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Dearhart

I'm here, now!

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Dearhart

Hi-hi! My name's Jonathan, soon to be changed to Ivy, but I go by Dearhart online.

I've only recently started seeing a gender therapist and acquired the vocabulary I needed to properly express all the feelings I've grown up with but have apparently been presenting myself as gender-nonconforming for quite some time, now. So, there's that. I haven't "really" started transitioning, yet, but I've done a lot of reading and just today realized I won't do as well as I think I can without reaching out to the community. 

 

I feel luckier than some in that my friends and family never reacted with anything more negative than "Yeah, okay. Whatever. Just wait till the commercial break." And I am VERY thankful for that. 

 

I have so many questions (and twice as many worries) that more often than not, I feel like going back to my usual course of action when overwhelmed by just ignoring it and going about my day, but that's the old, unhealthy me.  I'm quite excited about joining the forums here and all the progress towards transitioning that I expect to make in the coming year. So, I'm here now!
 

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Jackie C.

Don't kid yourself. There are no words for all the girl emotions. Blame the patriarchy. I do. 😋

 

So yeah. Welcome to Transpulse! We're happy to help with whatever questions you might have so nose around, ask questions and join in the conversation! Pleased to meet you.

 

Hugs!

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Suzanne1
46 minutes ago, Jackie C. said:

Don't kid yourself. There are no words for all the girl emotions. Blame the patriarchy. I do. 😋

 

So yeah. Welcome to Transpulse! We're happy to help with whatever questions you might have so nose around, ask questions and join in the conversation! Pleased to meet you.

 

Hugs!

Interesting observation. 

 

Don't know if this is still in print, but this was an interesting book:  From Matriarchal Clan to Patriarchical Society (by Evelyn Reed, I think). I  had the experience of hearing her speak once. 

 

Certainly the book's a feminist treatment of the subject, which can be something of a stumbling block for lots of TG's.

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Suzanne1
51 minutes ago, Suzanne1 said:

Interesting observation. 

 

Don't know if this is still in print, but this was an interesting book:  From Matriarchal Clan to Patriarchical Society (by Evelyn Reed, I think). I  had the experience of hearing her speak once. 

 

Certainly the book's a feminist treatment of the subject, which can be something of a stumbling block for lots of TG's.

OOPs, sorry; the main title is Woman's Evolution, what's I wrote above is the subtitle.  Sorry, it's been awhile.

 

Best wishes to the new member.

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TammyAnne

Hi and welcome Ivy.

Glad you're here.

TA

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Charlize

Welcome Ivy.

My time here certainly has helped me live as and accept myself.

Hope you find the same!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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ToniTone

Welcome Ivy! This forum is a very supportive place with lots of friendly people. Glad you are here with us 💕

 

~Toni

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Astrid
4 hours ago, Dearhart said:

I haven't "really" started transitioning, yet, but I've done a lot of reading and just today realized I won't do as well as I think I can without reaching out to the community. 

 

Waving to you, Ivy!  Good to see another non-binary person join us!  We're all here for each other.

 

Best wishes on the journey ahead,

 

Astrid

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Susan R
11 hours ago, Dearhart said:

I feel like going back to my usual course of action when overwhelmed by just ignoring it and going about my day, but that's the old, unhealthy me.

It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ivy. You might not think you’ve started your transition but you’ve already worked past a difficult part of your journey.  You recognize that the roller coaster is just going to continue moving along the endless track unless you stop what you’ve been doing and get off.  You’ve taken a few steps in the right direction.  Counseling with a therapist specializing in gender issues was a smart move and joining us here is another great step in the right direction.  You'll meet others to help you gain perspective which in turn will help you sidestep the land mines along the way.  Often you’ll discover something here that you’ll want to discuss with your therapist.  You sound like your in good hands.  Take it slow and enjoy yourself.  I’m glad you're here!

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

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ShawnaLeigh

Welcome to TP Ivy!  Yes like the others had mentioned you have found the right place to find answers about yourself and ask as many questions as you can think of.

No judgements here.  Only love acceptance and support.

I like what @Susan R had said about you already well into your journey just recognizing you are on a journey and it seems you already have a good direction. 

Finding and communicating with others in your same boat helps tremendously.

You are definitely not alone.

