Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I am so confused.


CreepyConfusedKid

Recommended Posts

I've been feeling a lot of dysphoria lately.
I keep thinking that I might be trans.
Now here's the problem:
Some times when I feel like a girl, a few minutes later I'll deny it and feel like a boy again.
I am so confused.
Sometimes I want to be a girl but sometimes I want to stay a boy.
I keep saying things like "I'm too boyish to be a girl but I'm too emotional to be a boy".
I am pretty muscular for my age and I have a very deep voice and I hit puberty at 9 so that's why I feel like I can't be a girl.
But I feel like I can't be a boy because I act very feminine.
I'm so confused.
Help pls.

Link to comment
  • Replies 55
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • CreepyConfusedKid

    21

  • Mx.Drago

    5

  • michelle_kitten

    3

  • GraceH

    3

Welcome to TP and you my friend are in the right place to learn all about yourself.  Now we do not like to label anyone and none of us are licensed therapists but in my opinion you sound like you are in the middle road of being nonbinary.  You are both and this can swap back and forth all the time.  I am not nonbinary so I may not be the best person to talk with about this but there are many here who are and hopefully they chime in.

For now just take a breathe and know you are no longer alone and dealing with this all by yourself.   There is lots of acceptance and love and tons of support here.

So read and ask and learn but be patient with yourself as a transgender journey has no limits and timelines and defiantly no owners manual.  

Link to comment

I'm an Androgyne and you so very much sound like me!

 

Wikipedia defines Androgyny as: the combination of masculine and feminine characteristics into an ambiguous form. Androgyny may be expressed with regard to biological sex, gender identity, gender expression, or sexual identity.

 

I would suggest that you might look into it a bit on line and then look back into yourself.

Hope this may help you.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi, CCK.  I see you talking about "can't be" and "feel like".  What about "want"? 

 

Who do you want to be?  In a perfect world, would you rather be a boy or a girl?  Or is some kind of non-binary identity what you want?  This isn't about who you have been in the past or the present.  It is about who you want to be in the future.

Link to comment

I want to be what my heart tells me to be.

I want to be a girl.

But it's all because of religious and social issues that I'm trying to deny it.

I've struggled trying to figure out my sexuality for years and now I've finally found out. But gender is a lot bigger than sexuality to me.

I'm just worried that once I find the gender I'm comfortable with, I might regret it later.

For about 2 weeks I thought I was bigender but changed my mind back to male for some reason. 

The reason I'm hesitant to identify as a specific gender is that I don't want it to change my life completely (I have a phobia of change)

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

You should see a gender therapist to work on your fears and come to terms with your identity.  Your heart knows the answer, but your fears are holding you back.

 

I totally understand the fear.  It held me back until I was 62 years old.  You are, I think, starting at an earlier age, so you have a better chance of conquering it.  
 

Just consider that accepting a non-binary identity that isn’t what you really want, out of fear, is not much different from staying in the male identity that you don’t want, out of fear.

Link to comment
32 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

You should see a gender therapist to work on your fears and come to terms with your identity.  Your heart knows the answer, but your fears are holding you back.

 

I totally understand the fear.  It held me back until I was 62 years old.  You are, I think, starting at an earlier age, so you have a better chance of conquering it.  
 

Just consider that accepting a non-binary identity that isn’t what you really want, out of fear, is not much different from staying in the male identity that you don’t want, out of fear.

Great advice.

 

Your never to old to reach for the brass ring.  Sometimes its on the other Merry-Go-Round though and you need to get off one and get on another to get to it.  You are who you are in the end and a gender therapist can and will assist you with these questions and choices...

Mine did.

Link to comment
55 minutes ago, KathyLauren said:

You should see a gender therapist

We don't have any here...

 

Many of my friends say I might be genderfluid because my gender usually changes a lot.

Sometimes I think I should be a girl.

Sometimes I think I'm non binary.

Sometimes I think I'm bigender.

And sometimes I'm happy as a boy.

Link to comment

I would suggest a gender therapist I too struggled with my identity since I was a kid but most of that was because I kept trying to deny who I really was. Just take your time and don’t be afraid to talk and ask questions. Eventually you will figure it out.

 

Link to comment

There are gender therapists that do it online or even by phone. For me, I was hesitant to seek help, but it was the best move I made.

I understand the confusion, for me, it came after I began transitioning. The thought that I wasn't a boy because I didn't think or want to act or talk like a boy, but that my body gave me away not being a girl. I identify as female, but I still sometimes wonder...  Imho, I tend to think that we are to some extent genderfluid. This goes for cisgender people as well.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Hey guys sorry I haven't been online in ages.

I haven't felt dysphoric in a long time but for the past 3 weeks I've been so confused and I think I'm starting to hate my own body.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
39 minutes ago, CreepyConfusedKid said:

Hey guys sorry I haven't been online in ages.

