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Mary Jane

Why bother

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Mary Jane

I’m not holding anything back here I can try to avoid the bad in my life but It keeps coming back so yea why bother and let’s face it my life will most likely never get better than how it is now I’m probably never going to even meet anyone in real life that’s going to be friends with me or someone I’ll marry and I’ll most likely end up in a job I don’t like I know I can keep trying to avoid the bad but should I really why is my life even this bad and I don’t know why I keep trying I guess I’m just no quitter but still why bother my life is most likely going downhill after school anyways

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Carolyn Marie

Please don't give up on life or give up on yourself, Mary Jane.  You are too young to throw in the towel.  You have 80-90% of your life ahead of you.  How can you know now what life is going to be like, what things you might learn, or do, or become?  When I was your age I couldn't possible have imagine how my life would turn out, and if I had guessed I would have been totally wrong.

 

I know how easy it is to get down on yourself and lose hope.  It is an easy hole to fall into, and like most holes, terribly hard to climb back out of.  You can climb out with the help of friends.  We are some friends who will help you.  Please log into Chat and talk to some of our counselors.  They will throw a rope down for you to make that climb out of the well of despair. 

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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Mary Jane

I don’t know what my future is going to be but based on things now it doesn’t seem good at all and yes easy hole to fall into but does anyone here really care about me?

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Carolyn Marie

I care about you, Mary Jane, and I know there are many others who also care.

 

Carolyn Marie

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Mary Jane

i believe you but things are still super bad

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BrandiBri

Mary Jane, I care! And I'm sure that everyone else here feels the same. I believe that you are a special person and maybe things are not going well, but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I can't count the number of times that I thought that there was no way out, but I'm here to testify that there always was a way out. 

There is an old song with one line that says "he never promised us a rose garden", but I would compare our lives as a rose garden. There are the times when everything is all beautiful and fragrant, just like the flower, but we also find ourselves falling into bad times,the thorns. But no matter how bad things seem, the flower is still there. Maybe that is a bad analogy, but I hope you can understand what I am trying to say.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

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Mary Jane

i do understand but there may be a way out a beauty to all this but i just dont see it however you view life battle, race, tunnel, something else i see me not getting through it i view life mostly like a battle because most of it is and somehow im surviving it but i want to do more than just survive yet i somehow cant yet i want all this pain to come to a conclusion but i dont even know how it can

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Sarahnr1

Mary Jane  im still here.  So lets  continue were we left of   shall we  ?  Now  aparantly something  not  good  happend  again   so what  happend  this  time  my young  friend   

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Mary Jane

Basically what happened was while I was talking to someone (online) that I kind of know and well I was trying to help her but while trying to I thought about the bad things in my life which I don’t know how but I can be distracted enough that I don’t think about those things and I try to avoid thinking about them but things just remind me of them again from time to time

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Alex C

Hey MJ. Yeah I feel you...its like no matter what you do..it not going to matter. Like you..I am not going to meet someone or get married; that sooo way out off the box. I work super hard only to have it all vanish with in a couple of months...Lets face it life sucks. I  like you am not a quitter but there's only so much a girl can take. Maybe there's hope for both of us if there's people like the TP community whom r willing to reach out, care about us and share the love with us..only time will tell. I voting yes on our TP brothers and sister and I hope you do as well. I hate using this phase because its sometimes comes from a fake place, BUT I LOVE ME AND I LOVE YOU. Be safe, BE Proud and KICK ASS

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Sarahnr1
31 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

Basically what happened was while I was talking to someone (online) that I kind of know and well I was trying to help her but while trying to I thought about the bad things in my life which I don’t know how but I can be distracted enough that I don’t think about those things and I try to avoid thinking about them but things just remind me of them again from time to time

 

I understand well  sadly  trying to sur press (hold back etc... )    this kind  of feelings    as you have find  out is sadly  not going to work as  planned   and  it will come back and  bite you   every chance it gets  im afraid  . Hence i always  try to tell everyone  you CANT hide from the truth   you CANT   keep it  bottle  up you HAVE to  confront  it head  on   Mary Jane . And yes  its very hard   and takes  allot  of effort  and emotionell work and  strenth  and  determination.

