Behaviors

[Spencer]

Hi everyone,

 

So I bought New Horizons recently and it's been a blast! Animal Crossing was a part of my childhood and it holds so much sentimental nostalgia for me.

 

However, it wasn't until recently that I realized I was decorating my island in a similar way that I would have in the previous game (New Leaf) nearly 10 years ago.

Lots of colors, VERY bright and toy-box-like. I talked to a friend about this and she brought up that it would be normal since the game holds so many memories for me. I wasn't out as trans at the time (I had NO idea). So I'm wondering if it was some sort of trigger for me... ? Not a bad one, per se, but more like... it took me back to that place in my life, so I felt like that person who liked that particular aesthetic again. Like a spiritual journey, or something. 

Anyways, now I'm giving my island a more masculine look to it and I feel more like my present self. 

 

Am I alone in this, though? Does this happen to anyone else? I'm wondering if it's something even cis people experience. 

 

Sometimes I feel like that past part of me comes back to life in everyday conversations and behaviors without me even realizing it at first. It has to repeat a few times. That, or someone points it out. A bit off topic, but I was assumed to be gay by a lot of coworkers at my last job (even though I identify as a straight man.) I'm a creative and bright person by nature but men are typically dark-er and more grounded, I suppose... ? So I'm wondering (like I always do) how I can be this bright and kind version of me but still masculine.

 

Let me know what you think! Thoughts and questions are welcome. 

[Wes]

1 hour ago, Spencer said:

... it took me back to that place in my life, so I felt like that person who liked that particular aesthetic again. Like a spiritual journey, or something. 

Hey Spencer,

 

You're still the same person (personality-wise) that you were at the time you're referencing. I don't believe that we become new people once we transition, but rather an evolved version of the person you already are. Transitioning is like a Pokémon evolution in that sense. Maybe decorating your island in that similar way was more an experience of nostalgia than anything else. 

1 hour ago, Spencer said:

I'm a creative and bright person by nature but men are typically dark-er and more grounded, I suppose... ? So I'm wondering (like I always do) how I can be this bright and kind version of me but still masculine.

Just because the media portrays men as being this way doesn't mean they all are! Stereotypes and societal expectations won't get us far. Plenty of cis and trans men have bright personalities, and being kind is not particular to women. There's not much you can change about your personality to make it more masculine, as that's already set in stone. What you can do is engage in activities or dress in ways that make you feel euphoric within your identity. For me, I feel secure in my masculinity when I work out or sing/listen to songs by male artists. I recommend experimenting with what makes you feel this way! 

[ShawnaLeigh]

5 hours ago, Wes said:

You're still the same person (personality-wise) that you were at the time you're referencing. I don't believe that we become new people once we transition, but rather an evolved version of the person you already are.

This!!!

Yes this is how I see it as well and why I do not stress to much over the "male" I was or the male I sometimes see in the mirror.  Yes I would prefer a full conversion away from "looking" like him but I am me inside and out.  I do not think I will ever be total female.  Because I am not AFAB.  I am a transgender women which will always have some aspects of a male and more as a female.  That is ok.

If people know I am trans then when my voice slips back to my male voice or someone sees me out of my wig or makeup or whatever I am fully justified.

Yes Duh I was a male for 52 years!  Of course you are going to see and hear these things from time to time.

Only my brain was female from birth and I put a beating on it to be male my entire life.

I am so glad "She" fought back to be set free.

I am so happy now.

But I am still the same person just a different and prettier version.  LOL

 

[Zeda]

Wes is spot-on. I'd like to add that forcing yourself toward or away from a gender expression just isn't healthy. (Especially for us trans folks who are already getting a lot more external pressure from society!)

 

You do you, boo As long as you are enjoying it, it's not your fault society thinks you shouldn't !

[SL]

A little late to the conversation, but I'm new so I'm just getting to read through other discussions. I 100 percent agree with Wes. We are always the same people, we just realize new areas of our selves.

 

Life is being dropped in the middle of an uncharted wilderness and we are all making our own paths and picking up skills we need along the way. We may be told we are supposed to survive by living a certain way, but that style may not not suit our situation. You wouldn't build a boat if you live in a desert same as you don't have to follow heteronormative/toxic masculine rules of dressing, behaving, and design if they don't fit you. Find what makes you happy and just do that. Most of us are here because we rejected what everyone else told us we were supposed to be so don't let them get in your head now. If someone doesn't like you because you are creative, bright, and kind they are an idiot. The fact that it seems confusing how to be those things and masculine says more about the how much standards of men need to change rather than how you need to change. It pains me that you and others struggle with this internal battle, but know that you are masculine enough being yourself. No one can truthfully tell you you're something you're not and if they try to know that it is because they are blind and you have an army of supporters here for you.

 

There is an old cartoon called "The Bear That Wasn't" that I think about every time I struggle with identity/impostor syndrome. I wish I had a link to the full movie, but since I don't I'll summarize it. (It's been a few years since I've seen it so I apologize if I get some details wrong.) It's a cartoon about a bear who wakes up from hibernation to find a factory was built on his home and goes to the factory to complain about the factory being built on his home and every step of the way he is told he's not a bear, he's a worker. He finally gets to the very top of the ladder of command and he is again dismissed being told he's a worker and is given a hard hat and is told to get to work. After being told over and over that he's not a bear but instead a worker, he started to believe that he truly wasn't a bear. Then at the very end he walks out of the factory to see his old home and remembers his life before the factory people tainted his image of himself. It's supposed to be up to the audience to think for themselves who the bear really is, but I think he always knew in the back of his head just like all of us had some idea even before we were fully out to ourselves. 

 

Also, if it makes you feel better, I know many straight guys who wear bright colors and floral shirts. 

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, SL said:

There is an old cartoon called "The Bear That Wasn't" that I think about every time I struggle with identity/impostor syndrome. I wish I had a link to the full movie, but since I don't I'll summarize it.

Great little video with some deep meaning.

 

Heres a link to the video “The Bear That Wasn’t”

 

Thanks for sharing that @SL

 

Susan R?

[KayC]

On 4/15/2020 at 1:18 PM, Spencer said:

Am I alone in this, though? Does this happen to anyone else?

Hi Spencer.  Seems most of us here are going (or have gone) through this at some point. 

 

For me, it wasn't until when I first came to my own self-realization that Yes, "I am a bear" and since then its been a constant back and forth like trying to convince others (myself really).  I like the Happy Ending though (Thank you @SL and @Susan R for that video share)❣️

[JamesM]

I've been dealing with this too. We're so programmed to believe that "masculine" things are for everyone and "feminine" things are only for women, but the line is completely arbitrary and who cares what we like? If a cis guy likes flowers and bright colors, he's not less of a man for it, even if people are sometimes weird about it. I'm still me, even if I have a new name, and if I still want to read the occasional fantasy romance, or wear a little makeup (I'll be honest, I'm excited at the prospect of guyliner) and keep dying my hair purple, or shave my legs because socks pull at my hair and it's uncomfortable, that's okay, I'm still a man, I'm still James.  I realize that I'll be read as very very gay but hey, I'm pretty gay so that's okay. And if I find my interests changing that's okay too.

 

I feel like the gendered coding of all these things is part of why it took me so long to realize I'm trans. Like it was always okay for me to like masculine things because that's seen as the default, and I still like feminine things...but once it hit me it just felt okay right away.

 

I'm also playing Animal Crossing and honestly, I feel like all the colorful cuteness is part of the point. And if anyone wants to be ACNH friends let me know!