COMING OUT or: How to Conduct Oneself with a Conductor

[Violet]

This is the sixth in a Series of reports of the past 6 months of my transitioning.

 

So, (in a previous entry on coming out at University) I briefly mentioned the orchestra? The night after my first appearance at University? Ok, so, Ruthie’s on their email list & we learn there’s an upcoming concert; wonderful! However, turns out it’s a concert where lots of kids will be; they’re showing their artworks, which share a theme with the music. This gave me pause, I confess. Kids? I’ve read that when it comes to trans*, some “tolerant” people can shift to less than “tolerant” merely with the added presence of their offspring—which, poor things, they feel they must now safeguard. Ruthie disputed my caution & I folded instantly cos I knew she was right. But there was another thing: possible college ID showing. The Orchestra have a special deal for those with college IDs. I still have mine since I’m still slogging away; but doubtless, it’s an extremely old pic from around a dozen years ago! I was worried about whether or not I should be worried about displaying it when we got there & she paid for the tickets. Ruthie said nothing as I mused.

 

[[A 503-Word EXEGESIS on The ID Crossroads: I know this is an issue for nearly all of us, something we must decide, until that glorious day when all our ID's have our true names & gender markers. The more I transition the more I learn not only about myself, but about my transsisters & transbrothers. Obviously: I'm not an exemplar; I'm not an “anthropology” wherein if you want to know what to do? Then do as I do. No. Transitioning may be something millions of people do, but it is always done singularly, uniquely. This crossroads “Do I show my old ID?” will probably occur to all of us at some point—certainly all of us who didn't begin this path until adulthood. But my transitional emotions have been pretty unusual so far as I can gather when compared to others at this early stage in that I just nearly always feel utterly liberated & relieved, nearly always joyous & free, to finally know in order to instantly accept my True Self.

 

            What? No Meltdowns, Violet? YES! I've had meltdowns: two, in fact; I'll write of them in detail later, but briefly here they are: The first one was about wigs & their profound learning curve, whilst the other was simply a human who left home once every week or two without so much as a glance in the mirror for the past 13 years, is now needing 80 minutes to shower, shave, makeup, &c. before going anywhere—and further, this human now has to also adjust to really desiring to go places cos she feels beautiful & happy!! SHUDDER!!

 

            Thus, at this ID crossroads, I never considered personal safety; not because I ignored it, but because I didn't feel it's an issue for me. But other trans* might, & they're obviously allowed to. They don't need my permission (or anyone's), doubtless, to think of that when weighing the decision at their own ID crossroads. All I considered was that dynamic duo of awkwardness & etiquette. Thus, I wondered Would I care about an ID crossroads at the Post Office, or dealing with airline tickets & TSA? No, I would not. That was enough for me; but it may not even begin to address this for anyone else.

 

            In closing this exegesis, I must say that my overall very positive interactions with society that I describe throughout my postings shouldn't blind me or anyone to at least one privilege I have, & maybe two. First, I think it obvious that if I were a Person of Color, I'd either not have been treated as well, or at least there’d have been a much greater potential for ill-treatment. And yet I confess this hadn't occurred to me until the notion of recounting my 6 months of transitioning at TransgenderPulse seized me a few days ago, lost as I was in my own reverie. Further, being in my early middle age I speculate also carries a privilege; if I'd been half this age, I bet, I'd have a greater potential for ill-treatment. END OF EXEGESIS.]]

 

            So, with the ID crossroads decided, we went to the concert with me in a new dress, new heels, & new wig; Ruthie said it was the best makeup I’d ever done. [Don’t just put eyeshadow on bare eyelids! Primer the eyelids first! This truly works wonders!] And the ID? Never asked for—they took it on faith, apparently. I had to visit the ladies’ room after the longish drive. There was no problem; however, it was a small bathroom (only 2 stalls!!) & for some reason a woman was standing there after I’d exited the stall in order to wash my hands, even though that meant she could now occupy it. With her just standing there like 4 feet away, it felt awkward & kinda surveillance-y, frankly; so, I felt I should go quickly & not bother to check my face in the mirror. Whatever: no problem; such kinda moments were why I bought an extra-sized compact in the first place, honey!

 

            The first piece of music was lovely & we looked at the best of the kids’ artworks on TV screens as the orchestra played. After, it was intermission to go look at the art before the second & final piece of music. Ruthie & I went downstairs to the museum & viewed the art. Then? From behind us? Surprise! It’s…the Conductor! This was epic as even though I, (presenting) Violet, have been to one other concert of his orchestra (& previously many others as my pseudo-self), we’ve never had a chance to (shall we say) update him regarding me! He said hello to Ruthie & then it was my turn!

 

            This is a guy whose home I’ve been at a few times, we’ve gone out to eat back when I’d no idea who I really was; me with Ruthie, & he with his girlfriend (now wife). So, after he said hi to Ruthie & she-to-him, he turned to me. Well, as a Goddess of Charm & Etiquette—and without missing a beat—I said “Hi, _____! I’m Violet. I’m a transgender woman now.” Warmly, he returned my smile & nodded, saying “That’s great! Wonderful to meet you, Violet.” There was then the clear & present danger of an awkward pause so I took the initiative & shifted things: “We just loved the music! So playful & just perfect for the children’s art!” Ruthie grabbed that life preserver & ran with it (mixing metaphors as she did so!!). We chatted briefly to the Conductor before he had to leave & wrangle his orchestra for the next piece. It was relief to be out to him. But a much bigger deal was looming just a few days later.

[Charlize]

Sounds like a lovely evening despite a bit of anxiety.  Time helped me get passed the issue with ID.  There were certainly awkward situations, and once a dangerous one, due to my ID.  The later gave me a push towards changing my identity .  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize