Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I am so confused.


CreepyConfusedKid

Recommended Posts

I've been feeling a lot of dysphoria lately.
I keep thinking that I might be trans.
Now here's the problem:
Some times when I feel like a girl, a few minutes later I'll deny it and feel like a boy again.
I am so confused.
Sometimes I want to be a girl but sometimes I want to stay a boy.
I keep saying things like "I'm too boyish to be a girl but I'm too emotional to be a boy".
I am pretty muscular for my age and I have a very deep voice and I hit puberty at 9 so that's why I feel like I can't be a girl.
But I feel like I can't be a boy because I act very feminine.
I'm so confused.
Help pls.

Link to comment
  • Replies 55
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • CreepyConfusedKid

    21

  • Mx.Drago

    5

  • michelle_kitten

    3

  • GraceH

    3

Welcome to TP and you my friend are in the right place to learn all about yourself.  Now we do not like to label anyone and none of us are licensed therapists but in my opinion you sound like you are in the middle road of being nonbinary.  You are both and this can swap back and forth all the time.  I am not nonbinary so I may not be the best person to talk with about this but there are many here who are and hopefully they chime in.

For now just take a breathe and know you are no longer alone and dealing with this all by yourself.   There is lots of acceptance and love and tons of support here.

So read and ask and learn but be patient with yourself as a transgender journey has no limits and timelines and defiantly no owners manual.  

Link to comment

I'm an Androgyne and you so very much sound like me!

 

Wikipedia defines Androgyny as: the combination of masculine and feminine characteristics into an ambiguous form. Androgyny may be expressed with regard to biological sex, gender identity, gender expression, or sexual identity.

 

I would suggest that you might look into it a bit on line and then look back into yourself.

Hope this may help you.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi, CCK.  I see you talking about "can't be" and "feel like".  What about "want"? 

 

Who do you want to be?  In a perfect world, would you rather be a boy or a girl?  Or is some kind of non-binary identity what you want?  This isn't about who you have been in the past or the present.  It is about who you want to be in the future.

Link to comment

I want to be what my heart tells me to be.

I want to be a girl.

But it's all because of religious and social issues that I'm trying to deny it.

I've struggled trying to figure out my sexuality for years and now I've finally found out. But gender is a lot bigger than sexuality to me.

I'm just worried that once I find the gender I'm comfortable with, I might regret it later.

For about 2 weeks I thought I was bigender but changed my mind back to male for some reason. 

The reason I'm hesitant to identify as a specific gender is that I don't want it to change my life completely (I have a phobia of change)

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

You should see a gender therapist to work on your fears and come to terms with your identity.  Your heart knows the answer, but your fears are holding you back.

 

I totally understand the fear.  It held me back until I was 62 years old.  You are, I think, starting at an earlier age, so you have a better chance of conquering it.  
 

Just consider that accepting a non-binary identity that isn’t what you really want, out of fear, is not much different from staying in the male identity that you don’t want, out of fear.

Link to comment
32 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

You should see a gender therapist to work on your fears and come to terms with your identity.  Your heart knows the answer, but your fears are holding you back.

 

I totally understand the fear.  It held me back until I was 62 years old.  You are, I think, starting at an earlier age, so you have a better chance of conquering it.  
 

Just consider that accepting a non-binary identity that isn’t what you really want, out of fear, is not much different from staying in the male identity that you don’t want, out of fear.

Great advice.

 

Your never to old to reach for the brass ring.  Sometimes its on the other Merry-Go-Round though and you need to get off one and get on another to get to it.  You are who you are in the end and a gender therapist can and will assist you with these questions and choices...

Mine did.

Link to comment
55 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

You should see a gender therapist

We don't have any here...

 

Many of my friends say I might be genderfluid because my gender usually changes a lot.

Sometimes I think I should be a girl.

Sometimes I think I'm non binary.

Sometimes I think I'm bigender.

And sometimes I'm happy as a boy.

Link to comment

I would suggest a gender therapist I too struggled with my identity since I was a kid but most of that was because I kept trying to deny who I really was. Just take your time and don’t be afraid to talk and ask questions. Eventually you will figure it out.

