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Starting HRT and Effects


Taylor

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Hi everyone,

 

It's been a while since I've felt up for posting. (I'm so glad Winter has at least taken a break for a bit). To start off, I am glad to say I started HRT about a week ago. I know a lot of the changes don't really start until a few months in, especially the physical changes like fat redistribution and breast growth. I am however a bit curious, since that time frame is really an expectation more than a hard-set rule. If anyone would be willing to share how long it took them, before noticing various changes... be it some of the mentioned physical ones, or other changes like some of the mental/emotional shifts I've heard can happen.

 

I understand things can vary a fair bit, based on a variety of factors. I am still interested to hear the experiences of others.

 

Thanks,

Taylor

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Hi Taylor and thanks for the update.  As to changes, we're all different but you might start to notice a few things soon like less oiliness in your skin and a softness too.  Mental changes will come along soon enough although through the placebo effect you may start to feel better and different sooner.  No changes to facial hair.  Other physical changes may take a bit to manifest.  Hang on though, it will be interesting.

 

Cheers, Jani

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Within the first month, I was starting to notice changes: tingling in my breasts, softer skin.  Within three months, there was noticeable breast growth.  My six months, I could see changes in my lips and eyes.  By the end of the first year, my body hair was thinning out or gone entirely, and my wife was commenting on how feminine my face looked.  At about two and a half years, I could notice some fat redistribution.

 

As with everything HRT-related, your mileage may vary.

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A lot of it depends on age. You're 25, so you might not see much, or anything, in the way of hips. Breast tenderness was the first physical change I noticed. However, estridiol had been working dark magic on my brain before that. You'll find yourself more emotional first. It's subtle though, it sneaks up on you. Crying easier while consuming media for example.

 

Breasts are next. I'm not a good person to talk to about that. After about eighteen months I've got an A-Cup. I was a slow bloomer for puberty 1.0 too though, so I'm still holding out hope for a visit from the boob fairy.

 

Softer and clearer skin happened pretty fast. I'm just getting back on HRT after surgery and it took about a week for my skin to remember that it's smooth and pretty, not dry and nasty. This was subtle in the beginning too. I just slowly got less... manly I guess? There's also been some redistribution in where I carry my flesh in my face. It's subtle, but it makes me look more feminine.

 

Tragically, I suffer from alopecia so I can't tell you a darn thing about hair.

 

Hugs!

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Thanks for the responses so far. I realize it will take some time. More curious than anything, about people who may have experienced thing rather early on or later than usual.

 

1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

Within the first month, I was starting to notice changes: tingling in my breasts, softer skin.

 

It hasn't quite been a week yet, and some of it might be in my head, but over the weekend I did have a rather short tingling-itch in my chest. I also felt like my skin may have been a bit softer after my last shave, but it may have just been a closer shave that made it feel smoother.

 

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

A lot of it depends on age. You're 25, so you might not see much, or anything, in the way of hips. Breast tenderness was the first physical change I noticed. However, estridiol had been working dark magic on my brain before that. You'll find yourself more emotional first. It's subtle though, it sneaks up on you. Crying easier while consuming media for example.

 

Breasts are next. I'm not a good person to talk to about that. After about eighteen months I've got an A-Cup. I was a slow bloomer for puberty 1.0 too though, so I'm still holding out hope for a visit from the boob fairy.

 

Softer and clearer skin happened pretty fast. I'm just getting back on HRT after surgery and it took about a week for my skin to remember that it's smooth and pretty, not dry and nasty. This was subtle in the beginning too. I just slowly got less... manly I guess? 

 

 

Yeah. I know age can be a big factor. I'm glad I'm able to start transitioning now, at 25, than it being much later. Of course there is the part of me that wishes I would've realized things earlier in life, but it's not really productive to dwell on the past like that. (I would assume plenty of people here feel similarly about coming out, transitioning, etc.). Personally hips aren't really a big concern, a little shape would be nice... but not a big deal. I am kind of looking forward to the emotional stuff though, though I feel a bit weird for that.

 

Hope you do you your visit from the boob fairy though, Jackie.

