking.

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Kay, My libido is definitely less than it was and frankly it's relieving. I have never felt so good every in my life, since I've started HRT.  Even with the frequent trips to the loo that the Spiro cause, there is no way I'm ever going back.  Still working through things with my wife, so the love life is impeded more by that than anything else.

 

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1 hour ago, KCraig said:

 

 Do others have a decreased libido? 


Mine has been on a decline since my wife hit menopause and we became less active.  HRT has increased that reduction.  My libido is pretty much zero these days.

 

And that’s okay.  Being okay with it is kind of what having reduced libido is all about.

 

Once my genitals have fully recovered from my surgery, I’ll probably do a little exploration and test-drive them, just to see what they will do.  But I am fine with not using them on a regular basis.

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On 2/25/2020 at 5:42 PM, KathyLauren said:

What I noticed coming off it (because I was looking for it) is that my emotions have gone "flat" and "heavy".  Sorry, I can't describe it any better than that.  I feel none of the lightness and joy that I have felt for the last three years.

 

I'm not on HRT, but I woke up this morning "feeling like a boy" and it feels something like that.  I felt so awful about it that I was going to start a topic, but this thread is close enough that my comment will be on-topic here.  I've said elsewhere that I've somehow aged out of my T and I've been feeling very different than before.

 

I think the change today is that I went running yesterday and it kicked up my natural T.  All of my life, I've noticed that effect of really heavy exercise, it increases natural hormones.  I feel it strongly the next day.   I always noticed an increase in irritability but now I notice the emotional "flatness" as Kathy said.

 

It's not that T doesn't make you feel good, but it's more like a "cup of coffee", rather than the "lightness and joy".

 

BTW, I'm feeling much better now.  :)

 

The best to all of you.

 

 

 

 

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Jackie, Astrid, Sarah, Kathy.. thank you so much for the added experience.  I feel like now I have so much more to look forward to.

16 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

I’ll probably do a little exploration and test-drive them

That's funny, Kathy! ?

 

Have a great week everybody ... and wash your hands! ??

Kay

 

