Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Mary Jane

What’s the point

Recommended Posts

Mary Jane

(I know I know check if it’s bipolar disorder I will once I can but I don’t know when that’s going to happen) seriously what’s the point anymore my family doesn’t feel like a family it feels like I have no home yes I have a house but there’s a difference on those 2 maybe games, videos, movies, and shows have gotten me this far in life but can they keep helping till I’m free? I don’t think so and today is the first day I was even close to killing my self knives are right there in the kitchen I can do it any time also if this seems like I’m trying to fill something in when I need the thing that’s missing that’s because it’s like that the thing I’m missing is a great friend 

 

And I don’t know when but most likely this week I’m going to ask my mom through text when where going to do something to try to get me friends like going to clubs or groups and this is a huge step for me especially if we try it if I fail at least I tried and if it works then I’m happy to soon get a friend

Share this post


Link to post
Sarahnr1
5 hours ago, Mary Jane said:

(I know I know check if it’s bipolar disorder I will once I can but I don’t know when that’s going to happen)

 

seriously what’s the point anymore my family doesn’t feel like a family it feels like I have no home yes I have a house but there’s a difference

 

on those 2 maybe games, videos, movies, and shows have gotten me this far in life but can they keep helping till I’m free? I don’t think so and today is the first day I was even close to killing my self knives are right there in the kitchen I can do it any time also if this seems like I’m trying to fill something in when I need the thing that’s missing that’s because it’s like that the thing I’m missing is a great friend 

 

And I don’t know when but most likely this week I’m going to ask my mom through text when where going to do something to try to get me friends like going to clubs or groups and this is a huge step for me especually if we try it if I fail at least I tried and if it works then I’m happy to soon get a friend

 

Oh i dont  nagg on this  Mary Jane  im just  reflecting  on what i think reg this   the rest  is  of course  up to you my friend  and again  even those  without any  diagnosis  can get down and be depressed   my friend  so dont take this  to  hard  with the  possible this  or that  diagnose.  

 

Theres  ALWAYS  a point  of  contuing  trying  and  never  give upp . Anything  in particular  that happend  that makes  you feel this  low  right now  Mary Jane  ? 

 

Thinking  about  it  is  ONE   thing actually  take action with  (in this case  ) the  knife   is  something  compleatly different  i have been thinking  planning   resurching  the  diffent  ways  of ending  my self since i was   even younger then you (more seriosly my last   period  were even i was  scared  how close i actually was  on this ) , and  if there is  ONE thing ive learnt (incl from talking to MANY  sucidals   all over the  globe  all ages  and genders )    its  that there is  NO  easy way  nor  painless   or  for that matter   100 %  succés  rate. Well then  get out there  and  find  one  Mary Jane  , you want  find  one  sitting  Indoors  at  home  thats  for shore . Somewhere  out there  he or she  is waiting  for  you      

 

GOOD for  you Mary Jane  NOW were talking   do this  thats  an exelent idea  . May i humbly suggest  you go with the  groups  for now  tho  as this  flipping  curse is all over the  globe   so cation is  a good advice   with big crowds  (ie  night clubs  etc... )   incl for you young  ones  (Just so you dont  missunderstand  over  here   we have restriktions  of  crowds  /events   for  LESS   then  500 So you can still  look for youre new  friend )  Over here  were  less  panicy then er  well the rest  of  the  globe  who shuts  down the entite  country we  go with what our  experts  on this matter  recomend  based  on facts  ( And  Mary Jane  DONT  think youre  inviceble  to this  just because  youre young because  NOONE is ) So please do be careful my young friend  BUT on the  other hand  DONT stopp living  either GO for this finding a new  friend (Thumbs  up )       

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

Mary Jane, i grew up, in what was at the time,  a very rural area.  Finding a friend to play with was never easy.  I spent a great deal of time outside and still do to this day.  Time has given me friends and because of my somewhat lonely childhood i enjoy my time alone as well.

The days are getting longer and the temperatures are rising. While the corona virus may keep us isolated we can still enjoy the beauty of spring.

By the way you've got some friends here who are reaching out to you.  The chatrooms are there as well for real time contact.

Thank you for sharing your feelings.

 

Big Hugs,

 

Charlize

Share this post


Link to post
Mary Jane
8 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

Anything  in particular  that happend  that makes  you feel this  low  right now  Mary Jane  ? 

i think main reason is everything bad that happened so far even if theyre small it all just buit up somehow sure games videos shows and movies help but they dont cure people cure it not things 

8 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

( And  Mary Jane  DONT  think youre  inviceble  to this  just because  youre young because  NOONE is ) So please do be careful my young friend  BUT on the  other hand  DONT stopp living  either GO for this finding a new  friend (Thumbs  up )  

im still trying but i think the side of me thats saying to die already is slowly winning also ill take you advice of going for groups first but my i think my city is already panicking i think all schools are going to be shut down soon till the virus is over 

 

i know that over time things can change but i really just dont see it any more i dont see a better future im even starting to not believe in god any more (my family is christian so yes we believe god is true) im tired of this life that ive lived so far but it really does seem like it wont change at least not till i change things if i even can

