COMING OUT or: A Violet Blossoms in a Garage

[Violet]

This is the seventh in a Series of reports of the past 6 months of my transitioning.

 

There is sage advice that nearly all wizened car owners subscribe to: NEVER take your car to the car Dealership for repairs! Only an IDIOT would do that! Violet is such an idiot then! A dozen years ago & after much research I learned another take on this.

 

 

            Lookit: Unless you have some kind of deep baseball knowledge of the best mechanic in town? Unless your brother-in-law, like, fishes with a guy, who knows a guy, &c.? & If you live in some gigantic city with tons of car mechanic options? You should probably take it to the Dealership because (admittedly, along with higher prices!!): 1] it’ll be fixed by mechanics specifically trained for your car; 2] they’ll use the actual parts the manufacturer suggests you use & not some cheaper one-size-fits-all basic model; 3] Dealerships have usually been in business longer than most garages—mine for example has been around for 60+ years—and more often than not that means time-tested dependability; & 4] it will be fixed the first time, every time. This has been my experience as well; my car is turning 14 this summer & runs great!

 

 

            Now with my near-total absence of any kind of social or work life (I’m an old grad student, recall) these 13+ years, this Dealership has been the most consistent relationship I’ve had outside of Ruthie & University. Seriously: I’m not joking! Possibly due to that (not to mention the fairly macho atmosphere there) I confess I felt actually a bit nervous. However, the biggest reason was that this next time meant having to say “I’m Violet, & I’m a loyal customer for 12 years; but I’m in your computer under the name of ______.” I even very briefly considered presenting as male, something I’ve yet to do out nervousness. [Yes, there have been times of quick errands of under 15 minutes since late September; but I’m learning to adjust them to me, instead of me to them. My rule for them is: 1) 15 minutes or less, & 2) no direct human encounters unless via drive thru’s! & 3) I dress very effeminate “male”, even rocking my girly sandals with the tacky flowers on them. This eradicated the modest amount of guilt I’d been feeling about it when I accepted its (temporarily) present necessity.]

 

 

            Luckily, nothing was truly exigent with the car, really; but the oil health life was down to 16% & a brake light was out. In my mind I ran through how it’d go almost surely; then, the sequence of how I’d mention the crucial name & gender info. I should say this place has always been flawless in every mechanical detail (well... pert near); but professionally & courtesy-wise? Always Perfect. Then, as I was musing, the Dealership sent me an email essentially saying According to our records your car is probably in need of some maintenance. &c. On the laptop in the living room whilst hanging out with Ruthie, I read it to her; & just doing that inspired an idea. “Y’know what, Cutie-Booty? I’m gonna reply to this. It doesn’t say don’t. And I’m gonna come out!” Ruthie (distracted, looking at sewing blogs &/or px of men’s butts) mumbled Ummm  hmmm….’sounds like somethin’…. So, here’s what I emailed back. I wrote a brief utilitarian paragraph saying I’ll be there in the next 2 weeks & here’s what I’m gonna need them to fix. Then?

 

By the way, for future reference? I go by Violet now, with she/her pronouns. Thanks!  -Your loyal customer of 12 years, Violet.

 

            Whatever happened with this? It made me feel a lot better! Thus, doing that, along with the concert [see my sixth entry in this series] going so well with an unexpected coming out, was all the encouragement I needed! So, utterly excited & un-nervous, I went in my pink & black dress, with the same wig & heels as the concert. My makeup was lovely; but I was planning a big day of lots of grocery shopping, so for the first time I had a moistened makeup sponge in a Ziploc bag & my foundation in my purse. I pulled up inside their spacious, spotless garage drop-off area. I’d told myself to prepare for getting out of the car possibly in front of an approaching guy—with all the possible accidental flashings to bear in mind! & it was quite windy! But that went fine. Almost immediately, an attractive, tall man in his late 50s-to-mid-60s approached & introduced himself.

 

 

“Hi there, I’m ______. What can we do for you today?”

“Hi, I’m Violet. I’ve got a list!” I said with a smile, & with my list I told him what I needed & showed him my coupon.

“Alright Violet. We can do these here on the list, but this one? That blinker part will take 2-3 days to get here. Also, I should warn you: if you want new windshield wipers? They are kinda steep here.”

“Not a problem, I want ‘em. And the blinker thing can wait till my next visit.”

He made a note, “Good deal, Violet.” I knew this was the time, but he was great so I felt at ease.

“So, _______? I’m a loyal customer with y’all for 12 years now. But I’m not in your computer as Violet. I’m in there as ______, cos I’m a transgender woman now. So, just so that you know…”

He nodded & without missing a beat or showing any change in his expression, said: “Ok. Let me ask you? Would you like me to change the old name in our records to Violet?”

!!!!!!!! I was stunned! Shocked! “I…Gosh ______. I wouldn’t want it to…. I mean my old name’s like on my debit card still, so I presume it has to be on the bill you give me. I wouldn’t want it to be a problem or hassle…”

“No problem at all, Violet. I can do that for you. That way the bill & all emails & whatnot will have your name on there & not the old one. How’s that sound?” So, I’m not gonna say I could’ve kissed him. Ok? But I could’ve kissed him!!

“Well, yes! I’d truly appreciate that, _____.” If this wasn’t enough, he noticed I had my hands full. I had my bookbag on my back, my purse in one hand, & my coffee in the other! [I always study great when I go there: no distractions!] So, what does he do? He walks ahead of me to the door that leads into the waiting area (even though he’s not going in there just yet), & he opens the door for me. “Here ya go, Violet. Let me get this for you.” !!!!!! What a gentleman!!

 

 

            So, inside all was lovely also. The woman who I sometimes thought may’ve been flirting with me back in my pseudo-self-days (I mean, she was always calling me “Suge” & “Honey”!! I didn’t mind!) saw me as I came through & she gave me a big smile & said hello. Then when paying the bill time happened there was my true name on the bill!! Already?! Wow! I paid & floated out the door.

 

 

            Did my email coming out influence them? I honestly don’t know, but I doubt it. But I do know emailing them back made me feel better & confident. The next day, I received two emails from them; 1] their usual asking for feedback on my visit; 2] a coupon. Then the big Detroit company for that Dealership also emailed asking for feedback as well. All 3 were addressed to Violet! I filled out the surveys (I always do), telling them how wonderful it felt to have their associate have been so kind to the extent of suggesting changing my name in their computer, before I could even muster the impetus to do so myself. Further, I mentioned to the Detroit home office (as I have to both Amazon & Lulu’s) that all businesses should have a kind of “preferred name” option it seems to me, saying I think I can speak for nearly all transgender and non-binary people on this one: we’d LOVE to have such an option! Generally, we hate having to deal with our deadnames.

 

 

            That day was amazing. Anyhoodles, later driving on my way to finish my shopping the sunlight slanted down pitilessly upon my neck & I saw that I really needed to touch-up my foundation down there (although Ruthie later consoled me by insisting that even ciswomen can feel exposed by such a harsh solar glare), So! I pulled into a parking lot & took out my Ziploc bag with moistened sponge & foundation, also touching up my lipstick. Gawd that made me feel so good & like…responsible? It just did! I’ll always pack ‘em, methinx!

[Julialikesfashion]

Will have to check out the rest of the raports someday.