I want some crossdressing help.

[The Oldest Problem Child]

I am not out to my parents about being genderfluid and so have no way to express myself "femininely" without feeling outed. I was just wondering if there were ways to express myself with out feeling outed at home. I already get made fun of at home for being Bi (thought it was a good idea to come out then), so I just wanna try and be me in secret.

[Jackie C.]

First off, hey! Welcome fellow Michigander!

 

Secondly, I found wearing a bra and panties while tucking to be helpful. Nobody knows but you.

 

Thirdly: Video games and RPG characters. I spent a LONG time playing exclusively female characters during my fantasy games. In video games, my excuse was always, "I'm going to be staring at a butt for 100 or so hours. I prefer this one. If you can't get enough hairy man butt, go for it. I won't judge." I found that usually ended the discussion. RPG characters were harder, but I usually went with, "I asked my brain for a character, it gave me a sexy girl. What can you do?"

 

Best of luck!

 

Hugs!

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

I found wearing a bra and panties while tucking to be helpful. Nobody knows but you.

Jackie’s idea here is a common theme not only with those wanting to medically transition but crossdressers too. I did this for most of my life until I married.

 

Right before I came out to my wife I started growing my nails out a bit, I shaped and buffed (extremely fine grade) the the top nail surface so they were only slightly less shiny than an acrylic nail top coat. Yes, my wife eventually noticed them but she didn’t think anything of it until later when I came out.  LOL, I remember she just gave me a weird look and said, “Wow, you’re nails look better than mine.”

You can start to integrate small things like this to ease any dysphoria. Growing you hair out and maybe getting a unisex or more feminine hair style. I think shaving your legs would really help as long as you don’t wear shorts much. It might have to be a late fall, early winter thing. Why not get your ears pierced?  I see men with both ears pierced and it’s no big deal.  LOL, of course, I say that now cause I just had mine done 2 months ago but you might be a little braver than me ?. If you think about it, all these things can be added without too much notice. Do it slowly so it doesn’t feel unnatural and you don’t feel ‘outed’ like you mention in your post. Being able to slowly add some of these might help.  Just knowing you have a mental timeline to try a few of these out may help also.

 

Best to you,

Susan R?

[The Oldest Problem Child]

How do you hide a bra?

[KayC]

7 hours ago, Susan R said:

I think shaving your legs would really help as long as you don’t wear shorts much. It might have to be a late fall, early winter thing.

Welcome!
I agree with Susan's comment about shaving your legs.  That one act had the most profound impact on my feeling of femininity more than any clothes I wore.
Shocked my wife the first time I did it, even though she knew of my crossdressing and gender issues ... I have had to grow back a few times like for family visits in the summer. ( I really don't like hair on my legs anymore and shave once or twice a week).
I had already done some laser hair removal on chest/tummy prior to coming out to my wife using the excuse that I did not like gray body hair (which does truly disgust me).  Would like to remove my arm hair too or at least make it lighter/thinner.

 

So as Susan and Jackie say, there are small ways to move forward.

For now I have to stay in the closet and being in a male dominated work environment (and feel the need to present that way) I cannot really push the boundaries much (although I dress MUCH nicer than anybody else at work ?).

My biggest concern though is your relationship with your parents (I assume you are still living at home?) and that they feel the need to belittle your self-identity.   I can't (and shouldn't) give you any specific advice on that, other than if you can find a way for your parents to look at you as a human being and not "the older problem child" that will go a long way to resolving this.  YOU are not the problem here.

Wishing you all the best - Do you have a gender desired name you would like us to call you?
(also stay on this site .. you will find it helpful)

Kay

[Susan R]

2 hours ago, The Oldest Problem Child said:

How do you hide a bra?

You can wear sports bras under loose and thick fabric tops or sweaters, preferable with a pattern and color variations to help conceal and bra strap shadowing in back. If you don’t mind the heat. a tight undershirt helps too. If you wear a regular adjustable back clasp bra you’ll likely have to wear a thicker sweater as the cups tend to protrude outward somewhat...especially if the cup size is larger than a B.  If you do wear a bra under your sweater, be aware of adjusting your straps.