Share this post


Link to post
Sarahnr1
1 hour ago, Mary Jane said:

i think main reason is everything bad that happened so far even if theyre small it all just buit up somehow sure games videos shows and movies help but they dont cure people cure it not things 

im still trying but i think the side of me thats saying to die already is slowly winning

 

also ill take you advice of going for groups first but my i think my city is already panicking i think all schools are going to be shut down soon till the virus is over 

 

i know that over time things can change but i really just dont see it any more i dont see a better future im even starting to not believe in god any more (my family is christian so yes we believe god is true) im tired of this life that ive lived so far but it really does seem like it wont change at least not till i change things if i even can

 

Belive me  ive been there MANY times and i still say im still here fighting on  with low  odds Mary Jane. Why ?   i HAVE  too  giving  up and  just surrender  is not  who i am   its not in my DNA   (both my parents  had  a  LOUSY start   and  general life BUT they are also like me  born wariror  who dont  give up )

 

Yeah i see the news on how most countries  think this  is  the best way to go. The main thing  here is   DONT pannic  LISTEN to the  experts  and  DONT  go against their advice  (ie   Corona  dares  , Corona  parties   etc.....  ) And last   so you dont  get that bright idea  DONT try suicde by get Corona its  NOT a pretty way to go  IF  you get hit hard

 

What youre experiencing is Classic  (NO not Bipolar we wont nagg about that anymore   )  But  clacic  DEEP   depression (all can get this  low from all kinds  of reasons )  and  its VITAL that you try to get  help with this ASAP  Mary Jane  (im still here a usual so im not going  anywhere )  I have no problems  in you being  Christian my young friend  (im not ) &  youre right the only one that can change  youre life is  you my friend                    

Share this post


Link to post
Jackie C.

Kind of surprised they haven't closed the schools/parks/everything for you yet. I'm just south of the Canadian border and we're in lockdown for everything non-essential (supplies, medical care, etc...). Even some of the essential is shutting down (my allergist's offices for instance).

 

I get it. Being lonely sucks. I get the impression that your parents are emotionally distant at best (Though hey, I think you're better off than my friend who was raised in a cult). There are a lot of people in this world that want children. There are significantly fewer that want to be parents. Been there. There's a reason I tell people I was raised by ocelots and it's not just that "ocelots" is fun to say. While there's no certainty, there's a good chance that my egg donor at least had children because, "That's what you're supposed to do." Also I think she wanted to give my grandparents grandchildren before my uncle did. You would not BELIEVE how competitive those two were. I'm at least half feral, but with time, therapy and contact with good people I'm getting better.

 

That's the key: Getting better. Like the song says, this is only for now. You're inches away from earning your wings and going out into the world to become yourself. You got a bad start. That's OK. A lot of us get bad starts. By us, I mean humans in general, not just those of us who aren't gender-normative. Rough childhoods and terrible parents are basically a punchline in western society and have been at least as long as I've been alive. The great thing though is the people who rise above it. The people who take whatever scraps they've been given, build their wings and soar.

 

I truly think you can find happiness once you're out from under your parent's thumb. Again, I know a guy who was raised by a literal "Christian" cult (they patrolled the borders of their property on Halloween night for signs of demonic activity and everything). He's in therapy, but he's married, has a job, a cat and a dog. His wife is one of my favorite people ever. His life isn't perfect, but it's pretty good. There's no reason yours can't be just as good.

 

You might have to wait until after the global pandemic runs its course though. We're all kind of on hold until that's over.

 

Hugs!

Share this post


Link to post
Mary Jane
1 hour ago, Sarahnr1 said:

 

Belive me  ive been there MANY times and i still say im still here fighting on  with low  odds Mary Jane. Why ?   i HAVE  too  giving  up and  just surrender  is not  who i am   its not in my DNA   (both my parents  had  a  LOUSY start   and  general life BUT they are also like me  born wariror  who dont  give up )

 

Yeah i see the news on how most countries  think this  is  the best way to go. The main thing  here is   DONT pannic  LISTEN to the  experts  and  DONT  go against their advice  (ie   Corona  dares  , Corona  parties   etc.....  ) And last   so you dont  get that bright idea  DONT try suicde by get Corona its  NOT a pretty way to go  IF  you get hit hard

 

What youre experiencing is Classic  (NO not Bipolar we wont nagg about that anymore   )  But  clacic  DEEP   depression (all can get this  low from all kinds  of reasons )  and  its VITAL that you try to get  help with this ASAP  Mary Jane  (im still here a usual so im not going  anywhere )  I have no problems  in you being  Christian my young friend  (im not ) &  youre right the only one that can change  youre life is  you my friend                    

Me too I don’t give up (well not easily) but this warrior has been contained in a pretty un breakable and un openable cage still trying to get out but I’m losing hope

 

also I didn’t even think of suiciding by the corona virus because if I even get it chances of me dying according to my life so far is low I’m trying to change things it’s going to be slow but at least I’m trying but again chances of it working is probably low

