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Petra Jane

Crossdressing and Partners

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Petra Jane   
Petra Jane

Too often in the Transgendered Community spouses are overlooked. Tg's often don't understand what they are going through because they are dealing with their own issues. The purpose of this forum is to give Significant Others, Wives and families a place of their own where they can discuss their issues and concerns with each other.


A common misconception is that Crossdressers (CD) are Gay males. The truth is quite the opposite. After Dressing The CD is usually all male afterwards and often goes out of his way to emphasize this. Cd's rarely want to be female completely and almost never get surgery.

Cross Dressing is merely the expression of a feminine side. It often provides relief from the everyday competitive, stressful pressures of male life. Sensitive men can be the most susceptible to it. It is usually started in the teen years. Some abandon it in their 20's but unfortunately it comes back no many how many times they purge.

By itself it is not considered a mental disorder. Therapy is only needed if (OCD) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is out of control. Two times a week or less is not considered Compulsive. If OCD is present it can be controlled with medications but it is not a cure since Crossdressing is not curable. Medication though can cause erectile dysfunction which of course can be a reason to avoid it. If the Crossdressing is taking over ones entire life then meds should be considered. If control is a problem then a Gender Therapist should be consulted: http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm.

The temptation of course is to make the CD swear to never dress again. Often they agree to this but it always comes back. This is rarely intentional. In most cases the CD is not dressing at the time he marries. He mistakenly believes he is cured. He is not but does not realize that.

The good news is that Marriages though strained are rarely ended because of crossdressing. Usually the cd only requires private time for a couple of hours a couple of times a week on average. It is not necessary to involve children or for you to participate. Help buying clothes is a common request but there are online clothing sources available if you don't wish to do this.

A good staring point for compromise is the Crossdressers and Wives Bill of Rights: http://www.tri-ess.org/Wives_CDs_BofR.html. Remember that you have rights too. If you don't want him wearing your things then he needs to get his own.

Please remember, this is not your fault. Your partner is not a Crossdresser because of anything you have said or done.

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