 

Link to comment

There are gender therapists that do it online or even by phone. For me, I was hesitant to seek help, but it was the best move I made.

I understand the confusion, for me, it came after I began transitioning. The thought that I wasn't a boy because I didn't think or want to act or talk like a boy, but that my body gave me away not being a girl. I identify as female, but I still sometimes wonder...  Imho, I tend to think that we are to some extent genderfluid. This goes for cisgender people as well.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Hey guys sorry I haven't been online in ages.

I haven't felt dysphoric in a long time but for the past 3 weeks I've been so confused and I think I'm starting to hate my own body.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
39 minutes ago, CreepyConfusedKid said:

Hey guys sorry I haven't been online in ages.

I haven't felt dysphoric in a long time but for the past 3 weeks I've been so confused and I think I'm starting to hate my own body.

I hope your doing better. It does seem to come around when you least expect it...and sometimes hangs around much longer than you expected.?

 

My Best,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Confusion is ok. You dont have to understand it all at once. You just need to breathe and think for a little while. Do some reading. Google can give you lots of information. 

 

Maybe you should look up some gender therapists. Semd them a message and get a consult... It's always worth trying.

 

Hugs ❤️

Kali

Link to comment

I have a friend who is genderfluid and you sound a lot like them. They go back and forth between pronouns, some days they are more feminine and others more masculine, and sometimes they don't want to be either, or even both! 

 

You don't have to label yourself anytime soon, explore a bit see what you are comfortable with, no one will rush you. If someone tries to, just come get me and I'll throw hands for ya :)) 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, CreepyConfusedKid said:

I want to be a girl but... Idk why I feel skeptical.

 

1 hour ago, CreepyConfusedKid said:

To be honest... I have no idea what I want to be...

Don't rush yourself, but don't lie to yourself either. Explore a bit and find what's best fot you :)) 

Link to comment

Aidan is right.  Be honest first and don't feel like you need to have an answer now.

 

Here is something you can do to help sort this out.  Start by asking yourself what you fear?  What do you fear transitioning to female.  What do you fear about remaining male?  What do you fear you might lose becoming a girl?  What do you fear you might miss out on or suffer for staying a guy?  This will help you figure out what is holding you back from making a clear choice.

 

Don't stop there, however.  Get more knowledge on what you fear.  Maybe you fear rejection if you transition.  What might really happen if you transition with friends and loved ones?  Find out what others have experienced.  Find out how others have handled the problem.  Then ask yourself which is worse, suffering dysphoria and keeping relationships or relieving dysphoria with transition and risking loss of some relationships?  What ever it is you fear, make sure you have the most realistic idea of what might happen, by getting good advice from wise people and reading what educated people have written.  That way, your fears aren't living in ignorance.  You will know for sure your fears are based in reality.

 

HRT can help with muscle mass and will probably give you greater access to emotion.  There is nothing to help with your voice, but if i can feminize my voice (which is naturally quite deep) then so can you.  You can totally be a girl, if you are willing to do what it takes to become the girl you have in mind.  Some people say fake it until you make it.  Retraining yourself is kind of a fake it until you become it thing.

 

You are stronger than you think.  You can figure this out.  You don't have to have all the answers right now.  You can call yourself gender fluid or NB or whatever until you make a choice.  There is no rule anywhere where you have to pick something at a certain age and stick with it.  If you really need a label, what about 'gender questioning'?  All you need to do is allow yourself to slow down and start getting your thoughts organized and never, never, feel bad about being confused.  I doubt there is anyone else here who hasn't been confused.

 

You got this.

Link to comment

Is it strange that whenever I play an online game as a female character I feel less dysphoria?

Link to comment

Not strange at all. I have always played female characters on my games. It's always helped me affirm who I am on the inside... Even if I'm not on the outside

Link to comment
On 4/9/2020 at 4:02 AM, CreepyConfusedKid said:

Now here's the problem:
Some times when I feel like a girl, a few minutes later I'll deny it and feel like a boy again.
Sometimes I want to be a girl but sometimes I want to stay a boy.