 

and @Jackie C. every one can be happy but people have built a world were it’s hard to be and hey I’m trying to build my wings here but posts of things or limits are stopping me maybe soon they won’t if I keep living but I doubt it as in I doubt the things and limits not stopping me anymore

Share this post


Link to post
Mary Jane

Also I sent the text I said I was going to send

Share this post


Link to post
Sarahnr1
1 hour ago, Mary Jane said:

Me too I don’t give up (well not easily) but this warrior has been contained in a pretty un breakable and un openable cage still trying to get out but I’m losing hope

 

also I didn’t even think of suiciding by the corona virus because if I even get it chances of me dying according to my life so far is low I’m trying to change things it’s going to be slow but at least I’m trying but again chances of it working is probably low

 

 

 

Mary Jane  youre like me we CANT or wont give up nomether how hard we sometimes want too TRUST me on this you CAN and you WILL get thru this  and  you WILL suceed with youre dreams

 

Wisly spoken , they may be low but  you can be very shore you have WAY  higher  odds then i had  from day one on this earth   and hey here i am    

 

And  Mary Jane   time to let  that wariror OUT and  also TRUST him /her  to guide you thru this .

 

I know you dont  belive me but  youre WAY stronger mentaly then you even think you are or was before you came in here and also since you and me started to talk (i have seen  and fealt  it  growing  ever since we first met   )  Youre ON THE RIGHT WAY   Mary Jane  DONT give up               

Share this post


Link to post
Mary Jane
50 minutes ago, Sarahnr1 said:

And  Mary Jane   time to let  that wariror OUT and  also TRUST him /her  to guide you thru this .

 

I know you dont  belive me but  youre WAY stronger mentaly then you even think you are or was before you came in here and also since you and me started to talk (i have seen  and fealt  it  growing  ever since we first met   )  Youre ON THE RIGHT WAY   Mary Jane  DONT give up    

question is how i know i can do it in games but how in real life 

 

and i dont know if your right or not but thank you and im trying to not give up but its like theres so many obstacles i need to get through maybe im almost there maybe not but it's hard and getting harder i really am trying to not give up but i feel like i just cant anymore cant win the battle cant escape cant get through this i would love to be free enough to change my life now but thats an up hill battle and those are not easy

Share this post


Link to post
Sarahnr1
59 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

question is how i know i can do it in games but how in real life 

 

and i dont know if your right or not but thank you and im trying to not give up but its like theres so many obstacles i need to get through maybe im almost there maybe not but it's hard and getting harder i really am trying to not give up but i feel like i just cant anymore cant win the battle cant escape cant get through this i would love to be free enough to change my life now but thats an up hill battle and those are not easy

 

Mary Jane you have alredy released that wariror from the day you first came in here with us and started to talk to us. + the simple fact  that youre still with us   as well  and still talking  to us  and me  

 

Belive i know  how you feel  as ive been there  for the  past   well  MANY MANY MANY  years  of and  on .and again   YOU DO have that power  in you   its just a matter  of  you daring to trust  on youre self    and said  power   (it took me MANY years to get that far ) and  you CAN  and  you WILL  make it Mary Jane (and further  more i KNOW  you will make it as well Just based on how youre  communicating  in here  ) . No there  not   i should know ive been in one since i was born and will probaly be in it  for the rest of  my life   BUT il be DARN  if i just gonna give upp  (slamming fist  )  and  fore every hard time  you manage to get thru   youre inner  mental  strengths  will grow . How do you think i have  becomed this  strong  mentaly as i am ?

 

Oh and  youre very wellcome  Mary Jane its my honer and pleasure to if i can be able to help you  feel better ( HUG )                     

Share this post


Link to post
Mary Jane
40 minutes ago, Sarahnr1 said:

 

Mary Jane you have alredy released that wariror from the day you first came in here with us and started to talk to us. + the simple fact  that youre still with us   as well  and still talking  to us  and me  

 

Belive i know  how you feel  as ive been there  for the  past   well  MANY MANY MANY  years  of and  on .and again   YOU DO have that power  in you   its just a matter  of  you daring to trust  on youre self    and said  power   (it took me MANY years to get that far ) and  you CAN  and  you WILL  make it Mary Jane (and further  more i KNOW  you will make it as well Just based on how youre  communicating  in here  ) . No there  not   i should know ive been in one since i was born and will probaly be in it  for the rest of  my life   BUT il be DARN  if i just gonna give upp  (slamming fist  )  and  fore every hard time  you manage to get thru   youre inner  mental  strengths  will grow . How do you think i have  becomed this  strong  mentaly as i am ?