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4 hours ago, Taylor said:

I know a lot of the changes don't really start until a few months in, especially the physical changes like fat redistribution and breast growth

 

I began HRT on Dec 4th, 2019, less than 3 months ago.  Everyone's timetable will vary.   Mine certainly did:  breast soreness began at 3 weeks, breast buds formed at 4 weeks, and tissue growth began in earnest.  I understand why my doctor said that growth usually doesn't begin until 3 to 6 months in (because that's the average response she sees in her patients).  As I've remarked elsewhere in other posts, I've actually reduced my patch size/daily dose to slow growth down, as I'm non-binary and don't have significant breast growth as a goal.  I'm a living experiment in whether, for me, I can continue with microdosing.  The coming 6 months or so will tell, I think.

 

Body hair (for example, on legs) is now smoother.  Chest hair isn't, because I'm at the stage where electrolysis has removed almost all of it ?.

 

Since an initial flurry of questions (via the health portal for my HRT facility), I've personally found a less stressful approach for me is to chill a bit and not be super-anxious about every small little thing I might notice.  It will happen when it happens, if it happens.  I'm just happy that estradiol really IS addressing my dysphoria -- I now have positive developments that I can dwell on, even small ones, and that's a good thing!  And, yes, I cherish being more emotional, too!

 

Astrid

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8 hours ago, MaryMary said:

It took me about 1 or 2 months I think. If I remember well the first physical effect was the skin

 

8 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

Within the first month, I was starting to notice changes: tingling in my breasts, softer skin.

These were the very first things I felt and noticed too...I think my first noticeable effects started 3 weeks in before I knew something was changing inside.  The tingling sensation in the breast bud area happened almost simultaneously with the baby soft skin discovery.  I can remember the evening very clearly...I was really tired and I stretched my arms above my head and my bicep touched my cheek.  An unexpected thought hit me....”OMG! my skin is completely different.”  Both arms and shoulders had baby butt soft skin too.  The rest of my body followed suit by month 2 or 3.  It wasn’t even something I was really waiting for but it has been one of the best side effects I could ever imagine.  I would hate to have men’s skin again...especially now that my sweat doesn’t smell musky like a man’s anymore.  My wife loves that I don’t really have any noticeable smell these days.  I can’t say exactly when the change occurred but it was very early on that my wife noticed the difference...maybe 3 months into HRT.

 

Also early on (6 weeks to 2 months) there were changes were breast and libido related. My breasts, specifically my nipples, became sore to touch, very hard nip tips and some itching...then harder breast buds followed by growth. Which seemingly stops and starts still to this day (today is exactly 17 months HRT).

 

My libido dropped a bit which doesn’t bother me at all.  My libido no longer starts on its own...I have to consciously try to get the engine started with my mental stimulation and having my wife around helps too.

 

As others have mentioned, the facial changes probably happen next. For me maybe 2 months in but I first noticed I was looking a little more feminine in the face about 4 -5 months after starting.

 

Eventually, my feet, hands, and private parts started shrinking and upper body too as my weight started to redistribute to more feminine areas (thighs, butt shape, calves are smaller, arms are smaller, waist seems higher and smaller) ...maybe 5-6 months after starting.  My shoes dropped 2.5 sizes in US woman’s shoes.  I’m down to a size 9 - 9.5 now depending on the brand.  This change may have started 5-6 months in but may be continuing still. Don’t do what I did and go buy expensive shoes out the gate...I’d wait at least 6 months.  Many on HRT experience this especially if you drop a few pounds along the way.

 

Another interesting change is my wrist (and probably ankle) width.  My wrist thickness pre HRT was larger.  I had about a 1/2” from my thumb and middle finger when wrapping them around my wrist.  Now, I can easily touch the tips of my thumb and middle finger around each of my wrists.

 

My skin is much thinner now.  In the sauna, when it auto starts every 10 mins, my fingertips and toe tips get uncomfortably hot.  The same thing happens with very cold weather, my fingertips ache a bit if I am not wearing gloves. So there’s much more sensitivity in my extremities.

 

After about 8 months, body hair started becoming noticeably thinner everywhere.  Now, I have many areas that I no longer shave and a few areas only once in a blue moon because the hair is so light and thin.  My facial hair has not changed much in composition but I takes 3 days to get a noticeable amount of hair on my face (like 5 o'clock shadow). I have only let it grow out that much once though in the last year just to test it.  I still have to shave my face first thing every morning.

 

Another odd side effect I experienced is an eye color change.  I’m not sure when it happened...probably very slowly over the first year. My eye color pre HRT was dark blue grey now it’s a really bright blue.  My wife, daughters and several friends have noticed this change and commented on it.

