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First day jitters


ShawnaLeigh

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So I’m a day away from going out as my true self fully presenting female at work.  A hospital has a huge staff let me tell you.  
Im laying here in bed Sunday morning already stressing out over what to wear. How well my makeup will look and just in general fearing the reactions of others.  I know. It’s stupid to work yourself up. But you all know how it can be. 

I do not expect anyone to “say” anything negative as so far everyone sort of knows or has heard about me already so I don’t think it will cause any shock n awe.  Well I’m hoping for awe truthfully. Lol

 

I suppose I fear the first fraction of a second when someone sees you like this for the first time. Will it be a cringe they cover up quickly or worse.  I’m hoping for not at all.  
I have been told by the maintenance manager a couple of his guys who work maintenance in and around my office do not “understand” it.  These guys who normally are so nice to me did not say much to me last week.  Nothing bad or nothing good. No terrible looks just not the same treatment as before. I supposed that best case scenario with someone who doesn’t approve of you. Oh well. 
One guy who did not understand is quiet a bit older so it’s his generation that has issues with it In my experience but he approached me to tell me he thinks I am brave and then started to ask questions so he could understand.  This I have no issues with and it was nice.  
So wish me luck and hopefully I won’t need it but the support I receive here really makes the difference in the real world for me

Thank you all btw❤️

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I wish you luck, you've got a lot more guts than I do, I've been dressing up for a very long time and closest I've ever came to going out in public was just last week. I did my makeup, my hair, the whole bit and I walked out my front door to my shed in complete darkness and I live in the country with no neighbors. I drank a beer, then went back in the house and got cleaned up. My heart was racing the whole time like i was going to have a coronary...lol but I guess it was a first step. But anyway good luck to you and I hope everyone accepts you with no judgement or harassment.

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  • Forum Moderator

What to wear won't change much. You still need to dress to do your job. Same with makeup and hair. It needs to be work safe. So less drapery than you might otherwise like and light makeup because you're a professional at work. 

 

People will treat you differently. They always treat women differently. There will probably be more questions. Questions are good. It means they want to understand. 

 

Fun story: I have... well, had... a friend who is a misogynist. He treated me differently almost immediately. He couldn't see himself doing it, but it made me pretty uncomfortable. He often wonders aloud about why he's single. 

 

So yeah, people will treat you differently. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes not so great. Doors held are nice. Being dismissed because you're a girl, not so much. I think you'll be OK.

 

Hugs!

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Good luck tomorrow.  As to how to present, don't go overboard with makeup or clothing.  Go casual as possible.  I'm sure you've noticed what other women you interact with wear.  Emulate them.  

 

As to the Maintenance and other staff members, remember we live in a patrimonial society.  Guys generally don't get it as it upsets their idea of manliness.

 

It will be stressful but go with the flow and have a good day.

 

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Good luck tomorrow. I hope it goes well for you.  I am still presenting quite male as I wait for hormones to start making the changes I need, and my hair to re-grow.  I am quite nervous myself about that day when I start living full time.  As it is, I am considering wigs for now, and my breast development has started and I am going to have to make some changes soon.  So, let me know how it goes.

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Looks good! I could fix technology in that. ?

 

Hugs!

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Not sure why it’s blurry and please don’t pay attention to my messy bathroom.  Lol

 

Also disclaimer and I apologize as I am bra-less too.  I was trying on a lot of things. 

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<laugh> My bathroom currently has a 33lb garbage bag full of my... ahem... soiled hygiene products. Your bathroom looks fine. "Oh no! Product!" It's all good.

 

You look fine. Honest.

 

Hugs!

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Thank you @Jackie C.   It means a lot.  
My makeup still looks so amateur but it’s done so lightly so not a huge eye sore.
At least I can not see my beard threw a well shaven face.  
 

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35 minutes ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

My makeup still looks so amateur but it’s done so lightly so not a huge eye sore.
At least I can not see my beard threw a well shaven face.

You should be able to go to work with full confidence, @ShawnaLeigh.  You look spectacular! From the bathroom pic posted, I see nothing but a nice looking woman.  Just be yourself and you’ll do just fine.  All the advice here is very good, imho. You’ll have plenty of time to experiment along the way...it’s all part of being a woman?.  In a work atmosphere, it’s better to be a bit more conservative at least to start. Your outfit looks good...it’s not too revealing and doesn’t look like your trying to drive home the point, “I am woman, hear me roar”.  It’s an exciting time for you...enjoy it.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

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You look great!  I've seen worse makeup on cis women.  You go girl!

 

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Shawna,

 

You look terrific.  Have a great day tomorrow.  About the two maintenance guys, if I might make a suggestion to you about them?  When you feel you are ready, approach each individually and just strike up a conversation similar to the way you did before they knew.  Whenever I get a bad vibe from someone, breaking the ice with some friendly conversation often breaks down that person's defensive barrier. 

 

Hugs,

 

Sally 

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  • Admin

With the bra on you will be going forward, not off to both sides. Appropriate for tech jobs and being with the general public.

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  • Forum Moderator
2 hours ago, VickySGV said:

With the bra on you will be going forward, not off to both sides. Appropriate for tech jobs and being with the general public.

Agreed!  You look fine.

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Thank you all I am more excited then nervous.  The only damper is my wife is not excited at all. She is still wanting me a box but this girl had broken free of such things and if she wants to divorce me for wanting to just be myself then where do I sign.  
im done being caged to prolong a failing marriage.  Jmo

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Hey GF I keep telling you..you are a woman , you look great ( hair check, make up check, smile check), you have a great attitude and yeah maybe a bra wouldn't hurt but it wouldn't hurt not wear one. Give those Maintenance guys something think about lol. Good luck , but you don't need.

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Oh yea I’m not going out of the house without a bra. No doubts there.  I just didn’t have one on while trying on a ton of different stuff yesterday.  I’m not huge up top by any means but I’m told I definitely need one. Especially since I could still see “my headlights” on threw the sweater.  Lol

 

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Thank you @Alex C and everyone for the encouragement and the compliments too.  I do not get many and certainly not at home so it is nice to hear it every so often.  
Plus I know the folks here really mean it as do I when I make comments.  
So thank you!❤️

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It was an amazing day. I am so happy to finally be out there as me.  So much positive all day long and it was actually overwhelming how much they made a big deal every time I talked to some one.  
I can’t believe I waited so long.  

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Lots of hugs, and like a baby, the first step is the hardest, hopefully it gets "easier" and even more positive

 

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10 hours ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

It was an amazing day. I am so happy to finally be out there as me.  So much positive all day long and it was actually overwhelming how much they made a big deal every time I talked to some one.  
I can’t believe I waited so long.  

 

Awesome!!! So, glad it went well for you. Yay!!!!

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