I haven't felt dysphoric in a long time but for the past 3 weeks I've been so confused and I think I'm starting to hate my own body.

I hope your doing better. It does seem to come around when you least expect it...and sometimes hangs around much longer than you expected.?

 

My Best,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Confusion is ok. You dont have to understand it all at once. You just need to breathe and think for a little while. Do some reading. Google can give you lots of information. 

 

Maybe you should look up some gender therapists. Semd them a message and get a consult... It's always worth trying.

 

Hugs ❤️

Kali

Link to comment

I have a friend who is genderfluid and you sound a lot like them. They go back and forth between pronouns, some days they are more feminine and others more masculine, and sometimes they don't want to be either, or even both! 

 

You don't have to label yourself anytime soon, explore a bit see what you are comfortable with, no one will rush you. If someone tries to, just come get me and I'll throw hands for ya :)) 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, CreepyConfusedKid said:

I want to be a girl but... Idk why I feel skeptical.

 

1 hour ago, CreepyConfusedKid said:

To be honest... I have no idea what I want to be...

Don't rush yourself, but don't lie to yourself either. Explore a bit and find what's best fot you :)) 

Link to comment

Aidan is right.  Be honest first and don't feel like you need to have an answer now.

 

Here is something you can do to help sort this out.  Start by asking yourself what you fear?  What do you fear transitioning to female.  What do you fear about remaining male?  What do you fear you might lose becoming a girl?  What do you fear you might miss out on or suffer for staying a guy?  This will help you figure out what is holding you back from making a clear choice.

 

Don't stop there, however.  Get more knowledge on what you fear.  Maybe you fear rejection if you transition.  What might really happen if you transition with friends and loved ones?  Find out what others have experienced.  Find out how others have handled the problem.  Then ask yourself which is worse, suffering dysphoria and keeping relationships or relieving dysphoria with transition and risking loss of some relationships?  What ever it is you fear, make sure you have the most realistic idea of what might happen, by getting good advice from wise people and reading what educated people have written.  That way, your fears aren't living in ignorance.  You will know for sure your fears are based in reality.

 

HRT can help with muscle mass and will probably give you greater access to emotion.  There is nothing to help with your voice, but if i can feminize my voice (which is naturally quite deep) then so can you.  You can totally be a girl, if you are willing to do what it takes to become the girl you have in mind.  Some people say fake it until you make it.  Retraining yourself is kind of a fake it until you become it thing.

 

You are stronger than you think.  You can figure this out.  You don't have to have all the answers right now.  You can call yourself gender fluid or NB or whatever until you make a choice.  There is no rule anywhere where you have to pick something at a certain age and stick with it.  If you really need a label, what about 'gender questioning'?  All you need to do is allow yourself to slow down and start getting your thoughts organized and never, never, feel bad about being confused.  I doubt there is anyone else here who hasn't been confused.

 

You got this.

Link to comment

Is it strange that whenever I play an online game as a female character I feel less dysphoria?

Link to comment

Not strange at all. I have always played female characters on my games. It's always helped me affirm who I am on the inside... Even if I'm not on the outside

Link to comment
On 4/9/2020 at 4:02 AM, CreepyConfusedKid said:

Now here's the problem:
Some times when I feel like a girl, a few minutes later I'll deny it and feel like a boy again.
Sometimes I want to be a girl but sometimes I want to stay a boy.

First thing I want to ask is how long have you been feeling this way? Acceptance of any identity will take time to process, and perhaps you're in the denial phase right now. Instead of thinking that you may be transgender, which is a huge step, experiment with other identities. When I was first questioning, I was a lot like you, where I would deny my feelings of being male and ended up temporarily IDing as genderfluid. For me, that ID was a stepping stone to realize how I truly felt and giving myself that time to process these transgender feelings, and that was what I needed to become comfortable with myself and to not rush myself, or rush into anything. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 126 Guests (See full list)