 

Well that’s all The changes I can think of but there are others.  As you know and as others have pointed out...your age, dna, prescribed dose of HRT, etc...are different so don’t expect these exact same changes and the same timing but likely you’ll experience many of them at some time or another on your journey.

 

Good Luck,

Susan R?

 

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Thanks again for posting your experiences.

 

12 hours ago, Susan R said:

Eventually, my feet, hands, and private parts started shrinking and upper body too as my weight started to redistribute to more feminine areas (thighs, butt shape, calves are smaller, arms are smaller, waist seems higher and smaller) ...maybe 5-6 months after starting.  My shoes dropped 2.5 sizes in US woman’s shoes.  I’m down to a size 9 - 9.5 now depending on the brand.  This change may have started 5-6 months in but may be continuing still. Don’t do what I did and go buy expensive shoes out the gate...I’d wait at least 6 months.  Many on HRT experience this especially if you drop a few pounds along the way.

 

 

I am a bit intrigued by this. A lot of things I've read have said things like foot size won't change, though at the same time I have seen some say they will. I know I would like to shrink a bit (about size 12 mens, depending on the shoe) puts me a bit out of range of women's typical sizes. I don't expect enough of a change to drop to a common size, however it would be be nice to at least adjust into the a more workable size in women's (where options are so limited). That said, I don't see myself caring a ton about starting a shoe collection... but being able to get a couple of things would be nice.

 

Thanks,

Taylor

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49 minutes ago, Taylor said:

A lot of things I've read have said things like foot size won't change, though at the same time I have seen some say they will.

I attend several trans support groups.  Both are predominantly MtF groups.  Several women have mentioned this over the last year or so.  It’s not wishful thinking by any means.  I believe it’s a combination of weight loss from eating healthy, muscle mass decrease due to extremely low Testosterone, and the effect of thinning skin due to high levels of Estrogen.  My feet look completely different now in a much more feminine way.  My internal medicine endo told me last year after I brought it up that many of her MtF patients have seen this reduction in foot size.

 

Susan R?

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It's not dramatic by any means,  but yes I've lost about half a shoe size.  Of course that makes me a women's 13. Keeping in mind that I specifically started working out to keep from losing too much muscle mass and to keep myself from gaining too much weight from the HRT.

Then it was a certain amount of body pride because I wanted to look nice.

 

So yeah, half a shoe size. 

 

Hugs!

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This is a really fascinating thread. Thanks for starting it Taylor :) I would be interested in the mental and emotional changes with HRT, was it immediate or did it take a while for your body to adjust not having T anymore?

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1 hour ago, DeeDee said:

I would be interested in the mental and emotional changes with HRT, was it immediate or did it take a while for your body to adjust not having T anymore?

 

It took me a while to notice the emotional changes, because they were really subtle.  I suspect they probably happened in the first week or two, but it took me longer than that to be aware of them.

 

Right now, I have been off my E for a week, due to upcoming surgery.  What I noticed coming off it (because I was looking for it) is that my emotions have gone "flat" and "heavy".  Sorry, I can't describe it any better than that.  I feel none of the lightness and joy that I have felt for the last three years.  This is what I felt pre-transition.  I know in my head that I am in a better place now, but for the time being, I don't feel it.

 

I presume that the change starting E happened in about the same time frame as stopping it: about a week, maybe two.

 

Regards,

Kathy

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2 hours ago, Susan R said:

I believe it’s a combination of weight loss from eating healthy, muscle mass decrease due to extremely low Testosterone, and the effect of thinning skin due to high levels of Estrogen.  My feet look completely different now in a much more feminine way.  My internal medicine endo told me last year after I brought it up that many of her MtF patients have seen this reduction in foot size.

 

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

It's not dramatic by any means,  but yes I've lost about half a shoe size.  Of course that makes me a women's 13. Keeping in mind that I specifically started working out to keep from losing too much muscle mass and to keep myself from gaining too much weight from the HRT.

Then it was a certain amount of body pride because I wanted to look nice.

 

So yeah, half a shoe size. 

 

It'll be hard to say until it happens, though if it has to do with weight loss and muscle mass, I'm not sure I'll lose all that much (I'm kind of a beanpole as it is). Though I will definitely keep in mind to exercise, more to prevent losing too much muscle mass.

 

1 hour ago, DeeDee said:

This is a really fascinating thread. Thanks for starting it Taylor :) I would be interested in the mental and emotional changes with HRT, was it immediate or did it take a while for your body to adjust not having T anymore?