 

In all honestly my life isent  worth  diddly  and i dont  have  much chances  of ever  change  much  of it  . il probaly  have this life until the  little time i have left  on this earth  before i leave  on natural grounds (for us with my diagnosis  we  leave  roughly 10 - 15 + years  ahead) of  those with no diagnosis  . And i have  accepted this  and im ready for when its my time to leave . BUT  you can still be darn shore i will fight  with  every ounce of my breath  to make  what i have left  of my life  the best i can with what i got to work with  Mary Jane                

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Mary Jane
50 minutes ago, Alex C said:

Hey MJ. Yeah I feel you...its like no matter what you do..it not going to matter. Like you..I am not going to meet someone or get married; that sooo way out off the box. I work super hard only to have it all vanish with in a couple of months...Lets face it life sucks. I  like you am not a quitter but there's only so much a girl can take. Maybe there's hope for both of us if there's people like the TP community whom r willing to reach out, care about us and share the love with us..only time will tell. I voting yes on our TP brothers and sister and I hope you do as well. I hate using this phase because its sometimes comes from a fake place, BUT I LOVE ME AND I LOVE YOU. Be safe, BE Proud and KICK ASS

I’m hopping that there’s hope

 

51 minutes ago, Sarahnr1 said:

 

I understand well  sadly  trying to sur press (hold back etc... )    this kind  of feelings    as you have find  out is sadly  not going to work as  planned   and  it will come back and  bite you   every chance it gets  im afraid  . Hence i always  try to tell everyone  you CANT hide from the truth   you CANT   keep it  bottle  up you HAVE to  confront  it head  on   Mary Jane . And yes  its very hard   and takes  allot  of effort  and emotionell work and  strenth  and  determination.

 

In all honestly my life isent  worth  diddly  and i dont  have  much chances  of ever  change  much  of it  . il probaly  have this life until the  little time i have left  on this earth  before i leave  on natural grounds (for us with my diagnosis  we  leave  roughly 10 - 15 + years  ahead) of  those with no diagnosis  . And i have  accepted this  and im ready for when its my time to leave . BUT  you can still be darn shore i will fight  with  every ounce of my breath  to make  what i have left  of my life  the best i can with what i got to work with  Mary Jane                

I know that you can’t just bottle it up I’m not thanks to games I can release negative feelings it’s more of me avoiding it than bottling it up someday I might be able to confront it head on but that day hasn’t come yet and I’m not trying to avoid thinking about those bad things at least not right now

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Sarahnr1
31 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

I’m hopping that there’s hope

 

I know that you can’t just bottle it up I’m not thanks to games I can release negative feelings it’s more of me avoiding it than bottling it up

 

someday I might be able to confront it head on but that day hasn’t come yet and I’m not trying to avoid thinking about those bad things at least not right now

 

TRUST me when i say this  there is ALWAYS   hope  the minute  my hope disapere  or i got  nothing  left  to fight fore and everything  i had left  is takend away  in life thats when i say goodby.  All that know me  knows this  hence they are scared to death when i start  talking  about  i got nothing left.  

 

I understand  and as i said  before   use whatever LEGAL  ways  you can find   to achive this 

 

Again i understand  Mary Jane  and i know very well that confronting  youre own deamons  is  probaly the  hardest  and  most scary thing you can do in life for most  (my self im so used to it  from 4 years old to talk to shrinks and docs  and  get evaluated  and so on so for me  its  easier then most  for whatever reason  )  

 

Never meant  to blame  or guilt you Mary Jane   and i KNOW  you will make it some day . Its just  you have to try to find a way to  cope with youre feelings  in the mean time. THATS   vital  to be able to continue  while  gatherings  strengths to take this battle            

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Mary Jane

I know that I have to try to find a way to cope with my feelings I have already but I pretty much just can’t anymore 

45 minutes ago, Sarahnr1 said:

TRUST me when i say this  there is ALWAYS   hope  the minute  my hope disapere  or i got  nothing  left  to fight fore and everything  i had left  is takend away  in life thats when i say goodby.  All that know me  knows this  hence they are scared to death when i start  talking  about  i got nothing left

