Trans or crossdresser?

[Lexi C]

Hey TAN. First congrat's .Telling the fam is a very bold and frighten decision and you handle it like a pro. Getting a GT is also great decision and one that will benefit you in my ways. So Thumbs up emoji on that. But you need to slow your row with this train of thought about the violence you might have if you venture out. This subject is something I know to well, because I was super defensive my first couple of times out. I was looking for confrontation and it did not go well. Instant of enjoying my right and the freedom that came from being myself.  I end up in holding with a bruises up and down my body, was almost arrested for battery cuz I broke some guys arm....You are doing the right thing bye getting a GT, make sure its someone your comfort with, disguise your desire to dress up and taking from there. Dressing up in woman clothing and going out in public is a big step. Glad your brave enough to have made this amazing decision that will strength you . Be safe, BE Proud and KICK ASS

[Jackie C.]

13 hours ago, ThrowAwayName said:

I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but what's it like when you first go out in public dressed up?

 

I'm actually not that worried about getting attacked.  I'm very well versed the fighting arts ... Violence is something I understand.

 

Sneers, jeers and disapproving looks would almost certainly get to me.

 

Terrifying? It's exhilarating too and a whole swarm of other things buzzing around in your brain meat. Largely depends on where you live and how well you present as your preferred gender. For example, if you live in a town of a dozen or so people that have all known you since you were two that's different than if you're in a city with a million other people.

 

You'll likely find that among strangers, everybody is too wrapped up in their own business to pay you much mind. I think I've been clocked twice by sour older women (thinking about it, they shared a type, weird) but all I got was a disapproving frown. Most people treat me, for better or for worse, like any other women when we interact and I'm perfectly fine with that.

 

I kept my early outings short. The first was... to the mailbox! Exciting! The second one was to the grocery store where I got clocked by the cashier. My fault, my voice work wasn't as good as it should have been. She just gave me the aforementioned disapproving frown and we both got on with our lives. No real harm done, thought I doubled down on my voice training. No violence here. No threat of violence. It's all good.

 

Hugs!

[ThrowAwayName]

I'm sorry I'm unfamiliar with the terminology.

 

When I hear "clocked" I tend to think of being punched in the face.  What does it mean in this context?

[Jackie C.]

Sorry, it means somebody realized I wasn't a natural woman.

 

Hugs!

[TommieAnne]

2 hours ago, ThrowAwayName said:

I'm sorry I'm unfamiliar with the terminology.

 

When I hear "clocked" I tend to think of being punched in the face.  What does it mean in this context?

Caught.

Like when the state trooper on the highway pulls you over for speeding.

[Traci Lynn]

Thats really a question that is posed on so many forums, and everyone has good points to make as is evident here. As for myself, I never really CD'd in my life. I knew something was not quite right, and years later found had my own epiphany. I have been on HRT for 6 months now, however I dont say I am a woman, or trangender, or non binary, on genderfluid. I am just me, no one can give you a label except yourself. People may label you, or misgender you, but the only person that matters is you. My goal will ultimately be to become a woman. But there are many stops between here and there.

Talking to your therapist is a great start, just saying things aloud to another person helps. Another thought is, if your pursuing therapy to figure out if your transgender then your already on the journey.

Traci Lynn

[Lee H]

I don't think finding an answer requires defining a question. It seems to me the answer comes of its own accord, if given the chance, irrespective of our mastery of terminology. I experience it as new, confusing, feelings, and wondering where I go from here. It's all the guilt, hiding, repression, lying, denying, avoiding, fearing, rejecting, negative self-talk that keeps it away, not the absence of an acceptable vocabulary or approved definitions. I'll bet the experience feels the same in other languages.

At least, that is my path so far, as it is revealing itself. This forum helps me a lot, because we all seem more or less to be in the same boat, and those who have gone before have stories I want to hear them share. 

And I thank all of them.... 

[Visitor]

I'm new to this website so clearly I'm exploring.  This thread spoke to me and I appreciate what everyone has contributed.  My history of crossdressing, which began when i was 12 was a source of great shame my entire life and it was only relatively recently while doing some trauma work in therapy that I recognized what was likely behind it.  But knowing that has not ended my confusion about the pleasure I feel in wearing a brassiere, as I am right now.  Yes it is sexual but there seems to be more.  I've felt a comfort feeling my breasts being held by the cups.  (I've had gynecomastia since I was a teen... you can imagine the desire to wear lingerie when I had small breasts on my chest... so confusing.)  What is helpful in this conversation is the spaciousness of responses.  Clearly we each need to find our own truth both in terms of gender identity and sexual orientation, both of which felt like a minefield for much of my life.  I think I'm male and while I can feel aroused by having sex with a man, I'm more inclined to attribute that to the trauma.  I have been sexual with many women... married multiple times in fact... but I was really never able to sustain intimacy.  Crossdressing was one of the ways I would soothe myself when things in my life generated too much stress.  It was always done in secret.

 

So here I am listening to others who've been attending to such matters.  I've no idea where any of this leads, but I'm glad I am not running away from these feelings out of shame, as I've done my whole life.  I think I'll clear space in a dresser drawer for the new intimates I add to my wardrobe.

[KymmieL]

On 3/26/2020 at 1:19 PM, KathyLauren said:

Your story is remarkably similar to mine.  I, too, dressed in women's clothes all the time when I was at home, and I underdressed when out in public.  And, although I did find some sexual gratification in it, it quickly became apparent that there was more to it than that.  I dressed because I felt better that way, not because I got off on it.

 

For years I had thought I was just a crossdresser. just about 3 yrs. after remembering and reading things I realized hey dumb arse you are a girl.

 

On 4/1/2020 at 6:22 PM, ThrowAwayName said:

I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but what's it like when you first go out in public dressed up?

For me it was last Halloween. I walked out the door of my townhouse. with my head held high. I drove to Ft Collins,CO for an appointment. Went to various other places including city hall no problems at all. Even to Burger King for lunch.

 

 

 

On 3/26/2020 at 1:19 PM, KathyLauren said:

On 3/26/2020 at 5:38 PM, ThrowAwayName said:

How was telling your parents and friends?

 

I have vertically no support from my family except my middle son and his wife. My wife oldest and youngest son do not support my decision at all.

 

Kymmie