 

I'm glad others find it interesting ^_^. Personally mental/emotional changes weren't immediate, sounds more or less the same for those who have shared so far. Though it does sound like it kicks in relatively early on (within the first month or so). The only possible experience I have with this so far is occasionally my eyes tear up a bit. It's far from crying. I don't really have any emotion (that I sense) attached to it, just a little wetness. Not even positive its related to HRT, but I don't recall it happening (at least not nearly this frequent) before.

 

I appreciate people contributing so much to this.

Thanks,

Taylor

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2 hours ago, MaryMary said:

I could talk a lot about it and it fascinate me but I feel that if you do that you often get a sceptical eye

This is very true.  There are changes that I don’t feel I can talk about because it is so subjective and unprovable.  Add the fact that everyone has a different experience to some degree and you have a recipe for doubt and possible ridicule from others.

 

1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

[Without E] emotions have gone "flat" and "heavy".  Sorry, I can't describe it any better than that.  I feel none of the lightness and joy that I have felt for the last three years.

Actually Kathy, this “lightness and joy” is a very good description of my general feeling while being on E.  Although prior to E (and medical transition), I was somewhat depressed and had a deep rooted anger that was present under it all.  Also, for someone my age, I had a high pre-transition T level (835ng/dL).  So being down at 17ng/dL now, I’ve noticed very little desire to compete to the death (lol) with others and even with myself like I once did.  That has reduced my overall stress immensely and has allowed me to stay calm in situations that normally would’ve had me raging.

 

Emotions are closer now to the surface with the exception of anger (I’m happy about that).  Some emotions like are less controllable as some have mentioned.  These new feelings make it easier for me to empathize, apologize and forgive others much easier now.  I like the new emotional me and so does my wife.  It works well with my personality.

 

Susan R?

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2 hours ago, Susan R said:

Actually Kathy, this “lightness and joy” is a very good description of my general feeling while being on E.  Although prior to E (and medical transition), I was somewhat depressed and had a deep rooted anger that was present under it all.  Also, for someone my age, I had a high pre-transition T level (835ng/dL).  So being down at 17ng/dL now, I’ve noticed very little desire to compete to the death (lol) with others and even with myself like I once did.  That has reduced my overall stress immensely and has allowed me to stay calm in situations that normally would’ve had me raging.

 

Emotions are closer now to the surface with the exception of anger (I’m happy about that).  Some emotions like are less controllable as some have mentioned.  These new feelings make it easier for me to empathize, apologize and forgive others much easier now.  I like the new emotional me and so does my wife.  It works well with my personality.

 

Susan R?

 

Thanks so much, Susan, for your personal experiences on this topic.  It very closely matches (and validates for me) what I've experienced, too:  a feeling of lightness and joy, a significant reduction in anger and stress, and increased empathy.  All very good things!

 

Hugs,

 

Astrid

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Good morning and what a good topic!

 

I began HRT just over 3 years ago. I wear Estradiol patches******mg w/ ****mg. Twice Weekly). As well, I've on a T Blocker for some time now.

 

My first recollection concerned how my heart reacted. On the first morning after filling the script, I applied a single **** patch and then went about drawing away at the computer. In very little time, my heart suddenly thought it was Ginger Baker and began the breakneck drum solo called 'Toad' from Cream's 'Wheels of Fire' album. I went into a sweaty panic over that! A number of medical people who seemed to have a less than positive views towards my gender aspiration had tormented me with tales of how HRT in a male bodied patient often leads to heart attacks. I do know one very opened minded nurse who, when I asked about this replied:

"So? Wouldn't you be willing to risk that to become the real you?"  

Obviously I survived quite nicely. 

 

I am in my 60's and was already becoming thin skinned from age; the estrogen has only enhanced that and now, if not careful, I'll peel like an onion. 

 

I don't recall when it began, but at some point I found myself waking up in the night and having to throw off the blankets and just lying there in a sweat and wondering what the heck. I'd read on line about the possibility of 'hot flashes' but thought that I might just be imagining things. I thought of Edith Bunker on 'All In The Family' going through the change and new that I wasn't as tragicomically daffy as she was. I have both sleep and emotional issues and was sure the problem came from there. 

Finally, at my therapist's one session, I suddenly felt flushed all over and asked if she'd turned up the heat? She looked at my strangely and simply said 'No'. However. She was staring at me as if though a microscope. 

(And btw: there are no thermostats in Providence exam cubes!)

