Why do people think we chose to be transgender

[Emily michelle]

I’m sorry this is pretty much a vent. I’m going to have to fight with my insurance company about my hrt now. Why is it that people just assume we chose to be transgender. I know I didn’t choose to be transgender I chose to be happy and continue living. So they don’t consider hrt as a life changing and potentially a life saving treatment. I just wish they could walk a mile in our shoes, maybe they could see what dysphoria does to us. It must be nice to wake up in the morning and be happy with what you see in the mirror. I just don’t know anymore all I want to do is be Emily, maybe it is not worth it anymore. I’m sorry to bother everyone with this.

[VickySGV]

I know you are just ranting, but as fate would have it, I just got done reading a paper by Julia Serano who wrote the book Whipping Girl, about Transgender people in society today. Julia is a top notch, highly methodical, social scientist and is a Trans woman herself. 

 

A number of years ago (about 30+) there were a lot of psychologists who felt that being Trans was a mental disorder and until recently had it lumped into a group of mental disorders in a couple of major scientific manuals.  The manuals have since been revised to re-classify us as a medical condition and not a behavioral disorder.  The pornography industry had been making our condition sound "sexy" and since sex is going to bring a reaction from Moralists who relied on the older "scientists" whose work had been  proven in error and thus they still think we are a bunch of sick chickens and are to be hated.  I have my own manuscript on this one going just now while I am house bound which is nearing 60 pages on this kind of thing.  Just too much crazy to post here.

[KymmieL]

I think that people believe that we can just turn off our dysphoria and be normal again. It is 10,000 miles from the truth. I think that my wife is one of them. That I choose to be female give up being a male. She has admitted that she doesn't understand what this is.

 

Kymmie

[BrandiBri]

When I told my older sister she asked why don't I just go back the way I was. I don't remember how I replied, but I know 1. that I can't and 2. I don't ever want to. Even the clothing I wear was not a choice, but rather a need to validate who I am on the inside.

[Michelle F]

13 hours ago, KymmieL said:

"...I think that my ex-girlfriend (sub wife) is one of them. That I choose to be female give up being a male. She has admitted that she doesn't understand what this is."

 

Kymmie

This is exactly what happened to me. My partner and I got married on Feb 29. I had been in touch with my ex gf in Vegas back last XMAS. She bought us 2 nights in Vegas for wedding present. Before she left she got me alone and asked me, "What benefit do you have changing everything why not just be gay? I would understand that..!"

 

My answer was this, "a functioning vagina."

 

She we silent. LoL 

[Michelle F]

I told i am not gay.

 

Crickets again...

 

Plus I'm married now...

 

More crickets rofl...

[Sabine]

My own experience tells me that cis-gender folk simply never think about it. As in it literally never even occurs to them to question their gender. For them it comes straight out of left field and the only reference point they think they have (which is patently false of course) is sexual. They assume we are gay or lesbian, depending. The truth is that often we are sexually ambiguous, but more importantly, sexuality has nothing to do with our gender conceptions. The other problem is that we "look" like a gender and sound like a gender, and ... have the wrong plumbing to boot.

It took me a while to get past it all, and I AM transgender!

[Sally Stone]

Sabine,

 

You are so very right.  For anyone that is cis, they have no frame of reference and a complete lack of experience for the way we feel.  Not knowing what it actually feels like to be trans makes it hard to understand.  I'm not saying it's okay to be closed-minded or bigoted, just that without walking in our shoes, people struggle to understand.

 

Emily, I think this is why, so often, people make the assumption we chose to be trans.  It's simple ignorance more often than it's bias, at least that's my take.

 

Hugs,

 

Sally

[Madelyn]

I totally understand. I chose to open up to one of my siblings; it didn’t go as I’d hoped. She was understanding but firm in how she felt religiously in her own beliefs. Though she didn’t divulge into more, I know what that means. I grew up in a balanced environment, if you will. Still religion was there strongly. Now that I’ve put off transitioning (the dysphoria is crazy strong some days, others I’m in denial) because I’m trying to figure out the family dynamics, etc. When some who knew found out, they acted as if it were just gone and I was “changed.” I made it very clear that regardless of what life I lead or what I do, it’s not changed who I truly am. We are born this way and it is a choice if I decide not to transition, but never a choice of who I am. Still, I am very much Madelyn on the inside. So I so understand your need to rant. Sorry, for my own little rant ??‍♀️

[Tory Aoi]

3 hours ago, Sally Stone said:

Emily, I think this is why, so often, people make the assumption we chose to be trans.  It's simple ignorance more often than it's bias, at least that's my take.