First thing I want to ask is how long have you been feeling this way? Acceptance of any identity will take time to process, and perhaps you're in the denial phase right now. Instead of thinking that you may be transgender, which is a huge step, experiment with other identities. When I was first questioning, I was a lot like you, where I would deny my feelings of being male and ended up temporarily IDing as genderfluid. For me, that ID was a stepping stone to realize how I truly felt and giving myself that time to process these transgender feelings, and that was what I needed to become comfortable with myself and to not rush myself, or rush into anything. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 173 Guests (See full list)

    • Davie
    • Betty K
    • SamC
    • Ivy
    • marysssia
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • Davie
      Except for this thung thwister: Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now if, Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, how many thistles can'st thou thrust through the thick of thy thumb . . . in sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles? Success to the successful thistle sifter!
    • VickySGV
      You have given you and us a big clue right there.  I hope you have shared this observation with your Endocrinologist and are willing to take their advice about changing that behavior.    Non prescribed herbal or animal supplements can have a negative effect on your body's use of your available hormones.  Also, your genetics are going to be controlling what your body is going to do with your hormones, and again, that is for you to consult with your Endocrinologists.  On this site none of us are licensed medical personnel and we cannot give you advice on your health more than what your doctor can.  We have rules that we enforce against our members advising about "Folk Remedies" because we have had members who have gone that route and badly damaged their health and quality of life.  Only thing I can go anywhere on, is that maybe if you change your expectations of what should happen, you will at least not be in danger of harming yourself from anxiety.
    • Timi
      Hi @violet r!    Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so glad you found this place. I hope you find as much comfort and support here as I have.    -Timi    
    • marysssia
      Hi lovely people,   I'm a 25 yo MtF woman, and I've been suffering from low estrogen issues since October 2023. I completely lost my feminine libido, my breast completely stopped growing, my estrogen levels dropped by a lot (despite NOT decreasing my E dosage) and thus my dysphoria drastically increased. I think it is worth mentioning that, for my health issues, I had been taking ----- Lamotrigine for months & had been on ketogenic diet, and these things seem to be a culprit of my current issue. I weaned off Lamotrigine some time ago and gave up on keto diet, but it still doesn't seem to help. My estrogen is still low (44 ng/ml) and my libido hasn't come back yet. In general, I struggle with my dysphoria so much because of that and, to be honest, I don't know what to do. I've tried so many dietary supplements, yet I didn't get any effects from them. My endocrinologist didn't know how to help me. She only suggested to increase my daily estrogen dose (to 3x per day ------sublingual estrogen tablets and 3x per day ------ estrogen gel applied to armpits or thighs), which I did, without any effect.   Please, help me. Prior to keto diet & Lamotrigine treatment, I'd never had experience like that. I'm basically helpless and have no clue what to do. Having to deal with low estrogen is a horrible experience to me and it affects my life severely.   BTW, my T levels are always within female range.   Do you have any clue what exactly I should do?
    • April Marie
      I love wearing a jeans skirt!! That looks like airport carpet. Safe travels if you're flying!!
    • Maddee
      Flight faraway forthcoming Fabulous forum friends 😊😊🎸🦂
    • Maddee
    • KathyLauren
      One of our cats is polydactyl.  He has 7 toes on each front paw and 5 on each back paw, for 24 toes total.   Another one, an ex-feral who, at the time, was free to roam, climbed 50 feet up a tree without having any thought about how he was going to get down.  His pal climed down backwards, but he couldn't.  He ended up coming down by leaping from branch to branch.  Which nearly gave us heart attacks, because he only has one eye and therefore has no depth perception.   The other ex-feral (both are now indoor cats) obviously does not have those soft pads on his feet.  At night, when we are in bed, we can hear him stomping around the house.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The two o'clock Onshoring meeting was going well.  Taylor was leading, inviting other people up to speak on their specialties. Aerial photogrammetry and surveying, including the exact boundary, were out for contract signature  Gibson had handled that - Manufacturing was supposed to, but somehow hadn't happened.  Legal issues from Legal. Accounting reported on current costs, including all upkeep, guard salaries, etc.  