I complained abut how hot it had all at once gotten and began unbuttoning my winter layers. My therapist's eyes smiled as her hand went up to cover her mouth. 

I glared back with watering eyes and in a cracking voice yelled: 

"This isn't funny!" (Expletive omitted.)

She removed her hand and with a laugh snapped back:

"Well, welcome!"

 

Chrysee

Edited by MaryEllen
Dosages removed per rule 13 of the community rules
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4 hours ago, Chrysalis said:

I don't recall when it began, but at some point I found myself waking up in the night and having to throw off the blankets and just lying there in a sweat and wondering what the heck. I'd read on line about the possibility of 'hot flashes' but thought that I might just be imagining things. I thought of Edith Bunker on 'All In The Family' going through the change and new that I wasn't as tragicomically daffy as she was. I have both sleep and emotional issues and was sure the problem came from there. 

Finally, at my therapist's one session, I suddenly felt flushed all over and asked if she'd turned up the heat? She looked at my strangely and simply said 'No'. However. She was staring at me as if though a microscope. 

(And btw: there are no thermostats in Providence exam cubes!)

I complained abut how hot it had all at once gotten and began unbuttoning my winter layers. My therapist's eyes smiled as her hand went up to cover her mouth. 

I glared back with watering eyes and in a cracking voice yelled: 

"This isn't funny!" (Expletive omitted.)

She removed her hand and with a laugh snapped back:

"Well, welcome!"

 

I am SO tired of the hot flashes. They didn't start until I'd been off HRT for about two weeks preparing for my bottom surgery. They're mostly at night but I sweat through EVERYTHING. I've been back on my regular dose for a week or so now, but it can take up to two months for hormone levels to normalize so...

 

At least my sweat doesn't have the smell it did before I started transitioning. If I was living in a cloud of the musky stuff, I'd probably die. At least I'd shower and do the laundry more.

 

Hugs!

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  • 2 months later...
On 2/26/2020 at 11:18 AM, Astrid said:

Thanks so much, Susan, for your personal experiences on this topic.  It very closely matches (and validates for me) what I've experienced, too:  a feeling of lightness and joy, a significant reduction in anger and stress, and increased empathy.  All very good things!

 

This discussion is exactly one of the topics I was looking for coming to this site.  I am not on HRT yet and I am not in the right place based on my location, job and relationship right now, but I want to start when I can.

Besides looking forward to the physical changes you all described I was hoping HRT could make a positive impact on my day-to-day emotional state.  I am hoping that not only will HRT finally allow my hormones to fit how I feel mentally as a woman, but that it would transition my temperament to one that is as you describe it ... light and joyful.
I feel I am a good person with a good heart, but, specially over the last several years and after coming out to my wife I constantly have feelings of anxiety wash over me on a regular basis ... seemingly without any reason.  And, those feelings sometimes translate into a more "A"type behavior, specially at home.  I don't like that person.

Susan's comment about libido caught my interest also.  Do others have a decreased libido?  I've alwats struggled with a strong need for physical intimacy/sex that is not really fulfilled within my marriage. (my wife is the opposite, and its always been a problem for us).  I don't want to "lose" my libido but if it was also tempered down a bit I can see that as another plus.

Thank you all again!  Happy to hear from anybody else on these topics
Kay

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Sure. My libido went from "Now," to "Once or twice a week." That's freed up a tremendous amount of time and I'm not so freaking irritable. I've heard of women who haven't experienced a change though so your mileage may vary.

 

I'm not sure I'd describe the feeling on E as light. I'm certainly less irritable and experience a wider range of emotions. Your emotional landscape is very different from what you're used to. Feelings are more intense and colorful. I'm generally calmer. I feel more like a deep lake. Calm and serene, but with hidden depths. Down below the great beasts swim and may come to the surface if called.

It's definitely leveled me out though. I'm happier and not so quick to anger. I laugh and cry easier. Susan says I'm much easier to live with, which is a huge plus. There's a million other little things that come with the big things too. Most importantly, they help me feel comfortable in my own skin.

 

Hugs!

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48 minutes ago, KCraig said:

Do others have a decreased libido?

 

Yep.  

 

But given the benefits, and compared to my past filled with so much more stress and anger, I would never want to go back. I'm too busy loving my loved ones with a new perspective that I never had before to feel down about less physical lovemaking.