Also I know there’s practically always hope but I’m pretty sure not for everything

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Sarahnr1
31 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

I know that I have to try to find a way to cope with my feelings I have already but I pretty much just can’t anymore 

 

Also I know there’s practically always hope but I’m pretty sure not for everything

 

And yet here you are  fighting  for dear life  (as you should  )   asking us  for help and support  . That takes  ALLOT  of mental  strenth Mary Jane   and this  is why i dare say you WILL make it  even if you dont  think you will you WILL  my friend . Youre like me  a surviver. And i wont lie  to you it will be a  Bumpy road   BUT i still have  NO dought you WILL   make this  Mary Jane.

 

Youre right there  BUT in youre case  theres  most defenetly hope . Me  NA  im stuck right were i am and were i have been from the day i was  born       

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Mary Jane
5 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

And yet here you are  fighting  for dear life  (as you should  )   asking us  for help and support  . That takes  ALLOT  of mental  strenth Mary Jane

thank you 

 

5 hours ago, Sarahnr1 said:

and this  is why i dare say you WILL make it  even if you dont  think you will you WILL  my friend . Youre like me  a surviver

i know im a surviver but i cant anymore at least not unless i have a break from pretty much everything especially school but unfortunately according to my english teacher if i dont do work ill fail meaning ill need to do that again but its a good thing i need to worry the most about that class because the others are electives and im not going for the next ones on those but im still doing the work for the other classes so i pass them so eventually passing high school

 

 

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Sarahnr1
1 hour ago, Mary Jane said:

thank you 

 

i know im a surviver but i cant anymore at least not unless i have a break from pretty much everything especially school

 

but unfortunately according to my english teacher if i dont do work ill fail meaning ill need to do that again

 

but its a good thing i need to worry the most about that class because the others are electives and im not going for the next ones on those but im still doing the work for the other classes so i pass them so eventually passing high school

 

 

 

ANY time  my young friend  

 

You CAN and you will Mary Jane  . I understand  school is  a living nightmare  to you   (it was to me as well ) all you can do is youre best   my friend . Im more then shore you WILL graduate with flying  colors  Mary Jane and  its  worth the struggle to graduate High school   (i dident  my entire  school time went down the drain from  1 class  up to what i belive you call High School )

 

YOU Unlike me WILL make it   and you DO have the  chance to get somewhere in life Mary Jane DONT throw  that away.                 

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Mary Jane
1 hour ago, Sarahnr1 said:

YOU Unlike me WILL make it   and you DO have the  chance to get somewhere in life Mary Jane DONT throw  that away

im not at least not yet but i dont fit any where i really dont whats most likely to happen is im going to get a job but like most people its going to be one i hate 

 

1 hour ago, Sarahnr1 said:

You CAN and you will Mary Jane  . I understand  school is  a living nightmare  to you   (it was to me as well ) all you can do is youre best   my friend . Im more then shore you WILL graduate with flying  colors  Mary Jane and  its  worth the struggle to graduate High school   (i dident  my entire  school time went down the drain from  1 class  up to what i belive you call High School )

yea im planning to graduate but its probably not going to be with flying colors im just trying to past meanwhile also trying to do my best and so far ive gotten 70s or higher i think that is broken this year and maybe next year and grade 12

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Sarahnr1
32 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

im not at least not yet but i dont fit any where i really dont whats most likely to happen is im going to get a job but like most people its going to be one i hate 

 

yea im planning to graduate but its probably not going to be with flying colors im just trying to past

 

meanwhile also trying to do my best and so far ive gotten 70s or higher i think that is broken this year and maybe next year and grade 12

 

Good. Im afraid  many  of us end up with jobs that is just a job  as we all need money my friend . What you can do is WHILE  you have this -crappy- job look for another  and in the mean time you utliest have a pay check.     