 

Oh and  youre very wellcome  Mary Jane its my honer and pleasure to if i can be able to help you  feel better ( HUG )                     

Yea... maybe

 

I know I have that power but it’s like contained but not on video games I will fully release it if I want to on games and it has a bonus of me just going all out if needed like if I’m playing left 4 dead 2 I can beat a horde of zombies plus almost any special zombies if I have the right things at least if it’s on normal difficulty I might test harder difficulties soon

Share this post


Link to post
Sarahnr1
1 hour ago, Mary Jane said:

Yea... maybe

 

I know I have that power but it’s like contained

 

but not on video games I will fully release it if I want to on games and it has a bonus of me just going all out if needed like if I’m playing left 4 dead 2 I can beat a horde of zombies plus almost any special zombies if I have the right things at least if it’s on normal difficulty I might test harder difficulties soon

 

I know im right  Mary Jane

 

I know you have it as well.  No its not Mary Jane  its alredy out there and doing its  job

 

Well use that on reel life as well that feeling of you have to do this       

Share this post


Link to post
Mary Jane

I’m trying but again the limits also the plan was a fail but good thing I wasn’t expecting it to work so what I’m going to do is join things at school if I can my parents is not going to help so I’ll do this solo 

Share this post


Link to post
Mary Jane

I just got new found motivation thanks to my parents lecturing me again it’s almost always the same thing they say or something I’ve heard them say before it’s annoying and I’m probably never going to do the things they’re trying to make me do but at least I’ve got some motivation now

 

am I missing friends? Yes but I’ll keep trying you can find friends or friends can find you 

 

and thank you for helping @Sarahnr1 hopefully I’ll have great friends soon but in the meantime why worry so much about it right?

Share this post


Link to post
Sarahnr1
8 hours ago, Mary Jane said:

I just got new found motivation thanks to my parents lecturing me again it’s almost always the same thing they say or something I’ve heard them say before it’s annoying and I’m probably never going to do the things they’re trying to make me do but at least I’ve got some motivation now

 

am I missing friends? Yes but I’ll keep trying you can find friends or friends can find you 

 

and thank you for helping @Sarahnr1 hopefully I’ll have great friends soon but in the meantime why worry so much about it right?

 

Whatever  gives  you the strengths and  motivation  to carry on  is  ok in my book Mary Jane ☺️

 

Youre parents  are trying  and they can only go by what they did  as  young wich obviesly isent what youre generation doing  BUT  as you see  they DO care  about  you 

 

I have no doughts   whatsover that you soon have  lots  of  friends  Mary Jane . ANY time  my young  friend   and  remember   life is  what you make  of  it   its up to you what youre willing  or able to do . and also  life will be a bumpy road    you will have youre up and  downs   the  main thing  is  when in the  low  parts   remember that it  will again get good  again.  You have learnt  well my young  friend  and  i am proud  of you          

Share this post


Link to post
Mary Jane

i know that they care but i dont really feel it, yes they want me to have friends too but are they trying? no so i need to do the work without their help

7 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

the  main thing  is  when in the  low  parts   remember that it  will again get good  again.

true

 

7 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

You have learnt  well my young  friend  and  i am proud  of you          

☺️

Share this post


Link to post
Sarahnr1
1 hour ago, Mary Jane said:

i know that they care but i dont really feel it, yes they want me to have friends too but are they trying? no so i need to do the work without their help

 

true

 

☺️

 

The problem for them is as you probaly agre on its LAME to have youre parents   interfere  among  youre  age group   so they probaly trying not to cause you grief  in doing to much  and  then make things  even worse for you then its alredy is Mary Jane      

   

Share this post


Link to post
Mary Jane

actually ill be fine with them trying to help me get new friends but i dont know why they wont and everything else i can handle whether it's me calling my brother almost every single time when we are going to eat or my dad once again mad at me pretty much everything i can handle but im still sick and tired or this life that my parents mostly built, right now if i could choose to have more freedom in my life or let it be the same i would choose the freedom choice im not going to be reckless or anything im just going to find some groups at least once i can drive maybe also see a gender therapist

 

seriously if i wasnt so trapped i would have probably already seen gender therapist tried groups and maybe even know what i want to be once im out of school i know these are just expectations but if my mom and dad still took enough care of me but still let me be free then it could be reality

 

maybe i have things i can appreciate somehow being safe all the time, having nothing super bad happen to me, good house, other things. but it feels more of a prison than anything else my house is not my home my family mostly feels like just other people i live with dont get me wrong i love my mom, dad, brother, and aunt i would even sacrifice myself for them except maybe my brother but none of us has a strong connection except maybe my mom and dad, and my brother and dad

Share this post


Link to post
Sarahnr1
36 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

actually ill be fine with them trying to help me get new friends but i dont know why they wont

 

and everything else i can handle whether it's me calling my brother almost every single time when we are going to eat or my dad once again mad at me pretty much everything i can handle

 

but im still sick and tired or this life that my parents mostly built, right now if i could choose to have more freedom in my life or let it be the same i would choose the freedom choice im not going to be reckless or anything im just going to find some groups at least once i can drive maybe also see a gender therapist

 

seriously if i wasnt so trapped i would have probably already seen gender therapist tried groups and maybe even know what i want to be once im out of school i know these are just expectations but if my mom and dad still took enough care of me but still let me be free then it could be reality

 

maybe i have things i can appreciate somehow being safe all the time, having nothing super bad happen to me, good house, other things. but it feels more of a prison than anything else my house is not my home my family mostly feels like just other people i live with dont get me wrong i love my mom, dad, brother, and aunt i would even sacrifice myself for them except maybe my brother but none of us has a strong connection except maybe my mom and dad, and my brother and dad

 

well let them know this   

 