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Kay, My libido is definitely less than it was and frankly it's relieving. I have never felt so good every in my life, since I've started HRT.  Even with the frequent trips to the loo that the Spiro cause, there is no way I'm ever going back.  Still working through things with my wife, so the love life is impeded more by that than anything else.

 

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1 hour ago, KCraig said:

 

 Do others have a decreased libido? 


Mine has been on a decline since my wife hit menopause and we became less active.  HRT has increased that reduction.  My libido is pretty much zero these days.

 

And that’s okay.  Being okay with it is kind of what having reduced libido is all about.

 

Once my genitals have fully recovered from my surgery, I’ll probably do a little exploration and test-drive them, just to see what they will do.  But I am fine with not using them on a regular basis.

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On 2/25/2020 at 5:42 PM, KathyLauren said:

What I noticed coming off it (because I was looking for it) is that my emotions have gone "flat" and "heavy".  Sorry, I can't describe it any better than that.  I feel none of the lightness and joy that I have felt for the last three years.

 

I'm not on HRT, but I woke up this morning "feeling like a boy" and it feels something like that.  I felt so awful about it that I was going to start a topic, but this thread is close enough that my comment will be on-topic here.  I've said elsewhere that I've somehow aged out of my T and I've been feeling very different than before.

 

I think the change today is that I went running yesterday and it kicked up my natural T.  All of my life, I've noticed that effect of really heavy exercise, it increases natural hormones.  I feel it strongly the next day.   I always noticed an increase in irritability but now I notice the emotional "flatness" as Kathy said.

 

It's not that T doesn't make you feel good, but it's more like a "cup of coffee", rather than the "lightness and joy".

 

BTW, I'm feeling much better now.  :)

 

The best to all of you.

 

 

 

 

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Jackie, Astrid, Sarah, Kathy.. thank you so much for the added experience.  I feel like now I have so much more to look forward to.

16 hours ago, KathyLauren said:

I’ll probably do a little exploration and test-drive them

That's funny, Kathy! ?

 

Have a great week everybody ... and wash your hands! ??

Kay

 