Manufacturing was supposed to give those numbers, but they hadn't.   The downside was the VP of Manufacturing.  He had arrived at the meeting red-faced, his tie askew, clutching a bottle. It smelled strongly of vodka. He had never done anything in his twenty years of being VP of Manufacturing, and he did not like being asked now.   "Mr. ----, do you have the inventory we asked for?" Taylor asked politely.  VP Gibson had asked him to have his people go through the plant and not only inventory but assess the operational status of every piece of equipment.  They needed to know what they had. "I'm not going to take any f---- orders from a g-d- tra---," he snarled. "God knows what kind of perverts it has dragged into our fair city and bangs every night." "That is completely out of line." That was Gibson.  Taylor controlled herself.  That was a shot at Bob, not just at Taylor.  She was glad Bob was not there to do something stupid.  Had Mrs. McCarthy been talking? What had she said?  Was she given to embellishment?  Taylor took a deep breath. "I'm not sorry.  You f--- can take this stupid onshoring --- and shove it up your -" "That is quite enough."  This was the head of HR. "You can take your sissy ways and sashay -" "You are fired." "You can't fire me." "Oh, yes I can," said the office manager.  The VP took another swig from his bottle. "Try it."  He looked uncertain. "I will have you removed.  Are you going to leave on your own?  I am calling the police to help you leave." And he dialed the number. He stomped out cursing. They heard him noisily go down the hall.  This was the front conference room.  He actually went through security and out the door, throwing his badge on the ground on his way.  The guard picked it up. They could see this through the glass wall. "Can you fire a VP?" "The Board told me that if anyone gives me problems they should be shown the door. Even a VP.  I can fire everyone here. I won't, of course. Those were problems." "Are you alright, Taylor?" She nodded.  "I've heard worse.  Shall we continue?" And they did.   The last item was that certain business people in China had been arrested, and the corporation that had been supporting them all these years had been dissolved.  They were on their own, and the Board was dead serious on straightening things out.  After this meeting, Taylor believed it.  She did not attend the meeting to discuss how to distribute the few duties the VP of Manufacturing had done.  That was ultimately up to the Board.    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Lunch was at Cabaret, still free.  The place was quiet: it was the sort of place you took a business client to impress them, and the few other people were in business suits.  Most of the legal profession was there.   She told him of the morning's frustrations, breaking her own rule about confidentiality.  She asked Karen how the branding was going, and Karen had snapped back that she had not started on it yet - they had all these proposals.  Taylor had explained that it was important, for the two o'clock meeting, and Karen told her to do it herself.  Karen pointed out that Taylor could not touch her - her uncle was on the Board and her brother was VP of Manufacturing.  Nor would the two computer guys go out to the plant - they were playing some kind of MMORPG and simply not available. If she wanted the pictures, she should go.  Mary prayed an Ave Maria, but both she and Brenda were racing to get the proposal out. The client wanted it Friday for review.   She didn't bring up what Mrs. McCarthy had told her.  She wasn't sure how to approach it.  She thought of telling her of a 'something more comfortable' she had bought in case he ever DID show up at her door. It was in the bottom drawer of her dresser, ready to go.  Instead she talked about moving to a place with a garage.  Several of the abandoned houses had one, and they had been maintained well with China cash.   Bob had finally realized that when he was introduced as Bob, Taylor's boyfriend, that was just how things were done here. Other people had introduced each other in terms of family relationships, which were strong.  Long before you found out anything else about someone, you knew how they were related.  Family kept people from leaving Millville.    "What is the real name of this town, anyway?"   She laughed.  "I am trying to find that out.  It's 'Welcome to Millvale' when you come into town from the north, and 'Welcome to Millville' on the south.  I have counted two other variants."   "What a town. Roosevelt is like that, with the families, but there is only one spelling."  
    • Ashley0616
      Nothing wrong with that. I'm glad that you found what makes you happy! Just curious what does your wife think? If it's too personal I understand.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      – According to a recent survey, the most popular name for a dog is Max. Other popular names include Molly, Sam, Zach, and Maggie.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Either new environment/ not potty trained
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...