He´s  probaly also stressed  out   from both  not  understanding   you (as  possible TS  )   as well as the general situation  in the  world  as well.  So again try to  understand he`s point of view reg this as well . My  reel dad   knows   and have known  MANY years   that i am a woman  and all the rest   Incl accepted BUT  to him its  very difficult  still so he asked  me (when i finaly came out  to him that i also changed my legal name    and i agreed  to still be alowed to call me by son and  my  former  boys name  )  So  what im trying to say is  try to also look in too his  view  of this  and  how  this  is for him  and how tough  and  confusing  this  is  to him    

 

I compleatly understand  Mary Jane. many at youre age feel the same or fealt  the same  when in youre age. reg the   havent been able to see a gender therapist  thats tough indeed .   Sounds  like  a  good  plan to me.

 

To me it sounds  like  youre family has a hard time   showing feelings   (my dad is the same )  and  sadly due to this   it may be mistaken  that they dont care  BUT they do Mary Jane of this  im 100 % shore. pretty mush my entire family  (from both my moms  side  as well as dads  they divorced  when i was  1  due to my dad  couldent  handle  me as i was also born with palett  and  lip cleft  so i wa  in the  hospital straped  arms  and tied  secure to a  small  baby bed  for nearly 3 years  from birth , Dont worry they did  a great  job fixing me  BUT it took close to my entire childhood )  And i have had  VERY hard  time  in general with my relatinship with my reel dad   pretty mush until i became adult   and we finaly  managed to  find  eatchoder  (of course  due to all my diagnosis + TS = NOT a  normal boy )  I should add  that  i STRONGLY suspekt  both my  has  mom and dad  has   Asbergers and  neither   is helped  by this diagnose  either in  this  trying to cope  with  me with all my gazilion   diagnosis (mom had NO problem from day 1 ,dad  SEVERE  problems  in understanding  and connect to me  )                         

Share this post


Link to post
Mary Jane
2 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

 

well let them know this   

 

He´s  probaly also stressed  out   from both  not  understanding   you (as  possible TS  )   as well as the general situation  in the  world  as well.  So again try to  understand he`s point of view reg this as well . My  reel dad   knows   and have known  MANY years   that i am a woman  and all the rest   Incl accepted BUT  to him its  very difficult  still so he asked  me (when i finaly came out  to him that i also changed my legal name    and i agreed  to still be alowed to call me by son and  my  former  boys name  )  So  what im trying to say is  try to also look in too his  view  of this  and  how  this  is for him  and how tough  and  confusing  this  is  to him    

 

I compleatly understand  Mary Jane. many at youre age feel the same or fealt  the same  when in youre age. reg the   havent been able to see a gender therapist  thats tough indeed .   Sounds  like  a  good  plan to me.

 

To me it sounds  like  youre family has a hard time   showing feelings   (my dad is the same )  and  sadly due to this   it may be mistaken  that they dont care  BUT they do Mary Jane of this  im 100 % shore. pretty mush my entire family  (from both my moms  side  as well as dads  they divorced  when i was  1  due to my dad  couldent  handle  me as i was also born with palett  and  lip cleft  so i wa  in the  hospital straped  arms  and tied  secure to a  small  baby bed  for nearly 3 years  from birth , Dont worry they did  a great  job fixing me  BUT it took close to my entire childhood )  And i have had  VERY hard  time  in general with my relatinship with my reel dad   pretty mush until i became adult   and we finaly  managed to  find  eatchoder  (of course  due to all my diagnosis + TS = NOT a  normal boy )  I should add  that  i STRONGLY suspekt  both my  has  mom and dad  has   Asbergers and  neither   is helped  by this diagnose  either in  this  trying to cope  with  me with all my gazilion   diagnosis (mom had NO problem from day 1 ,dad  SEVERE  problems  in understanding  and connect to me  )                         

they already know

 

tough probably yes because my parents has to work so we have money for the house, for food, for water, for electricity, and so we have gas in our cars i have an idea of how tough that can be. but confused they're not confused 

 

yea

 

id say your right but we pretty much also have a problem talking to each other ask me when was the last time we talked about things like what happened at school or what we might do so i can get friends or something else and i wont even know when it was because im pretty sure there was no time seriously i have no real home and no real family only a house i live in and people i live with or know

 

also from what i know about my parents past their parents didnt really have time for them (i think because of work) im wondering when they'll realize that they have little time for us maybe we do fun things from time to time watch something together, go somewhere together, and and my dad play something on one of my consoles, but most of the time we dont most of the time me and my brother are doing our own thing and so is my mom and dad (also i have an aunt that lives with us but it's still pretty much the same with her) also thinking about this has made me sad again but not to the point of me wanting to kill my self

Share this post


Link to post
Sarahnr1
10 hours ago, Mary Jane said:

they already know

 

tough probably yes because my parents has to work so we have money for the house, for food, for water, for electricity, and so we have gas in our cars i have an idea of how tough that can be. but confused they're not confused 

 

yea

 

id say your right but we pretty much also have a problem talking to each other ask me when was the last time we talked about things like what happened at school or what we might do so i can get friends or something else and i wont even know when it was because im pretty sure there was no time

 

seriously i have no real home and no real family only a house i live in and people i live with or know

 

also from what i know about my parents past their parents didnt really have time for them (i think because of work) im wondering when they'll realize that they have little time for us maybe we do fun things from time to time watch something together, go somewhere together, and and my dad play something on one of my consoles, but most of the time we dont most of the time me and my brother are doing our own thing and so is my mom and dad (also i have an aunt that lives with us but it's still pretty much the same with her) also thinking about this has made me sad again but not to the point of me wanting to kill my self

 

Okey then 

 

Thats often the case  aparantly and  especually in US  and  Canada from what i have  understood  from many others  over there.      