    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,020
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Tami
    Newest Member
    Tami
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bebhar
      Bebhar
      (41 years old)
    2. caelensmom
      caelensmom
      (40 years old)
    3. Jani
      Jani
      (70 years old)
    4. Jessicapitts
      Jessicapitts
      (37 years old)
    5. klb046
      klb046
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • Carolyn Marie
      You make some good points, AYS.  But there are usually already too many ballot propositions each election, so the proponents know it's best to wrap it all up into a nice package.  Plus, it's easier for the signature gatherers.  Otherwise they have to have a separate clipboard for each proposition.  Too much paperwork, dontcha know?   This kind of proposition is a loser in CA, so the only possible way the proponents can succeed is to give it the scariest title imaginable and try to put one over on the voters before they get wise.  Bottom line; an ice cube on a hot summer sidewalk has a better chance of success.   Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Reading that article, it seems like the attorney general gets to call it whatever unless its an outright lie.  Given the nature of politics in CA, it seems like one side has the bully pulpit for sure.  Labeling it "Restricts Rights" vs "Protects Kids" is very much a matter of perspective.  Unfortunately, that matters since many voters don't bother to read.  Perhaps a better (unbiased) way to handle it would be to simply give the ballot measure a number with no title, forcing folks to read it.    I think it would have been better to handle the various issues covered by the ballot measure separately, rather than all at once.  For example, issues relating to disclosure of medical and social information to parents.  That could be its own ballot measure, rather than lumped in with everything else.  Besides, shorter and more succinct measures are more likely to be read completely. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://calmatters.org/education/k-12-education/2024/04/trans-youth/     Yup, the existing title sound perfectly appropriate and accurate to me, too.   Carolyn Marie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Seen my hrt specialist this morning and nothing but good news,estrogen levels looked good.Boyfriend was with me and I admit he has been learning well about my transition showing his support.Our relationship is going great and we both see each other much happier now.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This reminded me of an individual who, due to child sexual abuse, lived as a woman for 15 years, detransitioned and noisily insists that all trans people have his story.  His name comes up fairly often because it fits the narrative.   I don't know that anyone actually has been railroaded.  People may say it, they may look back at what happened and decide that happened.  It's a he said / she said, but it feeds a narrative that is useful for those who are already convinced that trans people are abuse victims first and foremost.  That the detransition rate is so low tells me that railroading is not actually a problem, and I regret giving the impression that I thought it was.  That so few detransition is a success story.   What is pertitent at heart is that people hear and believe all the stories out there, and the story we have to tell is not heard, because TG folk are, after all, untrustworthy in their view and unworthy of an audience.  Somehow it needs to get out there as to what the real situation is. 
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      I'm not saying that Christianity is wrong but at the same time there were more than 30,000 changes to it. The Bible doesn't state anything against transgender. The only point that can be proven by them is that people are giving into their desire. 1 John 2:15-17 ESV "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." I would love to challenge them by asking who watches a movie, reads books, and listens to music that isn't Christian based because then they would be guilty as well. 1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Probably not a single hand would still stand that they don't participate in everything they do gives glory to God. "
    • VickySGV
      My neighboring state got lucky a couple years ago. 
    • VickySGV
      https://www.wpath.org/soc8   I had been looking for this to respond to a member and could not find it .  Pinning it for now.
    • VickySGV
      @Abigail GenevieveSomewhere in the Forums here, we have a link to the World Professional Association for Transgender Health's Standards Of Care, now at revision 8 but it is available in plenty of places.   https://www.wpath.org/soc8.    These are the canons for the allied medical fields that deal with Trans people and are the guidance for those professionals.  I personally know members of the Association and have toyed with the idea of becoming an associate member since I am not a medical professional but because I like to keep on top of what is going on medically.  There are a number of Trans people who think they are overly oppressive as far as the gatekeeping goes, but the medical / psychological profession members who follow these guidelines for there patients WILL NOT be forcing their patients into unneeded or harmful surgery or medications.  I read my first pitiful and heart-rending  "detransitioning" story 60 years ago when I snuck a tabloid newspaper behind a comic book down at the neighborhood convenience store when I was 16 years old and reading it off the rack which should have been adult only.  I am afraid that it was the first thing I ever read that told me about Trans and Transsexual people, it would be another 30 years before I actually figured out my own story.  The story I later found out, was NOT written by a Trans person, but a well known Porn scribbler who wrote many fantastic and gory stories about what he thought Trans people were.  We are not anything like his imagination, but he was a "press agent" for Trans people of the time.  We do have some well known and noisy, negative view Detransitioners who have been found to have gone to multiple psychologists and lied their way Transitioning, one of the most infamous actually hid Dissociative Identity Disorder, right therapist wrong Identity that was being counseled.  It is a messy story.  The public, like my first encounter, was NOT getting their information from the scientific journals of the time, they were getting it from Adult Entertainment and Tabloids   We need to be careful of where we get some of our ideas from. Evidence is good that the person at the heart of this thread gets most of his information from us from the slanted and non-scientific sources most people get theirs.   OOPs, I( may have sent this off track here, but but but.    
    • Ivy
    • Ashley0616
      Yet another failed attempt. Glad to know that we are more important than education or health care to them.
    • Mmindy
      I agree with you.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Well said, and I agree @VickySGV   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Ashley0616
      Well the VA tried setting me up with another appointment with laser even though they won't cover it? This just doesn't make sense. Back to the waiting game on electrolysis. I'm in a area that doesn't do much of that. There is one place that covers face only. There is another one that looks like they do it in their home. Other than that it's it for nearby. I don't think they are wanting to do it due to how expensive it's going to be. Typical VA stuff dragging their feet. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...