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      I think we tend to be overly critical of our looks, whether we're trying to express ourselves as masculine, feminine or anywhere along the gender spectrum. For me, I use photos as a way to track my progress, to help me find my style and look and to help me find ways to improve myself in posture, looks, make-up, style......   I didn't really think about our FB avatar being public but then realized that when people search they do see it.   Since I'm not out to anyone but my wife, therapist, priest and people here, my FB page remains "that guy." I have created a Bitmoji that is relatively androgynous moving slowly towards the feminine. Long gray hair, earrings, softer features...I'm transitioning it along with myself. :-)
    • April Marie
      I so very much enjoy your posts. This one, though, hit home with me for many reasons. I was commissioned in the Army in '77, as well. Like you, I was not overly masculine in the way that many of our contemporaries were. I (still do) cried at weddings, pictures of puppies and babies, when I talked about bring proud of what my units accomplished and was never the Type A leader. In the end, it worked for me and I had a successful career.   This is, of course, your story not mine so I won't detail my struggle. It just took me much longer to understand what the underlying cause of my feelings was and even more to admit it. To act on it.    Thank you for sharing your story, Sally.
    • Sally Stone
      Post 6 “The Military Career Years” In 1977 I joined the Army and went to flight school to become a helicopter pilot.  To fly for the military had been a childhood dream and when the opportunity arose, I took advantage of it, despite knowing I would have to carefully control my crossdressing activity.  At the time, military aviation was male dominated and a haven for Type A personalities and excessive testosterone.  I had always been competitive but my personality was not typically Type A.  And while I could never be considered effeminate, I wasn’t overtly masculine either.  Consequently, I had little trouble hiding the part of my personality that leaned towards the feminine side.    However, serving in the Army limited my opportunities for feminine self-expression.  During this period, I learned that being unable to express my feminine nature regularly, led to frustration and unhappiness.  I managed these feelings by crossdressing and underdressing whenever I could.  Underdressing has never been very fulfilling for me, but while I was in the Army it was a coping mechanism.  I only cross-dressed in private and occasionally my wife would take me out for a late-night drive.  Those drives were still quite private, but being out of the house was clearly therapeutic.    I told myself I was coping, but when it became apparent the Army was going to be a career, the occasional and closeted feminine expression was clearly inadequate.  I needed more girl time and I wanted to share my feminine side with the rest of the world, so the frustration and unhappiness grew.  Despite my feelings regarding feminine self-expression, I loved flying, so I wasn’t willing to give up my military career.  Consequently, I resigned myself to the fact that the female half of my personality needed to take a back seat, and what helped me through, was dreaming of military retirement, and finally having the ability to let Sally blossom.   About Sally. Ironically, she was born while I was still serving.  It was Halloween and my wife and I were hosting a unit party.  I looked upon the occasion as the perfect excuse to dress like a girl.  After a little trepidation, my wife agreed I should take advantage of the opportunity.  Back then, my transformations were not very good, but with my wife’s help, my Halloween costume looked quite authentic.  Originally, my wife suggested that my presentation should be caricature to prevent anyone from seeing through my costume.  But that didn’t appeal to me at all.  I wanted to look as feminine and ladylike as I could.   To my wife’s and my amazement, my costume was the hit of the party.  In fact, later in the evening, my unit buddies decided they wanted to take me out drinking and before either me or my wife could protest, I was whisked away and taken to one of our favorite watering holes.  Terrified at first, I had an amazing time, we all did.  But on Monday morning, when I came to work, I learned that I had a new nickname; it was Sally, and for the duration of that tour, that’s what I was called.  Well, when it came time for me to choose a feminine name, there weren’t any other choices.  Sally it was, and to this day I adore the name, and thank my pilot buddies for choosing it.   And this brings me to my last assignment before retiring.  I was teaching military science in an Army ROTC program at Mercer University in Macon, Georgia.  I had been a member of TRIESS (a nationwide crossdressing support group).  I wasn’t really an active participant but when we moved to Georgia, I learned there was a local chapter in Atlanta.  I reached out to the membership chair person, and joined.   Because the chapter meetings took place in Atlanta, a trans friendly city, and because Atlanta was so far from Macon and any of my military connections, I felt it would be safe to let my feminine hair down.  The monthly meetings took place in the Westin Hotel and Conference Center in Buckhead, an upscale northern Atlanta suburb, and the hotel itself was 4-star.  The meetings were weekend affairs with lots of great activities that allowed me to express myself in a public setting for the first time.  It was during this time, that Sally began to blossom.   I have the fondest memories of Sigma Epsilon (the name of our chapter in Atlanta).  Because the hotel was also a conference center, there was always some big event, and in many cases, there were several.  One weekend there was a nail technician conference that culminated in a contest on Saturday evening.  When the organizers learned there was a huge group of crossdressers staying at the hotel, they reached out to us looking for manicure volunteers.  I volunteered and got a beautiful set of long red fingernails that I wore for the duration of the weekend.   During another of our meeting weekends, there was a huge military wedding taking place, and imagine what we were all thinking when we learned it was a Marine wedding.  Our entire group was on edge worrying we might have to keep a low profile.  It turned out to be one of the most memorable weekends I would experience there.  First off, the Marines were all perfect gentlemen.  On Friday night and throughout the day on Saturday before the wedding, we rubbed elbows with most of them and their wives in and around the hotel, and at the hotel bar.  In fact, we got along so well the bride invited us to the reception.  Somewhere, there is a picture of me with a handsomely dressed Marine draped on each of my arms, standing in the lobby of the hotel.  Sadly, I never got a copy of it because the woman who took the picture used a film camera (yes, they actually took picture that way in ancient times).    My two-years with Sigma Epsilon was the perfect transition.  I went from being fully closeted to being mostly out.  I enhanced my feminine presentation and significantly reduced my social anxiety.  It also signified the end of one life and the beginning of another.  I had a great career and never regretted serving, but I was ready to shed the restrictions 20-years of Army service had imposed on my feminine self-expression.  My new life, Sally’s life, was about to begin, and with it I would begin to fully spread a new set of wings, this time feminine wings.    Hugs, Sally
    • Sally Stone
      Ashley, for a very long time she clung to the term crossdresser, because for her it was less threatening.  Over the years, though, she has come to recognize and acknowledge that I have a strong feminine side.  And like me, she now has a much better understanding of where my transgender journey is going, so me being bigender, isn't the threat she might have perceived it as, years ago. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true.  Thank you.   Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
      good evening   good day at work today.  I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully.  As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today.  I don’t think she was too happy about that.  Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours.  Well that is only part of the story,  his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met.  But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus.  Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager.  Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening.  But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily.  You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was  at least partly her own fault.  But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that.  I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination.  And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish.   im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store.  I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable.   Ive been wanting some homefried chicken.  We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait.  It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good.  Another restaurant on the list.  At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal.   i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30!   Willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
      So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬
    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
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