 

As long as you pass. And  above all do youre best thats  what counts  Mary Jane . If its starting to go up than thats GREAT  (we have a different  grade system  over here ,and even more different in my time from today so im lost in those im afraid  )       

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Mary Jane
1 hour ago, Sarahnr1 said:

 

Good. Im afraid  many  of us end up with jobs that is just a job  as we all need money my friend . What you can do is WHILE  you have this -crappy- job look for another  and in the mean time you utliest have a pay check.   

true

 

1 hour ago, Sarahnr1 said:

As long as you pass. And  above all do youre best thats  what counts  Mary Jane . If its starting to go up than thats GREAT  (we have a different  grade system  over here ,and even more different in my time from today so im lost in those im afraid  )  

yea and i know that US has a different grade system you use letters but those letters still represent your percent (well percent range) i dont know if students there know their percent but here they do

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KymmieL

Mary Jane, I care about you. Like others have said before, you have your whole life ahead of you. I too was picked on while in school. mostly JR high. 7th and 8th grade. I had no friends at school. I did get a couple friends in high school. Girl friends no way. I was a motorhead in school. (still am) other people in school knew me by my car not me. Thanks to one arsehole teacher I had to take summer school but graduated with my class.

 

I too didn't know what I wanted to do. So I joined the Air Force as a Security Police. At the time I didn't know why. now years later it was my deep deep dysphoria. be a man and do a manly thing. I married to a girl whom I have known since I was in 1st grade. You can read some of my other posts to learn about my crappy life.

 

I have been at low points in my life. I lived in a tent with 2 children. I currently live in subsidized housing. Have for 25 yrs. I have had the life would be better with out me thoughts. While it has never progressed past that point.

After almost 25 yrs since I left the service. (That is another story) I finally have a job that I like. In the 4 yrs I have been there I have risen from the bottom to Asst manager. While the pay isn't there I do like my job most of the time. LOL.

 

Reach out to any of us. We have had to endure and many have walked the same path as you are. We made it and you will too. With friends support (us here) you can do it girl.

 

many hugs,

Love

Kymmie

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Sarahnr1
38 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

true

 

yea and i know that US has a different grade system you use letters but those letters still represent your percent (well percent range) i dont know if students there know their percent but here they do

 

Yes it is  sadly 

 

As i said i havent a clue how things work these days  over here  (back in my time  we had  0 - 5 (i got  1,2 = FAIL  ) and thats only because  my teachers  dident  whanted me to not pass  on a few  (Gym )  ,  and they were  kind  to me  and utliest gave some grade. (this was  our   school system grade 9 )  i belive youre system the next would  be collage.        

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Mary Jane

thank you again everyone i feel good again now especially after reading

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

Reach out to any of us. We have had to endure and many have walked the same path as you are. We made it and you will too. With friends support (us here)

and 

 

1 hour ago, KymmieL said:

you can do it girl.

i dont fully know my gender but well best way i can explain it is i like being called a girl i dont really know why i do but i do i guess maybe i have a little of gender dysphoria

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Sarahnr1
35 minutes ago, Mary Jane said:

thank you again everyone i feel good again now especially after reading

and 

 

i dont fully know my gender but well best way i can explain it is i like being called a girl i dont really know why i do but i do i guess maybe i have a little of gender dysphoria

 

Gender comes  from WITHIN Mary Jane its who YOU belive you are NOT the outside.  And from what i have understood of this its NOT uncommon for younger at  or around youre age to start to sometime feel slightly lost with this gender thing (aparantly more so however by FTM  over here and  our  neghboring countries ) so right now try to NOT worry to much about this and  give you the time you need to really sort this  out  before you decide  youre a Girl or not  (You have time TRUST me  ) And i call you whatever name  you whant  my friend.

 

Glad you feel better again  and  DONT be afraid to come back to me  or out here   when ever you fel the need   youre NOT alone  and we do care.              

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BrandiBri

Mary Jane, it's my opinion that you probably do have gender dysphoria. I am not a doctor, but the fact that you like being called a girl and thinking that you might have it suggests to me that you do. Whatever the case, it's okay. What does matter is that you find peace within yourself.

I'm glad that you are feeling better and I, along with Kimmie encourage you to reach out to us when you feel the need. We all have been there to some extent and are willing to listen and hopefully help you in any way we can.

Hang in there, girlfriend, and take care of yourself.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

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