 

What you also have to concider  is  how were  they brought  upp.  (its  there   up bringing  and  how there  life was   that have  molded  them to  who they are today.  (like  i said  reg  both my parents   my dad  is the way he is   due to his  dad   was  complete   Well lets  just say i havent heard  ONE good  thing about  him from my dad   other then BAD.   Add to that   the diagnose  and  Voila.  My uncle  ,my aunt bot are complete  human wreck  ( My uncle  cant  deal with emotions at all  and shuts  down when its to mush  for example. Most probaly also minimum Asbergers  possibly more)  due to my Granpa was   sadly   NOT well in the head (and he knew  this )  so my mom had to step upp from early age and take on the mommy role  for  her little sister   and  Little brother  (there  mom had to leave  early  and  abandon them   because of granpa . ANYWAY  what im trying to say  were  are all molded  to how we are  by our  previos life  (and to those with diagnoses   of course  by them )  the  more i have  gotten to know  about  all my familys  backround  i understand  why they are as they are. neither one  have had  it easy and  most defenetly  a  VERY rough childhood.      

 

Thats sad   Mary Jane but again regdless how you think noone  cares  for you and all the rest  they DO  . Its just  that aparantly   they arent that good  at   showing  it

 

Well then there you have  it  they dident  learn this  from there  childhood  and  sadly they dont know  how  too Mary Jane.  Im sorry you got sad again my friend.  what you need to try again is find that spark in you   that i KNOW is in you   and continue this path you are on   you WILL   start  geting  out of the house  and  try to find  friends    and above all YOU WILL  make it  Mary Jane.  

 

Youre parents  DO love  and care  for you   Mary Jane  of this i have NO doughts but based  on what you have told me   id say  its the  over all life situation that drains  them  .+  as i suspected  and you confermed   they dont  know HOW to  show  feelings   due to there  backround  (same with my reel dad  )  that DONT mean  they dont care   its just  they havent  the  posibility to show  it .  other  words   they do there  best  Mary Jane  but   keeping a  roof over youre head  and  food  in youre stummock   sadly takes   very mush time  and energy of them   and thats sad   BUT   what i can tell you is  if they dident care   about  either  of you wouldent  have  all this   and i can assure  you youre dad  wouldent  even bother  with youre  games   , or  doing  fun things  with you all WHEN he can  ,same with youre mom, and the constant naggning  you say you get  is also a sign that they DO care   about you  my friend . if they dident    they would  just  leave it  and  never bother.                                            

Share this post


Link to post
Mary Jane
7 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

ANYWAY  what im trying to say  were  are all molded  to how we are  by our  previos life  (and to those with diagnoses   of course  by them )

true but also theres more factors to it than that my parents are doing what their parents did to them but that doesn't mean ill do the same to my kids in fact Im hopping if i do something or someone reminds me of what my parents did because this way of living is pretty suffocating for me

 

7 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

Thats sad   Mary Jane but again regdless how you think noone  cares  for you and all the rest  they DO  . Its just  that aparantly   they arent that good  at   showing  it

true i know because i think around end of summer break i typed them something and from the start of it they thought i was going to kill myself (even tho i never said it) and they were worried but i still dont feel it that much

 

7 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

what you need to try again is find that spark in you   that i KNOW is in you   and continue this path you are on   you WILL   start  geting  out of the house  and  try to find  friends    and above all YOU WILL  make it  Mary Jane.  

i somehow always do find the spark 

 

7 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

Youre parents  DO love  and care  for you   Mary Jane  of this i have NO doughts but based  on what you have told me   id say  its the  over all life situation that drains  them  .+  as i suspected  and you confermed   they dont  know HOW to  show  feelings   due to there  backround  (same with my reel dad  )  that DONT mean  they dont care   its just  they havent  the  posibility to show  it .  other  words   they do there  best  Mary Jane  but   keeping a  roof over youre head  and  food  in youre stummock   sadly takes   very mush time  and energy of them   and thats sad   BUT   what i can tell you is  if they dident care   about  either  of you wouldent  have  all this   and i can assure  you youre dad  wouldent  even bother  with youre  games   , or  doing  fun things  with you all WHEN he can  ,same with youre mom, and the constant naggning  you say you get  is also a sign that they DO care   about you  my friend . if they dident    they would  just  leave it  and  never bother.

true but all of what their doing can be just a part of their love but i wont know till something happens that mostly only happens in movies or shows

Share this post


Link to post
Sarahnr1
1 hour ago, Mary Jane said:

true but also theres more factors to it than that my parents are doing what their parents did to them but that doesn't mean ill do the same to my kids in fact Im hopping if i do something or someone reminds me of what my parents did because this way of living is pretty suffocating for me

 

true i know because i think around end of summer break i typed them something and from the start of it they thought i was going to kill myself (even tho i never said it) and they were worried but i still dont feel it that much

 

i somehow always do find the spark 

 

true but all of what their doing can be just a part of their love but i wont know till something happens that mostly only happens in movies or shows

 

I hear  you  and  i would say the same  . BUT its probaly  not  by choice  they doing this either its more i would say both pure  exhaustion +   they try their best   with what they have  learnt  them self .  