 

Or a lack of empathy.  I don't blame them for having a hard time understanding or relating to the issues we face.  It's a hard truth to swallow, given how difficult it was for me to accept it personally so to me a certain amount of shock and denial is forgivable.  Ignorance is ok, but if this were approached more with empathy and compassion, I think the conflicts could be more easily addressed.  More often than not, though, for some the notion of even attempting to understand and empathize is just too inconvenient or embarrassing for them.

[Emily michelle]

Madelyn that was not a rant don’t worry lol. The only people that I have come out to was my wife and my sister. At first my sister was supportive but as time went on she has been a lot more distant. She admitted she doesn’t understand why I’m trans. Like you said I’m not changing who I am on the inside I’m just making the outside what I’ve always felt on the inside. It just gets frustrating like with my insurance company I didn’t choose this I’m just choosing to be who I really am. 
Sally I believe your right about people not understanding who we are. Most people I would assume would have a different perspective if the actually felt what it feels like.

[Tory Aoi]

Another way to look at it, from my own personal experience from a few years ago and deep in my own depths of denial.  There was a non-binary person I met at the time, and at that time they were I think still figuring out who they were and identifying as trans female lesbian.  Being so trapped in my own denial I thought "well, that seems ridiculous, why do that?  I found a way to not do that so why can't others?"  And that line of thought made me feel a little uneasy, strange, and I think deep down I knew what it was.  I was jealous that someone could be able to do what I could not.

 

I don't want to presume what any individual may be thinking or feeling, but could jealousy on some level be a factor?  I don't know, just speculating.

[Madelyn]

53 minutes ago, Emily michelle said:

Madelyn that was not a rant don’t worry lol. The only people that I have come out to was my wife and my sister. At first my sister was supportive but as time went on she has been a lot more distant. She admitted she doesn’t understand why I’m trans. Like you said I’m not changing who I am on the inside I’m just making the outside what I’ve always felt on the inside. It just gets frustrating like with my insurance company I didn’t choose this I’m just choosing to be who I really am. 
Sally I believe your right about people not understanding who we are. Most people I would assume would have a different perspective if the actually felt what it feels like.

Good lol. It was my wife I first came out to as well, she’s accepting now. The sibling I came out to was my sister, closest in age to me. I went from part time to presenting as “male” I think it scares most and that’s where it ends, they are fearful to open up to this new way of thinking to them. Still very much wanting to transition myself, just need to figure out some things for my own peace of mind for my child. 

sending good vibes your way,

~ Madelyn

[Emily michelle]

46 minutes ago, Madelyn said:

Good lol. It was my wife I first came out to as well, she’s accepting now. The sibling I came out to was my sister, closest in age to me. I went from part time to presenting as “male” I think it scares most and that’s where it ends, they are fearful to open up to this new way of thinking to them. Still very much wanting to transition myself, just need to figure out some things for my own peace of mind for my child. 

sending good vibes your way,

~ Madelyn

My wife has been extremely supportive from the get go I think she knew I was transgender before I did or was ever willing to admit. My wife and I are trying to have a child but we have to go the ivf route. Right now I’m wanting to begin hrt before my wife is pregnant so I can be well on my With transitioning.

 

 

[MetaLicious]

5 hours ago, Madelyn said:

We are born this way and it is a choice if I decide not to transition, but never a choice of who I am.

That sums up what I wanted to say.  Being transgender is not a choice.  The only choice is how we deal with it.  Before I started my own journey, I was struggling.  I kept looking into what I could do to become who I already am, while fighting to maintain the illusion that I could continue being who everyone thought me to be.  I kept asking myself, "Why do you keep acting like this is a thing that is happening?"  The answer was simple - it was happening, whether I wanted it to or not.  After decades of self-denial, I had reached a point where I could no longer sustain myself as a male.

 

I had a choice. I could transition.  I could come out and become an activist (even if I did not transition myself, I want to make to make the world better for those who did). Or I could continue burying my true self, continue my slow self-destruction, and eventually succumb to whatever health issue took me first. I chose to transition.