 

Funny but true story...I once outed myself to one of my employees with this exact bra strap issue. I was wearing a bra under my sweater while working next to her on a project. I had an issue with the bra and kept adjusting the strap. I should’ve immediately gone into the bathroom to adjust the left strap as it kept slipping down off my shoulder. After we took a break on the project, I went and fixed the straps in the bathroom. When I returned, we started working again.  She mumbled something and sort of rubbed my back firmly then looked me with a look I can never forget. She had felt my straps and just smiled.  I knew she knew I was wearing a bra but she didn’t say anything directly to me but I was very quiet the rest of the day.

 

One last thing you might wanna try because they don’t show under clothing as easily as bras...try wearing a camisole top underneath on warmer days. I could get away with these much more often than with bras with less over them.  They’re silky smooth and give you a wonderfully feminine feeling underneath.

 

Susan R?

[A. Dillon]

Actually, I think I can contribute a bit. I never wore a bra in my life, I flat out refused when my mom tried to make me, so I settled on undershirts with shelves instead. Especially if you get the ones with the wide straps, to others it looks like your average men's undershirt. However, if you wanted to, you could pad the shelf a bit to give you that feeling of a chest, and you can try out softer and more colorful fabrics.

[Mx.Drago]

Women love jewelry like necklaces, rings, hats, scarfs, headbands, arm bands, bead bracelets...so much. Can make some colorful cool macrame arm bands, then brag how you can make useful things and sell them during the summer.

[Charlize]

A bit of jewelry, a ring, bracelet or simple neckless is a good idea. Some cis folks even get one or both ears pierced.   I started to pluck my eyebrows and developed a shape with time.  It wasn't very noticeable.

Time will give more options!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Tori M]

Good suggestions here already... shaving legs and pierced ears helped me.  Lots of guys, especially gay guys, have both ears pierced.  Pick out women's jewelry that looks androgynous.  Gradually contouring your eyebrows is a great idea.  Take care of your nails.  If you never go barefoot around the house you might even paint your toenails.  I have tissue thin fingernails that tear if I look at them wrong, so I used to use a clear nail strengthener all the time.  Some people will notice but if you tell them it's a treatment, they won't question it further.

If you keep your eyes open you might find a woman's t-shirt that looks andro.  It will have a different cut and softness that you can feel but most people wouldn't notice.  Pretty panties tucked into a private drawer that you can view and feel when you're alone.  Women's deodorant applied lightly can give you whiffs of a feminine scent but not so strong that others notice.  Dove Baby Powder deodorant is a good androgynous scent to try.  I've been learning more about scent; it's a wonderful way of reminding yourself who you really are.  Ladies transparent lip balm draws no attention but puts a slight delicate scent right under your nose.  Faithful use of body lotion to soften and smooth your skin will give you a feminine feel.

Think subtle and outside the box.  It's quite surprising how much difference these tiny things can make, especially if you can combine several of them at once.  Our brains can turn the slightest hints of sensations into wonderful feelings once we open our mind to it.

 

Peace,

Tori

[Tori M]

One more subtle one I forgot... Dove soap.  I swear by it and wash my face and hands (and arms) with it 2-3 times a day.  With faithful use it's excellent for softening skin and it has a delightful scent that I pick up all day long.  If your family should ask about it, just say your skin feels itchy and dry and somebody recommended you try it.

 

[The Oldest Problem Child]

I want to thank you all so much for this help, you've all been tremendous support and I can't thank you enough.

[JamieL]

I know this is old but wanted to add something that has helped me.

I googled "how to transition before hrt" and found a lot of good articles and youtube videos with good advice.

Nails, hair style change, body hair removal, underclothes, all helped me. I eventually started buying "womens" line clothes online and adding them to my wardrobe.

[KayC]

Thank you @JamieL for keeping this topic thread alive.  I think its an important topic for many who may just be starting out (as I was when @The Oldest Problem Child first posted).  Wondering if she is still on the Forum??

I have followed the same path at you, Jamie.  Any small thing I can do is a positive and movement forward.  My therapist thinks so too❣️ and is very encouraging.