 

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    • Susan R
      Love this answer. Best reply of the day...so on point!  Thanks Jackie!   @Wes..its always ok to vent here...we love reading about your good times and bad....we don’t discriminate.   Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      Sometimes humor is the best way to deal with frustration.  I have no articles specifically dealing with this issue but only my humble advice.  I would be sitting her down and seriously make the effort to reason with her.  Make an event of it away from kids, TV, music, etc..so she knows this is a big deal and something needs to change.  I think it would be important to keep all other issues out of the conversation and in a nice way explain to her why and how much this means to you.  You might ask her what you need to do to help make this happen...don’t expect a quick response.  Let her know how much this hurts when she calls you you’re birth name when you’re presenting as Shawna.  If that doesn’t work, there’s likely not going to be any resolution any time soon.  Communicating your needs in a polite, logical and calm manner usually works with reasonable individuals who are not vindictive or petty.  Let’s hope your wife is neither.   Susan R🌷
    • Emily michelle
      I’m glad you were able to come out to your wife and that she is supportive. That’s a huge weight of off your shoulders. When o came out to my wife she acted like things make sense now. I was the one who was an absolute wreck I cried for several days when I broke down, and so far she is my biggest ally. On the other hand when I told my sister she flat looked at me and said are you serious and that’s when I lost it again. She has come around a little bit but I still don’t think she understands.
    • Susan R
      @ShawnaLeigh This guy understood you meant business and he is in the past now.  Part of me feels proud of you for sticking up for yourself.  That being said..this stuff happens everyday and you don’t want to put yourself in that situation again ever.  Most of these online idiots are cowards and won’t actually go any further.  Realistically though, this might not be the case if it happens again.  You never want to have to do to ANYONE what you ‘inferred’ you’d do to him...no matter how justified you are.  It would immediately change your life in many detrimental ways for the foreseeable future.   My 2¢, Susan R🌷
    • Emily michelle
      Oh wow that’s a long wait since November I don’t think I would be able to hold it together that long. Is the endo just that busy or what was the hold up? If you don’t mind me asking 
    • TammyAnne
      Venting is good for you, Wes. We all do it. It beats standing on the street corner screaming at the cars! (Unless you just like being arrested!) TA
    • Jackie C.
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    • TammyAnne
      That's where I'm at (waiting) too courtesy of the plague. I'm told all my papers are in a file waiting to go forward to the endo. But I'm going to beg to get it pushed forward ASAP at my next appointment since this was supposed to start back in November. TA
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      Due to medical things being on hold for a while, I will not get to start HRT until I'm 70. Is it too late? Too late for what? I wish I could have started fifty years ago, but the times were quite different and this was unthinkable course of action at that time. I will never look like a nineteen year old college girl, I know that, but I can be me to the best of my ability. It is better to plow forward even if it's late than to finish my life in regret. TA
    • Susan R
      Wise words from a wise woman.  Yes, this is the case in our household too.  Apparently, I forgot to negotiate this change in household roles when coming out....too late now.  Sure, it’d be nice for my wife to do more of my traditional male duties around the house but I realize it’s not practical at our ages. I do those things easier, faster and usually do them correctly the first time...lol   I feel for you...especially these day with no salon to fix you up in a snap.  We’ve all been there...keep your head up, hon! My Best, Susan R🌷    
    • Susan R
      Welcome KM, what an incredible story of coming to terms with yourself and sharing it with your wife. You did the right thing for your mental well-being.  There comes a time when you can’t just pack it away any longer.  The freedom you describe is so memorable to me.  It’s like a 200lb weight had been lifted off you.  I know your still feeling some of that relief 5 days after the fact.   What you say above is THE recipe to navigate through this successfully. I did this same thing with my wife and it has brought us closer together than ever before.  Like you, I gave my wife the keys and trusted she would open a door whenever I needed more.  It’s been over a year and all the doors are unlocked and life is good.   What an inspiration this is. I’m very happy for you and your wife.  Please keep us updated as to your progress.  It’s still very early but I’m confident you’re going to experience a positive outcome. I was so impressed I had to share your story with my wife.  I said to her, “Doesn’t this sound familiar? She read it and smiled!   Best of luck to the both of you on your new path. Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Wow super job and such a wonderful start!  I’m am so jealous.  My coming out to my wife was a drama cry fest that took me three days to get the bare bones out.  We are getting a divorce on friendly term though.   your wife is an amazing and strong women.   Welcome to TP also if I had not said so yet.  
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      It sounds like you're off to a solid start. You and your wife are communicating (Bravo!) and you're setting boundaries that you both can deal with. While there's no guarantee that she won't be overwhelmed by the weird somewhere down the line, you're doing everything you can to preserve your relationship. That's HUGE! Well done. Pip pip. Promotions all around. 😋   Hugs!
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