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      What an amazing life you've shared with your wife. I can understand the trepidation you had at telling her at that point in your relationship but it certainly saved all of the guilt, the questioning and the secrecy that would have filled your lives had you not.   I'm on the other end of the spectrum having denied and buried my truth for decades and fast approaching 50 years of marriage when the dysphoria and depression finally came to critical mass and I unloaded it all on a New Year's Day morning. As you might imagine, it led to a lot of questions, of questioning everything, of anger and hurt on my wife's part. Guilt, embarrassment, fear...and anything else you can imagine on my part.   Thankfully, our love for each other has always been the foundation of our relationship and, ultimately, we both agreed that staying together was what we both wanted. It was a tough year but, now into the 2d since my coming out, we've hit our stride and are exploring this new norm in our life.   I do so love your blog.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Will be at my place
    • Vidanjali
      Congratulations on your new family member!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I thought I would try my version of this. Changes in bold.   I am Transgender.  Sometimes it is remote, sometimes close. Sometimes I am euphoric, sometimes depressed. It is something I cannot get away from and cannot welcome enough. I see some things both ways that neither men as men see or women as women see.  I can be gentle and compassionate and hard as nails. I was born with male genitals but a female heart   I have my heart.  Whatever it is. When I look at a female, I wish I looked like her  Depends on the woman.  When I look at a male, I wish I did not look like him   Ditto. I envy female movements, softness, behaviors, appearances, fashion...EVERYTHING Female Depends. Sometimes I get angry at them because women spend time and energy in ways men don't.  It is not necessarily bad.  I could do without the gossip. Not all women gossip.  Excessive focus on fashion is something I find annoying. And expensive. I tolerate all things male out of social obligation...not because I feel like a man or because it makes me happy....but because that's what I was forced to believe was my only choice....beginning in early childhood. Sometimes it is helpful to put on the Iron Man suit and act accordingly.  But I have seen some tough women. When I look at myself in the mirror in only bra and panties...I can see my nude female body...and it makes me smile and feel amazing and warm inside....yet sad because that is not my reality. I could go either way, mostly. Really.  In tests in the last two years technicians have gone really quiet when they see how little body and leg hair I have.  I looked at myself this morning.  Remove a few clues and a girl is standing there. When I look at myself in the mirror in only boxers...I can see my nude male body and it saddens me deeply and makes me feel sick and depressed...and at times...even ashamed....Because this IS my reality. At this point I am not going to do that. In the mood I am in I might break the mirror. My true gender does not influence my sexual interests or preferences...or change who I am....in any form or fashion. Gender identity is in no way connected to anything sexually related on any level.  Not sure I want to make that statement so categorically. Life as a male leaves me with a feeling that something is off...that something is missing...that something is not as it should have been.   Well put. The idea of having to continue living as a male...as someone I am not...for the rest of my life...even if its only part time...causes great sadness and anxiety within myself. I've got priorities beyond this that this must fit into. The idea of living as the girl I am and always have been on a full time basis...regardless of where I am, what I am doing or who I am around...brings me great joy, happiness and a sense of peace within myself.  Would be neat. Looking like and living as a girl makes me smile.   Would be neat.  There are downsides.  Looking like and living as a guy makes me sad.   I have had lots of practice accepting this. I am Transgender....I am a girl
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Good listener, respect them, and show sympathy/empathy, even just being there
    • Ashley0616
      Getting dog today he's potty trained
    • Sally Stone
      Think positively, Ashley.  I have no doubt you'll find your king or queen at some point.   Hugs,   Sally
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob had the night off from teaching kara-tay and they planned to spend a lot of it at Cabaret.   Once in, Taylor waited for her man to park and looked around.  There was a sign "Mary, Paul and Peter LIVE tonight" and, sure enough, three microphones were standing in the open area.  A new hostess came up to her. "Are you alone?" "Oh, no.  He's coming." Taylor was led to a table. Bob was there in a minute and managed to get in there and seat her.  She smiled. "The act will be along in a few minutes. And Congratulations! I am SO EXCITED!!" Taylor responded to his look. "I got promoted." "To what?" "Head of Marketing." "You're kidding." "Nope.  It seems the Board finally woke up to the fact that the China cash cow may come to an end and they need to do something. Did you know that the VPs on up all get over a million dollars in compensation without really doing anything?" "No." "I am supposed to figure out how to re-energize over thirty acres of factory that have laid idle for forty years or more." "Why don't they do it?" She whispered,"the head of production is the son of the previous head of production. He has never produced anything."  She explained that everything was made in China and exported back to the US and sold under different brand names. "How am I going to find someone?" He smiled. "Congratulations. Sounds like a problem.  Hey, today we were talking about problems at our Philly plant.  One, it was built before World War 2. Second the city and state are tightening regulations and the tax structure is adverse.  Third, we get protestors every day, some of whom break into the factory.  People are talking about relocating." "We are forty miles from an interstate." "That is a plus.  Makes it harder for protestors to find us if we moved here." "You are really thinking that?" "I am, right now. I can't speak for the company.  I know there is a rail line." "Spur, actually, with several sidings.  The buildings are in good shape." "Do you have about five acres we could look at? How about if I take some pictures and send them off?" "Great.  And protestors would not be tolerated in Millville.  The factory area once upon a time was the main employer and people are very protective." Two weeks later she was in Philadelphia with Gibson and a few others.  The deal was signed and by end of summer ten acres, with an option on another ten, were being upgraded and equipment was coming in by rail. Not five, but ten.  She got a $20,000 bonus out of the blue.  The company was flush with Chinese cash that they didn't know what to do with. She was developing plans. But back to dinner.  "Did I tell you what they are paying me?" "No." She told him. "That is more than I am making." "You don't sound happy." "It takes some getting used to.  You are Management and Croesus combined." "Yeah. Is this a problem?" "No.  As I said, it takes some getting used to."  The musicians arrived and were introduced: three local teenagers in Peter Paul and Mary clothing and wigs like it was the 60s.  They began singing. "They are good," she said. "They are lip-synching." "They are good at lip-synching." They listened for a while. "Work is going to be intense for a while." "I'll bet." "I won't be able to talk to you about some of it." "I bet." They had a good evening.   The high point for Bob was that she let him put his hand on hers.  The high point for her was Bob did not seem threatened by her now being Management and making more than he did with a Masters. She didn't tell him she was likely to be in on the distribution of money the Chinese sent every year to keep them fat and happy.  But she had to finish up that report, so the evening ended early.  He drove her home, checked her apartment for people and again walked away hearing her lock the door three times.  She didn't say it, but he knew she was going to have a long talk with her therapist as well.   Her therapist was a night owl.  
    • Ashley0616
      envy: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage obsolete : MALICE : an object of envious notice or feeling
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