 

Again they  do care ALLOT  for you both (all ) Mary Jane and thats  one the  biggest proof you have on me being right.

 

And  you will this time  also Mary Jane  i KNOW you will.

 

They have alredy proven and tried to show  you  that they do care and  love you   Mary Jane . the  secret  here is YOU  have to learn how they  show  their  love and  caring (same with me  and  my dad   i was  under the impression until i was  oh 30 + that my dad  fealt i was a complete falior  and an idiot BUT turned out its HIM  that have been in the backround in my child hood as well as early adult hood (while i still lived  up there  Northern part  of the country )  trying to help with the social security and  everyone else  around  me  using  his connections (he  was  a  high restaurant  cheef for  entire   Community service workers in the town were im from incl the  big  brasses  )  BUT  he was  asked  by the   social services to stay in the backround   so he did  (a  COMPLEATLY   messed upp order)  So  again try to cut  youre parents  some slack Mary Jane  there not perfect.  Lord  knows neither  of mien are  BUT i do know they have  both  loved  and cared  for  me   ALL my life and  have sacrificed  pretty mush  there entire  life  to help me  especually my mom  who have suported  me  since day one  ,But also of course my reel dad  (in his  own way )                             

Share this post


Link to post
Mary Jane

True but it is still going to be pretty hard because this may be their best but I know my life could be better than this and hopefully I’ll never stop trying to make my life better once I’m the one mostly in control

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   10 Members, 0 Anonymous, 89 Guests (See full list)

    • Jamey braley
    • Jani
    • Cyndee
    • nobitaro
    • ShawnaLeigh
    • Firenze
    • KathyLauren
    • Petra Jane
    • Jackie C.
    • Gender Phoenix
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      70,371
    • Total Posts
      637,153
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      6,543
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Addie1312
    Newest Member
    Addie1312
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Claire
      Claire
    2. CodePoetSarah
      CodePoetSarah
      (55 years old)
  • Posts