 

Once I made my choice, I became committed to a better me.  I kicked my 41-year old cigarette habit. I was never able to quit before, despite eight years of trying. Now, I don't even think about them most days. I gave up marijuana. I reduced my alcohol intake to reasonable and healthy levels.  I have lost weight and greatly increased the vegetables.

 

As far as I can tell, the real choice was between living and merely existing. 

[michelle_kitten]

Dysphoria is the invisible ailment.  People don't see all the things we go through, and too often we are afraid of what others might think and we hide our condition.  Too many people only see instant snapshots of our lives, and they make judgments based on those split seconds of seeing us.  Unprepared and unequipped to understand, people tend to think "What makes a grown man wake up one morning and want to be a woman?"  They don't realize it isn't a whim, or a fancy, or some fetish brought on because we got bored with some other fetish first.  They see the awkward stage between one gender and the other and think we are showing what we imagined to be the finished product of transition.  Many of them never see where we started, or where we are in the end, and they think we represent all of transgender people in that split second of time.  Many people don't know the work and the risks transition takes.

 

The question is whether or not the ignorance is willful?  I don't think it is fair to assume people are ignorant by choice.  Yes, there are some who are, and in my mind that is inexcusable.  Other people are broadsided by something they never expected to see, even though there has been great strides in educating society.  We have a long way to go on that front.

 

For some, their minds will always run to the convenience of black and white answers to everything.  Trans = bad.  That's easy.  It doesn't take a lot of time, energy, or risk in that formula.  There are of course a couple of key advantages of thinking in black and white terms.  It absolves one of social responsibility for a neighbor.  If someone is bad then they can be excluded, shunned, deprived, and even punished without reprisal.  The norms of social decency don't apply (at least in their minds).  Another advantage is that of feeling superior.  "At least I'm not like those perverts."  Of course, if that's your way of thinking, you have to believe it is a choice to be bad, because if it is involuntary, then it can't be bad and that complicates the whole thing.  The black and white answers are lost.  These are selfish people who think in terms of black and white, without regard to anyone else.

 

Religious suicide cults succeed in taking large groups of people to their graves because they provide simple black-and-white answers which make people feel superior to the rest of the world, and then cultivating fear the rest of the world envies or fears the religious cult.

 

I can accept a person with limited mental capacity who tries and fails to understand.  I have little patience for someone who will, in the face of an opportunity for enlightenment, cling to selfish binary answers which they believe absolve them of needing to make any effort.

[Lexi C]

Hey I am in the same boat with Insurance company regarding my needed surgeries . I send the today call different departs whom inter referral me to other departments . I just going to keep on calling until they get sick off. The  Fed govt recognize our transition as a medical need so your insurance company most accept that you have a medical condition. get a lawyer if they keep denying you. I appreciate your support and you have mine as well. Be safe, BE Pround and KICK ASS 

[Maid In Bedlam]

In the UK its diffrent. Very diffrent i might ad. However in the USA its been recently changed and is no longer classed as a Mental disorder in the new DSM

 

 

Quote

During the revision process for DSM-5, LGBT advocacy groups lobbied for removing gender diagnoses from the manual, as homosexuality was removed in 1973. The DSM-5 work group weighed the issue of stigma associated with retaining gender diagnoses against the potential loss of access to care. Those seeking transition and other support services need a billable diagnosis code. Although some suggested using V-codes, these are rarely reimbursable and did not seem a viable way to maintain access to care. The work group recommended retention. In addition to the name change, diagnostic criteria were made more stringent to avoid diagnosing gender variance per se as a mental disorder.

Thus, the working group recommended (1) retaining gender diagnoses in ICD-11 to preserve access to care but (2) moving these categories out of the ICD-11 chapter “Mental and Behavioural Disorders.” The diagnoses, renamed “gender incongruence of childhood” (GIC) for prepubescent children and “gender incongruence of adolescence and adulthood,” will be included in a proposed new chapter called “Conditions Related to Sexual Health.”[2]

 

 

So basically thanks to those who wanted to get under the umbrella of Transgender even if they had no Gender dysphoria (They shouted the loudest) now its i assume much harder to be covered for it as its now sexual health like haveing a dose of Gonorrhoea.

 

The US is covered by the DSM. We in europe are more covered by the WHO who are also changing its calisfication in the coming months. I did a thread on it somewhere a while back redgarding the reclcassification.

 

Link here

 

Its not quite but regards this matter and the shape of things to come. Ironically just before the BBC took up the story.