    • Jani
      These are trying times.  Not just for our community but for all of us as we are asked to stay in while many places we would like to go to are closed.  This is a good article that enumerates ways to find and obtain counseling while sequestered in your home or away from loved ones.  It mentions AA, Psychology Today, Betterhelp, Talkspace, Larkr.   Admittedly I had not been aware of the last three sites.  The Department of HHS and National Suicide Prevention Lifeline links are also there.    https://www.npr.org/2020/04/03/826726628/how-to-get-therapy-when-you-cant-leave-the-house   Here's the takeaway from the article. "Let's do a quick recap. What are the most important things to know about getting therapy right now? It can feel really tempting to put your mental health on the back burner right now because there's so much happening. But you might need help more than ever. And it's not great to just constantly download that onto your friends and family because they're going through the same thing too. Therapists are trained professionals. They have confidentiality in mind. If you have insurance, you can ask your insurance company to help you find a provider or a method. And if you don't have insurance, there are lots of free options and low-cost options for you out there."
    • Sarahnr1
      Like you i am and have been Sucidal since i was  little  (recently upgraded to Severe  as well as upgraded   Severe depression and Anxiety  Disorder )  Due to some BS  in RL last year ) And i have gazilion NP  diagnosis  as well.        This said only to let you know i DO understand  you better then you might think.     First you DONT want to die thats obvius and thats good. And you SHOULD be very scared  of this route  as well as its not even close to as peacful or painless  as you are led to belive from those claiming it is. Its quite the opposite.  USE  those feelings  of  DONT whant to die  and  being scared   to take this step     What you need is someone to talk to  and im here if you want to get to know me better or give me chance either out here  / Or by Pm /or both. You also NEED to somehow get profetional  help  ASAP.     And last  belive me  i KNOW  how  down you must be right now  in youre obvius  DEEP  Depression  as i have been there MANY times  in my life BUT TRUST me on this  Suicide is NOT have not / will not ever  be the right  solution.  It WILL  get better again   so you HAVE to  KEEP ON  FIGHTING  for youre life  and youre goals   with every  breath you take   my friend  IT CAN be done   YOURE NOT  alone   my friend     
    • Jackie C.
      Unfortunately, there's no magic formula for coming out to family. You tell them in a safe way (personal safety is key) that you feel will help them to understand. Depending on their personal bias, they will accept you or reject you. Explain, don't argue and be prepared to answer questions. Some family members will accept you unconditionally. Others will be like my egg-donor, and go insane.   Sometimes friends and family come around with time. Sometimes they don't. You can't control that. All you can do is be the best, most authentic you that you can possibly be.   I live in the Midwest. I've had one family member and zero friends reject me. Your odds are probably better than you think.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Depression is a powerful thing. The kind of crushing weight that won't let you breathe. What worked for me... coming out, HRT and being myself... won't necessarily work for you. The first thing I'd do is find a therapist. Depression is a very big thing, don't face it alone.   Don't say anything about social distancing. My therapist is online and we talk via a video app. No excuses. Get some help.   Next up: Support your friend. The kind of people who bully other people aren't the kind of people who make good partners. She's going to need you when enough of the novelty has worn off that he starts acting like himself again. You don't have to pretend to be happy for her, but you also don't need to nag her about it. Express your concerns if you have to. Once. Then drop it. You don't need to be hurting her. Be there when she needs someone to help pick up the pieces. Don't say, "I told you so."   You're allowed to be sad about the money thing. A lot of people are in the same situation right now. Try to make plans for "What happens if the money runs out?" Where will you live? What will you eat? Who will pat you on the head and tell you that you're pretty? You know, necessities.   In the meantime, we're here if you need to vent. We're pretty good at the emotional support group thing. I think you know that suicide isn't the answer. You'll get through this.   Hugs!
    • Gender Phoenix
      I've spent a large part of my life on forums all over the net trying to talk people out of sucicide, why? because I feel similar to many of these people.  I too have wanted to end my life many times.   I've never carried out a plan nor made attempts, but I had gotten as far as a plan before changing my mind, not always for the same reasons.   I suffer from anexity issues, depression, and low self esteem.  I'm transgender, not transitioned yet, 32, and may have a few mental and personality disorders from years of emotional abuse.    I have 4 close friends, two of which I have feelings for, neither have them back.  I have made a lot of progress towards improving myself because of all the love and support of one of them.  I'm not always open with how I feel about much of any thing but i tell her every thing, she is one of only three people who know I've considered suicide in the past.  She's my primary confidant and bedrock keeping me sane and alive.     Today I found out she's dating one of my bullies, that's known me for all of my life and hadn't started to be nice to me till recently.  I had a crush on her, I've nearly hated him, now i feel shocked, confused, devastated, on top of being worried about my future, my friends, and on top of my already existing depression and issues I have against my own body, I now have this running through my mind too. They have only told me, because they say they can trust me, but the other group of people our other friends think their both in happy relationships with other people and this bully is bffs with one of her exes.   I don't want to think or deal with any of this, I haven't worked at all, i am running out of money because of the virus, I hate myself, I just wish I could feel happy for her, I feel like a horrible person for not being able to.  My other best friend wouldn't even talk to me for two days and does this from time to time.   I want to die, except to my horror, I've learned from the mistakes of those I know who survived or where stopped, I having spent all my life trying to prevent others from sucicide find myself considering it.   I'll tell no one any thing, shut down emotionally, and never come back, or at least that's what I'm afraid of.  A part of me still wants to live, I just don't want to feel suffering or pain any more.  but I can feel the grip of the despair growing more powerful than ever before, so I ask some one please help me, please give me advice, some one save me.  
    • Denisenj
      This is an interesting topic
    • BrandiBri
      Good Morning all. i'm just finishing my cup of joe and admiring the pics of the nails. Very nice! I work retail so I have to keep mine short. However I am now on a 30 day loa so I am going to try false ones for now. It's going to be around 60 today and pushing 80 tomorrow.
    • BrandiBri
      I agree with everyone here, It is never too late to transition. For many of us it was a matter of life or death. I began HRT at 69 and now I am at peace with myself and having so much fun!   Hugs, Brandi
    • MetaLicious
      I know.  My wife keeps talking about it like I'm "flipping a switch" and it's just not like that.  At all.  Still, when it comes to coming out, there's a temptation to treat it like a band-aid that hurts less if you just rip it off... 
    • BrandiBri
      Happy Birthday CodePoetSarah! and Claire! 🎂🍦 Have a great day!   Hugs. Brandi
    • Timber Wolf
      Good morning everyone,🐀   Happy birthday CodePoetSarah!🎂 Happy birthday Claire!🎂 Hope you have a wonderful day!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf 🐾
    • TammyAnne
      I cannot be of much help as far as presenting yourself to the world, as I am not out (yet) to more than a tiny handful of people. So I live in the closet or in "stealth" mode. However, the folkx here have given me courage, and I'm looking at ways to change all that. Progress is sometimes a tiny drip. Someday. TA
    • Suzanne1
      Certainly such feelings/symptoms are important for one's psychotherapist to know, but is it possible that one might also want to consult with a physician of one stripe or another?  
    • TammyAnne
      Good morning. I'm jealous of everyone's gorgeous nails. I have guitarists nails that are super short. Coffee almost done. Warm steamy weather ahead this week. That usually means storms and even tornadoes. Not fun. Wishing everyone a safe and happy day! TA
    • TammyAnne
      Today begins the start of your life. Every time the sun rises! TA
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...